“I think Uncle Jake is right,” Sabrina said. “When are you going to teach us how to use the magic in the Hall of Wonders?”
The old woman cringed slightly as if the question physically hurt her.
“We have plenty of time for that,” she said.
“We don’t have any time at all,” Sabrina said. “Uncle Jake and I discovered Red Riding Hood’s plan. She’s trying to rebuild her lost family. She’s got Mom and Dad and some poor family’s baby. Now she’s coming after you.”
Daphne gasped. “Is that true?”
“That’s not going to happen,” the old woman said, as she pulled the covers over the girls. “Nothing bad is going to happen to me.”
“Can you guarantee that?” Sabrina said. “Because if you can’t, the two of us would be left alone in this town, and you saw how angry everyone got at the school. If something did happen to you, would the two of us be able to protect ourselves?”
“Sabrina, stop!” Daphne demanded.
Sabrina’s angry words rang in her own ears. It had been a heartless thing to say to her grandmother. She wished she could take it back.
The old woman looked stunned for a moment and then turned and exited the room without even a good-night.
“You know what? I have a question, Sabrina,” Daphne said. “When are you going to stop acting like such a snot?”
“Daphne, you didn’t see Red Riding Hood or the Jabberwocky,” Sabrina grumbled. “I did, and Granny needs to take this seriously.”
Daphne crossed her arms and huffed, then turned her back on her sister. She pulled the pillow from underneath her and put it over her head to block out Sabrina’s voice.
The next morning Sabrina woke early in hopes of having some time alone with Uncle Jake. Maybe they could go through the journals and look for any information about Red Riding Hood and the Jabberwocky she might have missed. Unfortunately, he was gone when Sabrina got downstairs. Instead, she found Granny Relda parked in her chair at the dining room table, sipping tea and writing in her own journal of fairy-tale accounts. When she saw Sabrina, she smiled as if the previous night’s argument hadn’t even occurred.
“I called the pharmacy to find out if there is anything we can do about the marker on your face,” the old woman said. “Unfortunately, it looks as if only time will help. They assured me it will fade in a couple of days.”
Sabrina scowled. A couple of days!
“What do you want for breakfast? I’ll make you anything you want,” the old woman said, but before Sabrina could answer, Uncle Jake burst into the house and set a bright-pink donut box on the table.
“I brought breakfast,” he said as he walked around the table and planted a big kiss on his mother’s cheek. “Hello, beautiful.”
The old woman tried to keep a serious face but Sabrina could see Uncle Jake’s charm was working on her. Soon she surrendered a grin. “Jake, the children need something healthy in the morning.”
“What the girls need is to try these. I waited outside the Baker’s shop for an hour to get them. He makes his donuts in the middle of the night and if you’re there when he opens the shop at five a.m., you can get them while they’re fresh and hot. You should have seen the line! It was around the block! Even the Butcher and the Candlestick Maker were there, and those three can’t stand one another.”
“Being lost at sea in an old tub can strain a friendship,” Granny explained. She reached in and took out a glazed donut. When she took a bite, a huge smile came to her face. “Oh, these are heaven.”
“I know,” Uncle Jake said with a laugh. “I already had seven. I’m as hyper as a three-year-old so I hiked up to the top of Mount Taurus. Sabrina, you have to go up there with me some time. From the top, you can see the whole town.”
“I was up there last week running from the Jabberwocky,” Sabrina said sarcastically.
“Not quite the experience I had, huh? I had forgotten how beautiful Ferryport Landing is in winter!”
Yeah, all four blocks of it, Sabrina thought.
Daphne and Elvis entered the dining room. “I smell donuts!” Daphne said. Elvis’s tongue was hanging out and dripping drool on the floor.
“Help yourself,” Uncle Jake said, opening the lid of the box. Daphne reached inside and took two donuts.
“Two?” Uncle Jake said with a grin.
“One’s for Elvis,” the little girl explained, tossing one into the air. The Great Dane leaped up and snatched it in mid-flight. Sabrina wondered if he even tasted it before he swallowed it whole.
