by Renee Dyer
“Cal Senior dropped off some groceries a few minutes ago. Could you put them away for me, sweetie?” I look to Grams and her smile tells me she caught me in my moment of reflection. I nod my head and smile back at her before walking to the kitchen. I let out a small chuckle listening to Adriana get excited when Grams asks her what she’s reading right now. It’s something to do with a rock band and I think the author’s name is Heidi, but I’m only half listening. Adriana is talking a mile a minute in her excitement to tell Grams how much she loves the books. I do perk up when she starts talking about how hot the guys are. Seriously, she’s telling my Grams about hot guys? I don’t know that Grams should be getting all worked up right now.
I want to tell her that, but I hear her start to tell Grams about some other books that she loves. She says they helped her more than any therapist ever could have after Alex passed. I take a step back, trying to give them a little privacy. It doesn’t seem like she’s trying to keep me out of it, but it feels personal between them. I’m curious what the books are and why they helped her so much, but I can’t bring myself to go out there to listen. I’m just glad she feels that she can confide in Grams.
I step all the way back into the kitchen and finish the groceries, chuckling every time I hear one of their voices raise in excitement. I always wanted to be able to bring a woman home to Grams, have her fall in love with her. I just never really thought it would happen. There’s no way for me to ever tell Adriana what she means to me or how she’s changed my life.
The next couple days go by much too quickly. Grams and Adriana spend a lot of time talking about Adriana’s kindle. Adriana showed Grams how the kindle works and why she loves it so much. I know what I’ll be buying Grams as her next gift. She fell in love with it and the way her eyes lit up was priceless. The two of them were like kids in a candy store when it came to talking about books. It was good for me because it gave me time to contact my agent.
Jack gave me bad news. The paparazzi had been snapping pictures of Adriana and me and I wasn’t even slightly aware. There are pictures of us at the cemetery both times we were there. Both of our breakdowns are on camera. Us walking hand in hand into the hotel. Timed pictures of us leaving the hotel together. The paparazzi will try to make this look like a torrid affair, when it’s nothing close to that. I had to tell Jack everything about Adriana and me, which sucked. Laying my personal life out for anyone feels wrong, but it’s his job to keep my reputation in check. He listened intently and at the end of it all, told me he’d do what he could to shelter her from any backlash as I requested.
Jack Weldon has an ego the size of California, but he’s pulled my ass from the frying pan on several occasions. I’m counting on him to pull through again while pulling whatever strings necessary to spin those pictures in the best light. I’d love if he could get an injunction to stop them from printing, but he said they were already on the web, so partial damage has already been done.
My nights with Adriana were not the hot nights I would have preferred. Although Grams had no problem with her and me sharing a room, I have too much respect for my grandmother to have sex while she’s in the house. So, my remaining time with Adriana was spent only holding her. I got kisses here and there. I’m not complaining about the intimacy that we did share, but I missed the passion that I know we would have shared had we been staying at the hotel. Many times, just thinking of that, brought my lower half to life. It’s always a struggle to not be aroused around her. Her tight, little body and her laughter bring me to life in a way nothing else ever has. It stirs a hunger in me I didn’t know existed.
We have fun playing board games and I’m surprised to find out my angel is a tad competitive. She kicks my ass repeatedly at UNO and Life and I can’t help but get turned on each time she jumps up and down in victory. I know her tits are jumping up and down under her tank top and it fires me up not being able to touch her. Holding her is nice, but being buried in her is heaven. It’s going to be too long before I can feel that again.
Too soon, Saturday morning arrives and it’s time to bring her to the airport. Against everything in my gut, I ask Grams if she wants Mikos to stay with her while I go with Adriana. The look of love on Grams face nearly buckles my knees. I don’t want her getting her hopes up that there is going to be any mending between him and me, but I also don’t want her alone. She has other plans though. There’s no way she is staying home. She wants to see our girl off. I love that she refers to Adriana as our girl.
