“You can. I can’t.”
“Because…” he prompted.
“Because when I’m with you, I’m everything I’ve spent a lifetime trying to avoid.”
He gentled his grip on her shoulders. “In English, please. I’m just not understanding.”
She swiped at a tear running down her face. “I don’t want to be the crazy lady arrested by airport security for making a scene. I don’t want to be caught making love to you in front of a glass window by paparazzi with cameras. No, those photos on the Internet aren’t of us, but they could have been!”
He finally got it and let out a low groan. “You don’t want to end up like your mother, and being with me increases the chances that when you finally let go and act like yourself, you’ll be caught by the press.”
“I lost my job once thanks to her antics. I’ve spent years since making sure that won’t happen again.”
This time he brushed her tears away with his thumb. “You can’t keep running from who you are. You can’t suppress your true self forever and be happy. You aren’t. You won’t be.”
She stiffened her shoulders. “Who are you to say I’m not happy?”
“I’m the man who made love to you in front of that window. I’ve seen you making snow angels for the first time. I saw you dancing and singing in the corner with Hannah when you thought no one was looking. I’ve seen the real you and I’m here to tell you that if you keep running away from yourself, you’ll spend the rest of your life out of the spotlight like you think you want—and you’ll be perfectly miserable.” He lowered his hand from her face.
He looked into her eyes, and although he’d obviously hit a nerve, he hadn’t changed her mind. His heart sank at the thought of walking out of here as alone as he was when he’d walked in.
“I can’t do this anymore. I’ll talk to Micki and she’ll take care of you from now on.”
“Did you hear anything I said? Or did you tune me out completely?”
“I heard you. I just don’t think you’re right about what I need to be happy.” She folded her arms across her chest.
He was through. If Amy couldn’t see she was running away, there was nothing more he could do to convince her. He had a season to prepare for and he was leaving for Florida to join the team soon. “I guess you’re right. You know what you need and what you want. It sure as hell doesn’t seem to be me.”
She didn’t argue.
“It’s ironic, though. You helped me get my shit together with my family but you can’t do the same for yourself.” And until she was willing to try, he had nothing left to say.
Heart heavy, he turned to go.
And she didn’t stop him as he walked through the door and out of her life.
AMY LEFT WORK EARLY. She wasn’t in the mood to deal with people today. She couldn’t look them in the eye with those photographs circulating, and to add insult to injury, she’d lost the man she loved. In fact, she’d sent him out the door without so much as a goodbye because she wasn’t convinced she could handle anything anymore. What a mess.
She was mentally spent, and the last thing she expected to find was her mother and her aunt cooking up a storm in her kitchen. The scene was reminiscent of her childhood. Big meals, family dinners. A warm, fuzzy feeling surrounded her as she realized that maybe this was exactly what she needed. Retreating to the comfort of home and family without the outside world intruding. It had worked for her when she lived in the retirement community. It could work for her now, helping her forget about what it had cost to let Roper go.
“Hi,” Amy said, announcing her presence.
“Oh, you’re home,” her mother said. She wiped her hands on a towel and strode across the room to give Amy a hug. “Your aunt and I were just making dinner. We thought you could use a home-cooked meal and some cheering up. Between those awful photos and you being silly enough to break up with Roper, we decided you needed your family around you.”
“How do you know about my breakup with Roper?” Considering it had just officially happened earlier today.
“He called and said you might need us and suggested we come here. Of course, we pushed for an answer as to why, and when we found out, we just had to wonder what you were thinking!” her mother explained.
“I’m glad you’re here.” But she wasn’t going to argue with them about the wisdom of the choices she made in her personal life. “A home-cooked meal sounds good. Just let me change into something comfortable and I’ll be right back.”
“Um…How comfortable?” her aunt asked.
Amy narrowed her gaze. “Why?”
“We’re having dinner company,” her mother said.
“Who?” Amy asked warily. If they’d invited Roper over, she was going to throttle them for interfering.
“While we were cooking for you, your phone rang and we answered. It was a gentleman who said he wanted to know your side of the story regarding those pictures on the Internet,” her mother said.
“And so you just had to invite him over?” Amy asked, appalled, but not all that surprised.
“Well, of course!” Her aunt waved a spoon in emphasis. “You know how polite we are. Besides, the gentleman explained that you’d need someone on your side and he was the best person for the job.”
Amy rubbed her burning eyes. “Does this gentleman have a name?”
“Frank Buckley from eSports,” her mother said. “Amy, be a dear and get the wine that’s been chilling in the refrigerator?”
Amy glanced at the ceiling and counted to ten and back again but there was no getting away from the truth. Roper had been right. She’d helped him get his life together, but she hadn’t been able to do the same for herself. And as a result, she was here with her mother and her aunt, about to discuss pornographic pictures of herself with the reporter who hated Roper the most.
She had to take control and she had to do it now. Before her new life here in New York shattered beyond recognition.
“Listen, we need to talk.”
