by Renee Dyer
“Oh.”
“‘O’ is right. I’d be making you scream all night as you ride out the biggest ‘O’ of your life. I’m hard just thinking about it. Now, I have to go back into a room full of people with tented pants. Thanks for that.”
I put my hand over my mouth, trying to cover my laughter. This man keeps winning my heart. Between his sexy talk and his understanding that I can be difficult at times, he’s going to break down every wall I have in place to protect me and I’m going to be powerless to stop it.
“Does that mean you’re not mad at me anymore?”
“Aw Christ, woman. Can I ever really be mad at you?” Amusement is evident in his tone and I wish we weren’t so far apart because I want him to make good on his words. Thinking of him bending me over has me tingling and wet. I’ll be using my vibrator tonight to relieve the tension he just created. “I have to get back to work, but have Devon get those audio files to me so I can go through them and get them to my agent, okay?”
I tell him I’ll be sure to have Devon do that and tell him how much I miss him. Hearing him tell me he misses me too and knowing he isn’t mad at me, has me smiling big when we hang up. I think the guy’s jobs are secure for now so I head into the kitchen to tell Devon that Tucker wants the files tonight.
I stop in my tracks when I’m greeted by all three of them staring at me. Zack has a smirk on his face. It’s as close to a smile as I’ve seen him have since he’s been here and it makes him seem not so harsh. “You have guts, little lady.” I want to laugh at his little lady comment, but he’s about six-foot-seven and towers over me, so I keep my humor to myself. “Thank you for what you said on our behalf.” The others nod their heads to his words.
I nod my head back, not sure what to say to Zack finally acknowledging me in any way other than a nuisance. I know today didn’t go according to his normal protocol, but the team did show me that they will pull through in a crisis. They’ll protect those around me, even if it means separating the team and not having me at the front of the protection grid. I grab a root beer from the fridge and stand with them, munching on chips while we talk over the files Tucker needs and how things may be different in the morning. None of them thinks all of the paparazzi will be gone, but we’re hoping some will go away now that some of the mystery of who I am has been taken away.
I talk with the guys for an hour or so before excusing myself to go to bed. It was nice being able to hang with them as people instead of just my security team. Seeing them relax for a few minutes helped me to see them as humans and not robots. For the first time in weeks, I settle into my bed feeling at ease.
Chapter Thirty
Tucker
I barely slept because I stayed up listening to the file Devon sent me over and over. My emotions ping-ponged all over the place from anger to happiness listening to it. The paparazzi learned more about Adriana in a couple hours than I had in months. I don’t know who I’m so angry at, them, her, or me. Should I have asked her more questions or continued to let her come to me? I know she felt cornered into talking to them, but I can’t help but feel angry that I’m getting to know her through them—people I fucking despise.
But, then I want to kick my own ass for getting angry when I hear how she talks about me. She talks like I’m a prince or some shit like that. She talks about seeing me as a man, not an actor and that’s what I need. I crave that. I want to hop on a plane and go to her. Tell her how much I love her, but I know she’ll run if I say that. She’s nowhere near ready for that yet.
I hate that, yet again, her and I are on different levels. I know she cares about me. I can see it in the way she looks at me. I feel it in her touch. I hear it in the words she says on the recording, but I don’t think it’s love for her. Not yet.
Can she love me?
I hope so. My goal is to show her the best of me. I plan to show her that I will take care of her and treasure her. I hate that we’re so far apart. It’s not ideal for starting a relationship, but I don’t know how to fix that. I have a contract for the show and I refuse to take her away from the people she loves.
I start the recording again while I shower. My heart breaks a little listening to her talk about Alex. I hear love in her voice when she talks about him. I don’t know why it bothers me to hear her talk about him. I know she loved him. She’s never lied about that. Actually, she’s been nothing but honest with me. She seems to be starting to move forward and finally realizing that he’s not coming back and now I seem to have a hang up about him. I need to get my head straight. I told her I don’t expect her to say goodbye to him and I need to stick to my word. I believed those words when I said them. I don’t know why I’m feeling so down about Alex now.
