by Vella Day
Aw. That was so sweet. Kalan’s brake lights lit up, and she took her foot off the accelerator. Damn. They’d arrived. “I had no idea you felt anything. When I asked you a simple question and you ran, I thought you didn’t like me.”
“Quite the opposite. You were so out of my league that I kind of freaked. My intense and sudden feelings scared me.”
She swallowed a smile. “I’m glad you told me. Bottom line is that we need to get to know each other and see how we feel before we even consider mating. First comes the physical, or rather, the intense animal attraction, and then the caring and eventually the loving. Are you willing to give it a try?”
“I’m willing.” He huffed out a laugh. “I gotta tell you, Jillian, I didn’t think my head could be any more twisted, but you’ve managed it.”
At least he didn’t sound upset. “Life can be a wild ride sometimes.”
“You got that right.”
She stopped, cut the engine, and twisted toward him, every nerve electrifying her senses. Before she could ask him anything else, Brian grabbed the door handle, pushed it open, and jumped out. A second later, her door opened. “Ready?”
“I hope so.”
“Then let’s see if it is possible for me to shift.” He held out his hand, and she placed hers in his, loving his calloused palms and strong fingers.
Kalan was waiting for them at his car. “Don’t be surprised when James seems to read your mind,” he said. “I sure as hell have never figured him out. If he doesn’t answer your question directly, don’t push back. Remember, he’s doing us a favor by seeing us.”
“I appreciate the warning. Whatever pearls of wisdom James offers will be welcome,” she said.
Kalan knocked, and the mystery man answered seconds later. He looked exactly as Kalan had described—about six feet tall with close cropped white hair and a handsome face. Immortality had served him well.
“Come in.”
Chapter Eleven
‡
The three of them entered James’s rustic home, and the pleasing scent of fire mixed with some kind of incense flavored the air. The living room looked ancient with its handmade furniture, stone walls, and dim lights, but the fire made it super cozy—and warm. James motioned for them to sit on the benches that flanked the fireplace, while he took the chair facing the blaze.
Kalan introduced them, though Jillian suspected he’d already given James a briefing on who they were and their situation.
“Brian, Kalan tells me that you want to learn how to shift.” Yep! She had guessed right.
“Yes. I figure if I’m a shifter, I should try.”
James smiled. “I would want to try too, if I had the ability.”
“Can I ask you something then?”
“That’s why you came, right?”
James would make a great attorney.
“It was. My first question is whether there will be any side effects if I do shift? I am thirty-eight, and my body isn’t used to being taken apart and put back together again in the blink of an eye.”
Jillian had never considered shifting as being rough, but then she’d learned by the age of two.
“I don’t have experience on that topic, but one thing I believe to be true is that shifting should help stabilize your hormones since shifter hormones are more powerful than human ones. I know you’ve suffered your whole life with bipolar disorder.”
His leg bounced up and down. “How do you know?”
Jillian wondered the same thing. She glanced at Kalan to see if he thought James was making that up in order to encourage Brian to try shifting, but all she could detect was a glint in his eye. Perhaps Kalan was thrilled his mate’s brother might have some of his demons vanquished.
James smiled. “Any other questions for me?”
Why hadn’t James answered Brian’s first question? Was if because he didn’t want to divulge where he received his information? Or did he like to be mysterious?
Brian grabbed Jillian’s hand, and her heart nearly burst with joy at this sign of affection—if that’s what it was. Possibly, he was overwhelmed again and needed some support. That worked too.
“Yes. How do I shift? Besides thinking about being a bear shifter.” He looked over at her. “After Jillian told me that I was more than a mere human, I closed my eyes and tried to imagine being an animal, but nothing happened.”
“Hmm. Well, I’d try again on the white moon. When a shifter bites his human mate, her first shift can only happen then. I’m not sure if it applies to you, as you are already a shifter. Mind you, it’s possible given your advanced age, you won’t be able to shift, so don’t get your hopes up too high.”
“What?” Jillian blurted before Brian could respond. “Why? If his animal is inside him, there has to be something to coax it out.” Please say that a lot of good loving might give his animal a boost.
Now that she’d spent time getting to know Brian, her animal was demanding some satisfaction—when she wasn’t telling her to be cautious, that is. Fickle beast. James could help her cause with a few choice words.
Sure, Brian was challenging, but deep inside, he was a sweet man, waiting for love. To accept that love however would take trust—something that had been in short supply in his life. Thankfully, Elana had been there for him when he’d reached out.
James held up a hand. “It’s like learning a second language. The younger a child is, the quicker he picks it up. If the child is exposed to another language at a later age, it’s more difficult, but still possible with hard work and perseverance.”
Brian sat up straighter. “I’m willing to try. If I can’t, then I won’t be any worse off than before.”
James smiled. “I like your attitude.” He turned to Kalan. “If you’ll excuse us, I’d like to discuss the concept of mating with these two.”
Was he kidding? Thank goodness she’d brought up the topic in the car. Otherwise, Brian might have freaked.
Kalan couldn’t jump up fast enough. “Call if you need me for anything,” he told them. With that he left.
