But he shouldn’t have been worried. His Gem rolled with the punches better than anyone he knew. Her gaze returned to his and even though her gasp was heartfelt and there was some fear in that little release of breath, she still reached for him and pulled him up her body, so they lay face to face, side to side, on her messy bed.
“Your eyes,” she said on a whispered exhale, tears in her eyes. Matt quickly moved to hide his face, but her hand on his cheek kept his eyes in line with her own beautiful, brown, steady gaze. Her smile was so bright, he wanted to soak in it like his Gem did in the sun every morning she was able to get out of bed, coffee in hand, arms at her sides or out in jubilation. Like she could absorb the very life the sky was offering her. He wanted to sit in her light forever. “They’re beautiful.” Then she laughed, really laughed, full on laughed so brightly that he might have forgotten his own name for a second. “Vampire?” she asked. What the hell was she talking about? And then it hit him.
“Not a vampire,” he said, and he surprised himself by busting out with a full throated laugh that he felt from his belly all the way to his broody little soul. “Shit, no.”
She was quiet for a second, and he thought he had offended her. Damn, could he do nothing right?
“Not offended,” Gem said, taking his hand in hers and intertwining their fingers in what he felt was a comforting gesture. “I’ve just never heard your laugh.” She took a breath and her brown eyes darkened. “You’re beautiful when you laugh.”
Well, shit. He thought she was beautiful, but him? Fuck no. He wasn’t about to correct her, though.
“Damn,” he said with sudden clarity, “did you just say ‘not offended’?”
They were still lying down, facing each other, so he didn’t miss her sudden look of discomfort.
“I-I-I-”
“You felt it,” he finished for her and her eyes widened.
“Shit,” she said, but instead of returning her slightly terrified look, he smiled. “Why the fuck are you smiling?”
“Because,” he said as he chuckled, “you’re going to think this is pretty fucking cool once I explain it. And then, you’re going to rush and tell Damon that you have a better super power than him, but I should probably tell you that this only works between us.”
“Because of this connection we have?” she asked and he took his other hand and smoothed it against her shaved head, feeling the bones and skin there, comforting her. She caught on quicker than him, his little cat. Jesus, he really wasn’t good enough for her.
“Stop that,” she admonished, and he smiled sadly.
“I can’t.” He breathed out the words roughly. “It’s true.” When she would have cut him off to chastise him for his thoughts, though, he put his finger over her lips, running it back and forth, almost getting distracted by his need to feel their breaths touch again. “But I’m working on being better.” He looked at the determination in her eyes and kissed her forehead. “Just let me be better for you,” he pleaded. “Let me change for you.”
Her hand left their tangled hold and she put hers over his heart, silent, patient, but definitely not letting him win the argument. Gem wasn’t good about letting others win arguments. He’d seen her clash with Alexia a couple times. Of course, Alexia, for all her wisdom and power, often thought she knew what was best for everyone. He didn’t hold it against her. The woman had two Clans to lead in the future, and she’d been saddled with him, Carrie, and Ben. None of them were what he’d call an easy bunch to work with.
Gem’s hand against his heart was strong, forceful, and he said a silent prayer that their continued bonding would make her well, even if their bond did in fact result in mortality rather than immortality.
“You do what you need to, Matthew,” she said, smiling up at him, “but I’m pretty damn proud of who you are.”
He felt her words like a gentle punch to his gut and tears formed at the edges of his eyes. He didn’t brush them away. He let himself feel her pride because he needed that. He accepted her gift for what it was, and he saw himself through her eyes.
Strong. Giving. A fighter. A caretaker. A provider. A lost soul who had found his niche. And he had, hadn’t he? Amongst scarred Clan members and Hybrids and the Other he knew Damon was, even if Alexia hadn’t yet figured it out, he’d found a home.
Damn, he’d have to actually thank James, the bastard. The Lodge’s leader was always right.
Her eyes met his once again, and this time, there wasn’t just pride, there was also a whole lot of passion there as well.