Daphne bit into hers first and sank into her chair in a dreamlike state. “Oh . . . my . . . gosh,” she mumbled with her mouth full.
“Sabrina?” Uncle Jake said, offering her a donut. She reached in and took one. They were warm and sticky. She took a bite and couldn’t believe how delicious they were. It was like biting into pure happiness. It was all sugar and butter and love.
“Good, huh?” Jake said with a wink.
Sabrina nodded, afraid that if she opened her mouth to talk, some of the experience might escape.
“Mom, I got to thinking. You said yesterday that you and the girls have been pretty busy since they arrived. That’s a real shame. This town has a few interesting spots, and I bet the girls would love to see some of the places where their dad and I used to hang out,” Uncle Jake said.
“You mean the places you two used to get into trouble?” she said knowingly.
“Exactly!” He leaned over and kissed the old woman on the cheek again. “It’ll be fun.”
Granny nodded reluctantly.
“Great!” Uncle Jake said. He scooped up the pink box of donuts and raced out of the room. “I’m going to make sure Mirror gets one of these.”
Just then there was a knock at the door.
“Who could that be this early in the morning?” Granny wondered aloud.
Sabrina shrugged and went to the door. When she opened it she was so surprised she nearly fell over. It was Mayor Charming. Snow White stepped out from behind him, followed by his personal assistant, Mr. Seven, who was wearing the biggest grin she had ever seen.
“Good morning, Sabrina. Is everyone home?” Snow White asked. “Billy has something he’d like to say to your family.”
The mayor looked annoyed.
“Well, Captain, permission to come aboard?” he said sarcastically. Sabrina scowled and prepared to slam the door in his face when Granny came up behind her and invited everyone inside.
“Relda, I know it’s early but I wanted to make sure you and the kids were OK after what happened yesterday,” Ms. White said.
“Oh, no harm done,” Granny said, flashing the mayor a disappointed look.
“Billy also has something important he wants to say to you and your family,” the pretty teacher added. “But first, he has to get ready. Mr. Seven, if you would be so kind.”
The little man reached into his jacket pocket and took out a small wad of paper. He unfolded it quickly and handed it to the mayor. Charming stared down at it with a scowl. Sabrina recognized it at once. It was a paper hat with the words I AM AN IDIOT written on it in big black letters. The Mayor often forced Mr. Seven to wear it.
“Do I have to?” Charming groaned.
“Billy Charming!” Ms. White scolded. “You promised!”
The mayor scowled and set the hat squarely on his head. Sabrina couldn’t help but laugh, not so much at Charming’s humiliation, but at the expression of triumphant satisfaction on the face of his diminutive sidekick, Mr. Seven. The dwarf looked as if he had just won the lottery.
“I’m sorry,” Charming whispered.
“I don’t think they heard you,” Snow White said.
“Well then they all need hearing aids!” Charming snapped.
“Billy! You said you would do the right thing and if you don’t I will never speak to you again,” Ms. White threatened. “And you know I mean it. We went a few hundred years without saying even a word to each other!”
Mr. Seven
stood off to the side snickering until Charming shot him a nasty look. The little man straightened up but went back to giggling as soon as the mayor turned his attention to the Grimms.
Charming sighed and his broad shoulders and chest seemed to deflate right before Sabrina’s eyes. “I’m sorry I turned on your family at the dedication ceremony yesterday.”
Sabrina was stunned. Charming had never apologized for anything as far as she knew, and she had two hundred years of family journals to prove it. She realized just how much power Snow White had over the mayor.
“But you have to understand, this family is like a cancer that is threatening to eat me alive,” Charming continued. Ms. White gasped.
“Don’t sugarcoat it, mayor. Tell us how you really feel,” Sabrina grumbled.
“It’s the election this weekend. I didn’t expect to have an opponent this year. If the queen wasn’t running, the only thing your presence would have given me was indigestion. But now that I might lose my job, the last thing I need is for the voters to start thinking that I’m aligned with the Grimms. There’s no time for damage control like that. I hardly have time to buy the votes I need and hire people to stuff ballot boxes . . .”
