The phone turned itself off, and Madison pushed the button to read the words again. “But this is different. It seems more romantic.”
If her sister hadn’t ever heard of the Song of Solomon, Lindsey wasn’t about to educate her. At least not today. She still remembered the day she’d accidentally found it. She couldn’t believe that was in the Bible.
Hmm. Maybe she should read it again. Lindsey glanced at the little devotional. Would this book take her there? A woman beloved of God. It was possible.
But first, a pedicure with Madison. A way for a teen to feel beloved by her sister.
Chapter 12
Nick sat in his church office with nothing to do. Well, that wasn’t entirely correct, but plans for the Valentine’s banquet didn’t require any immediate attention.
All the tickets had been sold. Every last one of them, filling the missions trip coffers in time to buy everyone’s plane tickets.
The guitarists in the youth worship band had been practicing and sounded great. The decorations committee had come up with a plan and bought all their supplies.
Jared had the drama production under control, or so he said. Nick didn’t even know what the play was about other than what was listed on the posters. He’d caught Pastor Davis coming out of the practice space half an hour ago. The senior pastor had chuckled and said Jared’s group was going to bring the house down. Told him not to worry about it.
Just the fact everyone told him not to worry about it made him suspicious, but that was ridiculous. Why would Jared be trying to pull a fast one? Nick wasn’t that important, and what was there to tell? Nothing.
Nothing to tell. Time seemed to have stalled from Saturday morning to Tuesday afternoon. He’d sent a gift book yesterday, and of course hadn’t heard anything about it.
Had he been dumb to do the secret admirer thing? Was it too juvenile? How long would he keep it up if she didn’t respond? He’d told Jared he’d waited ten years, what was a little longer, but it seemed longer. Harder.
Those Friday evening kisses. Man, he’d been crazy. Crazy for her. He hadn’t imagined her response. She’d been kissing him, too.
Nick rested his forehead against the heel of his hand. “Father God? It’s me again. Talking about Lindsey again. I hope You know what You’re doing here, Lord. It’s not looking really good right now. Why couldn’t You have gotten her out of my head sometime in the past decade if this was not to be? Why wait until now to crush me?”
As if God didn’t have anything more important in the universe to micromanage. Hadn’t God promised to give him his heart’s desire if he was truly yielded to God? But he was. He had been. Over and over he’d laid this at Jesus’ feet.
Had he ever read Psalm 37:4 from The Voice? He grabbed the worn paperback from his shelf and thumbed it open.
Take great joy in the Eternal! His gifts are coming, and they are all your heart desires!
All his heart desired. What was that? Was it to make Lindsey his wife? Yes, but it was more. It was to accept whatever gifts God gave him. He simply needed to take deep joy in God.
“Lord, thank You for the reminder that my joy isn’t found in any earthly circumstance, but through You. Your love. Your gift. It’s all I need.”
Did that mean he should stop sending gifts to Lindsey? He thought about it for a long moment. If his gifts brought her joy and helped her find her rest in the Lord — like he hoped the devotional book would do — there was no reason not to continue, at least for now.
A knock sounded on his office door amid the growing tumult in the corridor outside. Jared must’ve released the drama team.
“Yes? Come on in.”
Madison stuck her head around the corner. “Pastor Nick, could I get you to give me a ride home? My dad has the car at work, so Lindsey can’t pick me up. And I might’ve gotten a ride with Parker, but he was sick and didn’t come today.”
“Of course.” The requests happened so rarely from any of the teens that he didn’t hesitate. “Are you ready now or do you need a few minutes?”
“Five would be perfect.” She beamed at him. “Lindsey gets off work pretty soon.”
Uh, yeah. Nick knew her schedule.
“It’s only a couple of blocks further to swing by the restaurant. Would you mind?”
He held her gaze steady. “It’s not would I mind. Will Lindsey?”
The teen shrugged. “It’s like twenty below out there, and it takes her half an hour to walk home. She should be thankful.”