Adriana tries to smile through breakfast, tries to hide her sadness over leaving, but I can see right through the façade. Shit, I’m sad too. I’m devastated that we’ll be miles apart once again and who knows when we’ll see each other again. My only bright spot in all this gray is that this time I know she’s not simply leaving me behind. We will find a way to see each other soon and we’ll talk every day. I walk over to her and wrap her in my arms, trying to feed her the love I feel for her, the love I wish I could tell her I feel for her. She melts into my embrace and we stay that way for several minutes, neither of us eager to be apart.
Grams chats the whole way to the airport about how she plans to visit New Hampshire when she feels better. She has a plan for her and Adriana to have a girls’ week and a list of places she would love to see. I love how Grams has lifted the tension from the car. She has Adriana giggling and joking about the sleepovers they’ll have and how they can paint each other’s toenails and talk book boyfriends. Even though I chuckle at this, I’m not sure I like that part. They go on and on about their week, planning the fun they’ll have, and I listen in a state of bliss as the two women I love continue to bond.
At the airport, Grams and I stay with Adriana for as long as we can before she has to go through security. She has tears in her eyes and I can see her heart breaking. I want to pick up the pieces and assure her that everything will be fine, but I can’t find the words. She looks so small, so fragile in this moment, and I’m afraid any words I say will break her more. If I’m being honest with myself, I’m afraid anything I say will make her run like last time, shattering me.
“Why do we always seem to be saying goodbye at airports?” she says with a catch in her voice.
“It isn’t goodbye, sweetness. I’ll see you soon. I promise,” I answer back, putting my hand under her chin and lifting her face so she has to look at me. I offer her the biggest smile I can muster and my heartbeat falters at the tear that falls from her eye. “No tears. Not this time.” I wipe it away and pull her into my arms, holding her as tight as I can.
“Alright, back up. I want a hug from her too.” I chuckle as Grams tugs on my arm. Adriana chuckles too and once again, I’m beyond thankful that Grams is in my life.
“I’ll miss you,” Grams tells her. “Feels like I’ve met a kindred spirit in you.” She backs up from Adriana and gives her the smile that lights up her face, the smile that healed my hurts growing up. I watch as it melts sadness off Adriana’s face and I want to wrap Grams in my arms and thank her all over again. She seems to always know the right thing to do.
“I’ll miss you, too. Rest and get better so you can get your rear out to New Hampshire. I’m holding you to that visit.” They give each other another quick hug and I can’t stop smiling at them. This is how I always pictured it would be when I fell in love. Grams would love her too and she would love Grams back. Now, I just need to get her to fall in love with me.
“You have to go before you miss your flight.” I hate the words coming out of my mouth because I know I’ll miss her the second she’s out of my sight.
She stares at her feet a second before looking back up into my eyes. “I’ll miss you, too.”
I’m temporarily speechless because I know how hard saying that is for her. The bond that we’ve formed in these last few days seems to be growing stronger with each moment. I pull her back into my arms and place a kiss to the top of her head. “I’ll miss you, too, sweetness. Call me as soon as you land. Okay?”
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��I will. Promise.” I know she says that because of our last send-off at an airport. Giving her one more kiss, I watch as she walks away and I want to run to her, beg her to stay with me, go back to Vancouver with me and never leave my side. Knowing it’s too soon for all of that is the only thing that keeps me standing where I am. I watch with a sad heart at her slumped shoulders and her dropped head. Her sadness reaches back to me and I hate that I can’t take that away for her. Grams takes my hand in hers and gives it a squeeze. I look down and smile at her, trying to thank her for being here with me.
“Tucker!” I look up to see Adriana running back to me and I open my arms to catch her. She holds on to me tight and I can hear her crying. “I just needed one more hug.” When she pulls away, she gives me a teary-eyed smile. “I’ll call you.” I put her back down and watch as she turns from me and walks away through security. That is how our last departure should have went.