Sex education wasn’t something she enjoyed, but there were some holes in her knowledge, especially regarding her blue glow and the best location to bite her future mate.
“Let’s begin with your blue glow, Jillian.”
*
Even a few days after the meeting with James, Brian was still processing what the immortal had told him about shifters and mating. The most disappointing part was that until he shifted, he wouldn’t be able to mate with Jillian. It wasn’t like what happened with his sister and Kalan. James said Brian was not considered merely a human anymore. In the eyes of the goddesses, he was a shifter. Just as Jillian had explained, for two shifters to mate, they each had to bite each other. Well, he had teeth, but unfortunately they weren’t sharp enough and would hurt her. Depression nipped at him. Until he shifted, no mating could occur, which was why he was on his way to try his first shift.
As Brian focused on the road, he thought about something more pleasant to help push his negative thoughts away. The night after their meeting with James, Jillian had stopped by his apartment bearing pizza and drinks. Once they ate and chatted a bit, they huddled next to each other and watched an Avengers’ movie that she was able to stream on her iPad. It made him realize how much he’d missed out on in life. If only his therapist could see him now, he’d have been proud.
Brian wasn’t as bitter as he thought he’d be about having been kept in the dark all these years about his true identity. Jillian kept talking about living in the moment, and that was what he planned to do.
The following night she stopped by again, but this time it was just to say hi, since she had promised Dalton she’d cook for him. Thankfully, she didn’t drop any more bombshells on him or pressure him into trying to shift. She seemed to understand what he was going through and that meant the world to him.
Then, last night, she came over and dragged him out to the Lake Steakhouse, which was a real treat. The food
was amazing and the company exceptional. The more time he spent with Jillian, the easier it was to relax and just be himself with her. She listened to his stories about growing up but never judged him like so many had.
“Are you nervous?” Jillian asked, jerking him back to the present.
The white moon was full, the sky was clear, and the night unusually cold.
“Yes and no. What you said to me at dinner last night really resonated with me.”
“What was that?”
“I can see now how much I missed out on when I was growing up. Not only did I live in an institution for much of it, I didn’t live up to my potential.”
“You can’t blame yourself. You didn’t know you were a shifter,” she said.
“True. My whole life, I had this feeling that something was missing. I think if I can learn to shift, I’d have a chance at being whole.”
Jillian reached over and rubbed his arm. “You can do it. I know you can.”
He hoped so. Regardless of what happened tonight, it was time to move on and take responsibility for who he’d become. No longer would he allow his deceased parents’ previous actions to control his thinking.
Even though he was nervous about attempting this mind-blowing and physically challenging feat of changing from a human into a wild animal, he was excited. If he succeeded, his whole life would change. If he failed…
Don’t go there. Just concentrate.
He planned to, which was why he’d refrained from taking any anxiety medication. Not having that crutch however, added to his unease.
While this white moon was full and high, Jillian’s expectations seemed to be even higher. No one liked to fail, and Brian trying to do this in front of the woman he cared for—or rather the woman who’d already wormed her way into his heart—would most likely cause a lot of damage to his male psyche if he didn’t succeed.
“Pull up here,” Jillian said, pointing to a dirt patch on the side of the road. They were in the same neighborhood where Elana and Kalan lived and then had driven another mile past Elana’s house down a dirt road.
“I’m surprised your brother doesn’t rent a house around here if most shifters live in this area.”
“I asked him that,” she said. “He said he didn’t want anyone to know he was a tiger.”
“What difference should that make? The few shifters I’ve met seem eager to share their stories about who they are and what they are capable of. Like you. Besides, didn’t you say a shifter can detect another shifter?”
“Yes, but not what kind—other than that one woman you met.”
“Ainsley. I forgot that Elana mentioned that.”
“Dalton’s different from everyone around here and that bothers him. It’s why he’s kept to himself.”
“You aren’t.”
She smiled and dragged a hand down his arm. “Thank you, but that’s not quite true. In Los Angeles, I’ve always buried my shifter persona. Only one person in California even knows what I am.”
Brian twisted toward her, telling himself he wasn’t procrastinating, that the moon would be full for another few hours. “Didn’t it bother you to have to ignore who you were?” The light from the moon shone on her face, enough to see her slightly lowered chin and pinched brows. He wanted her to open up to him as much as he had to her.
“At times, but I try not to think about it. I will admit that when I shifted for you, something inside me kind of opened up. All the memories of Dalton and me running around as kids and chasing each other came rushing back. It was an idyllic time.” She sat up straighter. “Then dad died and things changed. I grew up, went to school, and put all of that behind me.”
“So you miss shifting?”
“Yes, but Los Angeles isn’t conducive to running around in my tiger form.”
All the more reason for her to stay here. Brian feared the day Jillian returned home. He wished there was something he could say or do that would make her want to remain in Silver Lake, regardless of him. “Then why live there?”
“The job’s great, and I have my friends—not to mention the weather is a lot warmer.” She twisted around and grabbed some clothes off the back seat. “Enough about me. Let’s do this,” she said, her voice sounding far off.