Her mother nodded. “And we will. But first, you might as well change clothes. Our guest won’t be here until seven and it’s only three-thirty now. Why don’t you get comfortable. You’ll be able to change back into a nice, unwrinkled, presentable outfit later.”
Amy sighed. “I’ll worry about how I’m going to deal with Buckley later. First we’re going to talk. The three of us, so sit. Please.” She gestured to the small set of couches.
Her mother and aunt gave each other concerned glances before settling themselves on the cushions.
Amy sat down between them. “You both know how much I love you, right?”
“We love you, too,” they said at the same time.
Amy swallowed hard. “What I’m going to say isn’t easy, but it has to be said.” She rubbed her hands against her pants, nerves setting in. These two women meant the world to her. They’d raised her, they adored her, and she felt the same way about them.
They also caused more trouble than two five-feet-one-inch women should be able to. She adored them for their quirkiness, but she needed them to keep their antics in Florida. Far from Amy—except for planned vacations.
“I’m glad you came to visit because I really missed you both.”
“We’re glad, too. It’s been fun,” her aunt Darla said.
“What’s wrong? You seem sad.” Her mother put her hand on Amy’s shoulder.
Rose had always understood her daughter and it was no different now. Unfortunately for Amy, she was about to break her mother’s heart. “Mom, in case you don’t realize it, my life’s a little hectic at the moment.”
“Which is why it’s good your aunt and I are here, right?” Her mother looked at her with her big, imploring eyes.
Amy drew a deep breath. It was now or never, she thought. She might not have been able to fight for her relationship with Roper—something she’d yet had time to analyze. But suddenly she was ready to fight for herself and her future.
She leaned forward. “I
t’s not so good that you’re here right now, Mom.”
“What do you mean?” she asked, hurt in her voice.
“I came to New York to grow up,” she said, looking toward the bookshelves she’d put her favorite things upon. “I thought I was doing that, but it turns out I was just running away from things,” she said, more to herself than to them.
“I don’t understand,” her mother said. “Darla, do you understand what Amy is saying?”
Her aunt shook her head. “No, but I think she does and that’s what matters.”
“I left Florida to get a life. Instead, I’ve still been running away from one,” she said, coming to the realization as she spoke.
She’d put miles between herself and her family. But it wasn’t them she was running from—it was herself. It was time to stop. To deal with her past and embrace her future, one that, she hoped, included Roper.
“All I ever wanted was for you and dad to be proud of me,” Amy said, taking her first step.
“I am. And he would be. Just look at you, my beautiful girl.”
Amy smiled. “I love you for saying that, but don’t you think that this mess with the photographers, the naked pictures…” She shook her head. “He’d be appalled.”
“At the people who did it to you, yes. But not at you! He admired people with spunk. Why do you think he married me? I was the same crazy woman at eighteen that I am now. And I refuse to discuss my age, so don’t ask.”
Aunt Darla opened her mouth but Rose shot her a look that clearly said “Don’t you dare.”
Her sister shut it without speaking.
Amy laughed.
“Amy, you’ve got the best of both of us—my crazy side and your father’s sensibility. He adored you and thought you could do no wrong, no matter what you did with your life.” Then she chuckled. “Although I must say, it’s a good thing those pictures aren’t really of you. That I don’t think he could have handled.”
Amy glanced at her mother and her heart was filled with gratitude.
As she looked at the mother she’d always loved and the aunt who’d always been there for her, too, Amy came to yet another epiphany. It wasn’t so bad to be like the two women sitting here.
She was glad her mother said her father would have approved of her choices. But in reality she’d already come to the conclusion, as she sat here with her mother and aunt, that it didn’t matter as long as she herself approved of her choices.
In moderation, what was wrong with having fun? Unlike her relatives, Amy knew where and when to behave. So she’d made love with Roper in front of a set of windows—in a locked room facing a wintry landscape where it had been very unlikely they’d have been caught.
And if they’d been photographed? Could it be any worse than the doctored pictures on the Internet now? Amy shook her head and laughed, feeling lighter than she had in ages. She wrapped her hands around her knees, rocked back and forth and thought of all the ways she’d tried to run from Roper. All the excuses she’d made.
And that’s what they were.
Excuses.
After being fired from her first job, she’d retreated home to lick her wounds—and she’d stayed there. It had been easy and fun and she never had had to worry about what people would think. Her job at the retirement community, by definition, allowed for the eccentric behavior of those around her.
Her move to New York had been more overwhelming than she’d expected, and she’d been running from her fear—fear of not being able to make it here—without knowing it. Not until Roper had pointed it out today. And even then, she’d refused to admit he was right.
“What’s so funny?” her mother asked. “First you weren’t happy we’re here and now you’re laughing.”
“I think I’m just realizing what a fool I’ve been.” About so many things.
“So is it good we’re here? Or not so good we’re here?” Aunt Darla asked.
Amy bit down on the inside of her cheek. “It’s good you’re here now…”
“But?” her mother asked.
“But next time can we schedule a visit so I can take some legitimate time off?” And give her time to plan some activities that would keep them busy and out of trouble.