He can’t come back and take her from me. He can’t hold her. He can’t tell her he loves her anymore. I don’t know why hearing her talk about him causes me jealousy and pain, but my heart hurts listening to her reminisce over how wonderful she thinks he was. It’s irrational because she talks highly of me too, but I can’t seem to get past it.
Over breakfast, I forward the file to my agent. My stomach lurches at sending something that feels so personal to him for him to dissect and figure out the best plan of attack. I know he’s going to have to figure out how to handle Adriana’s comment to Raquel. Raquel was instigating Adriana, but I wish she hadn’t given in to the goading. I wish I had never dated that bitch. I should have seen her for what she was, a story chasing leech. Funny how we don’t see things until it’s too late.
I’m not surprised by the instant e-mail back that Jack wants to meet me for lunch. He’ll go over the file and have a game plan. He’ll meet me at my trailer because he knows my taping schedule can be hectic. I send a message back telling him to message Yvette to find out what the schedule is for the day and what he wants to eat. She’ll have everything ready. My skin is crawling already thinking of the ways he’ll want to work this story.
I’ve listened to the recording several times. Adriana did great by not saying what we are. I think that hurt me the most. I want her to stake her claim on me, but she was smart. We haven’t had a talk saying what we are and I could blast her publicly. I would never do that, but my agent might. Son of a bitch. If he suggests anything that will make her look bad, I’ll be firing him today. I’ll do anything to protect her and from the talks Jack and I have already had, he should know this. But, I pay him to protect me and that will be in the front of his mind. He was fuming when I called to tell him she was approaching the paparazzi. It was the first time I heard him swear in the years I’ve worked with him. The first thing we’re taught in this business is to avoid the paparazzi.
Adriana broke the first rule.
I need someone else’s opinion on this, so I make a decision that I know would piss Jack off if I told him and send the file to Eddie. Eddie always has his e-mail open and I know that by the time I get in to work, he’ll have listened to some of it. It’s a lot to listen to and he won’t be able to listen to it all at once, but throughout the day, he’ll find time. I need my best friend to tell me what he thinks. He knows this life we live. I just wish I had thought to send this to him last night. He would have been here with me helping me work this out before I have to meet with my agent. I’m tired of this life.
I walk into work and Eddie walks straight up to me, pulling me off to the side. “Let’s go to your trailer.” I nod and follow behind him. I don’t look to see if anyone else is paying attention to what is going down between us. There’s not a lot of people her yet, but a few have shown up.
Eddie wastes no time starting in as soon as the door closes behind us. “Tuck, I haven’t gotten to listen to much yet, but, man, I want to cancel taping so I can. When are you meeting with Minton?”
“He’s calling Yvette to come here at lunch today.”
“Alright. I’ll rearrange taping schedules so yours are this afternoon. You and I are coming back here to listen to those recordings.”
“Eddie… are you sure? You
like to be at all the tapings.” I want Eddie to hear the recording, but I don’t know that I want to sit and listen with him. I don’t know that I want him to see the emotions that I may not be able to hide.
He drops his head slightly and I take that as a yes. I watch him leave my trailer, but I don’t follow him. I don’t want to know what he tells the crew. I’ve caused enough drama and strife the last few months. I don’t want them to see that things are changing because of me again.
I sit, rubbing my hands along my jeans, for about twenty minutes before Eddie returns. I’m lucky I haven’t rubbed holes through the denim. My nerves are shot waiting for Eddie to hear all that Adriana had to say. He’ll know how much she loves her husband still. He’ll get to hear how she feels about me and how her voice changes when she talks about both of us. I’ll try to keep my emotions and reactions in check, but Eddie knows me better than anyone. That has me worried.
