“I sent her back there right before you and Sin left your table.”
I’ve been back at the bar for at least five minutes. Probably closer to ten.
I point at the sink. “Wash these glasses. Now.”
“Where are you going?”
To find my girl. “To get the bottle of Dimple.”
“If you see Lorna, will you ask her to help me wash these? She’ll do anything for you,” Kenny calls out.
I meet Maisie in the hallway on the way to the stockroom. “Thanks for doing this, Leith. I’ll make up the time by staying late another night.”
I go to the toilet. No Sin.
My office. No Sin.
Fuck.
Fuck.
FUUUCK!
I break into a run and then stop dead in my tracks when I reach the stockroom door. I wrap my hand around the knob and turn it but hesitate for just a second before opening it. I’ve never had a more sickening feeling in my gut.
I push the door open and Lorna’s eyes meet mine. But Sin’s don’t. Because he’s too busy fucking her against the wall.
Sin. Is. Fucking. Lorna.
My best friend is fucking my girl.
They’re having a one-on-one behind my back.
I thought that I was the only one she was seeing outside of the group. Because I believed that she loved me. Believed that we were going to be together. Believed that we were going to be Mr. and Mrs.
I was wrong. So. Fucking. Wrong.
Lorna never loved me.
She never chose me.
I step out of the storage room, closing the door behind me. I need a barrier between us. Right now. Something to block my view of what’s happening on the other side.
The pain in my chest is spreading. The agony isn’t contained only within my heart. The torment is being pushed throughout my body with every beat, making me ache all over.
I go to my office and close the door. It’s a barricade between us, but it isn’t enough. And that’s when I close the door on every hope and dream I had for my future with Lorna. And I close the door of my heart, locking it so that it never opens again.
I skip pouring the whisky into a glass and turn the bottle up, taking a long drink that requires several gulps to get all of it down. It burns my throat, but I welcome the sting. I know that it’s the only remedy for my suffering.
A knock at the door interrupts my fourth big gulp of whisky. “Go away. I’m busy.”
Lorna opens the door and stands in the doorway. My fucking mistake. I should have locked that motherfucker, but I didn’t think she’d have the nerve to come in here and face me.
“Leith…” She stops and shakes her head. “I didn’t—”
I interrupt her because I can’t bear to hear anything that she has to say about fucking Sin in the storage room. “You didn’t take the bottle of Dimple to Kenrick. He’s still waiting on it.”
She comes closer and stands in front of my desk. “Leith, don’t do that.”
“Don’t do what, Lorna? Act as though I didn’t just see the woman I…”
I look away from her face and stare at the bottle of Ballantine’s on my desk because I can’t bear to look into her eyes. “Your break is over. You need to get back to work.”
She stands in front of me, unmoving. Silent.
“Shut my door on your way out.”
“We have to talk about this.”
I hear the desperation in her voice, but it means nothing to me. “Actually, we don’t have to talk about it. Because there’s nothing to talk about.”
I’ve played the fool one too many times. But it won’t happen again. Ever.
Her hands go to her mouth, forming a cup to cover it, but it doesn’t stop the cry that escapes. “I’m so sorry.”
“Leave. Now.”
She walks to the door and turns, stopping in the doorway to look at me. As she stands there, I wonder what must be going through her mind. Is she laughing on the inside because she fooled me into believing that we could have a life together? Is she regretful that I figured out she was doing the same thing with Sin behind my back? Does she care that she has shattered my heart into a million pieces?
“I get it. You’re upset. I’ll give you some space for now, but we’re going to talk about this tonight after everyone leaves.”
“No. We. Aren’t. I don’t want you to EVER bring this up again. And if you do, I’ll fire you. Now get the fuck out of my office.”
When she’s gone and I’m alone behind a closed door, I beat the palm of my hand against my head because I can’t stop replaying the image of Sin and Lorna in my head. And I do something that I’ve not done since I was a child.
I fucking cry.
Tears need whisky, so I pick up the bottle of whisky and chug down as much as I can before I’m forced to take a breath. And that’s what I continue to do until I see the bottom of the empty bottle.
But it doesn’t make the ache go away.
And I’m afraid that it never will.
Chapter 1
Leith Duncan
Present Day
I’m twenty-eight, single, fucking celibate, and despised by the woman that I love. The woman that I’m obsessed with. The woman that I’ll never get out of my head. I know this because it’s been four years and I haven’t been able to forget her. Not even for one single second.
This is my life.
My miserable, depressing life.
I’m surrounded by all of my best friends at this birthday party, and I can’t help but compare where they are in life versus the hell that I’m living in.
Sinclair Breckenridge. He has it all. A happy marriage to a beautiful, not to mention badass, wife. Two healthy, rambunctious sons. A sweet-tempered, precious wee daughter. Three bairns already but I doubt that they’re done there. They’ll probably have another one on the way soon. Another heir to the Fellowship brotherhood.
Fuck. How perfect can one person’s life be?
Jamie Breckenridge. The dumb fucker deprived himself of the woman he loved for a long time because he thought he wasn’t the one for her. Bastard couldn’t have been more wrong. Now, he has a wife who is both beautiful and intelligent. They work as a team every day, side by side. She may not be a doctor, but she’s as talented and brilliant as Jamie is when it comes to medicine. I’d let her stitch me anytime.
