by Kate L. Mary
“You know the drill,” he growled when Mira and I stepped into the mudroom, the gleam in his eyes confirming that he had been looking forward to this for some time. “Clothes off.”
Mira shot me a worried look, and I did my best to appear confident when I met her gaze. With my entire body shaking, I doubted she felt very comforted.
“It will be okay,” I said as I reached for the buttons on my dress.
Mira followed my lead. My trembling fingers made it nearly impossible to get the tiny circles through the holes, and like me she seemed to be having the same problem. It was more than fear that made me tremble though. It was also fury. Fury at this man who saw my weakness as his to exploit, at the Sovereign who allowed it to happen, even at the other Outliers who did nothing to stop it. Most of all though, I was angry with myself for being too weak to resist. For being nothing but a woman.
“Hurry up,” Greer snapped.
He stepped toward Mira, but my anger had given me courage, and I was there to cut him off, putting my body between the guard and my friend. The large man glared down at me, his dark eyes narrowing.
“I know the law,” I said, trying to hold my ground despite the trembling in my legs. “You can search us, but you are not to touch us.”
Surprise flickered in Greer’s eyes. It was quickly replaced by rage that matched the fury surging through me. This had probably never happened before. Outliers never talked back; it was the same as asking for a beating. My sudden bravado was about more than finally standing up for myself. Right now, it was the only hope I had. I was certain that if I could just get Greer angry enough with me, he would leave Mira alone. She might be able to get out of the house. It was a long shot, but it was the only one we had.
Greer moved closer, so close that every breath I took filled my nostrils with his stink. “Is that—”
The door to the kitchen opened with a creak and he looked up. Behind me, footsteps entered the room and hope surged through me when Greer took a step back. It was Asa. It had to be. Somehow he had snuck into the house unnoticed and was here to save me yet again.
“I’ll take it from here,” Lysander said, the words coming out as smooth and malicious as butter laced with poison.
The sound of his voice pushed all my courage away. I would never be able to get away with defying him. Not without consequences at least.
“Sir,” the guard in front of me began, “it’s my duty—”
The hum of an electroprod filled the room and Greer’s body reacted by jerking away from me.
“This is my mother’s house,” Lysander said as the electric hum grew louder, “therefore it’s my duty.”
Lysander’s tone left no room for discussion even if the electroprod had, and after one quick glare at me, Greer was heading for the door. His footsteps felt as if they shook the entire house, but when the door clicked shut it seemed a hundred times louder.
Once we were alone, Lysander crossed the room to take the guard’s place in front of me, his pudgy body so close I could feel the heat of him. He still held the electroprod in his hand, and my body involuntarily shrank away from the blue glow it gave off. It was rare that the weapons were used on Outliers since the Sovereign relied on the brute strength of the Fortis guards they employed, but it happened. I had seen it, more than once, and I had no desire to allow the electric shock of that rod to incapacitate me.
“Now, I believe you are to strip before you leave the house?” Lysander lifted his eyebrows as he looked back and forth between Mira and me. “We wouldn’t want another incident of theft, now would we?”
His gaze focused on Mira, his eyes shimmering with something that made the hair on the back of my neck stand up. Already tears were streaming down my friend’s face, but the sight of them did not rip me in half the way I thought they would. No, they fed the fury already building inside me, made my body shake with rage, made me think of everything we had endured. The oppression at the hands of the Fortis and Sovereign, the abuse. It was never enough for them either, because now they wanted to make those of us working in the city slaves, and once that happened the people in our villages would be left to starve. The meager help we got from the city would vanish, and soon my people would wither away until they were nothing more than memories. And then Outliers would be no more. They would be ghosts, just like the people who had lived in the old world.
It was too much to take. We took it anyway though, because no one had the courage to stand up to these people. No one ever fought back or said no, because the consequences were too great. Floggings and losing limbs, death, and the threat that much more could happen to our villages if we defied the Sovereign. No one could stop any of those things from happening, but I could stop this. Even if it meant facing punishment, I could stop Lysander from stealing from Mira what he had stolen from me three years ago.
“No,” I hissed, the word pushing its way between my teeth like it was an animal trying to break free.
Lysander’s eyes flicked my way just as I charged. I thought of nothing but Mira as I ran, gritting my teeth and propelling my body forward. My shoulder slammed into his round stomach and even though I was so much smaller than he was, I managed to catch him off guard. The electroprod fell to the floor and shut off when Lysander stumbled back. He slammed into the wall and then fell on the bench before landing right next to the weapon he had just dropped.
I spun to face Mira, my shoulders heaving from the anger surging through me, and the gulps of air I was forcing into my overworked lungs. “Go. Now. Run.”
She only paused for a beat, staring at me with eyes that were wide and frightened, and then she spun on her heels and headed for the door.
Mira no doubt thought I would be right behind her, that I was doing this to save us both, and I did nothing to correct her. I knew the truth would make her hesitate, and that was the last thing I wanted. One of us should be able to get through this life unscathed, and since I already bore the scars of working in this house, that only left Mira.