“So, ummm… we should talk more, but maybe we can finish what we started here and you can take those clothes off?” she asked, not one ounce of subtlety to her words. He chuckled, but as she went to lift his shirt, he sobered. He didn’t stop her, but he also waited for her regard to change. Waited for her disgust.
They moved into a sitting position, her knees against the bed, one between his legs and the other touching the outside of his thigh, and she lifted his shirt over his head, revealing the array of scars and old wounds. He held his head to the side, though, his jaw tight and his eyes fixed on a spot just above the bathroom door.
When her lips touched his chest, he grabbed the sheets in his fists tightly.
“Breathe, my big cat,” she whispered against his chest and his breath whooshed out of him at her command. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
“Breathe, baby…” Gem kissed his jaw and let her naked body fall against his. Her breasts, her beautiful fucking tits, touched his scarred chest and he felt every inch of her chest against his and he couldn’t look away anymore. He needed her. He’d breathe for her forever just to hear her whisper “baby” and call him her “big cat” and to feel her strong, capable hands against his heart and her little nails scratching at his scalp. “There’s my big cat,” she said, a smile in her words as his bright green and blue eyes met her brown ones. He knew their unnatural light was there because her excitement ticked up a notch, and her lips met his instantly. She grabbed at him and he grabbed at her as the remainder of his clothes were removed. And he let her take his body, use his body, have his everything as he’d silently promised to give her a month previous when they’d first met.
When their bodies met for the first time, and he was inside of her, her own eyes changed to a more vivid brown, and he smiled so brightly, he wondered if he’d taken on some of her sunshine.
The feel of her surrounding him broke every barrier inside of him, and when the pressure in his lower back and abdomen peaked and he felt her wonderful soft strength pull him into her body deeply and tighten, he let her have it all.
He let her have his heart… his heart that beat blood through his body ferociously, his heart that was alive only for her now.
He let her have his very spirit, his animal, and he gave her little pieces of that part of him, of his true self.
He gave her his soul, that although damaged, had been brought to life the day he’d met her.
He gave her his breath against her breast as he tasted her perfect tits.
He gave her his mind, his body, the two things that had also been broken by his time in the Veil, by his time as a captive in another world.
He gave her everything as he came inside of her…
And more beautiful than giving was her receiving his gift and what she gave back to him.
Trust. Hope. A life worth living. Something he could truly fight for, even if he couldn’t fight against the disease she had. He could stand with her.
When they’d fully spent all their feelings into each other, he felt her slow, even breaths against his chest and he smiled. She’d fallen asleep on him.
He slowly extracted himself, grabbing a cloth and cleaning up his mate. He’d wake her up soon, and he’d tell her about his world, but for now, she was the most beautiful creature he’d ever seen, and he wanted to keep her just to himself for a little longer.
He pulled her back into his side and felt her contentment through their bond that still swirled a
round them like a roadmap of adventures yet to come.
He breathed a silent prayer to the universe for the first time in such a long time that they’d have so many years of adventures to come.
He’d thought his days of venturing were done. He’d thought settling and someday dying a good Clan death were what his existence would be. Instead, he’d found a new adventure, a new road to take, and Jesus, but he would take this road. He would travel with his Gem down any path.
As long his little cat prowled beside him, he’d be full, content, and so goddamned willing to venture out once again into the harsh world that had chewed him up and spit him back out, battered and broken and lost in the nightmares of another world that had stolen too much from him.
Seven
The Little Things You Give Away
Annie walked into her parent’s kitchen. She had to work this afternoon at the café, but food was the only thing on her mind in that moment. She’d been dieting for over a month and a half, trying to lose weight and not focus so much on where her next emotional binge came from. Because of her late nights at work, she’d managed to avoid her father for several weeks. She smiled and felt her soul lighten at the thought. Her birthday was in less than two weeks, and then, she’d be free. She’d leave this place lighter in spirit, and if that was all she could manage, she could live with that.
