by RyFT Brand
will see you around bug. Better practice your moved before I do.”
He hopped onto the back of the rocket, gripped the handle with one hand, and let out a loud, “Coo-coo,” and blasted off. I fired the cannon, but he’d broncoed himself full out of range and the time rift slammed closed.
Double frass.
I pulled the trigger anyway. The seventeen pound bowling ball shattered one of the tall light displays at the back of the stage. There, a Fredifice , pocket protector firmly in place, stood behind a pair of turntables with headphones slid over his lumpy head.
He let two fingers on one hand slide up, smiled, and gave me a little shrug. “Give peace a chance my man?” the question mark was in his eyes and his tone.
“Yeah, right.” I raised the toadsticker and fired. The lightning bolt arced out and connected. A plume of ash and magama spouted from the dweeb’s shoulders from where his head used to be. I grabbed a fondue pot off the bar, slid across the stage, and filled the pot with enough of the magma to prove to the forerunner that I’d hit his mark.
At least I’d get paid.
With a quick back and forth scratch of a record, I restarted the song. I broke into a series of mating dances until I saw a gap I wanted left open. Monstrous Megga-Slug, eater of planets, scourge of the universe, in its famous attack on Fafafalala. The Fafafalalaians had constructed the universe’s most advanced warship, designed solely for the purpose of destroying the mountain-sized, radioactive mollusk and saving the planet.
Though the time gap I saw the finely trained crew scrambling to the ship. It was little work for me and my arsenal to rend the crew dead. I grabbed the sexy eggplant by the hand and dragged her up the ship’s steps. “Come on baby, you owe me one more dance.”
“Sure thing PeeDee3,” she said, shooting me a tasty looking smile.
I grabbed the historically famous warship’s controls and blasted out of the time rift and headed off world, far off world. The overpowered, heavily armored battleship was also equipped with the galaxy’s most advanced time displacers, so it was a matter of seconds until we were through the time shield and had Fafafalala well to our rudder.
I broke out the ship’s med kit and started plugging my leaks. The dame flicked on the vid-screen, mindless twaddle. A news flash was on every station. It seemed that the Monstrous Mega-Sloth was again attacking Fafafalala, and the planet didn’t stand much of a chance. Apparently the last time the Sloth attacked someone had stolen the custom built battleship. It took centuries to rebuild after all the death and destruction, and reports had it that this attack, being that they lacked the mighty warship, would be even worse.
Stupid ass time jerks. You think they’d be more careful with their stuff.
-Next Time-
The Bug’s been hired by one of the wealthiest beings in the universe so it’s a good day to be an intergalactic, insectiod assassin…but then it’s never a good day to be PeeDee3. Seems his current client is also one of the universes’ most manipulative species and the whole family has their own agendas. Looks like the bug’s discounted the benefits of a brain once too often.
PeeDee3, Season One, Episode Six, The Pachydwerp in the Room.
I hope you’ve enjoyed this, the first PeeDee3 story.
If you’d like to learn more about the bug, or me and my other works, please visit:
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www.RiftsRants.com