by Naomi Niles
I heard movement in the back, so I followed the sound. The door was slightly ajar, and I pushed it open and walked in to see Jackson shoving a stack of cash into a safe that had been recessed into the wall. He gave a startled jump when he noticed my presence.
“Fuck, man!” he gasped. “You scared me.”
I forced a smile on my face and tried not to look too closely at the safe behind him. He seemed in a hurry to cover it up and change the subject, and I didn’t want to push him into explaining himself. This was his business, after all, and if there were any mistakes to be made, they were his to make.
“Sorry,” I said. “Thought I’d drop by and see how things looked the morning after.”
“You’re a good man.” Jackson smiled, as he led me out of the room. “How did things go last night between you and the hot MILF?”
“Pretty great,” I nodded.
“Does that mean you got laid?”
I gave him a telltale smile, and he clapped me on the back. “That’s my boy,” he crowed. “How good was she?”
“She was fucking phenomenal,” I said.
“Was she a screamer?” Jackson asked. “Please tell me she was a screamer.”
This was the way all our conversations went after a conquest, it had always been part of our banter, but somehow I was suddenly aware of how crass and vulgar we both sounded. I was also starting to realize that I didn’t really enjoy talking about Mia in that way. Somehow, I felt as though she deserved privacy, along with my discretion.
“Sam?”
“Yeah?” I said, meeting Jackson’s gaze.
“Well?” Jackson asked impatiently. “Was she a screamer?”
“Umm…no,” I said, shaking my head. “No, she wasn’t.”
“Well, you can tick off hot MILF from your list now,” Jackson said, giving me a crude wink.
I smiled and laughed, trying to capture the flow of our old conversations. But even as Jackson goaded me into more details and fuller explanations, I was starting to see that I was putting on an act for his benefit. I was saying the typical things I usually did because that’s what Jackson expected to hear. I was not being honest, nor was I enjoying myself.
I was saying the things I knew I would have said a week ago. But even as I repeated the same vulgar rhetoric, I saw through my weak charade and the alien feelings that were budding just beneath the surface.
Chapter Sixteen
Mia
I felt the sting of my hangover, and I sighed as I closed my front door. I went into the living room where Vanessa was still sleeping soundly. I decided not to wake her and instead snuck back into my room and shut the door.
Then I removed my robe and headed to the bathroom for a nice, long shower. My ten-minute shower ended up being twenty minutes. I leaned against the cool tile and enjoyed the heat of the water splashing against my body. I was aware of a steady throbbing between my legs, but the feeling was not unpleasant. It was a comfortable soreness I knew would ebb after a few hours.
My thoughts kept drifting to Sam every few minutes, and I sighed at myself. I shouldn’t be encouraging this. I should have resisted him last night. But the more I thought back to the previous night, I realized Sam had barely initiated a thing. He had bought me drinks, asked me to dance, and challenged me to a game of pool. But apart from that, I had been the one making all the moves.
I’m the one who had practically jumped on him and initiated sex. I’m the one who had asked him for a ride home. And, I was the one who had asked him to stay with me last night.
I cringed as I thought about that moment. I should have just let him leave, but it had been so nice to feel him lying next to me. It had been nice to fall asleep with a man by my side. I hadn’t realized how much I’d missed it.
When the tips of my fingers were good and wrinkled, I got out of the shower, wiped myself dry, and slipped on a comfortable pair of jeans and a thin blue sweater. I combed out my hair and tied it back into a knot at the back of my head. I glanced myself at the mirror. My face was slightly pale, and I looked as though I had dark circles under my eyes. I had forgotten how ravaging the effects of alcohol could be sometimes. It had been quite a while since I’d gotten drunk, too.
When I walked out of my room, I heard voices coming from the kitchen. It seemed that both Vanessa and Renni were awake and getting breakfast ready. I walked to the kitchen to find Renni standing on a chair over the stove. She was making eggs while Vanessa was supervising over her shoulder.
“Morning, girlies,” I greeted.
“Mommy!” Renni said delightedly, as though she hadn’t seen me in weeks. I cringed a little as her shrill voice struck at my head.
“Well, good morning to you,” Vanessa greeted. Her voice was unnecessarily loud, too.
“Can we use our quiet voices today?” I asked gently as I took a seat at the table.
“Why, Mommy?”
“Umm… Mommy has a headache, angel,” I replied. “And loud sounds aren’t helping.”
She looked concerned. “We’ll be quiet, then, won’t we, Aunt Vanessa?”
“We sure will,” Vanessa nodded, but she was smiling slyly at me. “That’s a good job you’re doing with the eggs, kiddo. Now let’s put them 0n a plate.”
Vanessa held out a plate and Renni spilled the eggs onto it. Then she set the frying pan down, and Vanessa propped her back onto the ground. Renni headed straight towards me for a morning hug. I kissed the top of her head.
“Slept well, darling?” I asked.
“Uh huh,” she nodded. “I dreamt I was flying last night.”
“Really?” I asked, with raised eyebrows. “Funny… I think I had the same dream.”
“Mommy?” Renni said, eyeing her eggs. “Can I watch television while I eat breakfast?”