She made a bacon and grilled cheese on sourdough and cut up some carrots she’d bought at the grocer’s a few days earlier. That was the other beautiful thing about having money. She could buy her own food, look after herself, not have to rely on anyone.
She was so close to free, she could taste it.
“Annie!” Her mom’s rough, smoky voice interrupted her thoughts of freedom, and she finished the last few bites of her sandwich before moving towards the quieting chants and screams. Jesus, her mother was a mess.
The smell of vomit grew stronger as Annie walked to her parent’s bedroom. She wasn’t surprised to find Annabelle Holden laying on her bedroom floor, but that wasn’t what grabbed her attention the most. Her mother’s dressing gown was hiked up and there were bruises along the insides of her legs and one bruise along the outside of Annabelle’s thigh looked eerily like a handprint.
Annie’s gasp resounded through the room, and her mother gave her a disgusted look and covered her legs.
“Stupid bitch!” her mother spat. Annabelle’s favorite name for her daughter. Annie ignored the moniker and moved forward to help her mother up and to the bathroom as usual. Except, her mother pushed her to the ground and lunged at her, falling on top of Annie’s form and wailing on her daughter with too much strength. Annie couldn’t fight her mother. Just like her father, her mother was one of the strongest people she’d ever met. Not mentally. Not emotionally. But physically, her mother was just as much a wildly tall and built woman as Annie herself had started realizing she was. Except, as strong as Annie was, she wasn’t as strong as her parents.
Her mother’s eyes flared a bright blue, the glass shards there emphasized by the brightening and an unnatural chill lit in Annabelle’s eyes. So like Annie’s own unnatural eyes.
Annie’s cries increased as she felt the jabs and the stabs of her mother’s fists pummeling her body, making her smaller, killing her spirit. She tried to crawl away, tried to escape, but she slid against the vomit she’d fallen on when her mother had attacked her.
“Stupid bitch! Stupid bitch! Stupid bitch!” her mother cried over and over again. “He’s like this because of you. Our Darkness was made worse by you! You drove us to this! You ruined everything!”
Annie could feel her body wavering, could feel her heartbeat slowing, could feel her soul dying as her mother removed the one thing she’d never wanted from the dark world she’d found herself in.
“Annabelle!” Her father’s voice penetrated through the void, and she thought, No, just let me die in this vomit. Just let this be the end. Just let me go, God.
But God did not like the Darkness.
God abhorred it, or so she’d been taught one time when she’d gone to Sunday school with a friend.
“Annabelle!” Her dad cried again as he unsheathed his claws and ripped her mother to shreds in front of her. She didn’t feel anything as she saw his body elongate and change. She didn’t feel anything as his claws lengthened even further. She didn’t feel anything as he plucked her mother’s heart from her body and ate it, still beating, letting the blue blood she carried drip through the four sharp knives of his Wendigo hands. She didn’t feel anything as he ate at her brain, her intestines, and then finally her other organs, ending with her skin. She didn’t feel anything but her skin reknitting as her mother’s blue blood soaked into her own wounds.
No, she wasn’t just her mother’s daughter. She was her father’s daughter as well, and his Other blood, his Wendigo blood ran through her veins. Siren and Wendigo. A freak. An Other. Not Light. Darkness.
She heard the squelching sounds of her father’s footsteps and the footfalls were light signifying that he’d returned to his human skin.
“Annie!” he shouted, touching her cheek and pulling her into his arms. She wanted to be sick. She wanted to kick and scream. She wanted to yell that everything in life was unfair. But instead, her mind was quiet, a sea of white noise masking the true soul deep pain she was feeling. His hands roamed over her, checking her for injuries, but when his still slightly elongated claws tore her shirt off, she pushed at him.
