by A E M
She placed her hand on her stomach as the life within her kicked. She had survived, at first, out of stubbornness. But eventually she had known there was life within and now she survived for it. She snapped the shade back up and let the breeze brush against her face. She would play the game. She would go undercover so she could leave this island forever. And the baby’s father? Well, first she would see if he had the luck to make it back from the tree. And then she would see if he had the intelligence and strength to make it off the island. And then, maybe then, she would take him back into her life.
With Special Thanks
Thank you to my readers. It is the thought of you finding magic in the pages of my books that keeps me writing the magic down day after day.
Thank you to my husband and my children. The house was never clean and supper was never ready while the first draft was being written, but I did take my little loves swimming and I remembered to kiss my big love every day. That counts, right?
Thank you to the friends who supported me along the way.
Thank you to the bloggers who nudged me in the right direction along the way.
Thank you to the main man, who walked with me when I lost my heart. What I went through while I wrote this book was hard, but in the end the lessons were vital.
Thank you to all the beautiful people out there who inspire me with their stories. We are all stories. Some are happy. Some are sad. Some are a mixture. But they are all valid stories, and deserve to be celebrated.
And thank you to the people who are brave enough to love the broken.
Here’s a Sneak Peek of Apex Transcendence!
Prologue
Woman of Wings
Wynn fell into the cold air, her husband and son by her side.
They were followed seconds later.
The net came down and they hung in the air.
She screamed with betrayal.
She felt the stab of the needle in her thigh and reached for their hands.
“Fly well, mother. I love you.” Beau said before his face began to contort.
“My sweet songbird. I love you.” Wilder kissed her lips.
She felt it then. The wild began to take over her mind.
Raven bowed low, her knees and hands pressed against the dusty, cold stone floor. She heard the ruffle of nervous wings as the crowd watched. She pressed her own wings tighter against her body and lowered her head a fraction more. She blinked and adjusted her vision. She was hungry. She needed food for the baby. She needed food so she wouldn’t pass out. She hadn’t been fed as usual that day. Eminente had wanted her to be lacking. He had wanted her to be needy. She pressed her fingers into the stone and thought of the washing the floor needed. She resisted the urge to spit on the floor. She wasn’t a floor washer anymore. She took a steadying breath. She would if it would gain her the freedom she needed. She glared at the floor briefly before relaxing her eyes back into a subservient look. Someday she would have somebody scrubbing her floors.
She heard the click of talons making their way across the room and the sound of feathers brushing the floor as the woman swung her hips back and forth. Sunlight flickered across the floor ahead of her, but where she knelt in a slight depression of the floor, it was dark and cold. She checked her wings again to make sure her feathers were flat. This was her one chance to pull this off. Eminente had been kind, but still reserved. She may not know every game he played, but she knew enough of them. She had heard him speaking to his general that first night she had returned. She shivered slightly at the memory. He had ordered her to be wing tied and thrown off the cliff at the slightest indication of betrayal. Thinking back on it, he had ordered her to that room. She hadn’t snuck up on him. He had wanted her to hear that warning. She laid her forehead on the cold ground and relaxed her muscles. The talons stopped, then clicked in place in front of her.
“I hesitate to take you.” The low, thick voice started. “I have no need for you, and you have nothing to offer me.”
“I have.” Raven kept her eyes on the ground, but her voice was firm. “Eminente sends me as a gift to spy. A gift to help you take over the birds.”
The woman laughed. It was a loud laugh, a laugh that filled the room with warmth and fear all at once. “Eminente sent me a betraying bird as a gift?”
Raven lifted her head and fixed her eyes on the woman. “You mock my master?”
The woman narrowed her eyes and pursed her lips. She paced back and forth in front of Raven, her blue feathers tucked behind her back carefully. Raven couldn’t tell her mood. The woman was good. She was short for a bird woman. Pale skinned with light blue hair. She was also a little on the slender side for birds. But she commanded the room. All the other birds on each side of Raven kept their heads tilted down. Even Raven felt the weight of her power on her neck. She kept her eyes down on the ground and watched the shadows. “I’ve never been a believer in words.”
“Nor have I.” Raven whispered.
The woman paced again.
Raven’s hands ached and her stomach rumbled. She shifted, but kept her stance soft. “I cleaned at the royal palace. I know the layout well.”
“So do many.” The woman almost sang.
“I was close friends with Bliss for months last summer.”
The woman stopped pacing. She walked back to Raven and lifted her head with her talon. “Winguard?”
“Yes. I traveled and worked with her family.”
“Why?”
Raven cleared her throat. “I was dating their son to get information for Eminente. Bliss warmed to me during that time.”
“And how does she feel about you now?”
“I’m sure she hates me now.” Raven said.
The woman stepped back. Raven dropped her eyes and softened her muscles. What was she thinking? Had she said enough to grant her a spot at this stronghold? Would the woman ever trust her? Raven closed her eyes and steadied her mind.
“You may stay.” The woman finally said. “I believe I may have use for you after all.”
“Thank you.” Raven couldn’t hide the relief from her response. Her shoulders sagged, yet she felt lighter with the knowledge that she had passed this test.