“You sure you won’t get cold being naked?” After she shifted, she would return to her unclothed human form, surrounded by patches of snow.
“Hell, yeah I will. It’s freezing out. It’s why I suggested we wear our crappy clothes until we shift. We’ll stay warmer longer. If I remember correctly, being in my animal form keeps me warm for a while after I shift back. At least we’ll have our winter clothes to put on afterwards. Come on.”
“Maybe we should wait until the weather turns warmer.”
She lowered her pile of clothes. “Brian Stanley, we are not waiting one more month.”
She was one determined woman. “Okay.” They both slipped out of his truck. “Where do you want to do this?” he asked, inhaling the cold that made his nose twitch.
“Dalton and I came here yesterday on his day off and scoped out the place. We figured it would be better to have an open field to run around in since our human bodies aren’t as sure footed as our animal counterparts.”
He stuffed both sets of clothes in his small backpack. “Lead the way.”
Jillian took him through a forest that opened onto Silver Lake. The bright moonbeams bounced off the flat surface and created a magical scene.
She stopped and grabbed his hand. “It’s really beautiful here isn’t it?”
“Not half as beautiful as you.” How that had slipped out he didn’t know since Brian normally wasn’t that bold.
You’ve changed since meeting her that little voice in his head said.
She spun around and then lifted her arms around his neck. “Why Brian, I think you’re becoming romantic.”
He grinned. “It’s easy when I’m around you.”
Kiss her that pesky voice urged. You want to.
When Jillian looked up at him, he shoved his past aside. This was where he wanted to be—needed to be—with her. As if an invisible magical hand pushed down on the back of his head, their lips finally met. Despite the winter air, warmth spread throughout him, and his body swam with endorphins. That, or the blood had rushed straight to his cock and left him breathless.
Jillian tightened her hold around his neck and when she drew him closer, he deepened the kiss and savored her taste. Inhaling her sweet scent, his body seemed to change from the inside out. He let his hands roam up and down her soft, yet firm body. Man, did she fit perfectly in his arms or what?
Brian wanted to drag her back to his truck and explore her thoroughly, but she deserved more. They deserved more. Before he lost control, he broke off the kiss.
A smile lifted his lips as pure passion continued to envelope him. “That was nice,” he said.
“It was more than nice,” Jillian said.
He cleared his throat. Her touch and taste had pushed away his nerves. “You ready to show me how it’s done?”
“Absolutely. The field is a little beyond those rocks and then behind a small copse of trees.”
Probably because it was cold, Jillian jogged and Brian loped right beside her. The stars winked brightly in the sky as the clouds gave the moon a wide birth. His body warmed as he inhaled the fresh scent of pine and the loose loam on their path.
Jillian had told him to clear his head of all bad thoughts, and to his surprise, he was able to picture bright colors instead of the dull browns of depression.
She eased to a stop at the edge of the forest. “Let’s leave our change of clothes here.” He slipped off the backpack and set it next to a large pine tree. “You know what to do?” she asked as she peeled off her jacket and set it on top of the pack.
“Yes, think furry thoughts.”
He removed his coat and tried not to worry about the cold. Because Jillian was rubbing her hands up and down her body, all he could think of was holding her
tight and warming her up, but if he started, who knew whether he’d be able to stop.
She laughed. “Yes, but it’s more than furry thoughts. Your bear is inside of you, so all you have to do is give him permission to let loose. Think free. Think wild. Think powerful.”
If he ever met this Naliana woman, he’d give her a big hug for bringing Jillian into his life. “I’m ready.” I think. When the familiar tingling in his gut began, signifying his anxiety was building, he growled to keep it at bay.
“That’s it. Stay fierce. I won’t shift until you do, okay?”
He gave a thumbs-up sign, “Gotcha.” He studied the terrain, needing to be sure he didn’t trip and fall. Despite not participating in any team sports, he was unusually strong and rather coordinated. Only now did he understand why. I can do this.
“Catch me if you can,” Jillian said with a laugh.
A split second later she was out in front.
Move. Wanting to catch her, Brian’s chase mechanism clicked in. For a moment, his only thought was to grab her and kiss her again. Then he remembered why he was there. He was a bear—an animal who needed to be freed.
Focus on being one with the earth.
As his feet pounded the ground, his heart rate increased. Think bear. He curled his fingers like his inner beast would and hunched over a little, hoping to coax him out. A second later, his foot tripped on a root and he stutter-stepped but managed to stay upright. With her back to him, she hopefully hadn’t noticed the change in his gate.
He’d run a good half-mile yet nothing had happened. Hadn’t James and Jillian said he should shift within seconds? She looked back over her shoulder as if to check on his progress, but when he looked down, his hands were all human.
Brian had to be realistic. He wasn’t going to shift, so he slowed and then stopped, angry that he’d failed. It was the story of his life.
Stop it. As Jillian would say, Pity has no role in anyone’s life.
Be a man, that voice chided. He huffed out a throaty growl and planted his hands on his thighs. It was about time he listened to that little voice.