by Renee Dyer
“Fuck me, Tucker. I need you to fuck me. It’s all I’ve thought about tonight.”
Those words from her mouth are my undoing. I take two steps and mash her against the wall, gain the extra leverage I need, and bury myself so deep my balls are touching her skin. Her cries sound off the walls.
She wanted the devil tonight and that’s what she’s getting. I pound into her with a reckless abandon, trying to go deeper with each stroke. Our bodies slap together, the sound of skin smacking of skin echoing off the appliances around us. I bite her nipples through the lacy barrier I never removed in my need to get inside of her and mentally scream out in victory when she shouts out my name. Every pant and moan makes me feel that much more like I’ve marked her as mine.
She is mine.
No other man will ever touch her. The thoughts barrel through my head as I plunge into her again and again. Her nails dig into my shoulders and scratch down my back. I thrive on the pain she brings me, revel in it. She makes me feel so fucking alive.
“Oh god, Tucker. Yeees. Mmmm.”
I don’t stop grinding into her. Hell no. I want her to feel every ripple, every wave and aftershock of her orgasm. She’s begging me to slow down, but I push harder, make her feel more. Her moans are half whimpers. She wanted the devil in her. You play with fire and you get burned. I can’t stop. My legs are burning from the exertion, but still, I keep up the frantic pace, needing to give her what she asked for.
My gut starts to burn and I know I’m close. It won’t take much for me to get there.
“Come for me, Tucker.”
She slams her mouth to mine and forces her tongue between my lips. It’s all I need to send me into a state of fucking euphoric bliss. My balls tense and I roar into her mouth. She swallows my cries as I lose control.
Later, as I lay in bed listening to her breathe, I can’t help but hate our circumstance. In mere hours, I’ll be leaving again. I’m always leaving and every time, it’s getting harder to walk away. I want to ask her to come with me, but I know that option won’t work. I have a contract and her whole world is here.
Will it be worse when we admit that we love each other? Will she resent me when that’s on the table and I’m not around? Should I walk away now and save her that heartache?
Can I walk away from her?
I know I can’t. My heart is far too wrapped up in the angel lying next to me. I’ll never be able to walk away from her, not without destroying myself. There has to be a way to figure this out. There has to be a way for us to see each other more.
I just wish I knew how. Thanksgiving won’t come soon enough.
Chapter Forty Eight
Eddie
Here I sit, with Adriana’s family, pretending I’m into all of this family bullshit for Thanksgiving. If it weren’t for the love I have for Grams, I would have said no when Tucker asked. But, he said Grams was looking forward to seeing me and I can never say no to that woman.
They’ve been my family since I met Tucker when he was nineteen. We became quick friends. He accepted my quirks, never asking why I choose to hide from the world and never pressing me to stop. Grams is the same way. Sure, she’s made some of her wise comments over the years about caterpillars needing to become butterflies and shit like that, but I know it’s her way of saying I’d find my way in time.
What they don’t know, because I haven’t told them, is that I don’t need to find my way. I’m not hiding. I’m leaving behind an old life and protecting those who don’t want to know me anymore. It’s better this way. I can only cause pain to the people from my past.
That’s why today is such a farce for me. With Tucker and Grams, I was able to celebrate Thanksgiving because Grams never made the traditional meal. There was no turkey or mashed potatoes. No gravy or rolls. She never made pumpkin pie. I never had to worry about the memories of my past ramming into me like a Mack truck.
Today though, this is a different story. Adriana, her mom, and Grams are gabbing away, making all the foods you’d expect at Thanksgiving, right down to the cranberry sauce. Smells waft from the kitchen reminding me of a time when I had a family and that we were happy. That was before…
It doesn’t matter what that was before. I don’t think about that anymore. Well, I didn’t until today. And, it’s not just the damn smells and the women cooking in the kitchen that are making me itch to hop on a plane back to L.A. The solace of my place is calling to me, to protect me from the memories overtaking my mind that is too busy to ever stop.
