by Naomi Niles
"What about Rachelle? Will she stay with us, too?" Halle asked plaintively.
Gazing at me with loving eyes over the top of his daughter's head, Tate grinned at me. "Rachelle can stay as long as she's willing to have me, and since she hasn't left me yet over any of the dumb things I've said and done, I think it's safe to say that she'll stay, too. At least, I hope she will."
"I know she loves us," Halle said, "but sometimes people have to go even if they don't want to. What if Rachelle has to go away to heaven like Mommy did?"
Tate squeezed his eyes shut to hold back the tears and hugged his daughter with big bear arms. "That won't happen, sweetheart; no one else is going away to heaven. Not me, or Rachelle, or you."
"Okay, it's time for bed," I said to Halle, anxious to change the subject. I didn't want to say anything to scare her, but Tate's vow had sent a chill down my back.
As well intended as he was, maybe it wasn't wise to make those kinds of impossible promises to a little girl who had already suffered so much loss. With Stuart Haynes still on the loose, so much was out of our control and nothing was certain. Until he was captured, promising everyone's safety seemed more like tempting fate, and I prayed nothing bad would come of it.
Tate carried Halle to bed, and she handed him her favorite book. "You want me to read this?" He smiled and happily opened the front cover.
"No, I want you to read the boy parts and Rachelle to read the girl parts," Halle insisted, and I crouched down by his side so we could read the book together. By the time we got to the last page, she was sound asleep, and there was something about the moment that felt so right. Maybe it was wrong of me to feel this way so soon after her mother's murder, but I felt like there was a true possibility now that we could be a real family someday.
Leaving Halle under the watchful eye of Morton, Tate and I walked hand in hand to the master bedroom suite, but when we got there, he simply kissed me goodnight.
"Aren't you coming to bed with me?" I couldn't hide my surprise.
"The bodyguards will stand outside the door to keep you safe. Get some sleep. I'm going to my office for a little while. Don't worry; I'll be to bed soon."
"You're going to work now?" I couldn't believe it.
"Not exactly. I have to plan Missy's funeral service and memorial. She didn't have much family, and her friends were the worst sort, but I think it's important for Halle to have closure. I want to make Missy's service something special to allow Halle to say a proper goodbye to the woman who gave birth to her."
"Yeah, she wanted to make some drawings today to place on her mother's grave. Missy was never around much, but she was still an important part of her life, and she'll really miss her."
"You're a really important part of her life, too." Tate pulled me gently into his arms and caressed my cheek. "Not just Halle's, but mine. Words can't express how much having you here has meant to us."
His hand cupped my face, and suddenly, he took my mouth with his in a powerful and dramatic kiss. I could feel all the love he felt for me as his tongue overtook mine and I melted into his embrace.
When we finally broke apart, gasping for air, he gazed into my eyes and took a regretful step back. "I have to go take of this funeral business; get some sleep. It's going to be a long week, and Halle is going to need extra attention."
Hoping to make the point that he shouldn't make Halle empty promises, I said gently, "I wish she could live in a world like her storybook where monsters weren't real, but with Stuart out there, we know that there are."
Tate's eyes closed, and I wondered if he got my meaning. Then he opened them, and a dark cloud covered them. His voice was thick as he said, "There's no way to know what the future will hold, but one thing is for certain. There's going to be some changes around here. I have to make them for Halle's sake, even if I don't want to. It's why I wanted to tell you how much I appreciated everything you've done for us before they happen."
He gave me a final kiss and then went to his office, and as the bodyguards came to stand watch, I entered the master bedroom and shut the door firmly behind me.
I tried to act like everything was normal as I went through my bedtime routine, washing my face, brushing my teeth, and putting on my nightgown; but something haunted me as I lay alone in bed, making sleep impossible.
It had been a difficult day – finding Missy, having the police come, seeing Tate tell Halle her mother was dead and then watching him fall apart. It would be normal for me to feel uneasy with Stuart having just murdered someone on the grounds and knowing that he was still out there somewhere, but that wasn't what was bothering me. Even though Tate and I had made up from our tense moment earlier in the day, something he had said echoed in my mind, making me worry.
What are the changes he had to make, even if he didn't want to? Do they involve me? Is he going to fire me as Halle's nanny or break-up with me? Is he taking Halle away someplace safe and leaving me behind?
He had said the changes were for Halle's good, and as her father, she should be his top priority, but I couldn't help but feel terrified this could mean the end for us as a couple. I so wanted Tate and Halle to make me part of their family, but the fact was that I wasn't. They were a family of two, and I was an outsider.
I knew just what that was like because it was how things had been with me and my mother for so long. Maybe it was time I went back to that life with her. Maybe this wonderful fantasy life I'd been living was all coming to an end.
So, as I lay awake in the vast king-sized bed, it wasn't Stuart I was afraid of, or my own mortality – it was this change Tate was planning and the knowledge that soon, I might have to lose him and Halle forever so they could be safe.
Chapter Seventy-Four: Tate
The next several days were pure chaos as I tried to plan Missy's funeral and memorial service, maintain oversight of my businesses, and work with Detective Miller concerning the investigation of Missy's murder and the search for Stuart.
