Jacob was a good cook, and Seb was enjoying having his father around for breakfast.
They could talk to each other for hours, and Eva had often found herself having to grab a book and go off and read somewhere while Seb got to know his father. It was only fair after all. They had three years to catch up on, and Eva no longer felt as if she was being left out.
Jacob had learned that Seb enjoyed nursery, loved sport and animals and wanted to be a doctor one day, like his parents. Seb was also hoping for snow on Christmas Day. Lots and lots of snow. And Seb had learned that his dad had gone on safari and met a real-life leopard, seen a lion pride and even been charged at by an elephant.
It was only as they talked, as they chatted, that Eva realised they were so alike in their mannerisms. Why had she not realised that Seb rubbed at his chin when he was thinking, the same way Jacob did? Why had she not noticed that that they both stuck out their tongues slightly when they were concentrating?
Silly things. Inconsequential things. But everything she noticed was amusing and quaint. Familiar. Things she didn’t do but Seb did. Why had she never wondered if they were traits from his father?
Jacob was clearing away their greasy, tomato ketchup–smeared plates when he asked Seb a question. ‘Seb, do you remember I told that you my parents have a small farm with lots of animals?’
‘Yeah,’ Seb answered.
‘Well, your mum and I have been thinking, and we thought you might like to visit there today. Stay the night. Get to know your grandparents and see the animals.’
Eva nodded as Seb looked to her, as if for permission. She was pleased that she’d agreed to take this step. But it was a huge about-turn for her. The idea of meeting Jacob’s family had at first been scary. She’d never wanted to stand in front of strangers and be judged again. But since Jacob’s revelations about Michelle, and with the way their relationship was developing, she’d begun to accept that this was the right thing to do. Especially for Seb. These people she didn’t yet know were his family, and whether she and Jacob became something or not his family would always be there for her son.
This was an opportunity that she had never had. It was an enormous step forward for them both.
‘Can we?’
‘Course we can.’
Seb beamed a smile at them both. ‘Cool!’
‘We’ll need our wellies!’
Eva was still anxious at the thought of meeting Jacob’s parents. Even though he’d told her they were nice and friendly. They would assess her.
But she had to remind herself that she was an adult now—not a child. If Jacob’s parents and family didn’t like her, it didn’t matter too much. What mattered most of all was that they knew Seb and adored him. If they didn’t like him... Not possible! Of course they would love Seb. They had to.
So she was off to the Dolan smallholding. Where everyone who had no right to judge her lived. Perhaps Jacob was pleased she was going because then his parents wouldn’t be able to have a go at him?
This weekend was going to be truly uncomfortable for her. Jacob had apparently already told them that they’d need separate beds...
Going to meet a new family again... How many times had she done that? Stood outside on the pavement, by a social worker’s car, whilst a new family came out to greet her. Assess her. Judge her worth.
They’d all be looking at her. Deciding if they liked her or not. Deciding if she was worth keeping.
It shouldn’t matter what they think. I am part of their family now. Because of Seb.
But it did matter.
It mattered a lot. She wanted them to like her. She wanted to be accepted. She really wanted to be welcomed into the Dolan family.
* * *
It was a two-hour car journey that became nearly four. Everyone was driving slowly and more carefully due to the ice still on the roads.
Eva sat in the front seat as Jacob drove them in his sleek black car, with her stomach knotting with nerves at every mile. Jolly Christmas music played over the car stereo—music that she would normally sing along to. But not today. She was a bag of nerves—as jittery and shaky as a naked person in the Arctic.
The last time she’d felt this nervous she had been taking the pregnancy test. Her stomach was clenched tight, her mouth was so dry she could barely speak and she had to keep stretching out her fingers to prevent cramp as she was clasping them so tightly.
And to think I thought I was being relaxed about this!
Outside, the world was doing just fine. Only a week to Christmas and it was a beautiful, crisp winter’s day, with blue skies and bright sunshine. They passed fields of grazing horses and cattle or sheep as Jacob drove them down winding lanes through the countryside. There were some flowers growing at the roadside that she’d never seen before. Winter honeysuckle? She wasn’t sure. She’d never been green-fingered.
It all looked so beautiful and serene, but as they passed a sign for Netherfield Village—the place where his parents’ smallholding was meant to be—she could almost feel her blood pressure rising all by itself. The village was picture-postcard perfect. Literally, she could have taken a photo of its village square and used it as a Christmas card. It was sickeningly beautiful. The type of place you wanted to move to the second you saw it.
Jacob seemed nervous, too, as he drove. He was going home to his family, but he seemed edgy. She supposed that was to be expected. He’d been away from home for years. And he knew that by going back he’d be facing old, painful memories. She was proud of him for doing it, and pleased that he was able to do it with her at his side.
Her stomach rolled as she thought about how she’d kept his parents’ grandson from them. Not deliberately—but would they readily accept the fact that she’d not been able to find Jacob? If they were going to have a go at her she hoped they’d do so out of Seb’s eyeline and earshot.
She hadn’t kept their grandson from them on purpose. They’d lost three years of their grandchild’s life. Three years that they’d never get back. Three years of memories and photos and home videos that didn’t exist because she’d not persevered in finding their son.