“However, it will take time for you to earn my trust.”
“I understand.”
“I hope you do.” The woman yanked Raven up to her feet and shook her. “And if I find out that you are spying on me for Eminente, I will cut your wings off myself.”
Raven’s legs went numb. “Spying for Eminente?”
The woman pushed her down onto the floor. “Take her to a cell. Let her experience that for a week. After that, she can move up to the lower servants’ hall. Then we will go from there.”
Raven wanted to scream. She wanted to fight. She wanted to throw up. Two guards pulled her up and marched her out of the room and through a downward maze of hallways until at last she was shoved in a cell. It was cool and dark. A single bed with a dirty blanket was on one side. A bucket was on the other side. She curled up in the corner and shook with sobs. She placed her shaking hands on her stomach and pleaded with the baby to make it through. What kind of mother was she when her baby had already been behind bars twice?
“Live.” She begged the child. “Live.”
The cell door creaked open and the woman stepped in with the guards. “I knew there was more to your story.”
Raven froze. She stared up at the woman. There was nothing she could do. Nothing she could hide.
The woman nodded slowly. “I am Julia. You may rise and follow me.”
Raven walked behind the blue winged woman, her eyes downcast, her unspent tears threatening in her eyes. She stumbled, and the guard on the left steadied her.
“She will need nourishment.” Julia’s voice was like a laugh on the wind now. “See that she is fed, cleaned, dressed, and rested before you bring her to me tomorrow.”
“Yes, my lady.” The guards guided Raven down a corridor that led to a warm kitchen. Though she
was guarded closely, the rest of the day and night was a blur of comfort. She ate until she could eat no more. She relaxed under a cascade of warm water and her body was brushed and oiled until she shone and she smelled of a field of flowers on a spring day. She smiled at her reflection in the large mirror as she dressed and combed her hair. It was much longer than she was used to keeping it.
She wondered what Philip would think of it. The brush dropped to the tiled floor with a bang and she turned from her reflection and stared at the empty wall behind her. Philip. She placed her hand on her belly. Would he ever see his child? She kicked the brush against the wall. This was no time for sentiment, and what little sentiment she had she must reserve for the child.
She lay down on the soft-pillowed bed and stared at the ceiling. She ached for him; it was true. But the aching was weakness, and the child was weakness enough. Philip was an adult. He would have to carry his own weight. She ached to turn her head into the pillow and weep for him. Weep for their lost love. But she wouldn’t stain and swell her face now. Later, when she knew she would have time, she would weep. Now she would push the pain down.
She heard them coming for her long before they reached her room. The birds in this settlement all wore their feet as talons. Glamours were forbidden. She smirked and looked back in the mirror. Her wings had been permanently changed to a bright yellow with bits of orange and red throughout. She turned to the side so she could admire them again. All of her life she had been black. Black skinned. Black haired. Black winged. Now she had wings the shade of a sunrise.
The guard with the red wings stepped into the room. “Julia will see you now.”
She nodded and followed them through the hallways. The other guard had wings of white with tips of black. He had been the one who had caught her when she stumbled the day before. They were both tall and muscled, and wore the traditional garments of guards. They led her up stairways and through more hallways until at last she was in a room that was nearly all glass and looked across the mountainside. Clouds touched the windows.
Julia stood in the middle of the room, her back to the door. “Come in. Guards, you are dismissed.”
Raven stood still and quiet as they left. Julia turned her head to the side and eyed her. “You will need a new name.”
“I understand.” Raven had guessed as much anyway, as least while she was undercover.
“Why are you called Raven?” Julia turned completely around. “Why weren’t you given a real name?”
Raven tensed and blinked. No one had thought to ask her that in a long time. She bit her lip and dug her talons into the floor.
Julia sashayed closer to her. “You and I will have to get to know each other before I send you out. I demand a certain level of honesty from my trusted subjects.”
“Trusted?” Raven asked before she could stop herself.
“Mhmm.” Julia smiled. “You see, I know what you went through before you came.
Raven’s arms and legs shook, but she stood firm.
“I see you still remember it well.” Julia circled her, clicking her tongue now and then. “And you did it with child.”
Raven stayed silent. What Eminente had done to her still haunted her dreams.
“Why are you here?” Julia whispered harshly into her ear. She grabbed her shoulders and pulled her close. “Tell me the truth, bird.”
“I am not spying on you for him.” Raven stared her straight in the eyes. “I am saving my child.”
Julia looked at her for a long moment, then walked around the room slowly, never letting her gaze drop from Raven.
“I’m going to keep you.” Julia said. “I will call you Diana.”
Raven stared at the woman. A name? She started to kneel, but Julia laughed and yanked her back up to her feet. “I have a role for you to play, my puppet. Would you care to know what it is?”
“Yes.”
“First thank me for the name.” Julia dug her nails into Raven’s skin.
“Thank you.” Raven, now Diana said. “It’s a beautiful name.”
“You’ll have a lot of work to do to live up to it.” Julia smiled and released the depth of her nails slightly. “But I’m sure you can do it.”