Mitch Breckenridge. Newlywed. His wife was a treaty bride from The Order. She’s young but a real firecracker. He says that she wants to fuck all of the time, which is fine by him. I’m certain that means that they’ll be announcing a pregnancy any day now, especially since it’s his duty to bind their union with a child as quickly as possible.
Kieran and Westlyn Hendry. Fuck, what a rocky start those two had. He abducted her and she became his treaty bride. Now, they have a baby on the way and act as though they couldn’t be more in love.
And then there’s Lorna Frazier. Once my lover and one of my best mates. She’s the love of my life. It doesn’t matter how much time passes. Four years or one hundred and four, she will always be the only woman in my heart.
Sin and Bleu. Jamie and Ellison. Mitch and Shaw. Kieran and Westlyn. All of them had struggles in the beginning, but now they all are so fucking happy. Is it too much to hope that my struggle with Lorna will end and we will find the same happiness?
A great marriage. A loving family. A happy life. That’s what I was supposed to have with Lorna. Now, she can hardly bear being in the same room with me.
I lie in bed sometimes, actually a lot of times, and retrace the stages of our relationship. Oddly, I prefer to think of the days when we were children, long before the sex ever began. Our mothers were best friends, and I spent a large part of my childhood with Lorna. She felt like a little sister to me.
Until she didn’t.
A fist punches my upper arm about the same time that I hear Bleu’s voice. “You’re staring.”
Fuck, I’m caught. “What exactly is it that you think I’m staring at?”
“You know very well that I’m not referring to a what. It’s a whom.”
I suppose there’s no need in trying to deny it. At least not with Bleu. “You are too observant for your own good.”
“Probably.”
“I can’t help it. I only get to see her at Fellowship events.” And I’m trying to memorize everything about the way she looks tonight. She avoids me like the plague, and I have no idea when I’ll get to see her again.
“How long since you’ve spoken?”
“The night of Ellison’s inception.” And that conversation went nowhere quickly. Once again, she ran away and wouldn’t listen to me.
Bleu sucks air in through her teeth. “Wow. It’s been that long, huh?”
“Aye.”
“This battle between the two of you has gotten out of hand.”
It was beyond out of hand a long time ago. “I’ve tried to talk to her about it. You know that I have, but this thing between Lorna and me has gone so far off the rails that I’m not sure it can ever be steered back on to the right path again.”
“The last four years have been a series of you hurting her and her hurting you. You’ve each played your part but enough is enough.”
“I don’t how to fix it.” If I did, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.
“You have to talk to her.”
And say what that I’ve not already said? “Talking to her proves to be impossible when she won’t listen.”
“Make her listen.”
“I don’t know how to stop her from running away from me.” Aside from tying her down.
“Try having a normal discussion, one that doesn’t include the past. Every conversation with her doesn’t have to be about begging for forgiveness. Just keep it casual. Ask her what’s going on in her life. She has a new job and she’s excited about it. I bet that she’d love to tell you all about it.”
“I don’t know. I haven’t had a casual conversation with Lorna in a very long time.”
“Stop being a pussy, Leith.”
“Bleu Breckenridge… I can’t believe that you just said that to me.”
“Well, then you don’t know me near as well as you think.” She shakes her head. “I’m sick of watching her hurt. Same with you. If you two can’t get your shit together, then at least agree to stop this bullshit and move on with other people.”
“I’ll never move on with another woman, and I won’t be able to bear watching her be with someone else.” I would have to leave The Fellowship if that ever happened.
“Then get your ass over there and start making things right with her again.”
“I’ll try.”
“Trying isn’t acceptable. Do it. Now.”
“You’re right. I have to make this happen.” Or I’m going to be miserable for the rest of my life.
“Good luck.” Bleu holds up both hands. “Fingers crossed.”
Lorna is holding one of Sin’s twins on her hip. Her hand is clasped around his and she’s swaying back and forth, dancing with him while singing along with the song that the band is playing.
Seeing her sway to the music reminds me of the last time that she and I danced. We were so happy that evening. Neither of us had any idea that it was all going to go to shite the following night.
“You have wonderful taste in dance partners, Liam.”
Lorna stops dancing and looks at me. Hard to run away from me with a baby on your hip, aye?
A bit of slobber dangles on Liam’s bottom lip, threatening to fall on Lorna’s shoulder, and I reach out to wipe it away. “Liam, it’s not cool to drool on your dance partner. You’ve gotta step up your game, wee laddie.”
He bites his fist and drool runs down his wrist and arm. “He’s cutting a new tooth.”
“Is that why he’s drooling like crazy?”
“Yeah.”
I reach out and catch another dribble before it falls on Lorna. “I can’t believe the boys are turning one today. Seems like they were just born.”
“I can’t believe how quick they are. Blink for one second and it’s plenty of time for them to get into some kind of trouble.”
“Well, they are Sinclair Breckenridge’s children. Did you expect them to be wee angels?”