Had she given up too easily?
No. I tried my best.
The thought of meeting them filled her with nerves, and though the fried breakfast had seemed a wonderful idea a few hours ago she could feel it sitting heavily in her stomach now, the grease swirling around inside her like an oily whirlpool, making her feel extremely queasy.
‘Nearly there now, Seb!’ Jacob called over his shoulder to his son.
‘Great!’
Seb leaned forward in his booster seat and looked between the two front seats through the windscreen as Jacob steered his car through the quaint village, past a pub called The Three Horseshoes, a post office, a grocery store, some quaint thatched cottages and then down another lane.
‘There’s the alpacas!’
‘Wow!’ Seb exclaimed from the backseat.
Jacob laughed. ‘We keep them in the fields where we have the chickens and the geese and ducks. They keep away the foxes and my mum uses their fur to make quilts and baby blankets.’
‘They keep away foxes? What? Like guard dogs?’ Eva enquired.
‘Exactly.’
Seb wound down his window for a better look, letting in a blast of cold air. ‘They’re funny!’
Eva smiled at his amusement. They were close now, and she could feel Jacob’s apprehension building.
Just past the alpaca field he turned into a smaller lane, with lots of lumps and bumps. The car jolted them around as its suspension system struggled with the holey road, but then they were pulling up in front of a redbrick farmhouse with window boxes and a border collie dog lying outside, panting heavily, its breath fogging in the chill air.
‘That’s Lucy,’ Jacob said. ‘Come on, S
eb! I’ll introduce you!’
Father and son got out of the car and had gone over to the happy dog, making a big fuss of it, before Eva could even remove her seat belt. The dog wagged its tail madly at Jacob and lasciviously licked at Seb’s happy face.
Eva took that moment to look around her.
To the side of the house there was a rotary washing line, empty and frosted, there were plant pots and tubs filled to overflowing with winter bulbs and early crocus and there were blue gingham curtains at the windows, tied back with sashing.
Eva almost expected to see a hot apple pie cooling on a windowsill!
There was a ginger cat curled up on an outdoor chair in the winter sun, and it opened a lazy eye as she closed the car door and blinked in the bright sunshine.
With the rolling fields set as a backdrop to the old redbrick house, the place was beautiful!
Seb and Jacob were still ruffling the dog’s fur, Seb beaming, when the front door opened and Jacob’s parents emerged from inside the house.
Eva felt her hesitant smile freeze on her face at their appearance. This was it. The moment she’d been worrying about. She looked to Jacob to see how he’d react, and saw him stand back and stare at his parents, a half smile on his face.
They stared at each other for a moment. Eva could see that Jacob’s mum was dying for her son to speak, but Jacob seemed incapable of saying anything.
Needing to break the tension, Eva stepped forward, away from the car. ‘Mrs Dolan?’
His mother turned.
Her son looked so like her. Jacob’s mother was tall and slim and had the same dark colouring, though her hair had a grey streak in the centre, but his father was already grey haired and slightly plumper.
And they were both smiling.
‘Eva!’ Mrs Dolan stepped towards her and embraced her firmly, pulling her into a bear hug she couldn’t escape from. ‘You must be tired from your journey. We were expecting you hours ago! Come on in! We’ve got freshly baked biscuits and mince pies inside, and a fresh pot of tea.’
She released her and beamed a smile at her.
Eva was delighted. ‘Er...lovely... Thank you.’
This was more like it! Eva felt instantly accepted! Where had this sensation been as a child? Where had the warm bear hugs been then? Where had the home-baked biscuits and the welcome and the acceptance been?
‘Jacob!’
Jacob’s mother pulled him to her, squeezing him tight, as if she never wanted to let him go, and then she kissed him on both cheeks and looked at him for a long time, her hands cradling his face.
‘You’ve come home! You’ve changed...’
Then she turned to Seb and pulled him into a hug.
‘And you must be Seb! We’ve been so looking forward to meeting you!’
Jacob looked relieved and managed to smile fully at last.
Jacob’s father walked over and gave him a hug and a quick back slap. Then they stepped apart.
‘Hi, Dad.’
‘Son... Good-looking boy you’ve got there!’
Once Seb had stopped ruffling the dog’s fur and rubbing its belly, they stepped into the farmhouse. The front door took them straight into the kitchen, which was made up of old wooden units, with dried flowers and copper-bottomed pots hanging from a rack above. There were two metallic strips on the walls, holding a line of knives and shiny utensils, and in the centre of the kitchen a huge oak table that had been laid for guests.
Candy-cane bunting decorated the walls and a huge spray of holly erupted from the vast copper pot set in the fireplace. Christmas cards lined every available surface. Clearly the Dolans were very popular people!
A vase in the centre of the table held a beautiful bouquet of pine stems, interspersed with cinnamon sticks and dried orange slices. Unusual, but very aromatic, and around it were the promised plates of pies and biscuits. A hot teapot with a knitted Christmas-bauble cosy sat at one end, where Jacob’s mother now stood.
‘Do sit down, everyone—and help yourself.’
