Total Control (Losing Control Series Book 3)

by Wilder, Desiree

  “Everything okay?” Ethan was in the doorway.

  “I’ve decided to redecorate my bedroom.”

  “Good for you.” He smiled at me. “You look beautiful today.”

  “Thank you. Should we get some breakfast?”

  ***

  I dropped off my rent check at the salon on our way. Bridget wasn’t there yet. Perfect timing. Then Ethan and I walked down to the little diner at the end of the street. I was surprised when Ethan slid in the booth seat next to me. Most people sat across from each other. Not that I minded, I was just surprised. I put my hand on his thigh and squeezed while I read the menu. We ordered and Ethan took my hand and held it between both of his on the table. He was looking at them and I could tell something was bothering him.

  “What’s up?”

  “I’m just brainstorming,” he said. “I wish I could bring California to you.”

  I laughed even though I could tell he was seriously thinking about how he could. “Will you come to my sister’s with me after breakfast? I want to talk to her about my treatment and we can do some research over there.”

  “Sure.” We talked about Lill and her kids until our food came.

  ***

  We made our way back up the street. “I’ll drive,” I said and unlocked Frank. “Pour Some Sugar On Me” blasted from the speakers. I reached up quickly and turned it down. “Sorry,” I said and Ethan shook his head, grinning. “I like it loud,” I said, smiling back.

  “Why’d you name your car ‘Frank’?” Ethan asked as I backed onto the street.

  “When I was about ten or eleven, Mom and Dad took Lill and I to a Christmas party at one of their friend’s homes. They were an older couple and played a lot of Sinatra during the party. As we walked to the car at the end of the night, Dad sang “Come Fly With Me” to Mom. When we loaded into the car, Dad was still humming. Mom smiled at him and said, ‘Take us home, Frank.’ It just stayed with me as a sweet memory from a fun night we’d had as a family. When I hopped in my new car to drive it off the lot, it just came out, ‘Home, Frank,’ and it stuck.” I smiled.

  “That’s nice,” Ethan said.

  We drove a few blocks and I pulled into a little candy store. “I always take treats to my niece and nephew—be right back.”

  I picked out a few of their favorites and headed back to the car. Just as I was about to open the door I heard someone call my name. I turned to see Lex holding hands with a little girl and they were coming toward me. Shit! I forced a smile.

  “Hi, Gia, how are you?” Lex asked.

  “I’m good. How are you?” I answered, trying not to show my nervousness.

  “I’m great!” he said with a shit pile of enthusiasm. “Gia, this is my daughter Abigail. Abigail, this is Gia.” My couch suddenly popped into my head and I wanted to be on it.

  “Nice to meet you, Abigail.” I shook her little hand. She was a cutie with strawberry blonde hair and green eyes.

  “I’m glad I ran into you, Gia. I wanted to tell you the good news. Karen and I are expecting!” He just beamed and I wanted to hide in the nearest hole. Lex looked over my shoulder and held out his hand. “Hi, I’m Lex.”

  “Ethan.” They shook hands. I hadn’t even noticed him get out of the car. Ethan put his arm around me and I looked at him. Our eyes locked. “You ready, Hotness?” he asked. I got butterflies as I wondered what Lex thought of that.

  “Ready.” I smiled. “Congratulations,” I told Lex and got in the car.

  I watched as he and Abigail went into the candy store. I gripped the steering wheel tightly and I could feel my heart pounding in my chest.

  “Hey, you okay?” Ethan reached for my arm but I jerked it away from him, still staring ahead. “Gia, what’s wrong?”

  I felt tears welling up in my eyes as I realized what I had to do. “I have to go,” I said as I put Frank in reverse and backed out of the spot.

  “Go? Where? Talk to me, what’s wrong?” Ethan asked.

  I pulled out onto the street and headed toward Lill’s. “I have to go to California,” I told him.

  “Why? I mean, what happened back there that made you decide this in such a hurry?”