“Ask her if she’d like a ride.”
Madison pulled out her phone and tapped out a message. She angled her head and looked at Nick. “Are you Lindsey’s secret admirer?”
He met her gaze. “She hasn’t figured out who it is yet?”
“Answer my question, please.”
This was too much power to put in a teenager’s hands. Especially an impulsive one like Madison.
Her phone beeped, and she glanced at it. “Lindsey says thanks.”
Nick’s heart sped up. “Okay, great.”
“When are you going to tell Lindsey you’re the secret admirer?”
“What makes you so sure it’s me?”
She gave him a duh look. “You’re a pastor, so I assume you’re an honest person. And you haven’t ever flat-out denied it. You’ve had plenty of chances to. So, it doesn’t take any mastermind to figure out it’s you.”
He threw both hands in the air. “Fine. It’s me. But don’t you dare be the one to confirm that to her. I have ways of getting even.” Okay, that sounded juvenile even to him. He managed a smile. “Please let me do this my way.”
Madison studied him. “How much longer?”
A little velvet box already dug into his thigh. Speaking of crazy, he must’ve been nuts to spend the money when there was no reason to believe she’d relent. But, after talking to Jared, he’d done it.
“Not much longer, Madison. A week or two is all. I promise.” He stood and reached for his jacket. “Ready?”
Her eyebrows waggled. “So ready.”
~*~
Lindsey slid into the comforting warmth of Nick’s car. “Thanks for thinking of me.” She didn’t have to make eye contact, did she?
“No problem. We were practically going right past anyway, right, Pastor Nick?”
“It’s true. Besides, Lindsey… I’m always thinking of you.”
Madison snickered from the back seat.
Five minutes in a heated vehicle. Thirty minutes with an icy wind. It was all she could do not to pull the door handle, but he’d already put the car in gear and turned north onto River Way.
Besides, the reverse was true, too. She was always thinking of him. Why didn’t he give up on her? It would be so much easier when he did. Her heart panged. Okay, maybe not easier. But then she could move on. That’s what she wanted, right?
The Eternal your God… will joyfully celebrate over you.
And she’d taken a peek at Song of Solomon, too. Whoa, that had brought up pictures of Nick in a way that made the heat rise in her face. Best not to be thinking of that while she sat in his car.
She couldn’t think of a thing to say during the drive. He pulled up in front of the house and Madison bounced out of the backseat. “Thanks, Pastor Nick!” Then she ran up the front walk, unlocked the door, and slipped inside. An instant later the living room lights came on.
What was Lindsey doing, still sitting in the car? She should’ve been faster to escape than her sister. “Thanks for the ride.”
His fingers fanned gently against her cheek. “You’re welcome,” he whispered. “I’d do anything for you. You just need to be willing to accept it.”
She clenched her jaw, refusing to turn and look at him. “Why?”
“Because I love you.”
The words hung in the air. “I don’t get it.”
“You’re beautiful and sweet and compassionate. You set aside your own dreams to watch out for your sister.”
She brushed her hand t
o the side. “That’s nothing. Anyone would do it.”
“Not everyone, Lindsey. But the point stands. Other people have made sacrifices for family members, and it hasn’t made me feel this way about them.”
Oh, no. She shouldn’t have pushed it.
“Lindsey, you’re a unique woman, someone God created and has a very special plan for.” He hesitated a moment. “You are someone I’m very attracted to. Someone God is passionate enough about to sing love songs to.”
He was referring to that verse scrawled in the devotional. Nick was her secret admirer. Of course he was. How could she ever have wondered anything else? Lindsey swallowed the hard lump in her throat.
“Thanks, Nick.” She pushed open the car door, and half the Arctic swept in.
His fingers brushed her face once more, causing a tingle that completely counteracted the outside air. “I’m praying for you, sweet Lindsey.”
She wanted to lean into his touch. More than that, she wanted to fling herself across the console between the bucket seats and kiss him. But she couldn’t do that. Once they went back… there… there was no undoing it. And she needed to be sure.
