And none of them had been Jacob.
She’d fantasised about what might have been for so long—had stupidly almost fallen in love with her one-night stand and allowed herself to put him on a pedestal.
The night they’d spent together had been the best night she’d ever had. Of course she was bound to be sentimental about him. He’d made her feel for the first time in ages! Besides, they’d made a child together. Without Jacob there’d be no Seb. And her son was her world. By having her own child she’d discovered how it felt truly to love for the first time ever. To feel connected to another human being.
Of course Jacob had known nothing of the feelings he’d engendered in her. He’d slipped away into the night, never to be seen again.
Until today.
She’d always been sceptical about people who believed in love at first sight! What a cliché! Things like that didn’t happen in real life, did they?
Only it had. She’d gone to her friend’s party out of a sense of obligation, really. But once there she’d decided to live a little, to have a few drinks and, for once, to lose herself in the moment.
And suddenly, across the room, her gaze had collided with his. He’d stood there, half a foot taller than everyone else, and those piercing cobalt eyes had pinned her to the spot with their intensity.
The music had been blasting out, people had been talking loudly and laughing all around her, but, caught in his gaze, all she’d been aware of was her mystery man.
Her body had tingled with awareness, each nerve ending lighting up like a beacon. And when she’d realised he was coming across the room to her, without breaking eye contact, her limbs had turned to jelly, her mouth had gone dry and she’d had to physically remind herself to keep breathing.
Up close, he’d been devastatingly handsome. Tall, broad, athletic. A shock of dark hair. He’d lifted up a tress of her own hair, letting it run through his fingers, his gaze focusing on her open lips before he’d said, ‘I’m Jacob. Dance with me?’
It was as if time had stopped. As if everyone else had no longer been there and it was just the two of them in that airless room. The heat, the lights, the music and them.
A slow tune had come on and he’d led her into the small dance space, his fingertips deftly pulling her after him, and then he’d spun her around and pulled her into his arms, so that she was pressed up close against his body, her hands against his chest, feeling his heart beat...
It had been magical! His touch... The connection she’d felt with him... As if that moment had always been meant to be. If she’d said that to anyone else they might have laughed at her, but she’d felt it to be true.
He’d held her in his arms and she’d rested her head against his chest and listened to his steady heartbeat, moving with him, against him, moulded into him, fitting into him perfectly.
And then the music had stopped.
She hadn’t heard the next tune. She’d just been aware of his eyes, of the heat in his gaze as he’d lowered his lips to hers...
Even now, thinking about it all these years later, she could feel a shiver down her spine as she recalled how he’d slowly lowered his mouth to hers and finally—finally!—claimed her lips for his own.
That soft, gentle kiss had turned into a hungry demand for more, and with her silent consent he had led her out into the candlelit garden and found a summer house.
After closing the doors they’d ripped at each other’s clothing, tossing it to the floor, and tumbled onto the futon inside, a mass of laughter and limbs. And then he’d taken her, his mouth insatiable as he’d tasted every inch of her, making her writhe and contort and gasp his name. She’d unashamedly clasped his hair as he’d tasted her intimately, and when he’d kissed her again she’d tasted herself on his lips. The taste, the scent of their sex had driven her on, and she’d clambered on top of him, riding him so forcefully and so deeply she’d noticed bruises on her knees days later that had made her smile with the memory of their night.
Afterwards they had lain side by side on the futon, laughing and giggling into the early hours. Eva had fallen asleep briefly, and when she’d woken Jacob had been gone. His clothes had been missing. Her own naked body had been covered by a crocheted throw.
She’d found a folded note on the pillow next to her.
Had to leave. Africa calls!
You were amazing!
Love, Jacob x
She’d dressed quickly, ashamed at what she’d done, but glad that the party was still in full swing so she could sneak out without anyone noticing.
Eva had been forlorn. How typical of her to fall for someone who had disappeared to another continent...to Africa. Unless his note had been a joke...?
But, no, he’d left without a trace.
She’d tried to forget him. To forget that night. But then she had discovered that she was pregnant.
She hadn’t believed the little blue cross at first—they’d used protection; there was no way she could be pregnant, and from one night, too.
Abortion had never been an option. She hadn’t been able to do it—she’d wanted her baby. No one else was going to make the decision for her. She would make it work—she would have to make it work. She would try to find Jacob. Try to track him down. How hard would it be?
Eva had craved to hear Jacob’s voice, to feel his touch upon her one more time. She’d cried when he’d not been there to see the first scan, or to help her with nursery decoration ideas, or to help her through her contractions during labour, or to be there to hold his son after he was born. But as time had passed it had become easier. She’d become more able to bear the pain and the longing.
Until now.
And she could still feel that pull. That pull of attraction that hit her low and deep in her gut each time she looked at him. That need she had for him—still with her after all this time. How could he still have that effect on her? How did one man hold such sway over her emotions? It was like living in an emotional pinball machine, being ricocheted from one feeling to the next—fear, excitement, doubt...arousal.