I usually didn’t allow that, but I wanted to talk to Vanessa without Renni over hearing, so I nodded. “Just this once, okay?” I said.
“Thank you,” she said eagerly. “I won’t turn the volume up too loud.”
I smiled. “That’s my thoughtful girl,” I said, giving her a little wink. “Would you like some toast with your eggs?”
“No thank you,” she replied, gathering up her plate and headed for the television.
Vanessa sat down opposite me and pushed a steaming cup towards me. I reached for it and almost immediately, the scent of strong black coffee hit me.
“Bless you,” I sighedtaking a sip.
“Looks like you had a productive night,” she said with a knowing smile.
“I wouldn’t quite describe it that way.” I smirked, taking another sip of coffee.
“How would you describe it, then?” Vanessa asked.
I smiled. “It was…an interesting night.”
Vanessa glanced over at where Renni sat. She was engrossed in her cartoon and didn’t seem to be paying us the slightest bit of attention. “Come on,” Vanessa prompted. “Spill. I want to know everything.”
“I didn’t expect to run into him last night.”
“You’re sure he isn’t stalking you?”
I laughed – and then instantly regretted the action. “I’m sure,” I said. “His friend owns the bar we decided to visit. And, he’s a silent partner in it apparently.”
“Really?” she asked with interest.
“I ended up staying till the whole bar had cleared out at the end of the night,” I told her. “It was just the two of us.”
“No way. Please tell me you had sex right there in the middle of the bar?”
I smiled coyly.
“Damn girl! Check you out.”
I smiled.
“Did you do it on top of the bar?”
“Actually…it happened on top of the pool table,” I admitted.
Vanessa let out a scream, and I put my hands on my temples. “Whoa,” I said. “I’m nursing a hangover here, remember?”
“Right,” she said, lowering her voice. “Sorry. I was just…impressed.”
“Come on,” I said, roll
ing my eyes. “You’re acting like I’m some sort of prude.”
“Not a prude,” Vanessa clarified. “You’re just cautious… I’m glad you stepped outside of your comfort zone.”
I sighed. “He drove me home,” I told her. “And…”
“And?”
“He spent the night,” I admitted.
Her eyes went wide. “Seriously?”
“You were sleeping,” I said, knowing her next question. “We managed to sneak past you…in and out.”
“Oh my gosh, do I really sleep that soundly?”
“Evidently.”
Vanessa shook her head. “So, he spent the night,” she said. “How did that feel?”
“It felt…surprisingly good,” I said. “At least, it did last night when I was lying next to him.”
“And, this morning?”
“Well, I woke up to him putting on his pants.”
“Ah,” Vanessa nodded. “Trying to make a run for it?”
“To be honest, I don’t know,” I said. “He might have been. But it wasn’t like I gave him enough time to wake me up or leave a note or something. He is a fire fighter and said he had an early shift.”
“Plausible excuse.”
I nodded. “I just…felt so many different things this morning.”
“Like what?”
“I wanted him out of here as fast as possible,” I admitted. “I didn’t want Renni to see him, and I was nervous of what it might mean. But at the same time…a part of me was sad to see him leave.”
Vanessa smiled. “This is a really good thing, Mia.”
“You think so?”
“Of course,” she nodded vigorously. “You’ve been alone for too long. It’s about time you found someone.”
“That’s just it,” I said. “What if I’m still not ready to find someone?”
“You don’t have to marry this guy,” she pointed out. “In fact, you don’t even have to see him again if you don’t want to. The point is that you’ve at least opened yourself up to the possibility of meeting new men. At least you know now that you could be open to a relationship in the future.”
“That’s true,” I said reluctantly. “It’s just daunting to think of starting the dating process all over again.”
“You’ve got to start somewhere, kid,” Vanessa said gently. “If not with this guy, then with someone else.”
I nodded slowly. “What if I want to see where things go with Sam?”
Vanessa smiled. “I don’t know,” she said. “Do you?”
“I’m not sure…” I said honestly. “On the one hand, he’s handsome, sweet, and funny. He’s already met Renni, and I know she likes him. He’s thoughtful, and he took really good care of me last night.”
“But?”
“On the other hand… He seems young; he seems like he can be immature at times. He has a really dangerous job and… Renni likes him.”
Vanessa wrinkled her eyebrows together. “I thought that went under the pro column?”
“It does,” I said. “To an extent.”
“You’ll have to elaborate.”
“If Renni gets overly attached and then things don’t work out?” I pointed out.
“Ah.”
“Exactly,” I said. “I don’t have the luxury of just thinking about myself anymore. I have to think of Renni, too. Any man I date will inevitably end up with the both of us. It’s sort of a package deal.”
Vanessa nodded. “I see what you mean.”
“I suppose the ball’s in his court, though,” I said. “I don’t have to make a decision until he calls me. If he calls me.”
Before Vanessa could ask me her next question, Renni appeared at my elbow. “I finished my breakfast, Mommy,” she informed me.
I smiled at her. “Good girl,” I said. “How were the eggs?”
“Really yummy,” she said.
