by Kate L. Mary
The first night in our new hut, Bodhi succeeded in doing something no one else could: he managed to wipe every memory of Lysander from my mind. With my husband every touch was gentle, every caress a symbol of how much he cared for me, every kiss an act that went much deeper than even love. He wrapped me in his comfort, showed me not only how it was supposed to be between a man and a woman, but also how two people could complete each other so thoroughly.
For me, Bodhi had always been the antithesis of everything that was bad, even during all the years when I had run from him, but on our first night as husband and wife, he showed me just how much more he could be. He proved to me that even in the midst of the poverty and hopelessness that often stained our existence as Outliers, we could have a life that was full and wonderful because we had each other.
Afterward, as he held me in his arms, his grip somehow firm but not suffocating, he whispered, “I love you, Indra.”
“I love you,” I said as I looked up at him in awe, wondering why I had ever run from this man.
The next morning during our hike through the borderland, I told Mira about the new law and what had happened the day before with Asa.
“He helped you?” My friend’s expression mirrored my own confusion when she looked my way.
“He did, and it was not the first time. The day Ronan was punished the same guard helped me get out of his village when I was cornered by another man. He even carried Ronan. I cannot begin to understand why he did any of these things, but I believe we can trust this man.”
“He is the one who held Ronan down, Indra.” When Mira shook her head, some of her blond curls escaped the bun sitting on top of her head and she was forced to shove them back in their home. “No. He is a Fortis. They are all the same.”
“I believe Asa has genuine guilt over what he had to do, and that he is trying to make amends for it.”
I also thought that this man, this Fortis guard who had been working in the same house as me for the past three years, had developed feelings for me somewhere along the way. When or why or how was a mystery, but it was obvious that because of these feelings, he was willing to look out for me. Bodhi was my husband and I had spoken the truth when I vowed to love only him for the rest of my life, but even if I had been lying, Asa would always be a Fortis and I would always be an Outlier. There was no possible future for two people from such different worlds. Something he had to know.
“He has a lot to make up for,” Mira said.
Maybe she was right, or maybe the guilt he carried with him was no different than my own.
On an average day in Saffron’s house, the path of the Fortis guards and Outlier servants rarely crossed. Typically only at mealtime, large celebrations included. During normal times they were rare, but with the approach of Lysander’s wedding, these large gatherings had become more and more frequent. Saffron was hosting parties on a regular basis in order to celebrate the new couple, but she would also have people over to discuss the planning of the event. Then there were the dinners hosted for Paizlee’s political connections. For Saffron’s part it was done in hopes of smoothing over the problem I had created by bringing Ronan into the city, something the stateswoman had to be well aware of, but the two women had never gotten along, and even the impending marriage of their children was not enough to bridge the gap now.
But despite our conflicting schedules, it just so happened that Asa and I crossed paths very early in the day. Whether it was by his design or coincidence I was uncertain, but I had to admit that after yesterday and my discussion with Mira on the way to work, I was relieved to bump into him so soon after arriving at the house. The laws in Sovereign City were going to make life even more difficult for Outliers, but since the Sovereign placed the burden of enforcing these laws on the Fortis, Asa could be an asset to me—and to Mira. If this man really was determined to protect me, I would let him. Which was why I met his gaze head-on when we came upon one another in the hall outside the servant’s bathroom.
The expression of surprise that crossed Asa’s face was understandable, but it was gone in a moment, and then he looked around before saying, “I’ll find you when your shift is over. I’ll protect you.”
“And Mira,” I said. “My friend.”
Asa hesitated, but it was only for a beat before his head bobbed in assent. “Okay.”
He was a tall man, quite a bit taller than Bodhi and much broader, and standing so close to him in the hallway with no one else around, I suddenly felt his size more than ever before. Felt the vastness of his presence. Fear rippled through me at the thought of what this man could do to me and exactly how much trust I was putting in a total stranger.
“Why?” I asked in a whisper that was barely audible, even in such close proximity.
“You already asked me that,” he replied. “Yesterday.”
“But I am asking again, because I cannot understand. I cannot come up with an explanation for why a Fortis would care about an Outlier. Why you seem to care about me so much.”
“Because you’re better than the others,” Asa said, bringing to mind the words Bodhi had said to me not that long ago. “I see it in how you look out for your friends. In how much you care about the other people in the house.”
“It is what we do. We are Outliers. If we do not look out for one another, bad things can happen.”
“It’s more than that,” Asa said. “You care more than the others. You can’t see it, but I can.” He hesitated, pausing as if trying to decide if he should say something or keep it to himself, then said, “I know what Lysander does. What he did to you.”
I took a step back, putting more distance between us. The mention of Lysander made me shiver. Made me want to run and hide. But it also filled me with shame, as if I were at fault for what had happened.
“He has done it to everyone.” I kept my gaze averted when I said it.
“Not to your friend. Mira?” He paused again, waiting for me to nod. “I know that you’ve kept her safe since she arrived. I know that you were the only one willing to speak up for the boy, Ronan. You are better, Indra, and I don’t want that taken from you.”