But what was going on with his family? Why had he been out of contact with them for so long?
When he’d first found out about Seb he’d said to her that one of the worst things she’d done was to keep Seb from the family who would love him. Adore him. Jacob had given her that whole speech about uncles and grandparents and cousins. And yet he showed obvious reluctance to connect with that family.
Why?
She didn’t need anyone else’s drama. She didn’t need anyone else’s family issues impeding on the life she lived with Seb. They had a good life—a happy, stable life. She didn’t need to take Seb down that road. The road of being judged and found wanting. Of being rejected. She wouldn’t allow it.
What were they talking about up there?
She longed to be able to hear. But then she heard Jacob’s footsteps on the stairs, and soon he was standing in the doorway, looking as irresistible as when she first saw him.
‘How did it go?’
‘He’s asleep.’
‘Good.’ She smiled.
Jacob perched on the edge of her sofa. ‘He wants to know why I’m not living here.’
Her breath caught in her throat. ‘And what did you say?’
‘Just that all my things were at my flat.’
‘I see...’ That was a difficult one.
‘He wants me to read to him every night. Would that be okay? To come round in the evenings?’
That could be awkward. ‘Erm...’
‘I’ve missed enough nights, don’t you think?’
‘You’d practically be living here.’
‘Just when my shifts allow? If it’s really late maybe I could sleep on the couch?’
She’d never get a wink of sleep, knowing he was so
close!
‘I don’t know...’
‘I think we should do it. For Seb. I’d do anything for him. Now that I know I have a son I’m not going to let him down. If he wants me here every night, then I’d like to be. I’ll keep out of your way.’
She stared back at his beautiful blue eyes. How? How would he stay out of her way? The place wasn’t that big.
‘Okay.’
Had she really just said that?
‘Thank you. I’ll go home tonight, but I’ll bring a few things over tomorrow for when I have to stay.’ He attempted a smile. ‘I promise my toothbrush won’t take up too much room.’
‘Right...’
This was all moving so fast! The man she’d wanted for the past four years was practically moving in!
* * *
Jacob closed Eva’s door behind him and let out a big sigh into the cold night air. The evening had gone better than he’d thought it might. He hadn’t been sure how Eva would be with him. Whether she’d be treading on eggshells around him or whether she’d have loads of questions that he just wasn’t ready to answer yet.
About that night. The one they’d spent together. About him leaving and never saying goodbye.
She had every right to challenge him about it. He would in her position. There was plenty she could choose to ask about, but she’d not said a thing. She’d given him the time and space he’d needed to be with Seb, and for that he was grateful.
Seb was a great kid, from what he could see. Eva had done a fabulous job in raising him thus far. But now Seb would have his father in his life and things would be different.
Jacob smiled as he walked to his car. Seb was a good-looking boy, with his wavy dark hair and blue eyes, and that alabaster skin. Girls wouldn’t stand a chance when he was older! Eva had skin like that... The palest of skin tones, clear, unblemished, to the point where it almost didn’t look real. The type of skin you wanted to reach out and touch, just to make sure.
He’d known he was going to find Eva in that A&E department. And, yes, he’d wanted to know more about her. There was something about her that called to him, as if she was some sort of siren singing an enchanted song that only he could hear. He’d never stopped thinking of her in Africa and that had scared him. How could a one-night stand feel like so much more?
What if they became close? What if they had a relationship? Could he keep himself emotionally separate?
Not from Seb. Seb was his son, and already he could see how easy it was going to be to love that boy, and he’d protect him to the ends of the earth if he had to. But Eva? What would happen there?
She’d already got under his skin. She’d ignited something in him that he hadn’t felt for a long time. And the last time he’d felt that way... Had thought he felt that way...
No... I don’t want to think of that anymore.
Could he even trust his own judgement? How could he know that he was making the right decisions? When he’d trusted himself before he’d been blind to what had truly been going on...
He closed his eyes and pictured the way Eva had moved that night. The way she’d felt on top of him, writhing and sweating as he’d felt himself deep inside her, as she ground him into her with a steady, yet deep rhythm. How it had made him feel to hear her gasping, to feel her hot breath blowing into the side of his neck, her fingernails scratching into his back as she’d clutched him to her as if she’d never wanted to let go...
That night had been amazing. But then he’d watched her fall asleep, her back to him, and he’d felt immense guilt, knowing he was going to have to slip away to catch his flight.
He should never have slept with her before he left for Africa. He should never have slept with anyone. He’d known he was leaving in a few hours and he’d not been in the right headspace—so what the hell had happened?
He hadn’t even considered how she might feel afterwards. That she might feel used or abandoned when she woke up alone.
No. That wasn’t true. He had thought about it. Worried about it. Had felt guilty about it. He’d treated her badly. Should have told her the truth from the start. He’d never forgive himself for that, even if she did.