I did follow her to the door, but there was no chance of me making it out. Even before I had thrown myself at Lysander I knew what was about to happen. I still screamed when his hand wrapped around my hair. He twisted my locks around his fingers and made a fist, jerking me back and forcing me to my knees, and then, with his eyes still on me, he kicked the door shut. Cutting off my only chance of escape.
“You must be out of your mind, Outlier. Do you know the punishment for hitting a Sovereign? Do you know what my mother will do to you?”
“Tell her,” I growled, and then whimpered when he tightened his grip on my hair. Still, I managed to find my voice again so I could say, “Take me to her now. Tell her what I did. I will gladly accept my punishment, but I refuse to let you hurt my friend.”
Lysander’s sneer morphed into a smile that made his round face appear sick and sadistic. “I think I’ll take on the responsibility of punishing you myself.”
He jerked me up by the hair, forcing another cry from my lips, and then shoved me face-first against the wall. He had one hand on the back of my head, pressing my cheek against the wall while the other hand went for my skirt. His fingers brushed the bare flesh of my hips, and a second later he had a hold of my undergarments. When he pulled, they ripped from my body, and it seemed as if the sound was loud enough to drown out even my screams.
My legs could barely hold me up when I stumbled out of the house, and after only two steps I had to stop so I could lean against the wall. I was shaking, crying, hurting both inside and out, and all I wanted was to get home, but I had no idea how I would manage it.
“Indra.” I jerked at the sound of my name, but had no time to do anything else before Mira was at my side. “Are you okay? Tell me you are okay.”
“I am fine,” I lied.
Mira’s fingers touched the underside of my chin, forcing me to meet her gaze. Her face was distorted from the tears shimmering in my eyes, but also because both my eyes were swollen and sore. Lysander had been ser
ious when he said he would take my punishment upon himself. My right cheek throbbed just below my eye, and I was pretty sure that my bottom lip was bleeding. My left eye had made contact with the wall when he shoved me against it, and it felt as if it might swell shut, but those injuries were nothing compared to the ache in my wrists from being held down or the bruising that I knew would soon pop up on the inside of my thighs. The man had been brutal three years ago. That had been nothing compared to what he had done today. Those injuries I had been able to hide, but not these. What he had done was written all over my face in the form of cuts and bruises. The moment Bodhi laid eyes on me, he would know.
“Why?” Mira sobbed at my side. “Why did you do that? Why would you let him do that?”
There was nothing worse than having to comfort someone when you were the one hurting, but I knew Mira’s tears were more about my pain than her own, so I did it anyway. “It is okay. I am okay.” I tried to stand, but my legs were still shaking too much and I had to hold onto the wall for support. “Help me. I want to go home.”
Mira swiped her hand across her face and did as I asked. She put her arm around my waist while I wrapped mine around her back, and together we headed for the gate.
Everyone we passed looked my way. Outliers with pity in their eyes, Fortis with a sickening gleam that said they thought I had gotten what I deserved, the Sovereign with looks of indifference that told me they did not care to what happened to people like me as long as their world was unaffected by it. The lines at the gate had gotten shorter and shorter with each passing day as the Fortis tired of their current game and moved onto other ways of torturing Outliers, and when the wall came into view, I was relieved to find only a few people waiting to get out.
The guard in charge put his hand up when we approached, but before he could say anything Mira snapped, “We have already been searched.”
The street outside the gate was surprisingly clear, which no doubt had to do with the fact that most of the Fortis were working on the quarters that would soon be filled with Outliers.
Mira tightened her grip on my waist and walked faster. “The worst part is almost over,” she said as we moved through the village. “We will be there sooner than you think.”
We had an hour walk ahead of us, but I grabbed hold of her words anyway, pretending they were true.
I scanned the faces that turned our way as we moved, wondering where Asa was, wondering what had happened to make him miss work today. I never saw him. Up until this point he had proven himself trustworthy, but I was unable to stop myself from wondering if he had turned his back on me. He was a Fortis after all, and I was nothing but a dirty Outlier. No one, not even me, would be surprised if he decided I was unworthy of his protection.
“He must be sick,” Mira said. “He never would have left you to fend for yourself unless something very bad had happened to him.”
“He is a Fortis.” The words came out as a grunt. “They have no honor.”
She said nothing in response, but instead focusing on holding me up as we crossed out of the Fortis village and into the borderland.
We only paused once, to get our weapons, before continuing on. The walk through the borderland to the wilds was the longest one of my life, but the physical discomfort was only partly to blame. I knew everything would change the second Bodhi set eyes on me. He was already simmering with hate for the Sovereign, and with each step that brought me closer to home, I became more and more certain that no matter what I did, I would never be able to diffuse this situation. Too much had happened too fast, too much abuse had been piled on top of us too quickly. Not enough time had gone by between each incident to allow us to heal before something else was flung at us, and this would be like having a mountain of pain dropped on our village, on Bodhi. He would never recover from it, which meant neither would I.
I should have fled with him when I had the chance. It would have been better if we had both died in the wastelands than have to face this.