Rachelle was a godsend. She kept the mansion running smoothly and tried her best to make it feel more like a peaceful home again. She was wonderful with Halle, helping her through the stages of grief with a gentle patience I'm not sure I would have been able to uphold and soothing my daughter into feeling comfortable and safe in the house where her mother was killed.
I had Blake Barnes increase his security team, but that turned out to be chaos, and they were constantly in each other's way. In the end, I listened to his advice, and he cut the team back to an effective number of men who were able to keep constant vigil over my most precious valuables: Halle and Rachelle.
Detective Miller assured me that the police department was doing everything in their power to apprehend Stuart Haynes quickly and that the forensics on the crime scene and the autopsy of Missy's body had given them several great leads to finding him. Admittedly, I was feeling pretty jaded against him, but I refrained from telling Miller to quit spouting bullshit if he couldn't produce results. In my heart, I knew he was the only other person out there who was as desperate to see Stuart behind bars as I was.
With everything that had happened these past months, it was hard to let go of the fear and the anger. The mansion I had grown up in a child had never been the happiest home, and now it was haunted with even darker demons. Two women I cared about had been murdered there, and even though the blood had been cleaned away, the stains would forever exist in my memory.
If I wanted to concentrate on anything, I had to get away from the mansion, and so I escaped every day to the blissfulness of my executive office headquarters downtown. The constant ringing of phones and chatter of employees around me were peacefully soothing compared to the silence of a vast home devoid of one more resident.
"Mr. Holland," the voice one of my top CEOs, Tobias Rasband, broke me from my thoughts, and I startled to see his hand on my shoulder. I stared into his concern face with what must have been a blank expression as he said to me, "We're ready for you to begin the meeting."
I
looked around the conference table at all the top executives of my many businesses, taking a sip of coffee from my mug to hide my embarrassment. I felt completely flummoxed and used the cup to hide my face while I quickly regained my composure. Setting the now empty mug down heavily on the thick wooden conference table, I cleared my throat and when I spoke my voice was clear and strong, giving off a facade of confidence that I really didn't feel.
"Years ago, I hired each of you to be the CEO of one of my companies because you were the best at what you do. I hope you all know how much I appreciate how well you stepped up and handled things when I was forced to work from home and my personal life was plagued by controversies. The companies you run for me never would have survived without your leadership. That's why it saddens me to have to tell you what I'm about to say next."
"You're not letting us go, are you?" the one at my right asked with a nervous chuckle, and I was quick to dispel his fear.
"No, not at all; but I will be stepping back my involvement in the companies you run for me. I hired the best CEOs, and you've proven to me that you don't need my daily involvement. In fact, you probably do better without it, especially since my personal controversies aren't as over yet as I would like them to be. So, from now on, you'll be in charge of running things as you see fit, and I'll stay out of it, except for raking in the profits."
The last line, delivered as a light-hearted joke, broke the heaviness in the air by allowing them all to laugh. We'd become quite the family over the years, with my business empire being the central aspect of my life – right after Halle, of course. I'd spent more hours in this office than in my own home, and it had been great; but as I'd said to Rachelle, it was time for big changes, even if I didn't like them.
"What will we do without you?" Tobias asked me with a lump in his throat. He'd worked for my father when I was just a kid and was always passed over for advances, but I'd seen his potential and eventually promoted him up to CEO. The company he ran had thrived ever since; even at the height of the Rose Landon murder scandal, the stocks had stayed strong.
"Ah, he'll never be able to stay away," another top employee, Larry Jacobs, laughed it off. "Mr. Holland said the same thing when he announced he'd be working from home, but he still called every damn day, sent a million emails, and video linked every damn meeting. This will be no different."
"Actually, it will," I stated, disappointing my lifelong friend and employee. "I can't stand being here anymore."
"You're unhappy with Holland Enterprises? Don't tell me you’re selling off all your companies," Tobias said, looking genuinely distressed.
It touched my heart that he cared, and I was quick to explain. "No, I'll never sell, and your jobs are all safe with me. I just can't keep living in a place where so many horrific things have happened. I know you all heard about Halle's mother, and the entire world has been talking about what happened to her former nanny. The house is haunted by too many ugly memories for me to raise her there. So, I've made a decision. It's time for a change."
"You're leaving Beverly Hills?" Larry guessed incorrectly.
"No, I'm leaving the country. We need to change everything. I'm meeting with an agent to discuss buying property in Europe. I think it would be good for Halle to spend some time abroad; me, too."
"That is a big move, but it's not too late for you to change your mind," Tobias tried to talk me out of it, but my mind was already set.
Addison Fisk showed up to my office an hour later in an expensive skirt suit, with jeweled rings glittering on most of her fingers. She and I spent the morning taking virtual tours online of some of the most gorgeous homes in Europe.
It was a simple chateau in France that took my breath away. Acres of vineyards irrigated by a nearby stream would give Halle a playground unlike any other, and if I wanted to, I could produce my own wine label from what I was assured was a rare hybrid grape the previous owner had carefully cultivated for generations. Various outbuildings could be used to create and store the wine and house employees in their own quarters, and there was a stable large enough for several horses.