But now he needed to be the best father that Seb could ever have. To be there always for his son. Never to let him down. Never to make a promise that he couldn’t keep. To make Seb feel cherished and adored by both his parents.
He could do that.
Easily.
But he’d treated Eva badly once before—how would he know not to do it again? Perhaps if he stayed away from Eva and focused just on Seb, then that would be safer for them all?
He’d once felt this way about Michelle. A deep-down attraction that had pulled at his very being. And look how wrong that had turned out to be.
She’d seemed a safe option. The girl next door...his childhood sweetheart. Michelle had seemed so right. And yet it had all gone wrong! She’d professed to love him, professed to be true to him, and she’d ended up sleeping with somebody else. His friend! The one person he should have been able to trust most.
It had been a huge shock. Yes, Michelle had seemed more and more distracted, but he’d put it down to the wedding and how all the preparations had needed so much organising. Brides were meant to worry about their weddings—he’d thought her preoccupation was normal. But it had been something else...the sordid details of which she’d finally disclosed to him on their wedding day.
He hadn’t seen Michelle’s affair coming... Could he trust his instincts now?
CHAPTER FIVE
EVA HAD BARELY been at work for five minutes before Sarah found her and turned her round in her chair.
‘So how’s Seb?’
Eva thought about how best to answer her. He’d had a few aches and pains this morning, a bit of a headache, but generally seemed fine. In fact he’d seemed more than fine, and she put that down to the fact that he’d spent a few hours getting to know his father.
But did she want to tell Sarah that Jacob had been round at her house last night?
‘He’s good, thanks.’
‘No after-effects from the accident?’
‘Nothing much.’ She smiled and tried to get on with her work, but Sarah wasn’t going to let it go. Apparently her questions about Seb were only a preamble for her questions about Jacob.
‘And Dr Dolan?’
Her fingers froze above the keyboard. ‘What about him?’
‘Well, you never did get the chance to tell me how you know him.’
Eva looked about them, to make sure no one else was listening, but the only witnesses were the Christmas decorations, already wilting.
‘He’s...um... Seb’s father.’ She looked up guiltily at her friend, hoping and praying that she wouldn’t over-react whilst they were at work.
‘Seb’s dad? Really? Wow, you kept that one quiet.’
Eva nodded, her cheeks aflame. ‘And there’s more to it than that. I, er, only told him about Seb yesterday.’
‘What?’ Sarah looked totally amazed, her eyes wide, her mouth gaping, until she closed it promptly. ‘What did he say when you told him?’
‘He was...shocked.’
‘I bet. What did he say?’
‘He said I had to tell Seb. That he was going to come round.’
‘And?’
‘And what?’
‘How did it go?’ Sarah asked, as if she were an imbecile.
‘Fine.’
‘Fine? What? That’s it? No furtive, lingering looks between the pair of you? No unfinished business?’
‘We finished our business nearly four years ago. All that matters now is Seb.’
‘But aren’t you going to find out if he’s single?’
Eva frowned. ‘Why?’ There was no point, really. It would be too muc
h to expect that life would actually start working out well for her. That they could be a happy family unit with Jacob. Hah! As if that was ever going to happen.
Sarah shook her head in disbelief. ‘Because you’re single, Eva! And don’t forget...he’s hot.’
‘He’s unreliable. Disappears when you want him and leaves no trace. It was like trying to track down a spy. And he’s only here temporarily. Once his contract is over he’ll move on and we’ll never see him again.’
She felt awful for saying it, but it was what she truly expected. No one ever stuck around for her. No one ever wanted to keep her in their life. Why would Jacob be any different? No matter how much she wanted him to be.
Sarah picked up a treatment card for the next patient. ‘If he really was a spy that would make him hotter.’
‘You’re incorrigible!’ Eva laughed. ‘Why don’t you get a boyfriend so you can stop trying to fix me up?’
‘I’m married to my job.’ She skipped off without a backward glance and left Eva pondering over Jacob.
What did she really know about him? Okay, so he was a doctor—which gave him brownie points from the get-go, didn’t it? His interest in medicine meant that he spent his day helping people, and he’d even flown off to a developing continent and offered to help people there, in what must have been difficult conditions. He’d discovered that he was a father and, after his initial shock, had showed up, played with his son, eaten with them and read Seb a story. He’d even promised to come round every night, when he could, so there were signs of commitment there...
But he had seduced her and then left without a trace. He’d given her the barest information about himself, so that she’d been unable to track him down. Although she’d known it was going to be a one-night stand. She’d known it was going to be a one-time thing. But it hadn’t mattered. She’d wanted it as much as him—had succumbed to their primal connection and lost herself in the moment.
She’d wondered then, as she had many times since, what had been driving him that night. And what had he been running away from...? She’d seen that he was in pain emotionally. In some torment. And rather than scaring her off it had drawn her to him. Two damaged souls merging together, soothing each other, before they parted ways, never to see each other again.
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