“Good night, Nick.” She climbed out of the car and shut the door.
The car didn’t pull away until she’d closed the house door behind her. She heard the engine rev slightly then fade as he drove away.
“And here I thought you’d invite him in.” Madison’s hands plunked to her hips.
Lindsey shook her head. “Stop interfering.” But she couldn’t bring any heat to her words. “It’s been a long day. I’m going to read for a while then shut off my light. Good night, Madison.”
No need to tell her sister exactly what she’d be reading.
Chapter 13
For three days, Nick texted Lindsey at nine-thirty in the evening and offered her a ride home. For three days, she responded with thank you. For three days, he’d dropped her off at her house after a few minutes of rather quiet riding.
Friday was youth group again, and the teens had their second to last practice for the Valentine’s banquet program. Nick tried the door to the drama room and found it locked. He stared at the unyielding handle in his hand. He was the youth pastor. Shouldn’t he be part of what Jared and the teens planned? Small comfort that Pastor Davis had approved it.
Tonight, something was different. He stopped the car in front of the house, and Lindsey turned to him. “Would you like to come in? I made some cupcakes this morning before going to work.”
No second invitation required. Nick turned off the ignition and followed her and Madison to the door. Madison unlocked the door and preceded them in, flipping on lights and pulling the living room blinds before turning up the thermostat. Whoever had been the last to leave the house earlier in the day had turned that thing way below twenty-one Celsius. It didn’t feel much warmer in here than outside, but at least there was no wind. He hung up his coat with reluctance and followed Lindsey into the kitchen.
She stopped abruptly, and he nearly ran her over. Her hands came to her hips. “Well, he did leave some,” she muttered.
Nick peered over her shoulder at an open container with two cupcakes in it… and a lot of crumbs.
“I don’t know why I even bother.” She sounded near tears.
“Oh, man. Did Dad take them all?” Madison shook her head. “Let’s have hot cocoa, and Pastor Nick can eat what’s left.” She peered into the fridge. “Yep, there’s milk.”
Lindsey stayed where she was for a long moment, so close in front of Nick that he could have wrapped his arms all the way around her without shifting. As it was, her body heat warmed his chest. But he didn’t want to move too quickly. Not after the week they’d had.
Lindsey reached for the jug of milk Madison proffered. “Good idea.” She got out a pan, poured in some milk then added cocoa, sugar, and salt.
She’d done this before.
Madison ran off down the hallway, her socks swishing as she slid on the vinyl floor.
“How was work tonight?” Nick leaned against the counter a meter away from the stove. Safely out of reach.
Lindsey, whisking the pot’s contents, glanced at him. “All right, I guess. The restaurant was pretty busy, but we kept up.”
“That’s good.” Why had she invited him in this time?
“Nick, I’m sorry about the—” She waved her free hand to indicate the near-empty container.
“I don’t keep coming by because there might be cupcakes,” he said softly, keeping his arms folded across his chest. “I come because there is something else here that is sweet.”
Her cheeks flushed as she whisked. “I wasn’t fishing for a compliment. I just wanted you to know I wouldn’t have invited you in if I’d known.”
“Then I’m glad you didn’t know.”
Lindsey turned the element down and shot a glance toward his mid-section. “Why do you keep doing that?”
“What?”
“You fluster me with the things you say.”
At least she noticed. “Flustering you isn’t my goal. Not in any way.”
“Then… what is?”
“Making sure you know you are treasured. Valued.” He wanted to say, “loved,” but thought better of it. The time was coming. Soon, he prayed. But not this minute.
“But why? What did I do to deserve this?”
Nick opened his mouth and shut it again. Her question was deeper. It wasn’t about him, whether she realized it or not. “Love isn’t something we deserve. Any of us. But God gave us an example. He loved us when we didn’t deserve it at all. When we were mean to Him and hurled our filth in His face. Still He gave us His greatest treasure, His only Son, because He loved us that much.”