Until coming to work in Saffron’s house, I had never been around electricity. That first day, after dinner was finished, I had tried to plug the vacuum in while my hands were still damp from washing the dishes. The jolt that shot up my arm had nearly knocked me on the floor. That was how I felt now. Hearing my name on Asa’s lips was as shocking as that jolt of electricity had been.
“You know my name,” I whispered.
“I do,” he said in response, so quiet that it felt like a breeze had swept down the hall.
His gaze moved over me, but there was nothing predatory in it. It was simply a searching look, like he was trying to reassure himself that I was all right. When his eyes focused on the new passage markings on my forehead, I found myself reaching up to touch them. Not to cover them, I had no desire to hide the fact that I was bound to Bodhi, but to make sure the man in front of me understood the significance.
“You’re married,” Asa said.
It was not a question, but I nodded anyway. “I got married last night.”
“He is a lucky man.” Asa was the one who stepped back this time, as if the news that I was now a married woman made him want to put more space between us. “I’ll see you at the end of your shift, Indra.”
Then he turned and walked away, leaving me alone in the hall.
11
The rest of the workday passed in an unremarkable way, which was all I could really ask for anymore. Saffron was too busy with Lysander’s upcoming wedding to give any of us more than a passing moment of abuse, and her son was nowhere to be found. Thankfully.
It was what I looked forward to the most about his marriage, the fact that he would no longer be living under this roof. Expanding inside the walls of the city was impossible, meaning Lysander and his new wife would not be able to have a house of their own, and in a society run by women, it was tradition for the newly married
couple to move in with the wife’s family. Meaning that after the wedding, Lysander would be Paizlee’s problem. I doubted she would put any more effort into stopping his behavior than his mother had, and I felt for the Outliers working in that house, but I would have been lying if I said I felt no relief when I thought about him moving out. He was one problem that was about to take care of itself.
As the end of the workday drew near, I found myself feeling as uncertain as I had on my first day in Saffron’s house. Back then things had been so uncertain that my mind felt as if it were overflowing with the many warnings and instructions my mother had tried to hammer in over the years. Only now all the worry inside me revolved around one thing: Asa and whether or not he was in fact a man of honor. He had seemed sincere during our few conversations, but Mira was right. He was still a Fortis, and they were as known for their dislike of Outliers as they were for their size and strength.
It seemed as if Mira carried the same worries with her, so much so that when our shift finally came to an end, she dragged her feet instead of hurrying to make her escape the way she usually did. I knew why, but I also felt certain that Asa would be waiting for us in the mudroom. With him, we at least stood a chance. With the other guards, there was none.
“We have to go,” I told Mira when she moved to put away the dishes that sat drying on the counter, a job that belonged to the evening staff.
Mira nodded, but still made no move to head for the door.
“Mira.” I grabbed her arm and forced her to turn and face me. “We need to go. Asa is waiting.”
She jerked away as if I had hit her. “Asa?”
“That is his name.”
“Are you friends with him now? With a Fortis? What would Bodhi say?”
“Do not bring him into this,” I snapped, half in defense of my actions and half because I was terrified that she would tell him. Not afraid of Bodhi, but afraid for him. Afraid of what he would do if he knew everything happening in the city. “He would want me to take this opportunity if I could.”
Mira’s expression was hard, but I knew her anger was directed at the situation more than me. Not that it stopped her from giving me a fiery look when I pulled her toward the mudroom.
Just as he had promised, Asa was already waiting for us. Only this time he was alone.
“I’ve been waiting.” He let out a breath that reminded me of just how much he was risking by doing this.
There was something else there too, though. Concern. The emotion was so clear that even Mira was unable to miss it, and under my grasp, I felt some of the tension melt from her body.
“Sorry for our tardiness,” I said.
Asa’s head bobbed once as his gaze moved to Mira, but it was only for a beat before he was once again focused on me. His brown eyes were soft, still swimming with worry, but with something else as well. Something I had only seen in one other person’s eyes—at least when they were focused on me. Bodhi. Asa was looking at me the exact same way my husband did. As if he would be willing to do anything for me. Kill for me. Maybe even die for me. It was unnerving, but even worse was the fact that I could tell by the expression on Mira’s face that she saw it too.
Asa tore his gaze from mine and focused on something behind me, back toward the now closed door that led from the mudroom into the kitchen. “We should go.”
“Go?” Mira said, and the word rang with the same surprise shooting through me.
“Yes.” Asa kept his gaze down when he turned toward the door.
“What about searching us?” Mira asked.
This time, he did glance over his shoulder, but his brown eyes focused on her, not me. “I won’t do that. Not when no one else is here. But don’t worry, if anyone asks I’ll say it was done. I won’t let anything happen to you.”
Gratitude flooded my body at the unexpected turn of events, but it was followed quickly by guilt. Asa may not have been an Outlier, but he was not exempt from the laws the Sovereign set forth. He was risking everything for us, for me, and if he was caught, he would face punishment as surely as Mira and I would. Only it would be worse for him, because he would have to face the wrath of his people as well. People who hated us.