“You okay, man? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
Tucker walks up beside me where I’m staring at pictures of Adriana and her friends on her walls. One friend in particular has grabbed my attention and she isn’t letting go. Her face is so similar to someone I used to know. Pain slices through my heart. Memories sear my brain. I need to stop this out of control train wreck happening in my body before Tucker sees through the lie I’m about to tell.
“Yeah. She just looks like someone I used to know,” I say, motioning toward a picture with several people in it. I walk away, not wanting him to ask me anymore about which friend or who she reminds me of.
“You don’t have to tell me who she was or why it hurts you, but don’t think I bought that bullshit that you’re okay. You can hide behind your glasses all you want, Eddie, but I can tell in other ways that you’re not okay. Someday, I hope you feel you can tell me everything. You know I’ll never judge. I’m here for you, man.”
He places his hand on my shoulder and gives me that look, the look that says he would do anything for me. I know he would, but I still can’t tell him what I did or who I think she looks like. Some people need to remain buried.
Fuck! I don’t want to be here. All this Partridge Family, let’s gather round the table and say what we’re thankful for, is too much. It reminds me of what I had, what I lost, and what I miss more than I can ever tell anyone. There are some things you can never get back, no matter how much praying you do or how many things you promise to God you’ll do. Some things just can’t be undone.
I can’t get over Victoria being here as a friend to Adrian. I know we found out that Grant called the paparazzi, but she still slept with him. She used my best friend and then fucked around behind his back. I don’t understand how Tuck and Adriana can stand to be around her, but Tuck says he’s forgiven her.
I was flabbergasted the day he told me that. She fucked Grant, the son of a bitch who hates Tucker, for a year, but Tuck forgives her. He says they’re finding out a lot about her and she’s not the bitch that we thought she was. She acted that way as a defense mechanism to keep people from getting close to her and hurting her. Tuck says he thinks some bad shit happened to her as a kid, but he doesn’t know what.
Bad shit happens to lot of people. Doesn’t mean you have the right to be an asshole to the world. Every time she laughs, I want to throw up. I can’t help but wonder if it’s an act. She apologized to me when I saw her, told me she should have never treated me the way she did. I smiled because of the crowd around me, acted gracious, but I didn’t believe a word falling from her venomous lips.
Everyone here is so Norman Rockwell. It’s too perfect. The ladies are cooking, except Victoria. She’s watching football with the guys. Adriana keeps peeking her head out and screaming at the TV. It’s my one highlight of the day. I like her spunk. But, all this cheerfulness and, “What are you thankful for?” has me itching to get out of my own skin.
Pressure builds in my head. Tension hardens my shoulders. Pain starts behind my eyes. I need to get out of here, run to a place where my mind can’t keep flashing images of people long gone from my life. This place is a torture chamber for me and it’s bleeding me dry.
I close my eyes behind my glasses and squeeze them tight, trying to fight off the headache that’s forming. The door closing has me opening them quickly.
Who the hell do I have to put up with now?
“Hey, Mom. I finally made it.”
�
��Katie,” I hear Mrs. Bennett squeal.
“Kate,” I hear murmured from the other side of the wall. I can’t stop the smile from forming on my face. I like her already.
She steps into the living room and all the air whooshes from my lungs. Holy fuck! What is it with the women in this family and being drop dead gorgeous?
I know I’m staring, but I’ve never seen a woman I think is more beautiful than her. She’s a couple inches taller than Adriana and her hair is more of a dark blonde, maybe even light brown, but she has the same hazel eyes.
I feel a nudge at my shoulder and look up at Grams’ smiling down at me. “Quite the smile on her, huh?” she says.
Oh no, HELL no! Grams can take her, “You’ll know when you see the smile,” shit somewhere else. I’m not turning into the pussy-whipped monkey that Tucker has become. Kate is beautiful, but I’m in no position to offer any part of me to anyone. It doesn’t matter if my heart skipped a beat when I saw her and I imagined what it would be like to have her in my house.