She laughs and I swear that it’s the most beautiful sound in the world. It’s a beautiful thing that I haven’t heard in a very long time. “I expect them to be hellions and they don’t disappoint.” She brings Liam’s tiny hand to her mouth and kisses his palm. “But they’re precious little hellions.”
She looks so natural holding a baby. “You’re really good with him, but then again you’ve always been good with wee ones.”
“It’s what I do now. I’m a full-time live-in nanny to three children.”
A nanny. That’s a difficult job to come by. It sure beats the hell out of topless dancing. “What ages?”
“Five, three, and a newborn. He’s eight weeks old.”
Lorna has always adored children. I bet she likes this job better than serving drinks.
“What family are you working for?”
“Rona and Wallace Meyrick.”
Fuck, I don’t even know how many times I’ve seen that married bastard get drunk and leave the pub with a woman who isn’t his wife. And Lorna has seen it plenty too.
Bleu approaches and reaches out to take Liam from Lorna. “I’m cutting in. Mummy wants to dance with her birthday boy.”
She winks and whisks away with Liam on her hip, leaving Lorna and me standing at the edge of the dance floor. And I know what I have to do.
It’s a risk, a huge risk, but I can’t let this moment slip through my fingers.
I hold out my hand, palm up. “May I have this dance, Miss Frazier?”
You already know that you can have anything you want where I’m concerned. That was her answer four years ago. Tonight, I’d just settle for not watching her walk away.
To my surprise, she takes my offered hand. No argument. No tension. No uneasiness.
This is a change.
With one hand clasped around hers, my other arm holds her body against mine. Not as closely as I’d like but I’ll take it.
Her fragrance invades my nose and it’s both heaven and hell. As much as I want to talk to her, I hold my tongue and savor the moment. I simply sway to the music’s rhythm while my arms hold the woman that I adore with all of my heart.
“You don’t know this song, do you?”
It’s playing on satellite radio every time I get in my vehicle, but I can’t identify it. “I’ve heard it a lot. But no, I don’t know who sings it.”
“I see that some things never change.” She smiles and rolls her eyes while shaking her head from side to side. “The song is ‘Perfect’ by Ed Sheeran. He recorded it as a duet with Beyoncé, and that’s the version they’re singing tonight.”
“I like it.”
She leans back and her head tilts. “You do?”
“Aye. Don’t you?”
“It’s one of my favorites.”
Lorna lowers her head, and without thinking, I lean closer. I press my nose to the crown of her head and inhale deeply. Her hair still smells the same too—vanilla, peaches, and cherry blossoms.
I close my eyes and imagine what our lives would be like if every horrible thing over the last four years had never happened: Lorna would be my wife. She would be a mother and I would be a father. I wonder how many bairns that we would have at this point. One? Two? Three? Would they be boys or girls?
She’d be mothering our own babies. Not Rona and Wallace Meyrick’s.
“Why would you go to work for Meyrick when you know what a dick he is?”
“Because I need a job.”
“You don’t have to work for that bastard. You know that you always have a job waiting for you at Duncan’s.”
She continues moving with me, saying nothing. Which is not a no.
“I haven’t had a decent head barmaid since you left. The place runs like shite
without you. I want you to come back.”
“I can’t come back.”
“I think that you can.”
She shakes her head. “I can’t, Leith.”
“Meyrick is going to try to fuck with you… if he hasn’t already tried something.”
Lorna stops moving. “Do you really think I’d still be there if he’d tried anything with me?”
“I don’t and I’m sorry. That was a stupid thing for me to say. It came out wrong.”
I already know that I have to be careful with Lorna. I can’t make blunders like that with her. But I also can’t hold my tongue when it comes to her safety.
“You’re living under that fucker’s roof. I don’t like it.”
“Your liking it isn’t a requirement.”
“I’m sorry. I know that I lost my right to have a say about anything in your life, but I’ll never stop trying to protect you.”
“Relax, Leith. Wallace Meyrick knows that Sin and Thane took responsibility for me when my parents died. For that reason alone, he wouldn’t dare step out of line with me.
And that could be the one circumstance that prevents Wallace Meyrick from going after Lorna.
“He’d better not try a damn thing. I will end him if he ever does anything to hurt you.”
“You may not think so, but I’m tough. I can take care of myself.”
“You’re a very strong woman, and I know that you can take care of yourself, but you shouldn’t have to.”
I should be taking care of you.
I should be your protector.
I should be your husband.
You should be living under our roof, sleeping in our bed, and caring for our children.
“I like my job. The kids are great.”
Her employment with them is temporary. Meyrick is a ticking time bomb. I remember the way that he used to look at Lorna when he’d come into the pub. There’s no way that he’s going to be able to resist putting his hands on her when she’s constantly within his reach.
“Promise me that I’ll be the first person you call if he so much as looks at you the wrong way.”
“Don’t ask me to do that.”
Despite the time that has passed and the life that Sin has with Bleu and their children, I still can’t bear the thought of Lorna turning to him for protection instead of me. “If you won’t reach out to me, will you at least promise to let Thane know what’s going on?”
Redemption: A Sin Series Standalone Novel (The Sin Trilogy Book 6) Page 3