‘How is he?’
‘The same. They want to move him to Paediatric ICU.’
‘When?’
She shook her head. ‘I don’t know. When they can.’
She had no energy for Jacob now that he was here. All her focus was on her boy.
It wasn’t good enough. How many times had he impotently stood by, waiting for a bed space to become available? How many times had he had to console a relative because the beds manager couldn’t sort out a bed backlog? Too many times. He’d not been working here for long and he was already fed up with the bureaucracy of the hospital and the stupid red tape that stopped them being able to discharge patients who didn’t need to be there.
Jacob turned and grabbed the wall phone, almost ripping it from its lodging as he punched in the number for the bed manager.
‘Rick?’
‘Yes?’
‘Dr Dolan in A&E. My son is here in Resus, awaiting a paediatric ICU bed. What’s the hold-up?’
There was a pause, during which he heard a brief shuffling of papers. ‘Paediatric ICU is full at present. I understand there may be a bed free soon—though I believe there’s a possibility that your son may need surgery first.’
‘Surgery?’
He saw Eva’s face blanch.
‘That’s not good enough, Rick. My son needs the care of the paediatric team and he needs it now. Where’s Bilby? Surely he’s in today?’
William Bilby was the top paediatric doctor in the entire UK, and he happened to work at their hospital. He’d won awards for the work that he’d carried out in neurological medicine, and families came from across the country to consult him.
‘He’s not here today. He’s on Christmas vacation with his family.’
‘Call him.’
‘That’s not in my remit, Dr Dolan.’
‘Then, I’ll call him myself!’
There was a sigh. ‘Look, I’m sorry about your son being ill, but we all have to stick to what we do best for the efficient running of this hospital. I can’t prioritise your son...’
‘Well, I will!’
He slammed the phone back onto the wall, almost crushing it beneath his grip, and turned to look at Eva. She was pale and shocked.
What was he thinking? She needed him to be strong—not for him to turn into some angry monster. He’d lost his temper badly once before and look at how that had turned out.
‘Sorry,’ he mumbled. Then he went across to Seb’s bed and took his son’s other hand, held it to his cheek. ‘Come on, champ...’ He looked at Eva, determined not to cry.
Her eyes were large and swollen with tears. ‘You said surgery?’
‘They must have found something on the CT. Why has no one come to see us?’
He hated this. Hated this not knowing. This being left in limbo.
She shook her head and a solitary tear descended her cheek. ‘Am I going to lose him? Am I? I don’t think I could bear it, Jacob.’
‘We’re not going to lose him.’ He squeezed his son’s hand, hoping somehow that the force of his will would somehow make it so.
At that moment, the doors to Resus opened and Sarah came in, her face full of concern. She went straight over to Eva and Jacob. ‘We’ve had a good look at the CT and the scan confirms that Seb has a small subdural haematoma. It’s probably been bleeding for a while, as these injuries are usually slow leaks—as you know.’
‘You think it’s from that bus crash a couple of weeks ago? He banged his head then.’
‘It’s likely.’
Jacob frowned. ‘The neurologist said he didn’t need a scan. The idiot! He missed this!’
‘We all missed it, Jacob.’ Eva laid a hand on his arm.
Sarah looked to her friend. ‘We’ll be taking Seb in for surgery right away. Once we get in there we’ll clip the leak and remove the haematoma. That should relieve the pressure on Seb’s brain.’
‘And he’ll regain consciousness?’
‘Hopefully.’
Hopefully...
Eva shrugged. ‘What do we do whilst we wait?’
Sarah just looked at her. ‘Try to remain calm. We’ll look after him, Eva. You know we’ll do our best.’
They could only hope the hospital’s best was good enough.
* * *
Jacob stood up and began to pace the floor, glaring through the glass at people carrying on with their normal lives whilst his was in turmoil.
Of course they all had jobs to do. He knew that. But he couldn’t understand how these other people could be so calm whilst he felt...
He could be losing his family here. His precious family! His son! His beloved son! The one he hadn’t known he had—the one he’d only just got to know, to love, to cherish. He’d thought a few days before that the worst thing in the world would be to tell Eva the truth about what had happened in his past, but he’d been wrong. You had to tell people you loved them because you never knew when they might be taken from you.
This was what was terrible! This was the worst thing ever!
‘I’m going to call my parents.’
Eva nodded. ‘But they’ll be upset. So far away, they won’t be able to do anything.’
‘They’ll want to know.’
She acceded, and then turned back to look at the empty space where her son had been.
* * *
Eva had thought she was very familiar with the sensations of pain and grief and loss. She’d also thought she was familiar with waiting. Being patient. But she’d had no clue as to the real agony parents went through whilst they waited to hear if their child had made it through life-saving surgery.
She stared at the doors where the surgeons would emerge, praying, begging, pleading for them to open so that someone would come and tell her that Seb was fine. But the doors stubbornly remained closed. For hours.
When they did finally open—when the surgeon did finally emerge—she almost couldn’t bear to hear his words, convinced it had all gone wrong.
