by Kate L. Mary
“What did you say?” he asked, narrowing his eyes on me.
He took a step closer, forcing me back. It was only a small step, but it was a small step in the opposite direction. Our village was the other way, through this mountain of a man, and I had to get Ronan out of here soon or he could die.
“Please,” I managed to huff out. “I just need to get him home.”
“And I need someone to take my aggression out on,” the man said, his gaze moving to the girl at my side. “This one will do.”
He made a move in Isa’s direction and she slunk back until she was behind me, preventing me from making an escape. I was trapped between two children, Ronan in my arms, injured and out cold, Isa behind me, cowering in fear. Even worse was the fact that I was no match for this man, not on my own, and not with two other people to worry about. There was nothing I could do.
“Isa,” I said, “Can you take Ronan? Can you get him home?”
“W-what?” The girl’s voice trembled its way out of her.
“You can take your aggression out on me.” I turned and tried to hand Ronan off to Isa. “You have to get him home. Drag him if you need to, but do it. Mira should be at the village by now. They will meet you with a wagon, which means you only have to get Ronan that far. Not the whole way back. You can do it. Understand?”
Isa tried to take the boy from my arms, but she was thin and undernourished despite her height, and she lacked the strength to lift him. When he slipped from her grasp, I knew it was no use. She would never be able to get him home on her own.
I turned to face the man. “Do what you must, but be fast about it.”
The man grabbed my arm, his fingers digging in and surely leaving bruises behind, and let out a loud bellow of a laugh. “Outliers are always in such a hurry.”
“Let her go, Thorin.”
My arm was still in the man’s grasp when we both turned toward the voice. He materialized from the crowd, a broad frame that stood out even among other men. It was the guard from Saffron’s house.
“What’s it to you?” Thorin asked, tightening his grip on my arm until a whimper was forced out of me. “You have something going on with this Outlier, Asa?”
“No, but I’m not going to stand by and let you bully three kids,” Asa replied.
I may have been small, but I was far from a kid. Not that I was in any position to argue the point. Not when Isa was sobbing behind me and Ronan was lying on the ground at my feet.
Asa grabbed Thorin’s hand and physically pried my arm from his grasp. I stumbled back when I was free, pausing for only a beat to rub my sore forearm before dropping down at Ronan’s side. He was still out, which made lifting him back into my arms twice as difficult, especially with my forearm throbbing the way it was. I would have a bruise for sure, but it was a small worry compared to what Ronan faced.
“Why do you care what happens to Outliers?” Thorin growled behind me.
“Because I’m not an animal, and neither are they.” Asa turned his back on Thorin, putting his large frame between the Fortis man and us. “Let me help.”
I tried to resist when he reached out to take Ronan from my arms, but just like with Thorin, it was impossible. This man was too strong, too big, too imposing to resist. In a beat he had the boy in his arms and had started walking, right by Thorin.
I grabbed Isa’s hand and pulled her after Asa. All around us the men and women in the Fortis village had stopped to watch, but no one bothered to interfere. I was unsure why or whose side they were on, I just knew that this man, the very man who had held Ronan down only a short time ago, was helping us, and as much as I refused to be grateful, I was relieved.
I remained silent until the village was behind us and we had reached the point where the Lygan Cliffs began. “Stop. You helped, now let me have him back.”
Asa continued walking. “I have him.”
“Just like you had him when they cut his hand off?” I snapped, once again unable to rein in my emotions.
The Fortis man stopped walking and I did as well. Behind me Isa whimpered. Asa turned to face me, and when my gaze met his, I expected rage, hate even, but I was unprepared for what I saw swimming in his eyes. Pain. Grief. Regret.
“You know I had no choice,” he said softly.
We stood face to face, him towering over me with Ronan in his arms and me a small Outlier who was totally at his mercy. I thought about all the times over the last few weeks when I had caught this man watching me. None of it made sense. Not the way he stared at me, not that he was helping me now. Not the fact that I found myself unable to keep quiet after years of discipline.
“I do have a choice,” I told him, “and I choose to take Ronan and go back to my people alone. I do not want you there, and I can only imagine how he would feel if he woke and the first thing he had to see was the face of the very man who held him down while his hand was cut off. I have no doubt that your face will haunt his dreams enough without that.” I closed the distance between us and tried to take Ronan from Asa the same way he had taken the boy from me, by force. When he resisted I said, “Make this easier on him. Do not torture him more than you already have.”
Ronan’s body slipped into my arms and Asa stepped back. The expression of shock he wore made it seem as if my words had genuinely wounded him. As if he actually cared about Ronan’s pain, or even that he might carry some pain of his own over what he had done.
Good, I thought. Let him suffer. Let him think about the things he has done and let them keep him up at night.
“Come on, Isa,” I called as I started walking again.
She scurried after me, and to my utter relief Asa stayed where he was.
With my arms full, I was unable to carry a knife, but I made sure we stopped so Isa could retrieve our weapons from under the rock. If we were attacked I would be forced to drop Ronan, but it was a risk we would have to take. It was the only way to get him home.