We brew a pot of coffee and get comfortable. I ask Yvette to get us some snacks to keep us going and to make sure lunch will be set for when Jack gets here. I give her very specific orders that no one is to disturb us until then.
Eddie listens intently. He stops the recording and backs it up several times. I don’t know what he’s looking for and wish he would take his damn sunglasses off so I could see what’s going on in his eyes. I’m out in the open, exposed for him to see everything I’m feeling, and he’s still hiding. I feel like I’m going to fucking burst waiting to hear what he has to say. Minutes turn into hours as we listen to questions being fired at Adriana. She answers them. I hear her voice and it rolls through me like it always does, touching on every cell in my body. I hear the laughs she elicits from the assholes, I hear when they get frustrated and start asking things that they have no right to. I cringe at Raquel’s voice. I hate that she kept attacking Adriana and that Adriana gave in to her goading. I can only imagine what she’ll write about her.
Eddie does smile when he hears Adriana’s comment back to Raquel. He was never a fan of hers. He saw her for what she was when I couldn’t. I still believed there were people in this business who could want you for you and not because they had an ulterior motive. I was wrong.
Eddie turns the recording off and scratches at his chin. He doesn’t say anything and it’s making me want to shake him. “The only real problem I see is Raquel. Other than that, I think your girl did real well, Tuck. She didn’t say anything that incriminates you or the show. I don’t think Jack has much to clean up.”
I don’t know what part to talk to him about first. His words give me relief and piss me off at the same time. I like that he calls Adriana my girl because he’s been hesitant to refer to her as anything at all after the way she left me in July. But, I’m pissed at him for insinuating that she would incriminate me or the show. Adriana would never purposely hurt anyone. I want to scream that at him, but I know he’s trying to help me work through this.
He continues, “If any of them write anything that is damning, we’ll be able to fight it. I’m curious to see what Raquel writes. Adriana pegged her, huh?” Eddie is grinning and I have to chuckle.
“Yeah, that shit was pretty funny. You and I both know that Raquel won’t let that insult slide though.”
“Wish I could have seen that bitch’s face when Adriana said that to her,” Eddie laughs out. I want to keep laughing with him, but until I talk with Jack, I won’t be able to fully relax. “Look, Tuck, I’m still not one hundred percent on the Adriana train after what went down with you two this summer, but after listening to this, I can tell she cares about you. I don’t think she’s fully over her husband yet, but I can’t imagine what it’s like to lose someone like that either. Just be careful, man. I don’t want to see you like you were when she wasn’t talking to you.”
I give him a look to let him know I hear what he’s saying. I can’t respond yet because I agree with what he said and saying that out loud hurts. I know she cares about me, but she still loves Alex, too. It means a lot to me to hear Eddie say that he can hear that she cares about me. I know he didn’t want me to go back to her. He thought she was going to be the downfall of my career. She almost was.
We listen to the recording some more until Jack gets here and we both agree the biggest issue is Raquel. Jack sets my mind at ease by saying we can play her off as a jealous ex if she writes anything bad. Raquel was making nasty comments and there were lots of witnesses to that. He can’t see where anything Adriana says can be misconstrued into a big story or major headline. He’s sure they will play up the ‘Tucker wooing the widow’ angle, but Jack assures me he’ll be going to work on every angle he can to make me come out looking like the perfect gentleman Adriana said I was.
I go back to work feeling like a million pounds has been lifted off me and I can finally breathe again. Eddie and I walk into the main taping area, laughing and joking. Everyone looks at us and I wish I had asked him what excuse he gave for us being gone all morning. I guess it doesn’t matter.
The rest of the day, I’m on fire. We finish every scene we had planned and get an extra one in. I’m thinking I need to keep up this pace so I can plan something special for Adriana soon. I miss her and the only way to fix that is to get on a plane. My mind starts wandering to seeing her and before long, I know exactly when I can fit it into my schedule.