  “I just have to get out of here for a while. I have to work it all out, and if Jo and Dana think California is the best place for me, then I have to trust them and give it my all for thirty days.”

  “Okay. If that’s what you want, then that’s what you should do. Did Lex say something to upset you, Gia? Why won’t you let me touch you?” Poor guy, he doesn’t get my mood swings yet.

  “Ethan, I just need you to accept the fact that I can’t explain everything. I’m not used to having someone asking me every two seconds why I feel this way or that way. I don’t know why, that’s what I need help with. I’m sorry I can’t give you all the answers.” I know I sounded bitchy but I was suddenly irritated with all his questions.

  “I’m sorry, Gia. I just ask because I care about you. I’ll back off.” He looked out the window.

  I pulled up in front of my sister’s house and turned to face Ethan. He looked at me with sad, hurt eyes. I felt sorry. He’d been so good to me, so thoughtful and considerate, and I just kept letting him down, just like I’d done to Lex. I didn’t know what to say. I was tired. I reached up and put my hand on his face.

  “I know you care about me and I care about you, too. I just don’t know how to deal with those feelings right now. I’m sorry, Ethan.” He still looked sad but gave me a grin and turned his head slightly to kiss my hand.

  Chapter 3

  Ethan

  As we walked up to Lilly’s, two kids came running out to greet us. “Auntie G!” they squealed and Gia knelt down to hug them. Gia looked so happy as she took turns with each one, giving them big bear hugs and kisses on their cheeks. I instantly felt a deep ache for her as I realized how much she might’ve wanted children. I hadn’t even asked her how much she’d wanted what she couldn’t give Lex.

  “Carly and Joey, I want you to meet my friend Ethan,” Gia said. “Ethan, this is Carly, she’s the most fantastic seven year old gymnast in the world, not to mention my very favorite niece. And this is Joey, he’s the best four year old artist in the world, not to mention my very favorite nephew.” The kids were smiling as I knelt down to meet them.

  “Nice to meet you, Carly and Joey,” I said, but they held tight to Gia.

  “They’re a little shy,” Gia said, “but they’ll be hanging all over you in no time.” I could tell they thought the world of her. She reached in her purse and pulled out the bag from the candy store. They both jumped up and down as Gia asked them, “Have you been good for your mommy and daddy?”

  “Yes! Yes! Yes!” They repeated as she peered into the bag, teasing them. She would’ve been a really great mom.

  “Okay, but you have to give me something first.” She bent down and each of them kissed her on the cheek. She was smiling ear to ear as she handed out their treats, telling them how they needed to pace themselves and not eat it all at one time or they’d get a tummy ache. I was smiling just as big as I watched her. She was so alive, so much like she’d been all those times I saw her at The Lock.

  Lilly came out of the house and Gia introduced us. “So nice to meet you, Ethan,” Lilly said as I reached out to shake her hand. She gave me a disapproving look and hugged me instead. “We hug in this family,” she said with a smile. I liked her immediately. She had a very welcoming personality and contagious smile. She was also beautiful and I saw the resemblance to Gia right away.

  “Nice to meet you too, Lilly.” I wanted to say something about the good genes in their family but couldn’t come up with anything quick enough. She grabbed my hand and we all went into the house.

  “Great home,” I told Lilly as I looked around. It was bright and cheery and I wondered if Gia was in on the decorating as it reminded me of her place.

  “Thanks, Ethan,” she said. “What can I get you to drink? Do you like iced tea?”

  “That’
d be fine.” She poured three glasses. The kids were showing Gia artwork that they’d done and then dragged her to their rooms to show her more stuff. She gave me an apologetic look as she followed them. I was happy to see her like that, so I gave her a big smile and a wink.

  “So, Ethan, Dana has told me a little about you and I’d like to thank you for keeping an eye on Gia over the weekend and helping out last night. I know she must care about you from what Dana told me and I’m thrilled she’s opening up to someone finally.” She was getting emotional.