Diana nodded. “What should I do first for you?”
Julia smiled. “First we get to know each other. Very, very well.” She pulled Diana over to the windows. “I want to know everything about you. Where you flew as a child. What you feel when the wind rushes against your wings. Whom you scream for at night when you are alone.”
Diana trembled. They had spied on her.
“Do you know how far along you are?” Julia tilted her head to the side and smiled.
“No.” Diana whispered and placed a hand over the already familiar spot.
“You rest here and wait for me. I’m going to find a doctor and some food. You weren’t nourished well enough for the baby. I’ll see to it that you are fed properly and rested before you start your mission.”
“I’ll be showing then.” Diana said.
“Of course you will.” Julia smiled and left the room. The door shut with a heavy thud and the lock turned.
Raven, now Diana, crossed to the windows and looked out. She was no fool. It had windows and pillows and food, but she was still in a cell. She looked out at the cloudy sky and yearned for her wings to feel the air. What was crueler for a bird? A dark, cold cell buried deep within the mountain, or a comfortable cell high on the mountainside with a view of the very thing her body ached for? She fell to her knees. “I am Raven.” She whispered and fingered her feathers. She missed the dark blackness now. “I am Raven.”
1
Blood of Woman
Susan sat on the edge of the tub and dropped the oils into the hot water.
David was long asleep, and the letter from Florrie was burning in the fireplace.
A letter and money from her brother was hidden in the safe spot.
She relaxed into the warm water and sighed.
Neither one of them deserved to have word of the small boy.
They had left her to do all the work. But Isaac was her brother, and she understood his pain.
She knew only too well the searing pain of a bleeding heart.
Charlotte watched the shadow flicker across the window. When she was a child the first time shadows frightened her. When she was a child the second time she learned that it wasn’t the shadows that she should be frightened of. Not the shadows against the walls anyway. The frightening shadows, the ones that made her heart beat against her chest and her skin drip with sweat and her eyes widen with fright, those shadows lived within men and women.
She sat up in the large bed and pushed the blankets down. She still felt weak, but it was comforting to be in her brother’s room. Her aunt’s cabin. She supposed it really wasn’t her brother’s or her aunt’s any longer. It was Vincent’s. She softened her eyes and the bond showed. It pulsated quietly between them. She watched it, and wondered how he felt. She had been ignoring the bond, for she didn’t feel right accessing it when she had told him that she would no longer pursue the apprenticeship.
He hadn’t spoken to her that evening. He had made supper, cleaned up around the cabin, and then nodded at her before heading up the stairs to his room. She didn’t blame him for his silence, and she knew it was likely he might not speak to her at all this morning. His pride was wounded, and he would keep his distance. But so was hers, and so would she. They had had this sort of friendship, but of course he didn’t remember the in and out of it. She supposed this dance was old for her, and new for him. She wondered if she should say something to him. For all he knew, he would never see her again, but something told her that they would be running into each other off and on. After all, she had thought she would never see him again. She had wanted to never see him again. Yet he had walked down the castle hallway that day with David and crashed into her life again.
He had left her life with a crash. She traced the scar on her arm, but shoved the mem
ory aside. There was absolutely no sense in investing in a memory that only one of them retained. But the flash of lights and the smell of road and dirt and blood slammed into her anyway and she tensed as if she might feel the slam of pavement again. Foolish man-boys. Always breaking her heart and bones. The bones mended for the most part, but the heart was a different matter.
She placed her shaking hand on the Quire by the bedside table. She wanted so badly to contact her brother, David. She wanted to warn him of the possible spy at the castle. She wanted to talk to him about what had happened between him and Vincent. She wanted to know that he would still be in her life.
She crossed to the living room and watched out the window as the sun began to rise. There were so many questions left unanswered. What had really happened to her parents? What had happened to Beau and his parents? She hiccupped the sob that escaped her lips. Where was Beau? She twirled the engagement ring on the feather. She would wear it, but she wanted him to put it on her finger. She went back to David’s room and put the ring in her pack.
Should she leave today, or rest one more day? What day was it? What month was it? She thought it was late November or early December, but she wasn’t sure. Had she missed Thanksgiving? She hadn’t even thought of it last night. Did one celebrate holidays during a war? She shrugged to herself. Did it matter when fighting for life? She wondered and ached inside.
She wiped the tears from her eyes and stepped inside the bathroom. Here she could see the last bit of her aunt’s touch in an otherwise manly cabin. Here the walls were covered with peeling floral wallpaper. A large claw bathtub with an antique lamp and a woven rug sat on one side of the room. She turned on the shower and ran her hands over the dusty bottles on a nearby shelf. The room soon filled with the warm mugginess of steam and her muscles relaxed. She stepped into the shower and scrubbed.
The memories found her. The beating of the water against her skin reminded her of the man in the stronghold and the things he had done. She shuddered and remembered. She thought of being taken. Of the torture she saw of others. Of the torture she went through. Of Barnabas dying while they both lay strapped to the bed. She screamed and her skin rippled with heat. Soon her skin glowed and burned and itched. No, this couldn’t be happening again. She had learned control!