Sitting in the back of the cab with Grams, I’m hit with an overwhelming sense of sorrow and hope all at once. My heart hurts and I miss Adriana already. I miss the warmth of her body and her smile that brings light to my life. I miss kissing her and touching her. But, I know that this time, I’ll see her again. I know she didn’t walk away from me with no intention of speaking to me again. She is mine and my heart belongs to her.
“I like her.” I look at Grams and feel her hand slip into mine.
“I do, too, Grams,” I say with a smile on my face.
“I’d say you more than like her, sweetie. It’s all over your face.” I nod at her, unable to say the words yet. “Well then, hold on with all you have and don’t let your temper screw it up.” She gives my hand a gentle squeeze.
“Can I ask you something, Grams?”
“Always. You know that.”
“I overheard you two talking. I wasn’t trying to, but I did and she was telling you about some books that helped her. I, uh…”
“I have the titles written down at home, sweetie.” I love that Grams knows what I’m asking without me saying it. I’m embarrassed and I don’t know why. I didn’t barge in or interfere in their conversation. I backed away when it seemed the conversation was meant to be personal between them, but ever since, it’s been eating at me. I keep wondering if I heard Adriana say the name of the books, but I didn’t. I was too far into the kitchen. I don’t even know why I want to know the names of the books or what I’ll do with the information. I just know it’s important. It’s another piece of the puzzle I need to put together before I understand how to move forward in getting her to fall in love with me.
Chapter Twenty
Adriana
I know I told Tucker I’d call him as soon as I land, but I want a little privacy when I talk to him so I wait till I’ve gotten my bag and I’ve gone to my car. It’s torture sitting here listening to the phone ring. After the fourth ring, I’m worried something may have happened to Rose. Biting at my nail, I’m about to hang up after the sixth ring when I hear, “Hi, sweetness,” come through the phone. I want to crawl through my cell to get to him. His voice has a way of waking up every nerve in my body.
“I’m back in New Hampshire. Wanted you to know I made it back safely.” I have to work hard to keep my voice even and not cry with how much I miss him already. I promised myself I would not be a weepy mess and I intend to stick to that. “How’s Rose feeling?”
“She’s still tired, but her spunk is coming back so I’d say she’s going to make a full recovery.” The light laughter I hear sends chills through my body. Not the kind you get when you feel like you’re being watched or someone creeps you out. No, these are the chills you get when a person’s voice has that timber that rocks through your system and fires up every part of you. It wakes up every part of your being and has you aware of them in the most primal way. That’s how Tucker’s voice is for me. It rasps across my ear and sends goose bumps rocketing across my skin.
If only he were here…
“Your taping schedule is pretty hectic the next few months, huh?” I try to keep the disappointment from my voice, but I don’t know how to do that. I hate not knowing when I’ll see him again.
“Yeah, but if I can get any break, for any amount of time, I’ll come to you.” I smile at the thought of seeing him. It will be too long before we’re face to face, but I want this to work so I know I have to suck up the distance between us.
“Maybe I can plan a trip to Vancouver soon, too. I can look over my and Alahna’s schedule and see if there’s a time that works.” I know we’re pretty busy right now. Lots of families have already started booking for holiday pictures. Now through the New Year is crazy, but maybe I could take a long weekend and fly out to see him. Even if I only get a day with him, it would be worth it.
“You’re always welcome. I’ll fill out a form for you at security checkpoint and I’ll send you something this week that you’ll need to send back with your picture. If you can come, then you’ll be able to come on the set without any hassles.”
The thought of going on his set is exciting. I wasn’t lying when I told him I’d met famous people before. I’d met Patriots players and a few rock stars and some of my favorite authors, but I’ve never been on the set of a show. I can’t hide my enthusiasm. “Really? That would be so fun!”