Lindsey brushed against him as she stretched for mugs on a shelf. He lifted them down for her.
“We can’t do anything to pay God back for His salvation, to even the scale. We can only accept His gift with gratitude and bask in the warmth of His love.”
“I guess that’s why you’re a pastor.” She ladled steaming cocoa into the mugs then handed one to him.
He held her hand around the warmth of the mug. “I guess it is. God has done so much for me. I just have to share it. Help other people — the teens — turn their thoughts to God’s gift. Love is the greatest thing, Lindsey. God loves us with a passion we can only begin to imagine.”
Dare he mention the reference he’d scrawled into the devotional? It fit so well, this very minute. Nick lifted his free hand to her face, sweeping back the blond hair that obscured his view. “Imagine God as a guy with a guitar, sitting on the bank of the Sandon River in a meadow strewn with wildflowers, singing love songs to you. Love songs He wrote with you in mind.”
She looked up at him with wonder in her eyes. “But God loves everyone. Why should I think of myself as special that way?”
“Because you are.” His fingers cupped her cheek. “It’s a bit tricky taking on an allegory like that, because it always breaks down. The apostle Paul told men to love their wives as Christ loved the church. He also said to be the husband of just one wife. To give himself for her. Everything on the line.”
Her lips were so close to his, it was all he could do not to duck his head a little and close that gap. But it wasn’t the time. He’d rushed her last week. He wouldn’t let it happen again.
~*~
Lindsey pushed the cocoa mug into his hand and took a step back. How could a man talk about God’s love like that and still make her feel singled out? Special? Not just as a Christian, but as a woman?
“Cocoa ready?” yelled Madison.
“Yes,” Lindsey called back. Her voice sounded unsteady.
“Ready or not, here I come.”
Nick chuckled. “She’s something else, isn’t she?”
Lindsey snuck a peek at his face as he took a sip of the cocoa. “Is it okay? Sweet enough? Hot enough?”
He grabbed her gaze and held it with all the power of an industrial-strength magnet. “It’s p
erfect.”
“I’ll take this to my room.” Madison lifted one of the remaining mugs. “I’m texting with Erica.”
“Didn’t you just spend all day with her?” teased Nick.
“Yeah, but she’s my best friend. We always have stuff to talk about.” She disappeared down the hallway, walking rather than sliding for once.
Probably eavesdropping and telling Erica all about it.
“Another facet of love,” Nick said softly. “Wanting to spend time together.”
She knew about that. Since the moonlit snowshoe the week before, she’d wanted nothing more than to be with Nick. But he scared her. Or maybe it was that she scared herself.
How could she trust love? God’s love, or her own? Look at her mom, who’d been married three times and never been happy. Was Lindsey doomed to the same fate?
She wasn’t going to let her mother dictate her view of love anymore. Nor Greg.
~*~
Lindsey sat on the edge of her bed and picked up the little devotional book.
Not Nick, either. For some reason she’d crammed everything she thought she knew about love in a tiny box. Then into the corners around it, she’d poured her own history and understanding of God’s love.
Maybe it was time to reverse that. No, even more radical. Completely throw away the box. Let God’s love be big. Be invasive. Let it soak into the fabric of her soul.
Just the thought felt like trickles of refreshing water into the dry cracks of her life. She’d been so busy holding things together, trying to cushion Madison from Greg, trying to be a nice, stable person, she’d forgotten the joy she’d once had in the Lord.
Lindsey turned to a random page in the little book and found a quote of Isaiah 61:10. I am filled with joy and my soul vibrates with exuberant hope, because of the Eternal my God, for he has dressed me with the garment of salvation, wrapped me with the robe of righteousness. It’s as though I’m dressed for my wedding day in the very vest: a bridegroom’s garland and a bride’s jewels.
Secretly Yours: A Christian Valentine's Day Romance (Riverbend Romance Novella Book 1) Page 6