The surgeon removed the mask from his face and smiled. ‘The surgery went very well. No problems. Seb was stable all the way through. You’ll have your little boy back with you in no time.’
Eva sagged with relief at the news. Thank God!
The staff in Paediatric ICU had done their best to make it not look like a department in a hospital. The walls were painted in a soft cornflower blue, bright and brash with cartoon characters from all kinds of series in a kind of cheery, animated Bayeux Tapestry.
The nurses all wore colourful tabards, with teddy bear name badges edged in tinsel, and there were Christmas trees galore, all surrounded with fake presents—empty boxes wrapped in colourful paper. From the ceilings hung paper chains and the children’s snowflakes and snowmen, fat Santas and reindeer.
There was too much effort to make it look jolly.
Fake jolly.
To make the parents as well as the children forget that they were in such a terrible place.
Jacob felt as if he was in hell. The one day he’d hoped would pass without incident and it had turned into the day his nightmares about life came true.
This hurt. He ached. He felt powerless. As both a doctor and a father. Now he realised why family was so important. He wanted them here. He wanted their support.
He was glad he’d told Eva the truth.
He still didn’t know her reaction. She’d not really had a chance to say. She hadn’t looked horrified...but then they’d heard about Seb. She hadn’t had a chance to let it sink in.
She might not want anything to do with him. A man who could be so cruel to someone he’d supposedly loved...
If he’d treated Michelle right in the first place—respected her, not taken her for granted once that ring was on her finger—then h
is happiness now wouldn’t be at such great risk!
Eva was the one who had given him Seb. Eva was the one who had cared for and looked after their little boy so well. And then he’d turned up on the day of Seb’s accident, distracting her. They’d both been distracted. Both shocked by seeing the other. And they’d missed what had been happening to Seb.
Eva was going to be the one to choose what happened to them all now.
He stared at her, memorising her face. The soft arch of her eyebrows, the laughter lines at her eyes. The gentle slope of her tear-stained cheek. The deep lines across her brow.
‘We still need to talk,’ he said.
‘I can’t—not right now.’
He understood. This was the wrong time. She would probably want to wait until Seb was back with them both before she let him down gently.
Hopefully, she would still let him see Seb...
* * *
London at dusk was an ethereal place. The sky above was a strange watercolour mix of blue and pink. Purple undertones highlighted the clouds against the dark grey outlines of the buildings. Bright spots of Christmas lights shone out from various streets and windows, and the traffic on the myriad streets below made the place seem alive.
Jacob looked out across the skyline and unclenched his fists. Fear had caused all of this. Fear of losing a boy he’d only just come to love. Fear of losing something, someone so precious...
He was calmer now. More sensible now that he knew Seb was going to be okay.
Reaching into his jacket pocket, he pulled out his phone, scrolling through his contacts until he found the number he wanted. William Bilby. The UK’s top paediatrician.
It rang a few times, then was answered, the sound fuzzy.
‘Hello?’
‘Bill? It’s Jacob Dolan—’
‘No need to say anything, Jacob. I’m on my way in right now. I’m about five minutes from the hospital.’
He was on his way in? But who’d told him about Seb?
‘How did you know?’
‘Rick told me. He gave me a call. But I’ve had to drive in from Surrey and the roads are hell.’
Rick. The beds manager. The man he’d yelled at. Jacob closed his eyes in thanks, knowing he would make sure he apologised to the poor man when he got the chance.
‘Kids bounce back, Jacob. Much better than adults do.’
‘I hope so.’
He rang off, staring out to the horizon. He knew he ought to go back. Knew he shouldn’t have left Eva like that. Alone in that horrible empty room. But he’d had to get out. Had to get some fresh air. Be away from other people. The rooftop offered that solace he craved.
His phone bleeped to life.
How’s Seb?
His mother had texted. He could only imagine their panic and pain. Could see in his mind’s eye his mother’s frantic scurrying to get in the car and head from Netherfield Village to London. A place she didn’t really like. Today of all days. Leaving her home at Christmastime...
The cold fresh air had done its job, and the chill was now making him tremble and shiver.
And Bilby was coming in, too. He felt sure they could get all this sorted.
Seb had to be out of Recovery soon... Was he already back?
I ought to check. I ought to be there when they bring Seb back to us.
The fresh air had helped. The space. The crispness.
He headed back down.
* * *
As Seb was wheeled back into the room a new doctor arrived. Mr Bilby. Eva wasn’t sure, but she thought this was the man that Jacob had asked for when he’d rung the beds manager. Whoever he was, he had a kind face with a wide smile, and he did his best to put Eva at her ease.
‘I’ve read the report. The surgery was a great success. We’ve got Seb’s back here—don’t you worry.’
Good. He knew they were doing their best.
They all rushed over to Seb’s side when his bed wheels had been locked into position.
Jacob grabbed his son’s hand and kissed it, then turned around, nodding an acknowledgement of Mr Bilby. ‘Bill.’