The boy felt twice as heavy as he had before, but thankfully he had been in my arms for only a short time when the sound of horse hooves echoed off the cliffs at my side. I slowed to a stop, so out of breath that I was unsure if I would have been able to go much further anyway, and a beat later the cart broke out of the darkness.
The moon shone down on the driver, glimmering off his blond curls. Bodhi was driving. Just the knowledge that I would very soon be able to hand my burden over to him made me move again. Even better, as the cart grew closer, I was able to make out the woman at his side. Adina.
A sob broke out of me when Bodhi pulled on the reins and the horse skittered to a stop. He and Adina were out of the cart in a blink, but it was not fast enough. I went down, falling to my knees with Ronan still in my arms.
“Indra.” Bodhi dropped to the ground at my side.
“Take him,” I gasped between sobs. “Help him.”
Bodhi did as I asked, easing Ronan from my grasp. I had been dying to hand him off since the moment I scooped him into my arms, impatient to know that he was with Adina and would get help, but now that he was gone the loss felt as if a major part of me had been ripped away, and I found myself crying harder. I stayed where I was, unable to get to my feet and walk to the cart. All I could do was kneel on the cracked desert ground and cry as I relived the moment when Ronan’s hand had been cut from his body. The scream he had let out, the blood that had soaked the floor, the look of agony on his face. I would never be able to banish the images from my mind. They were going to haunt me until the day I died.
“Indra.” Bodhi was suddenly at my side again, kneeling, urging me to stand. “We have to go.”
I allowed him to help me to my feet. That was when I realized that Isa was already in the cart, in the back with Ronan and Adina. They were waiting for me, but I was still dragging my feet. I knew we needed to go, to get Ronan home, but I felt like I was soaring above my body, looking down, and I could do nothing to make my legs obey.
“Indra.” Bodhi continued calling my name.
&
nbsp; “She is in shock,” I heard Adina say from somewhere in the distance.
“I have you.”
Bodhi scooped me up and moved, carrying me to the cart. He deposited me on the seat before hurrying around to the other side so he could climb in as well. Once he was there, he pulled me closer, careful to keep one arm around me as he clicked the reins. The horse moved, following Bodhi’s prompting, and turned around so we could head back to the village. I stayed where I was, close to the man who thought I was perfect and wanted to take care of me for the rest of my life, suddenly wishing that I could just give in and let him.
Just before we turned I happened to look up. The moon was big and full, and just bright enough to illuminate Asa. He was a good distance away now, but he was still standing where I had left him, watching us drive away. Even from a distance the expression on his face told me that my words had found home in his heart, and despite my better judgment, despite the hatred I felt for the Fortis, guilt squeezed my insides.
“How are you feeling?” Bodhi asked as he knelt at my side. “You had me worried.”
My mother was across the hut on her own bed, pretending to sleep in order to give us some privacy, but Anja was nowhere in sight.
“Adina says I was just in shock.”
“I know, but at the time I had no idea what was going on, just that you were acting like a different person. Not the woman I know so well.” Bodhi ran his hand over my head, brushing my hair back, and his touch was as soothing as ever. “You scared me.”
“You already said that,” I told him. “How is Ronan?”
“He will heal. Adina says he will have a lot of pain, but the medicine the Sovereign sent will help. He got lucky, all things considered.”
“Yes,” I muttered as my eyes filled with tears. “Lucky. We are all lucky that the Sovereign have allowed us to live. That they have decided they still need someone to clean up after them and to grope during dinner.” My voice broke and I turned my face away when the tears forced their way from my eyes.
Bodhi pressed his face against mine, and when his hot breath brushed over my cheek, it warmed me more than a fire on a cold day. “Stop. Please. I cannot think about that happening to you. You have no idea what I want to do. I want to go to that city and find my way in and make them all suffer. I want—”
“No.” I grasped his head, threading my fingers through his blond hair and pulling him closer. “Do not say that. You cannot even think it. They will kill you. Do you hear me? They will kill you.”
Bodhi untangled himself from my grasp so he could see my face. His eyes searched mine, open and full of wonder. “Would you care?”
A lump formed in my throat that made it nearly impossible to talk. “Bodhi,” I whispered.
His eyes searched mine for only a beat longer, and then his lips covered mine. We had never kissed before, but the moment our mouths met, I knew. Knew what he had known since we were five years old. There was a reason this man had refused to stop chasing me. It was because we belonged together, Bodhi and I. Because I loved him as much as he loved me. For too long I had let the Sovereign dictate my life. Had kept my emotions in check to keep me out of trouble, and the habit had followed me home, had forced me to ignore the feelings this man brought out in me.
Bodhi’s lips slowed, but he kept them pressed against mine when he whispered. “Marry me, Indra. Marry me.”
“Yes,” I said, giving in and finally letting this man catch me.
9
The joyful mood in my home over the news that Bodhi and I were to be married contrasted with the somber one in Saffron’s house. Ronan’s theft had fueled the flames of Stateswoman Paizlee’s party, and people were calling for reform. More regulations for the Outliers who came into the city, as well as better security before they left the walls. Outliers who had worked in Sovereign City for decades were looked at with suspicion, and in many cases wages were cut. We as a people were already struggling, and having our rations reduced any time was bad, but during the height of winter it was likely to be a death sentence for some. We could hunt, but we gathered, grew, and stored food based on need, and the sudden change meant that many families would go into the worst part of winter hungry.