Seb tucked in with gusto—which was surprising, considering the size of his breakfast—whereas Jacob took nothing, only accepting a mug of tea. Eva noticed that Jacob’s gaze kept flicking to a photograph on the mantelpiece that looked like a picture of him with a blonde woman.
Michelle?
In the picture Jacob sat with his arm around the woman’s shoulders as they both posed on what looked like an old country stile. She had long honey-coloured hair, almost down to her waist, and they had their heads together, grinning for the camera.
She had clearly been cherished. And was obviously much remembered, with her picture having pride of place in one of the main rooms of this home.
Eva accepted tea and politely took a biscuit, wondering if the Dolans would ever put her picture up? She hoped so. It had started well, so far...
‘It’s so wonderful to meet you at last, Seb,’ Mrs Dolan said. ‘Your daddy has told us so much about you. Are you looking forward to Christmas?’
Seb nodded, his mouth full of mince pie.
She smiled broadly. ‘We hear you like animals?’
Seb nodded again, stuffing in another mouthful.
‘We’ll take you out later and show you them all, and then you must visit the orchard. It’s where your father used to play.’
Seb looked at his dad and grinned.
Jacob smiled back. ‘It’s also where I first broke my arm, trying to jump the small stream that’s there, so try not to be too like me. We don’t need to take you to A&E again.’
Mrs Dolan took a biscuit for herself. ‘Of course! You had an accident, didn’t you? Bumped your head? Were you scared, Seb?’
‘A bit...’
Mrs Dolan looked up at her son, then at Eva. ‘You’re both at the same casualty department, aren’t you?’
Eva nodded and smiled. This was so odd! They were talking to her as if everything was normal. As if she was wanted there. It felt great!
‘We’ve been here in this house forever, it seems. Ever since Jacob was a little boy himself. A bit younger than you, Seb. You must get him to show you the tree where he carved his name.’
‘If I can still remember which tree it is.’
‘Of course you remember. You might not have been here for a while, but you know this place like the back of your hand.’
‘You mentioned an orchard, Mrs Dolan? What do you grow there?’ Eva ventured her first question, feeling her cheeks flame with heat as everyone turned to face her at the table.
‘Bits of everything, really. Apples, pears, greengages, plums—you name it, we’ve got pies made of it in the freezer! In the spring it looks amazing, when it’s all in blossom. And you must call me Molly, dear. Mrs Dolan makes me sound like my mother-in-law!’
Molly Dolan smiled and her whole face creased with delight and happiness.
These people were being nice to her! It seemed so strange! It wasn’t what she’d been expecting from them at all! A childish delight was filling her on the inside as she soaked up their warmth.
‘I’ll show you around,’ Jacob suggested. ‘Fancy a walk? Stretch the legs?’
‘Oh, finish your tea first!’ Molly urged. ‘Always in a rush to get away, Jacob. You’ve only just got in and sat down.’
‘We’ve been sat down for nearly four hours, Mum. In the car.’
‘But Eva needs time to absorb everything. This is all new for her.’ She turned to Eva. ‘He’s always the same when he gets here. It’s as if he can’t wait to shrug off the city—he has to go out and roam around the place and get the country back into his blood. How he got any work done in Africa, I’ll never know.’
She’d mentioned Africa. Jacob’s bolthole. But she hadn’t mentioned it with any discomfort. She’d not said it as a preamble for launching
into a round of questions for her son. She looked as if she was comfortable sitting and waiting until Jacob was ready to talk about it.
Eva sipped her tea. It was perfect. Not too strong. And as she looked across the table at Jacob she began to understand him a bit more. He had a lovely family. Warm, welcoming parents. And he was clearly loved.
Maybe she would be, too?
* * *
Eva and Jacob were strolling through the orchard. Seb was with his grandfather, learning the whistles that were used to control the sheepdog, and they could hear them faintly in the distance.
The sun was shining down brightly, but there was no warmth in the cold air and Eva was glad she’d chosen a long coat, hat and scarf. She could feel the sun on her face only barely, and her toes were going numb with cold. It was a strange feeling. But it didn’t bother her too much.
She loved the winter. The shortening of the days, getting cosy in front of a fire at night, drinking hot cocoa and being warm and dry inside whilst outside the weather was doing its worst. Wondering when it might snow...
This was the first opportunity she’d had in ages to enjoy the season. She’d been working so much just lately, and had been covering extra shifts until Jacob’s arrival. It always got busier towards Christmas in A&E. People and alcohol didn’t always mix well, and there was a reason it was called the ‘silly season’. There weren’t often moments when she could feel carefree and relaxed, and this was a bonus.
All those hours spent worrying in the car... Wasted! She could have sung along to those Christmas songs after all. Mr and Mrs Dolan were lovely. And now she was here, at Jacob’s home, with him walking alongside her.
It was hard not to keep stealing glances at him, wondering how he was doing being back here, surrounded by memories. She was enjoying the warmth of his family and feeling she belonged.
‘It’s very beautiful here, Jacob.’
He nodded and smiled at her. They were walking at a slow pace, with no apparent direction. Just ambling together through the trees.
‘You have a wonderful family.’ It was true. ‘The type I used to dream of having.’
A Father This Christmas? Page 11