  “I want what’s best for Gia. She’s the most amazing woman I’ve ever met and I want to help her however I can. If there’s anything you know she needs, please call me, anytime.” I felt weird saying it, being as I’d just met Gia face to face less than a week ago, but it was the truth and I thought Lilly deserved that.

  “You’re right, she is amazing. I’ve been worried sick about her for a long time and I’ve been praying every day for her to get the help she needs. I have a feeling that you’ve had something to do with the fact she’s finally decided to take that step. Ethan, thank you for showing her, somehow, that she’s worth it.” She seemed relieved and it warmed me to think that I’d helped Gia.

  “Okay, time for a quick chat before the kids get the art project done I gave them,” Gia said as she joined us at the table. She sat beside me, looked at her sister, and got very serious. “Lill, I’m gonna to go to California for a thirty-day treatment program. I know it sounds harsh but Dana and Jo think it’s-”

  Lilly reached over and took Gia’s hand. “I know all about the place, G. I’ve talked with them about it and I agree, it’s the best. I couldn’t be happier you’ve decided to go. Can I help you make arrangements?”

  “Yes, please.” Gia looked relieved and they smiled at each other, still holding hands. I could tell they were extremely close. I wished I had a sibling to have a bond like that with.

  As they went to the computer, Lilly was telling Gia about all the things she’d found out about the place and the various treatment methods they offered. Gia looked excited about some of what she heard, but hesitant about others. I didn’t like some of the things Lilly told her, like no outside contact whatsoever for the first ten days, but it was okay if that was what was best for her. I saw a patio out back and decided I’d make some phone calls and give the girls some privacy.

  I called Trey and checked up on how everything was going. He said all looked good for the weekend and not to worry because he had it under control. I didn’t doubt that at all. He asked how Gia was and I assumed Dana had filled him in on what was going on.

  “She’s decided to go to California for a month, and as much as I hate the thought of that, I know she wouldn’t do it if she didn’t feel she had to, so I’ve got to back off and hope she doesn’t forget about me while she’s gone.” My head dropped and I stared at the ground.

  “Shit! Is this what I’m gonna have to put up with for the next month? You moping around feeling sorry for yourself? C’mon, man. According to Dana, Gia’s got it bad for you and this thirty day separation won’t be shit compared to the ten years you’ve already got invested in her, so focus on the good. Maybe there are some things you can do for her while she’s away that could help her when she gets back. I know you, if you keep busy and have a goal in mind, you can overcome anything. I’ve watched you do it.” My head popped up as ideas started running through me. Trey was right! There were so many things I could do and plan for Gia to keep me busy.

  “Hey, man, you’re right. Thanks for that, I needed a swift kick in the ass. You know you’re as close to a brother as I’ve ever had, and I appreciate it.”

  “You too, bro. Call me when you get back here, I’ll have some beers chillin’. Later.” He hung up. He hated it when I got all sappy.

  So many things ran through my head. When would Gia leave? Would she be back for the Fourth of July? Would she let me take her to California? Could I visit her after the ten days were up? Could I send her stuff? What could I do for her while she’s away? Would she even want me in her life when she gets back? I thought about that last one for a while and it scared me. I had to focus on the good, as Trey had said, and not let the negative pull me down.

  “Hey, you.” Gia joined me on the patio. She sat in the lawn chair across from me. “The arrangements have been made. I fly out Friday and check in on Monday morning. Dana and Jo are going to go with me and fly back on Monday.”

  “That’s great, Gia.” I didn’t know what else to say at that moment. We just sat in awkward silence for a while. “When will you be back?” I finally asked.

  “On July third, just in time for Independence Day!” That made me grin. “Maybe we could make a plan to spend it together?” That made me smile from ear to ear.

  “Thank you. I know you don’t like to make a lot of future plans.”

  “My parents always have a barbeque that day. I’d want to be there, of course, but then maybe we could go watch the fireworks somewhere. How does that sound? Do you think you’ll be up to the dreaded ‘meeting of the parents?’” She said that last part in a deep, low voice that made us both laugh.