By the time the village came into view, I was barely on my feet, but I pushed myself, desperate to make it to my husband’s comforting embrace. Then he was there, materializing from between the huts like he had known all along that this moment was coming. I burst into tears at the sight of him and my legs, which had been weak since the second I set foot outside Saffron’s house, finally gave out. Mira let out a cry as I went down, trying and failing to hold onto me. There were shouts and calls for Adina, and then Bodhi was at my side, scooping me into his arms, his own tears mixing with mine as he carried me into the village.
19
Bodhi carried me to our hut and stayed at my side through the entire ordeal. Through Adina’s examination of my injuries, her assurances that my womb had not been permanently affected, and then after when I got myself cleaned up. Mira stayed for a while too, her face streaked with tears and dirt from our trek through the borderland. Eventually, she was forced to return to her own hut even though I knew it tore her up to leave me.
Anja came and cried over me. Bodhi’s mother came as well, bringing me the maternal comfort that my own mother was too sick to bring. For a while it seemed as if there was a never-ending flow of people coming in and out of our hut, and I was grateful for the company. Then, all at once, it stopped, and Bodhi and I were left alone.
He had said very little since lifting me into his arms, and I could feel the change boiling in the air around us. The heat of it made sleep impossible when I finally did lie down. At my side Bodhi was quiet, but his breathing told me that he too was awake. His silence terrified me. The longer it stretched out, the more difficult it became to figure out what to say to break it. I felt like no matter what I did I would only be throwing wood on a fire that was already threatening to swallow our entire village. Staying silent would give Bodhi’s anger more time to simmer, but talking might force him over the edge.
Outside, the sun had set on the wilds and coated our hut in a blanket of black. It was the cover of darkness that finally gave me courage to break the silence, though. In the blackness of our hut, Bodhi would be unable to see the cuts and bruises on my face, would be unable to focus on the physical marks Lysander had left behind. If I could get my husband to listen to me, to really take in what I had to say, it just might save us all.
“You made a promise to me,” I said to the dark figure at my side. “Do you remember?”
“I promised to protect you. Do you remember that?” Bodhi shifted so he was facing me, but he was little more than an outline. “Which promise would you have me break?”
“If you go into the city you will be breaking them both. Protecting me means being here, living, but if they catch you, they will put you to death. You cannot protect me if you are gone. How can you not see that?”
“I only see what they have done to you.” He reached out and brushed his fingers down my face, over the cuts and bruises Lysander had given me.
I swallowed, almost too overcome with emotion to say anything else, still knowing I had to get the words out. Had to make him understand.
“Then close your eyes and imagine what things would be like for me if you were gone. Do it.” I found his hand in the darkness and gripped it, holding on tight, hoping the physical contact would help me get through to him. “Can you see it? Can you see how much it would hurt me? Can you see me crying myself to sleep? Can you see me starving because I am too broken to even try? That is what my future would be like if you did this.”
Through the darkness of the room, I heard him swallow.
“Can you see it?” I said again, desperate to hear him tell me he understood.
“I can,” he whispered.
“Then promise me that you will stay away from the city. Say it so I believe it. Tell me that you will never leave me.”
“I promise,” he said, moving closer to me, reaching out with his free hand so he could touch my cheek. “I promise that I will never leave you, Indra. I promise.”
Through the darkness, his lips found mine. E
ven the gentle kiss made the cut on my bottom lip sting, but I pretended not to be in pain. We had spent enough time focusing on my pain today, and it was time to sleep.
I untangled my hand from his grasp and turned so my back was to his chest. Bodhi wrapped his arms around me, and some of the discomfort in my body eased.
“Sleep,” I whispered into the darkness. “We will talk about it more when morning comes.”
Bodhi’s side of the bed was empty when I woke, but I could tell by the bright light streaming in through the cracks around our door that I had slept much later than usual. He had gone hunting. That was all.
Hopefully in the forest he would be able to find some peace about what had happened.
I rolled onto my back and winced at the way my body throbbed. My lip felt like it was twice its normal size, but it seemed that neither one of my eyes had swollen as much as I had expected them to. Something I probably owed to Adina’s healing touch.
Gingerly, I rolled out of bed. I still had to bite back a groan. There would be no work for me today, and maybe never again if it meant keeping Bodhi safe, but lying in the hut all day was out of the question. I would visit my mother so she could see with her own eyes that I was okay, and maybe go out into the forest with Bodhi later tonight. I needed to keep busy, to keep my focus on something other than what had happened to me, and that meant getting dressed and working through the pain.
I had just managed to wiggle my way into my clothes when the door to my hut was thrown open and Anja burst inside.
“Indra,” she huffed out.
It only took one look at her wide eyes to know that something very bad had happened. “What? What is it?”
“Bodhi. He has gone to the city.”
“No,” I gasped, stumbling back but catching myself on the hut’s support beam before my legs could give out.
Just last night Bodhi had promised me that he would stay away from the city, and when I had closed my eyes to go to sleep, I had felt certain that he had meant it. Then, only hours later, he had snuck out of our hut and done exactly what I had begged him not to do. He had left me.