I was taking advantage of him, of his feelings for me. Refusing his help was impossible, I needed it for Mira’s sake if not my own, but it still felt wrong. It was as if I was using his weakness to my advantage, and it was a position I was uncomfortable with.
“I am married,” I said, drawing the gazes of both people my way. “You know that.”
Asa’s head dipped once in acknowledgement before he turned away again. “That’s not what this is about.”
Before I had a chance to even consider what else his help could mean, the door was open and Asa had stepped outside.
I could feel Mira’s gaze on me, but I refused to look at her and instead followed Asa out the door. She trailed after me, falling into step at my side only a few paces later, and we walked side by side through the city in silence. Asa stayed in front of us the entire way to the gate, but we maintained our distance to avoid drawing the attention of anyone we passed. Still, I felt as if everyone was watching us. As if they all knew what we were up to and were waiting to catch us so they could drag us to the city square for punishment.
We reached the gate and were greeted by the same sight as the day before, Outliers stripping down, the guards doing everything in their power to take advantage of the situation. At my side, Mira trembled and moved closer to me as we waited for our turn. Asa had fallen back so that he was now behind us, and clumped into a group the way we were, he did not bother keeping his distance. I could feel his presence as surely as I could feel Mira’s hand wrapped around mine. Felt his size and strength just like I had in the hall today at Saffron’s house. Only it no longer intimidated me. It comforted me.
The scene that played out when we finally reached the gate was an echo of the one from the previous day, only this time I neither argued nor made a move to unbutton my dress because Asa was already there. He stopped the guards from forcing us to strip, and then he made sure we got out of the city safely and through his village after that. With each step Mira relaxed even more, and when we finally stopped next to the rock that concealed our weapons, she turned and looked up at Asa with a mixture of wonder and gratitude on her face.
“Thank you,” she said after a beat of silence.
Asa dipped his head in a nod, something I had noticed that he did quite often, and then looked away. It was almost as if the attention made him uncomfortable. “I’ll do the same for you tomorrow.”
His eyes flickered toward me, but they were focused on my forehead again. The passage markings seemed to warm under his gaze, reminding me of how it had felt only last night when Bodhi’s father had etched them into my skin.
“Your husband watches out for you in your village?”
“He does,” I replied.
This time when Asa nodded, his eyes remained down. “Good. I will watch out for you here.”
Then, without another glance or word or indication of what he was thinking, he turned his back on us and walked away.
Mira and I watched him for only a beat before collecting our weapons and heading for home. We walked for some time in silence, each of us too lost in our thoughts to say much at first. I was puzzling over Asa still. He was a mystery, one I doubted I would ever be able to unravel, but one I was grateful for all the same.
“He is in love with you,” Mira finally said.
The statement warmed my cheeks even though I had already come to this conclusion. “I know.”
“And you?” She glanced my way, not turning her head completely when she did it, as if she thought it would make me more likely to answer her honestly. As if she thought I was hiding something from her. “Do you love him?”
“I know nothing about him, but the answer would be no either way. I love Bodhi. I would not have married him otherwise. Plus, no matter what Asa does to help me, an Outlier cannot be with a Forti
s. It is impossible.”
“Why?” Mira asked.
I turned my body to face her, walking sideways so that my back was to the Lygan Cliffs even though I had been taught to never lose my focus in this way. “Because we are not the same.”
“Now you sound like one of the Sovereign.” Mira’s blue eyes rolled in their sockets, but her lips pulled up into a smile that helped to ease some of the sting her words had brought to me. “We are the same, Indra. We are all people. We have just been trained to believe that we are different.”
I opened my mouth to argue with her, but no words came out. She was right. Sovereign, Outlier, Fortis, we were all just people. The only things that kept us apart were the walls that had been constructed years ago, both the physical ones and the ones that existed only in our minds. Those were built on oppression and prejudices so old that no one alive today had a clue why they even existed.
A click echoed off the rocks at my back, followed closely by a few more. In front of me, my friend’s body went rigid. I spun to face the cliffs, the knife in my hand up and ready as more clicking rang through the air. But there was nothing in sight. Not yet, anyway.
“Where is it?” Mira hissed.
At my side, she too had her knife up. This was a position we had been in before, and as long as there was only one of the creatures, we knew what to do to defend ourselves. The problem would come if they were hunting in a pack. One lygan was dangerous enough, but four or five? Beating that many would be impossible.
We remained still. The clicks grew closer together and louder, but with the way the sounds echoed off the rocks, it was impossible to tell how many there were until the creature—or creatures—decided to show themselves.
“Be ready,” I said for my benefit as much as for hers.
The hiss came first. It was a sound that was low and seemed to come from the deepest part of the animal’s belly, and it was followed only a beat later by the appearance of the lygan itself. The creature was bigger than average, its tail as long as my arm and its body only a little shorter. Its claws clicked across the rocks as it scurried forward, seeming to move at an impossibly fast speed considering its stunted legs. The red and purple scales shone even in the limited light of the evening as the lygan twisted between the sharp rocks that made up the cliffs. Now that it was closer, the click of its claws seemed twice as loud, and when it hissed a second time, the sharp points of its teeth were visible.