  “Of course I’ll be up to it—I can’t wait, actually.”

  “Good, then it’s a date!” It was music to my ears. “Let’s go in and say good-bye—I have a lot of stuff to take care of before I leave.”

  We watched the kids finish their projects for Gia and Lilly showed me around the rest of their home. The way she treated me made me feel like I was a part of their family; I loved that feeling. I couldn’t wait to meet her husband Pete and their parents. We said our good-byes and headed back to Gia’s.

  “I have to call Mr. Evans right away. I hope he understands and will allow me to take a leave of absence so I can have my job when I get back.” She seemed anxious about calling him.

  “I hope he understands and it works out the way you want it to, Gia.” I didn’t want to talk about that stuff. I wanted to talk about us. I wanted to be assured that we were together, and as soon as she got back, we were going to pick up where we left off. I wanted to be with her until she left, doing fun things like we were doing at The Lock. I was thinking selfishly and I knew it, so I just tried to be as supportive as I could.

  “Thanks, Ethan. I want to see my mom and dad, too, and I need to talk to them alone. I think you should head home. We can see each other tomorrow.” I could tell she was being cautious with her words so she didn’t totally break my heart. It gave me a sinking feeling.

  “Okay,” I said as we pulled up to her place. “Call me later?”

  “Yes,” she said as we walked over to my truck. “Thank you for everything, Ethan. I know you’re wanting so much more from me right now and I wish I could give it to you, but I only have a day and a half to get ready to leave for a month, so I’m just trying to focus on that right now.”

  “I know, and if there’s anything I can help you with, please tell me.”

  She took my hands and stared into my eyes. God, I’m going to miss those eyes. “Believe it or not, you’ve helped me so much already. What I’ve shared with you in the short time I’ve known you is really amazing and it’s shown me how good it could be, if I’m able to let it. It’s shown me what I want in my life, something I’ve never had before.” Her eyes got teary.

  I pulled her to me and held her. “You’ve done the same for me, Hotness. Please don’t forget that.”

  “I gotta get going.” She looked up at me. “I’ll call you later and we can make a plan for tomorrow, okay?” I nodded and she gave me a soft, sweet kiss.

  I felt better after what Gia had just told me, but I still had an aching feeling inside. I knew I’d never find anyone else like her. Hell, I’d never find anyone even close to what I’d found in her. I just had to have faith that what we’d shared would be enough to get us over this hurdle. I had to think of something special to give to her before she left. Something that would remind her of me and make her remember how she felt. When I realiz
ed what it had to be, it was obvious.

  Chapter 4

  Gia

  Poor Ethan. I could tell how much he was worrying when he drove off, but I had to concentrate on this trip and getting treatment before I could consider giving him what he wanted from me. I knew how I thought I felt about him, but having only known him such a short time, it seemed unrealistic. I had to focus. I had to get my shit together.

  I called Mr. Evans and told him I was having some personal issues and that I’d like to take a thirty day leave of absence to take care of them. I didn’t go into any details, of course, but he and Bridget knew about the miscarriages and that I’d had a ‘breakdown’ after one of them. I didn’t think they knew about the suicide attempt and I wanted to keep it that way.

  “Of course, Gia. I’ll get a temp to come in and Becky can pick up whatever else needs to be done. I hope you’ll come to me if you need anything. Bridget and I care about you and we’re here for you if you need us.”

  “Thank you so much, Mr. Evans. You don’t know how relieved I am to know my job is secure. I really enjoy working for you and I hate to leave you in a bind like this, but I’ve put it off for too long and it’s catching up with me.”

  “Don’t worry about a thing. Just concentrate on what you need to and know that you have friends willing to help you. I’ll talk to you in about a month. Good luck, Gia.” I thanked him again and we hung up. I felt so much better after getting that call out of the way. Now I had to head over to Mom and Dad’s.