None of that matters.
Chapter Forty Nine
Kate
How I wish I could avoid holidays. Mom and Adri will be in there cooking, two peas in a pod. Adrian will be watching football and trying to sneak into the food while they slap him away. I’m always on the outside. I don’t like to cook and football is okay, but I don’t care if I watch it or not. It’s another way I don’t fit in. Adri and Adrian love it, one more thing that seals their bond.
I stand at the door for a few minutes trying to decide if I can run away without being missed. I know that I can’t. Mom loves her holiday gatherings and having all of her family together. I can’t let her down. I take a deep breath and step through the door.
Instantly, I know things are different. There are several voices. I pull my cell from my pocket and see the red light flashing. I bet that it’s messages from Mom telling me there is going to be company for Thanksgiving. Awesome. I’ll have to pretend that I want to be around these strangers when all I want is to go home.
Guilt eats at me. I created the distance between my family and me. I did something I can’t tell them about and now I rarely come home. It’s too hard to be around them. My perfect family, that never screws up. If they knew what I did, I’d be disowned.
Mom sounds so excited when she hears my voice. I can’t help but smile. She’s always been the best. She pushed me to chase my dreams. She stood behind me even when I drove her crazy. I was never an easy child. I had to do things my way, but Mom always seemed to understand and she accepted me for who I am. But, I’ve broken one rule that she felt strongly about. I don’t know if she and I could survive the fallout from that truth.
So, I stay away as much as I can.
I drop my bags by the entryway and make my way into the living room. I should be shocked by a movie star sitting on mom’s couch, but I’ve known about Adri and Tucker for months now. He really is gorgeous. I can see why my sister fell for him.
Who the hell is the chick with Adrian? He’s looking at her like he wants to strip her down and do wicked things with her. But, I haven’t heard that there’s anyone new in his life. Not even a new fling. So, who is she? She has to be important to him if he brought her here for Thanksgiving.
Oh my! My heart stutters and my breath hitches. What do we have here? Perfect teeth set in a mouth that I’d like to explore are smiling at me. This man has to be the tallest bastard I’ve ever seen, even sitting down and let’s talk about his muscles. My word, I can see the definition of his arms straining through his black sweater.
My eyes roam over his body, his chest that looks just as well defined as his arms and down to his jeans. His legs are long and I can picture how he would easily cross a room in long, powerful strides.
My eyes make their way back up his body to his face. His jaw is chiseled and I find myself staring for a second at his perfect smile again. I’m taken aback by the black fedora he has on and the oversized sunglasses. I can’t picture any part of this man needing to be hidden.
Mom, Adri, and an older woman I don’t recognize are walking from the kitchen, but I can’t talk to them just yet. I need to do something first. I ignore Adrian talking to me. I think he’s trying to introduce me to everyone in the room, but my mind is focused and when I put my mind to something, there’s no stopping me.
I cross the room and stop in front of the hunk of man still smiling at me. The older woman is now standing beside him and they seem to have shared some moment, but I don’t know what it was. Everyone is watching me, but I don’t really care. All I care about is seeing his eyes.
I have to see his eyes.
“Don’t you know it’s not polite to wear a hat and shades in a person’s house when you’ve been invited for dinner?” I ask as I reach out with both hands. One hand grabs the hat and one grabs the shades. Everyone collectively tells me to stop, but he doesn’t stop me, so I pull them from his face.
Staring back at me are the most gorgeous grey-blue eyes I’ve ever seen. He runs his hand through his hair. Hair, I can now tell is brown and longish. It hangs to his collar. It’s differing lengths, but not layered like a woman’s hair. I have the urge to run my fingers through it and smooth out any spots still messed up from his hat.