His warm laughter fills my ear and I tingle all over, making me miss him that much more. “Everything with you is fun, sweetness. Call me later so I can say goodnight to you.”
Saying goodbye to him on the phone now is so much easier than when we were in the airport this morning. I don’t feel like breaking down. In fact, I can’t stop smiling. Tucker is back in my life.
And, I intend to keep him here.
Monday morning, I walk into the studio with a pep to my step I haven’t felt in a long time. I’m glad that we’re in the Epping studio today because I have something important I need to do. I’ve put this off for far too long. Now that I’ve made the decision to do it, I’m having a hard time thinking of anything else. Luckily, after our first clients get here we’ll be booming all day so I won’t be able to dwell on what’s to come.
“You’re glowing this morning.” I hear Alahna say as she walks in the door. I hadn’t realized I was smiling. “I know you’re not pregnant so I’m guessing you and Tucker rekindled things?” She raises her brow and gives me the look that says, ‘you better spill the details, bitch’.
I don’t know why, but I’m suddenly shy. We did rekindle things and I’m over the moon happy about it, but I don’t know how to say it. My friends have watched me be miserable for so long. I don’t know how to switch gears and be the Adri they used to know. I want to say all of this to Alahna, but the words are lodged in my throat. “I read a new series on the plane and while I hung at his Grams’ house. You have to get it.” I don’t know why that’s what I choose to say. I did read a new series and I loved it, but it’s not what she was asking me about.
I love how her face lights up at the mention of a new book. “Oh yeah? What was it?”
“The Beaumont Series by Heidi McLaughlin. There are two books so far and a novella and they are amazeballs. Oh god. You have to read them. You need to meet Harrison. Holy shit, Alahna! That is my new book boyfriend. He may very well be my forever book boyfriend.”
She giggles at me before saying, “I read them already.”
“What! What do you mean you read them already? I can’t imagine you wouldn’t like them, love them, so how is it that you didn’t tell me about these books?”
I watch as she looks to the ground, discomfort filling the air. I’m not sure what it is about these books that would make Alahna not want to speak to me. I place my hand on her shoulder and she looks at me with a sadness that shoots straight to my heart. Her blues eyes are iced over with hurt and I want to wrap her in a hug.
“What is it? Why didn’t you tell me about these books?” I ask gently. “Did you not like them?” It just now occurs to me that for the first time in our friendship, there may be a book tha
t we don’t agree on.
“I loved them,” she says, sadness still shadowing her beautiful face. “But, I couldn’t tell you about them because of Mason.” It all makes sense. Her hesitancy and sadness is over the content in the books. “You were already so wrapped up in Taking Chances and Stealing Harper and would read them again and again. I worried those books were keeping you in a state of grief. I was afraid to tell you about these books.” She looks at me with misted over eyes, an apology clear on her face.
“Alahna, I wish I had handled things so differently. I’m so sorry for what you had to watch me go through. But, Stealing Harper and this series… they don’t keep me in a state of grief. They give me hope. In all the pain I’ve been lost in, these books lift me up and make me believe that someday I can move on and be happy again. That’s why I keep reading them again and again. They are the best form of therapy I could ever buy. I’m sorry that you thought you couldn’t tell me about a book. This is our thing.”
“Well, speaking of our thing, did you get to read Faithful yet?”
“Of course I did. You know that!”
She stares at me open-mouthed, like she can’t believe I just said that. I stare back at her silently, questioning her. Didn’t she and I talk about this book yet? It came out last month and we are both huge Kelly Elliott fans. I know I was a mess over Tucker, but I can’t believe I let that stop me from talking about the Wanted gang. I stand there a few more minutes trying to remember any conversation we had and I want to kick my own ass when I realize how much I have been neglecting my friends.
“We have about twenty minutes before our clients get here,” I say. “Is there anything we need to get ready?” She shakes her head no, with a big smile on her face. “Well then, let’s talk about some hot ass cowboys!”