Ms. White’s eyes flared with anger. The look was not lost on the mayor.
“I mean, get my message of hope out to the community,” he finished.
“And the last thing you need is to look like you’re buddy-buddy with a bunch of lowlifes like us,” Sabrina replied sarcastically.
“See, Snow? The child understands!” Charming cried happily. “This hasn’t been a good year for the town; the giant caused millions in property damage, and replacing the school cost millions more. Ferryport Landing is flat broke. People are starting to think a change would be good and, trust me, the last thing you want is Mayor Heart running this town.”
“I absolutely agree,” Granny said. “If being anti-Grimm keeps you in office, then do what you have to do.”
“Relda, I can’t believe you,” Snow White said with disappointment. “Do you know how hard it was to get him to apologize, and here you are encouraging the bad behavior?”
Just then, Uncle Jake came down the steps. “Ms. White, is that you?” he said, grinning from ear to ear.
Snow White looked at the young man with a curious expression. “I’m sorry. Have we met?”
“Ms. White, it’s me, Jake Grimm. I was in your second grade class. My brother, Henry, was a year ahead of me.”
“Your brother Henry?” Charming roared. “Relda, you never told me you had another son.”
Uncle Jake looked at his mother suspiciously.
“Oh, I’m sure I mentioned it to you both,” Granny said, ushering the visitors to the door. “Well, it was nice of you to drop by. We’ve got a busy day ahead of us. Good luck with the campaign, Mayor Charming.”
“Every time I turn around there’s another Grimm,” Charming complained. “They’re like cockroaches. This town is infested!”
“William Charming!” Snow White roared angrily as Granny closed the door in their faces.
“What did you do?” Uncle Jake said.
“I’m sure I don’t know what you mean,” Granny said to her son as she turned and went back to the dining room. He chased after her.
“Mom, Hamstead doesn’t remember me and he caught me and Hank skipping school probably a thousand times. Snow White doesn’t remember me even though I wrote her a love letter every day until I turned eighteen. Charming doesn’t remember me even though he threatened to have me arrested and had my face put on wanted posters all over town.”
“People forget things, Jake,” Granny said. “It has been twelve years.”
“Mom, I’m not bragging when I say this, but let’s be honest. I’m pretty hard to forget!”
Granny Relda looked around the room. Everyone was staring at her. Even Elvis cocked a curious eyebrow. The old woman shuffled her feet and stammered a bit until she finally decided what to say. “They don’t remember you because I had the whole town sprayed with forgetful dust.”
“You what?” Uncle Jake cried.
“When everyone found out what you did, there was chaos in the streets,” Granny Relda said, as she cleaned up donut crumbs. “There was a mob outside my door for two weeks. People were getting hurt. It had to be done.”
“What did you do?” the girls asked Uncle Jake.
Their uncle ignored the question. “So everyone has forgotten about me?”
“Not everyone,” Granny continued. “Mirror and Mr. Canis remember you.”
“Mom, Mr. Canis is dead,” Uncle Jake reminded her. Granny flinched but then regained her composure.
“And Baba Yaga, of course,” the old woman continued.
“Baba Yaga! Well that’s just great! A mentally deranged cannibal who collects human bones still remembers me. How did I get so lucky?”
Uncle Jake left the room, snatched his overcoat from the hall closet, and opened the front door.
“Where are you going?” Granny Relda asked.
“To warm up the car,” he called. “Get your coats, girls, and try not to forget all about me before you get outside.” He stomped out and slammed the door behind him.
The girls stared at their grandmother but she wouldn’t meet their eyes. “Puck snuck in late last night. Sabrina, run up and invite him along. I’m sure he’s feeling a bit left out.”
Sabrina wanted to know more about what her Uncle Jake had done, but Granny Relda had an increasingly familiar expression on her face. The old woman didn’t want to talk.