She proceeded to drag a chair up to the sink so that she could wash her plate. I decided that if I had managed to bring up a five year old who was willing to and capable of washing her own dishes, then I must be doing something right. When she was done, she popped back down and dragged the chair back to the table.
“Where did you go last night, Mommy?” Renni asked.
I exchanged a glance with Vanessa. “I just went out…with some of my work friends, sweetheart.”
“Was there music?”
“There was,” I nodded. “And there was dancing, too.”
“Did you dance?” she asked with interest.
“As a matter of fact, I did,” I smiled. “A friend convinced me to dance.”
“You’re a good dancer,” Renni said.
I knew she was basing that off of the dancing sessions we sometimes had around the kitchen table while we were cooking on weekends. “Thanks, darling,” I said. “I’m glad someone thinks so.”
“Did you see Sam last night?”
The casual directness of her question caught me off guard, and I answered without thinking about it. “I… Yes,” I said. “I ran into him for a bit last night.”
I wasn’t sure if her question was purely coincidental or if she had heard Vanessa and I mention him, but I didn’t want to lie to her.
“I like Sam,” Renni said.
I smiled. “I’m pretty sure he likes you, too,” I said.
“Do you like Sam?” she asked pointedly.
I glanced at Vanessa, and she was smiling at me in a way that said “good luck.” I turned back to my daughter, who was looking at me with those big, trusting green eyes. “Of course, I like Sam,” I replied. “He saved my little girl, how could I not like him?”
Renni smiled. “I hope you’ll see him again,” she said.
I hesitated for a moment and forced a half-hearted smile onto my face. “Me, too.”
Chapter Seventeen
Sam
I stared at Mia’s number for a full two minutes, trying to figure out what the hell was happening to me. I wanted to call her, I wanted to hear her voice and ask her out, but at the same time, I found myself in a battle with my belief system I had constructed for myself over the years.
I was Sam Burbank and Sam Burbank was a player. He was not the kind of guy who asked women out and took them to nice dinners at fancy restaurants. He was not the kind of guy who slept with a woman and then called her afterwards. He was not the kind of guy who believed in commitments or marriage or monogamy.
I focused on Mia’s name emblazoned on my screen and sighed. I was trying to talk myself out of calling her, but I still couldn’t escape the fact that I truly and sincerely wanted to. She hadn’t texted or called me since I’d left her place two days ago. I wondered if she would if I gave it a few more days or if she would just stay silent.
I kept wishing she would call me, just so that I’d have the excuse I needed to see her one more time. In the end, my patience gave way, and I ended up dialling her number and waiting with baited breath for her voice on the other end.
“Hello?” Mia’s voice was soft and tilted up at the end.
“Hi, Mia,” I said, trying not to stumble over my nerves.
“Hi, Sam.” She didn’t sound annoyed or surprised. She just sounded…normal. I was hoping she would propel the conversation along, but she stayed silent, forcing me to talk.
“Umm…hi,” I said again, stalling for time.
She laughed a little. “We already went through this part,” she reminded me.
“Right,” I said, shaking my head in embarrassment. “How are you?”
“A little busy, actually,” Mia replied.
It sounded like she was trying to cut the conversation short and brush me off. In some ways, that should have made it easier for me to just leave things as they were. Then I’d be preserving my lifestyle and getting out of this strange thing we had going without hurting her feelings.
And yet, her voice lit a fire under me, and I was forced to realize that I really, really didn’t want to leave things as they were. I wanted to see Mia agai
n. I wanted to have sex with her again. And even more amazing, I wanted to talk to her again.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I didn’t mean to bother you.”
“You’re not bothering me,” she replied gently. “I’m just at work right now.”
“Right,” I said, hoping that it was a good sign that she had taken my call, despite the fact that she was at work. “Any interesting new cases?”
“There always is,” Mia said, and she sounded slightly amused. “By the way, since you called, I just wanted to thank you for staying over the other night and taking care of me the way you did.”
“Oh, you already thanked me, Mia,” I said, feeling slightly optimistic. “And like I said, it was my pleasure.”
There was a moment of silence on the other end. “Sam?”
“Yes?”
“Was there any particular reason you called?”
“Oh… umm… I guess there is.”
“Care to share it with me?” This time, I was a hundred percent sure she was amused.
“Well, I called to ask you out, actually,” I admitted. “I would love to take you to dinner one night.”
“Ah,” Mia nodded, as though she had suspected that this was coming. “Can I be honest with you, Sam?”
I held my breath. “Sure,” I agreed.
“I don’t know if that would be such a good idea.”
“Why not?”
Her hesitance made me realize how much I wanted to see her. Now that there was a pretty good chance she was going to turn me down, I knew I had to fight that much harder to make her give me a shot.
“Because my life is kind of…hectic at the moment,” she said. “I don’t know if I have the time to date.”
“Well, you’ll never know until you try it,” I said, in my most charming voice. “Personally, I think a balanced life is a healthy life. I understand you have to work, but playing is important, too. Remember how much fun we had the other night?”
She paused a moment. “We did have fun,” she acknowledged.