At home, I decide I can’t let other people continue to keep getting to know Adriana more than I do. I pull out my tablet and download the Kindle app. I open my junk drawer, shuffle through the mess in there, find the paper Grams gave me, and stare at it. I hope Adriana doesn’t think this is an invasion of her privacy. Without thinking about it any further, I download Taking Chances and Stealing Harper by Molly McAdams. These books were therapeutic to Adriana and I plan to see why.
I make myself some dinner and head to the couch with my food, beer, and tablet. I can’t believe I’m really going to read chick novels, but I promised myself today that I was going to do whatever it takes to be the best man I could be for Adriana.
This is me being my best.
Chapter Thirty One
Adriana
A couple weeks have passed since the paparazzi showdown. Some still hang out at the end of my street, but most have gone. I’m no longer a mystery and they realized after hearing my story that there is nothing all that exciting about me. Thank goodness I never gave into my urges of running through my yard naked because I was pissed at them for being here. The morning after the showdown, Clive came up to me and handed me some papers. He told me it was a pleasure to meet me and he wanted me to see what he was submitting to his magazine. I still haven’t read it and I have no idea what magazine he writes for so I have no idea if it’s good or bad.
I haven’t looked at any tabloids at all since that night that I talked to them. The idea that my face or my house may be in the stores where I shop freaks me out. I don’t want to know what these people wrote about me. I don’t want to know what they thought of me. It scares me.
Tucker called me the day after to tell me his agent thought I handled myself well. The relief in his voice made me feel better. I wanted to apologize to him for making him worry, but I was afraid it would make him upset all over again. He couldn’t stay on the phone long and I hate that, once again, we were rushed away from each other. We’ve been rushed a lot the last couple weeks. We’ve had a few Skype sessions, but not enough in my opinion. I need to find time to see him soon. I miss him so much. I told Alahna I want to make a trip to Vancouver to see him and we’re trying to work it into our schedule, but this is a busy season for us. Holiday pictures have started.
Now, I’m in the car with the girls and we’re making a three-hour drive to some little town called Stark. It’s still in New Hampshire, but I’ve never heard of it. Alahna found it and thought it would be perfect. We’re staying at a cabin in the mountains to relax for my birthday weekend. She and I worked this morning and we’re all eating lunch in the car so we can be there to have dinner. I’m looking forward to ha
nging out with my girls. We haven’t had much time; Dee’s been sick, Alahna and I have been working, and Mick has been getting ready for her wedding.
“Martin’s Muse, huh? You gonna tell me about that shirt because I don’t know what book that’s from.” I look over to Alahna as she drives and smile. I love our book talks.
“Oh my God. I can’t wait for this book to come out in January. I read Kemmie’s first book and fell in love with her writing. I got on her street team and she picked me as a beta to read His Muse and holy fucking hell, Alahna… you have to get this book. You’ll fall in love with Martin and Abby. This is a love story that you don’t want to miss. I loved it so much, I made Kemmie and myself a t-shirt. I mailed hers to her last week.”
“Kemmie who? And why didn’t you tell me you’re a beta reader for someone, bitch?”
I snort out in laughter as I look at her trying to act pissy with me. “Kemmie Michaels. If we can get on the internet wherever the hell you’re taking us, I’ll show you her other books so you can buy them. I think you’ll like Marcus. You may know someone like him.”
“Really? And who would that be?”
“Well, I was talking about—”
“Oh for shit’s sake, you two. You’re killing Dee and me back here. Can you two ever talk about anything other than books?” Mickayla huffs at us and we all laugh.
The rest of the ride we talk hot men, Dee’s pregnancy, Mickayla’s wedding, and anything that’s not books. I watch the scenery going by out my window. New Hampshire is beautiful this time of year. The leaves are varying shades of red and yellow, orange and brown. Autumn has just started and it’s apparent in the beauty all around us. Alahna and I packed our camera equipment and I can’t wait to pull that out and snap some shots. I know we will get some fun shots of us together too.