The last person in the world whom Sabrina wanted to invite anywhere was Puck. She reluctantly climbed the steps and knocked on his door several times, but there was no answer. She pushed it open and inspected the ground for catapults, bear traps, secret levers, and stink bombs. The coast seemed clear, so she stepped inside.
She called out for the prankster but there was no response. After a couple more shouts she decided to give up. Just then there was a pop! A stream of fire and smoke rose high into the sky and exploded into a thousand multicolored lights, followed by an ear-shaking boom! Moments later, another trail of smoke whistled into the sky. The fireworks seemed to be coming from over a hill beyond the lagoon.
The path up the hill was littered with broken toys and melted army men. Shattered marbles, stretched-out Slinkys, and the heads of some Hungry Hungry Hippos were scattered everywhere. At the end of the path was a clearing where Sabrina found Puck sitting on a jewel-encrusted throne wearing his military medals. His chimpanzee army crowded around him, all reaching for a box of matches Puck held in his hands, as the boy lectured them on the art of war.
“Johnson, step up here,” he said. One of the chimps stepped out of the crowd and approached the boy. “Johnson, the enemy is everywhere. You might even have to kill one of your own men if you were to discover that they were sympathetic to the enemy’s cause. Could you take out your best friend if you had to?”
The chimp smiled widely, nodded, and clapped his hands.
“Johnson, you’re a good soldier,” Puck said. He lit a match and handed it to the furry creature. The lucky chimp raced over to a collection of fireworks of all shapes and sizes. Johnson lit the biggest red-and-white-striped rocket of the bunch and screamed with glee as it whistled into the air and exploded in the sky. When the lights and noise were gone, the chimps hopped up and down in front of Puck and begged to be the recipient of the next match.
“Sullivan, front and center!” Puck commanded. “Tell me the first rule of war.”
The monkey screamed and stomped its feet.
“That’s right Sullivan. Kill or be killed,” Puck replied, handing him a match. Soon another rocket was flying overhead.
“What do you want?” Puck said when he spotted Sabrina.
“Somebody’s in a bad mood,” she taunted, stepping over several expired bottle rockets.
“I’m not in a bad mood,” Puck said. “I’m busy turning these maggots into fighting machines.
”
The chimpanzees turned to him, baring teeth and screaming impatiently for another match. Puck’s head suddenly morphed into that of a chimp as well and he hissed and spit at them. The chimps quieted and then went right back to begging for matches.
“The only thing keeping you busy is your pouting,” Sabrina remarked.
“I’m not pouting.”
“Well, something’s wrong. There are donuts in the dining room. Normally you’d have already wolfed them all down and finished by licking the box.”
“Who cares about donuts? I don’t even like donuts,” Puck said.
“You like everything. I’ve seen you eat Elvis’s kibble right out of his bowl.”
There was a long pause.
“Are they glazed?” he asked.
“Yes, Uncle Jake bought them,” Sabrina said.
“I don’t want anything from him.”
“Why don’t you like him?”
“He’s hogging the old lady. Just cause he’s her real son,” Puck replied.
“She hasn’t seen him in twelve years, Puck,” Sabrina explained.
“Why do you care, anyway?”
“I don’t!”
“Good!”
“Good!”
There was a long silence.
“If you must know, I’ve been insulted,” Puck said.
“By who?”
“By all of you,” Puck cried. “I have an impeccable reputation as a scoundrel. I have been banned by thousands of hamlets, hundreds of cities, dozens of countries, and three different dimensions. There are bounties on my head all over the planet and on a few planets you’ve never heard of. I’m Puck, the Trickster King. I’m the mean and nasty emperor of pranksters. I’m the boy hero to nations of snickering layabouts. My kingdom is the wrong side of the tracks!”
“So?”
Puck snarled. “So? So?! So, I threw it all away to protect this family and not one of you appreciates it. I’m ruined and you have all turned your back on me for Uncle Jake. He’ll save the family, blah, blah, blah!”
“Oh, stop being such a baby. Of course we care about you. Everyone cares about you,” Sabrina said.
“You care about me?”
“Don’t let it go to your head, gasbag.”
The Problem Child Page 9