The thought of teaching Halle to ride filled me with excitement, but it was the chateau itself that put me over the edge. Small and quaint, with narrow doors and stone floors, the family home had been exquisitely built by hand hundreds of years ago and carefully restored and maintained by each generation.
"Why is the family selling?" I asked. Addison smiled sadly, as she swept a lock of her long auburn hair behind one ear.
"There is no more family. Each generation, they had fewer and fewer children. The last people to live there were brother and sister.
“He had been injured in a plane crash in WWII and couldn't father children. It was rumored that the only reason he wasn't killed was because another soldier pushed him out of the plane before it exploded and was killed. That soldier had been engaged to his sister, who never loved again and lived in the chateau as a spinster nurse, caring for her brother. He died last year, and she passed away less than a month later. Since then, the property has been sitting empty. Now, it is available for sale, and the profits are to go to the veterans’ relief fund to help injured vets.
It was an incredible story, and I found it hard not to get choked up about it. The chateau was perfect. It was in need of a family that would love it and cherish its legacy; and Halle and I were a family in need of a home built on legacy and love. There was only one thing that gave me pause, and that was Rachelle Clare.
How would she feel about a move as big as this? I wondered. Leaving the United States and moving to a chateau in France was as big a change as I could make. A different home, a foreign language, new currency, and an entirely different culture.
Sure, France was exciting and there was so much to see and do there, especially as a tourist on vacation, but would Rachelle be willing to move there with me and Halle and make it her home? Would she be willing to give up everything she'd ever known and loved just for me? If she wasn't, was I willing to move there without her?
"So, will you take it?" Addison asked, with an expectant smile. I looked at the pictures of the chateau, thinking about Halle and the life I wanted to provide her. I thought about Rachelle and how much I'd grown to love her. I realized that this was a choice between my duties as a father and my desires as a man, and suddenly my decision was clear.
Shaking hands with her, I swallowed back my emotions and said, "Yes."
Chapter Seventy-Five: Rachelle
"Why didn't Daddy come home for dinner?" Halle asked as we sat on the nursery floor side-by-side building a castle out of wooden blocks, while Morton peered out the window, diligently keeping an eye out for any signs of danger outside.
"I told you, he had an appointment after work," I replied, handing her blocks one by one as she built the castle as tall as she could.
"What kind of appointment?"
"I don't know. He said he had to meet with someone to sign some papers and that he had a big surprise when he got home."
"I don't want a surprise. I just want him to come home." She pouted in frustration, and the entire tower of blocks came crashing down to the floor. My heart broke for her as I helped her scoop them back up into a pile so she could start her task over again from scratch, but it wasn't the tower that had either of us feeling upset.
Ever since the death of her mother, Halle became extremely anxious anytime Tate left the house, and she questioned me constantly until he finally came home. If he were late, she never seemed to believe my excuses, and I knew it would be a long time before she ever got over the fear of losing her other parent.
Missy had been a junkie and a bitch that I wouldn't miss, but nonetheless, her death had put a dark pall over the mansion. Halle was obviously in mourning, and Tate suffered from a strange malaise I couldn't quite put my finger on.
I knew he didn't love Missy and never had. The time they created Halle had been the result of a drugged one-night stand that he deeply regretted, and he only tolerated Miss
y out of a sense of obligation for Halle. Still, ever since Stuart had killed her and left her dead body in his garage, Tate and become a different man.
He was quiet, almost sullen, and kept constantly to himself. We hadn't made love since before her death, and every night, I went to sleep in an empty bed while he stayed up late and worked in his office. I had no idea what he was working on in there since he kept all his business dealings at the downtown office. I suspected it was something personal, but what?
He'd already completed all the arrangements for Missy's funeral and memorial, which were to take place tomorrow morning. So what was he working on all night long and why was he avoiding coming home? What were the changes he had alluded to that one night, and what was the surprise he had to share with me?
All these doubts and questions swirling around in my head made me realize just how much I was missing my own mother. I called her nearly every day while Tate was at work, but that was no longer enough. Her treatments had left her vulnerable to an infection, and she was horribly sick. I needed to visit her and see her face to face.
The tragedy of Missy's murder had reinforced the lesson I already knew: life was short and it was important to spend time with your family while you could. Never take them for granted because one day, they might be gone.
"I'm a dragon!" Halle cried out joyously as she knocked over her castle and the blocks came crashing down again, startling me from my deep and troublesome thoughts.
"All right, time to put these away and settle down for bed." Laughing, I helped her place the blocks back into the storage bin they resided in, singing a cleanup song with her to make the chore more fun. Then I dressed her in her nightgown and helped her brush her teeth before tucking her into bed.
"What book should we read tonight?" I asked her, but she crossed her arms in front of her chest.
"I want Daddy to read to me," she insisted, and I didn't know what to tell her. As if on cue, the nursery door swung open, and Tate entered, looking surprisingly exhilarated after such an extremely long day away from home. So many days this week he'd come home looking mentally and physically exhausted, and had even been too tired to make love. For the first time in days, he finally looked like his old self again, and it was a huge relief.