“Sorry to be rude,” he says and his voice goes straight to my gut, sucker punches me in a way I didn’t think possible. I’m attracted to this guy and I want to beat the shit out of myself for it. I have stayed away from men and the trouble they bring for so long. It’s best for me and for my heart.
I have a feeling he could bring me more trouble than I could handle.
Chapter Fifty
Tucker
Thanksgiving was interesting. There was so much going on I’m surprised I was able to keep up. Eddie definitely had an issue with someone he saw in one of Adriana’s pictures, but he still refuses to open up about his past with me. I want to help him, but I don’t know where to start. And, the way he was looking at Katie… I thought he was going to ask her to go back to Adriana’s with him at the end of the night.
I still can’t believe he let her take his hat and glasses off. He never lets anyone touch them. The women in this family have some magical powers over men. I’m living proof of that. Adriana made me love when I thought my heart was made of stone. Maybe Katie will be the one who makes Eddie finally open up and let go of whatever keeps him blocked off from the world.
Grams loved her time in New Hampshire. Adriana showed her all around, driving her to every place on Grams’ list. Even to where the Old Man of the Mountain used to be. It’s just a rock ledge now, but Grams wanted to see it so Adriana took her. They had a picnic and Adriana showed her pictures of her as a girl there when the old man was still there. Grams was fascinated.
My time with them was a blessing. It was relaxing and showed me what I want my life to be like. It showed me what family is. I realized in those days I was with them that I will find a way to make a family life with Adriana. I still haven’t figured it out, but I’ve been racking my brain thinking about it.
I have plenty of time to think now. I’m sitting on a plane heading back from Greece. Grams wanted to go there for Christmas and see her other children. I won’t be spending Christmas Day with her because I want to celebrate with Adriana. I’ve never been away from Grams during the holidays.
I was able to meet my aunts and uncles for the first time. I got to explore the family business, from the rolling hills of the vineyard, to the factory where the grapes are crushed, to the room where the wine tastings are held. Grams was so proud to show me what she and Gramps built. I wished he could have been here too. He always wanted to take me to Greece.
I spent a little over a week getting to know my family. They must have known of the rift between Mikos and me because his name never came up. A large part of me felt guilty that he wasn’t there with his family. I knew it was because of me, but the other part of me was grateful I could have this time of getting to know them without his ta
int ruining it for me. He ruined too many good things in my life.
It’s Christmas Eve and I’m being driven to Adriana’s. I thought ahead and called a service. I knew she’d be cooking and didn’t want her breaking up her day to come get me. Aside from that, there’s somewhere I need to stop; somewhere I asked Eddie to get me the information for a long time ago.
When I handed the driver the address and asked if he could take me there before my final destination, he just nodded. I wanted to make sure I wouldn’t mess up his schedule. I won’t be there long, but I need to do this.
The driver pulls up and I look out through the window, partially fogged up from the cold. I button my jacket and step into the frigid air. Not much snow has fallen. Enough for a white Christmas, but not so much that I’m sinking much beyond the tops of my boots. This is what I love about the cold weather. I can pull my shitkickers out of the closet.
I walk to the location Eddie gave me and look down. Alexander William Monroe. The name lays out before me. I stand there staring at his name, knowing the man who Adriana loved so much—still loves—lays beneath my feet. I take a few deep breaths, the cold air harsh to breathe. I look up to the heavens and back to his name.
Sadness fills me for this man I don’t know. His life ended too soon. He had to leave the woman he loved and I know what it’s like to love her. Every part of you becomes better for having known her. Your body lights up around her. She touches every part of your soul. This man knew that love and I’m sorry for him that he had to lose it.
“I want you to know that I understand why you loved her, Alex. I tried not to. I tried to stay away from her, but she’s a force, a magnetism, that pulls you to her until you’re breathing the very same air that she is. I thought I was weak for giving in, but I realized it takes a stronger man to love someone because when you open your heart up, you allow yourself the opportunity to be hurt.”