“We can do that,” her mother said, nodding.
“And as far as tonight’s guest goes, I need you two to promise you’ll stay in the background and let me do the talking. Do you understand?”
They both nodded.
“Good.”
Between this afternoon and right this minute, Amy had come to some major conclusions about her behavior and her life. Both needed to change.
And Buckley was giving her a chance to do it publicly.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
ROPER DIDN’T THINK HIS DAY could get any worse. After leaving Amy for what seemed like the last time, he worked out, checked in with his coaches and headed home. He’d taken one look at the houseguests who’d just returned from their tour of the city and he knew he had to send them to be with Amy. She needed them—either for their moral support or to face her frustration with them and send them home. Regardless, it wasn’t his problem. Unfortunately, he still cared enough to want her to have her family around her if she needed them.
An hour later, his doorbell rang and he found himself face-to-face with the last person he expected to see—his brother. As much as he wasn’t in the mood for company, he hadn’t seen Ben in a while.
“What’s up?” Roper asked.
“Can we talk? And before you slam the door in my face, I’m not here to ask you for money, a job or anything else,” his brother said, red-faced.
Curious now, Roper swung the door wide and gestured inside. “Come on in. Can I get you a beer?”
“Why not.”
A few minutes later, they were settled in his living room with the TV blaring eSports Network behind them. “So what’s up?” Roper asked.
Ben shifted in his seat. “A few things. First is, I called some of those contacts you gave me a while back and set up some interviews for assistant coaching jobs.”
Roper couldn’t believe his ears. “That’s great!” He didn’t want to ask what changed Ben’s mind because he didn’t want to ruin this step in the right direction.
“I’ve done some thinking and I’ve been an ass,” Ben said. “Blaming you because my life didn’t work out the way I wanted.” He glanced down, not even chugging his beer the way he usually did. “A couple of the guys said if things work out and I prove myself, the head coaching position might become available. I know it’s because of you but I’ll take the opportunity and try.”
“What’s going on, Ben?” Roper had never seen his brother so subdued.
“There’s something that’s going to hit the news and you need to hear it from me first.”
“Can’t be any worse than doctored porn shots of me and Amy on the Internet,” Roper muttered.
“No, but it relates to it. Turns out my friend Dave, who’d been letting me bunk there until I convinced you to fund the gym, was behind those photographs.”
“What the hell? Why? I don’t even know the guy.”
Ben swallowed hard. “Yeah, well, thanks to me, he thought he knew you. My old, skewed perspective of you.”
“I don’t know what I want to know first. Why your view of me changed or more about Dave and the pictures,” Roper muttered. “I do know I’m going over there and kill him for what he put Amy through.” He flexed and unflexed his hands, anger coursing through his veins.
Ben rose and began pacing the room. “Hear me out first, then you can decide what to do. You know I was jealous of you. You know I thought fate gave me a raw deal and Dave knew it, too. Not only was he my friend, he’s a Renegades season ticket holder, too, and last season’s World Series disaster pissed him off big-time.”
“He wouldn’t be the only one,” Roper said, acknowledging the truth.
“But he was more out of control than I realized. You know those packages you’ve been getting?
The letters? The media coverage of you lately, excessive even by New York standards?”
“Yes…” Roper knew where this was going and his head felt full enough to explode. “He’s been behind it all?”
“Anything I heard about you, things I griped about to him, he used against you, bro.” Ben strode to him. “I had no idea. You have to believe me. I was whiny and self-centered, but you’re my brother. I’d never do anything to hurt you. As soon as he told me, it was like this huge lightbulb went off in my head and I realized how messed up my own thinking has been.” Ben pleaded with Roper to understand.
And he tried. Man, Roper tried. Because this was his baby brother and he wanted to believe he’d changed. “Go on.”
“I moved out. Well, he kicked me out, so I moved into Mom’s hotel until she goes back to L.A. But as soon as those photos surfaced, I knew it was Dave.” Ben picked up his beer and took a long swig, then placed the bottle back on the table. “I hadn’t given him back my key, so I let myself into his place while he was at work and checked the laptop. And bingo.”
“He wasn’t bright enough to delete the evidence?” Roper asked in disbelief.
“He’s cocky enough to think he wouldn’t get caught. But he’s wrong.” Ben shoved his hands into his back pockets. “Before I came here, I turned the laptop over to the police. Then I called Buckley and gave him a tip.”
Roper shook his head hard. “You did that for me?”
Ben shrugged. “Maybe I also did it for me. A little redemption, you know? So maybe I could look at myself in the mirror and not hate what I see.”
Roper tried not to wince. For all Ben’s faults, he obviously had a good heart. And Roper knew what it was like to hate yourself at least a little bit. “Ben, it’s okay. I don’t hold what Dave did against you. I appreciate you stepping up to the plate for me. I do.”
“Don’t thank me, at least not yet. There’s one more thing you need to know,” Ben said, looking down as he spoke. He drew a deep breath. “You know how Buckley’s known a lot about you lately? Where you’ve been and who you’ve been with?”
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