‘Observations are good, Jacob. He should come round soon.’
‘Good.’
‘Temp’s normal. BP’s normal. We’ve just got to wait for the sedation to wear off.’
William Bilby slipped away and left them alone together. Silent beside their son’s bed.
Jacob stared into space, his face shockingly white against his dark hair, his once vibrant blue eyes pale and cold.
Eva stood numb beside him as they both stared at their son. Each of them praying in their own special way.
* * *
Early on Christmas Day Seb slowly woke up.
Eva woke instantly, as if by some sixth sense, and heard Jacob say his son’s name.
She leaped to her feet, blinking rapidly to get the sleep from her eyes so she could see for herself the marvellous result of her son coming back to her.
‘Seb? Sebastian? Oh, thank God! You’re back!’
Seb blinked slowly, his eyes unfocused, but he gently gripped his mother’s fingers and then closed his eyes again.
‘He’ll be tired. He might sleep more before he wakes again,’ Jacob observed.
Eva glanced at him. ‘I’m scared to think that this might end well. I’ve hoped that way before.’
‘His observations are good. His intercranial pressure is normal. We can hope, Eva.’
She stroked her son’s fringe back from his face. ‘You wanted to talk earlier?’
He looked up at her and met her gaze, his heart palpitating in his chest. Of course. He’d promised himself—promised them all—that he would face this. Her judgement of his actions.
It was the only way he could set himself free. If she chose to walk, then so be it. He wouldn’t blame her. But he had to know he would still have Seb! He couldn’t lose him.
I don’t want to lose her, either. I love her!
He swallowed and looked back at his sleeping son. He didn’t want them to break up in front of their son. He believed that Seb might hear them. He wanted this to be private. He wanted the opportunity to talk to her without any chance of interruptions.
‘I know where we can talk.’
Giving one final look of love at Seb, he led Eva outside and up onto the hospital roof.
CHAPTER NINE
EVA BEGAN TO SHIVER. And it wasn’t just from the cold. ‘What is it?’
‘It’s Michelle.’
Michelle. I knew it! He still carries a torch for her! He still loves her!
‘What about her?’
She needed to hear him say it. If he still loved this woman from his past, then fine. She would walk away. She would do the decent thing. Because if the past twenty-four hours had taught her anything, it was that the most important thing in her life was Seb.
‘It’s my fault she’s dead. I killed her, Eva.’
Eva looked at him, incredulous. ‘No, you didn’t!’
‘Of course I did. Didn’t you hear what I said? I didn’t treat her right. I got complacent, got stupid. I should have seen what was going on! But I didn’t. And because I didn’t, I yelled at her. As if it was her fault! I upset her so much she couldn’t see where she was going and she crashed.’
‘I heard you, Jacob. It was terrible, I grant you—tragic—but you weren’t to blame.’
He’d been expecting to hear her agree with him. To start blaming him, too. But she didn’t. The shock of hearing something else startled him.
‘I wasn’t?’
‘No! She chose to have an affair, Jacob. She could have told you how she was feeling—but, no, she cheated on you with your best friend! And, whilst we’re at it, he should have known better, to
o! No one forced her into her car that day. She was upset—she should never have driven. She has to take responsibility.’
‘I feel so guilty...’
‘Of course you do. You’re human. I’d feel guilty. But don’t forget everyone else on that day and how they must have felt.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘The driver of the heavy-goods vehicle. Do you think he felt guilty? Do you think the paramedics felt guilty because they couldn’t revive her? The doctors in the hospital? We both work in A&E—you know how we feel when we lose someone.’
Jacob stared at her hard, his eyes glassy with held-back tears. ‘I was so afraid of telling you... I thought I would lose you.’
Eva shivered slightly in the cold. ‘What? You thought I’d say it was over? You think you’re not worth staying for?’
‘I’ve caused so much pain, Eva.’
‘The only thing that will cause more will be if you tell me that you still love her!’
Jacob looked at her in shock. As if it was the last thing he’d be feeling. ‘I don’t love her.’ He looked confused by her statement. ‘I never loved her enough.’
What? What was he saying? Eva didn’t understand.
‘I don’t understand. Are you in love with her or not?’
‘No. I love you.’ He looked down at the pitched felt rooftop. ‘You deserved the truth from me. But if you want to walk away from me now you know it... I’ll understand.’
‘Walk away? Don’t you get it, Jacob? I need you! I never thought I’d be able to say that about anyone. Ever! Apart from Seb...but he’s part of me... I knew I loved you ages ago. But I felt I couldn’t tell you because I thought you still loved Michelle and that hurt! As I stood by Seb’s bed, watching the doctors work, watching them trying to fix him, I felt so alone! And I’m done with that feeling. I’m done! You and I... We’re... We could have something really special. I knew it all those years ago, when we first met. There was something special between us then.’
‘What are you saying, Eva?’
‘I’m saying I want to be with you. Together. As a family.’
‘But what happened to Michelle—’
A Father This Christmas? Page 16