To Saffron’s credit, she kept our wages the same, but her attitude did change. She was stricter, something she said she felt bad about even as her eyes told a different story, and floggings became more common. Little things she had overlooked before were now punished, like a spot on a uniform or tracking dirt into the kitchen, both things that were nearly impossible to avoid in the middle of winter.
I did my best to keep my head down, but the mistress’s opinion of me had changed as well. I had brought a thief into her house, had made her look like a fool in front of Stateswoman Paizlee, and as a result every little thing I did was picked apart by Saffron. If I poured too little wine into her glass she snapped at me, if I dripped even a tiny amount on the tablecloth it was five lashes. If I was too slow to bring the food, walked too fast while carrying her crystal goblets, did not talk loud enough when I answered her, or curtsy low enough. Nothing made Saffron happy anymore, which made Lysander happier than ever.
He had never forgiven me for refusing to allow him to get the best of me a second time, or that I had managed to protect Mira from him for all these years. I had learned my lesson about Lysander the hard way after working in Saffron’s house for only one week, and had worked hard to protect my friend from the same fate. From the moment Mira set foot in the house, I had kept an eye on her, guided her on what to do and how to avoid Lysander, even putting myself in danger a few times when I was unsure if he was around. It had worked, and three years later Mira had only had to endure a cursory grope from him.
After what happened with Ronan, Asa kept his distance, but he continued to watch me. It was unnerving, knowing that he always kept me in his line of sight, and I was still unsure what his attentions meant or how they had come about. If he was hoping to catch me doing something wrong so I would get into trouble, or if he was watching my back. It felt like the latter, but why would he care? Why would a Fortis man be anything but indifferent to me, an Outlier?
It seemed that every day some poor Outlier found themselves in the stocks overnight, and passing them as I ran errands throughout the city made me physically sick. There was nothing I could do, but the knowledge was no comfort. Ignoring the suffering of my own people kept me up at night, but I was powerless to do anything about it. We all were.
Floggings had been rare before, but now there was at least one a week. Men, women, children, the age of the person was unimportant to the Sovereign. Anyone they thought was insolent or untrustworthy, whether or not they had proof, was punished. There were times when I could hear the screams from the town square the second I set foot inside the city, and it made me sick.
Coming home to my village every evening though, or more accurately to Bodhi, helped wash away the anguish that I felt over what was being done to our people. Our conditions were no better, there were still families who struggled to find enough food to eat, and we still had to defend ourselves against the dangers that lurked in the wilds, but the world seemed suddenly brighter to me. Things I had taken for granted for so long, such as the way the icy tree branches sparkled under the sun, were now breathtakingly beautiful.
Bodhi unashamedly met me at the edge of our village every day now, and seeing him felt like a reward for having to bear everything happening in the city. I savored his smiles and looks, and his warmth when he reached out to touch me. Just a brush of his fingers against my own made my insides flutter like the wings of a bird.
We spent evenings with his family, his parents and two brothers chattering away with an animated cheerfulness I was unused to since my own family was more reserved. Then we would go and sit with my mother, whose health seemed to have taken an upward jump since the news that Bodhi and I would get married. Anja would often join us, bringing Jax with her from time to time, and the quiet deference they showed one an
other told me that she would be very soon following me into marriage.
I felt as if everything was falling into place despite all the atrocities I saw in the city, and every night when I lay my head down to go to sleep, I found myself praying that it would continue. That I would be able to hold onto the happiness I had managed to catch.
But deep down, I knew that I was only an Outlier, and in this world, Outliers were undeserving of happiness.
The biggest change in the city came as suddenly as a rainstorm in spring, and it happened only three weeks after Ronan’s punishment.
It just so happened to be a day when Mira had been forced to stay home with a cold, which meant that not only had I made the long trek from the village unaccompanied, but also that I now found myself getting ready to leave Saffron’s house alone. I never enjoyed the days when I had to travel through the borderland alone, but since Outlier shifts inside Saffron’s house were scattered—ensuring that the family never had to lift a finger—no one else from the house was heading home at the same time as me.
Just as I turned toward the door after hanging up my apron for the day, Asa appeared in the mudroom, his hulking frame blocking the door from my view completely.
“New procedure,” he said in an emotionless tone that made me think of Saffron.
I wanted to step back, to put space between myself and the man who had held Ronan down while his hand was cut off, but there was nowhere to go. Then another guard stepped into the room behind him and my heart began to pound faster, reminding me of the beat of drums that sometimes sounded through the wilds, coming from one of the other villages.
“What do you mean?” I whispered, unable to find any of the boldness that had come over me the day he helped carry Ronan through his village to the borderland. I told myself it had nothing to do with the pain I had seen in his eyes that day, but I knew it was a lie. Fortis or not, the knowledge that I had hurt this man affected me.