“No!” she yelled. He would not rape her in her mother’s blood and vomit. She would die before that. She’d thought she could get out of this place. She’d thought she could escape, but an Other never escaped their destiny. The Fates were not kind to Others. “No,” she said again firmly. And for the first time in her life, she forced a small change to the Wendigo form she had always avoided. Her right arm elongated, almost reaching the floor and she held the bony extensions to her left wrist.
“Annie,” her father chided and tsk’d as he walked toward her, but his face changed when he heard the howls outside. Annie rushed past him into the yard, only to stop at the sight of the four Clan members standing in her backyard. A bear, two wolves, and a tall Taryn with warm, brown eyes.
She knew what she looked like to them.
Her arm was still slightly elongated from her shift, but she also saw the moment the tall Taryn with the longer blonde hair and the bright blue eyes recognized her own blue glass shards hinting at her Siren ancestry.
“Annie.” He said her name firmly, with courage and conviction and absolute surety that she would surrender. Oh, Taryn’s. They thought they knew. Just because they could get into your head. They thought they knew what really lived there. She saw it in his eyes. He really believed she’d listen. Except, she was done surrendering. She was done taking everything lying down. She was done being her mother’s punching bag and her father’s plaything.
“How many more have to die, Annie?”
She tilted her head at his tone.
“I haven’t killed anyone-”
“Little Siren, it might not have been your hands covered in blood, but you’ve killed six families these past five months. Your Siren call, your anger, reached out to six of your neighbors, Annie.”
She shook her head even as her mind told her he was speaking truth. Taryn tricks, a part of her whispered, and she took a step toward the Light Clan member. Her parents hadn’t taught her much, but they had taught her what the Light Clan were capable of, their tricks, their lies.
“Not lies, Annie,” the Taryn said soothingly, and she wanted to fall into that voice, but she couldn’t trust her instincts. The Taryn relaxed his stance, taking a different tactic she assumed. “I’m Ben, Annie. I am Taryn, as you keep referring to me as in your head, but your heart is also telling you something else, isn’t it, Annie? Your heart is telling you that you can trust me. Your heart is telling you that you’re safe. But your mind,” Ben said, pointing to his temple, “your mind is also telling you that I’m right.”
How? She’d have known if she was putting out Siren calls, right? She never used her Darkness. Never. She hid it deep inside, tucked it under the waves of emotion that clawed at her daily. But she never let it out.
“You can’t stop it at night,” Ben whispered, as though sharing a secret and realizing something. “The murders all happened after you’d gone to sleep,” he said, taking cautious steps her way. “You didn’t know-”
“Stop!” she screamed, not wanting him to come any closer, not wanting the truth of his words to find their niche more deeply in her mind. “Stop! Please stop!” she yelled it over and over again, feeling her chest expand and her lungs seize before her cries filled the air. Because she could see it now, could feel what she’d done, could hear the screams of the souls she’d hurt.
Sirens never forgot their victims, never forgot what they’d done. They relished in their kills, enjoyed their handiwork.
But not Annie.
God, no.
Annie hated that she brought out the anger in others, hated that her Siren’s call had hurt those wives and children and husbands, hated who she was with every ragged breath that was torn from her.
She felt the other three shift and she wanted to tell them to transform back to their animals, to kill her, but she didn’t have the strength. She’d seen the female wolf and the bear before, now that they’d turned back and she recognized them. Alexia and Devon. Gemini’s friends. Gem, who had given her a chance. Gem, who never treated her like she was dirty or disgusting or damaged. Then again, Gem didn’t know her. Didn’t know who she really was. Didn’t know her Darkness.
Ben stood to the side, and she could tell he wanted to comfort her, but she also saw the realization in his eyes that her pain was deeper than her Darkness. He could see her darkest sins, her demons, and she felt shame at his scrutiny. Her head ducked, but not one moment later, she was slowly brought into the arms of the small redhead. Alexia was stronger than she looked though, and the woman’s arms around her broke her, and Annie cried big, gulping sobs pulled from the depths of her evil-touched soul.
Dancing with the Devil (Wild Beasts Series) Page 7