Total Control (Losing Control Series Book 3)

by Wilder, Desiree

  “Would you really do that?” He was so adorable when he could hardly hold his eyes open.

  “For you, yes.” He seemed to like that, so he agreed. “See you in a couple hours,” I said and gave him a kiss.

  He went, reluctantly, so I turned the music real low and finished the dishes. I cleaned out the fridge, throwing out whatever wouldn’t still be recognizable by the time I got back. I packed the toiletries that I wouldn’t need in the morning and made sure I had my chargers for my phone and laptop. There was one glass of wine left so I poured that, sat at the table, and made a list so I wouldn’t forget anything tomorrow.

  I turned off the lights and stood in front of the window that overlooked my little neighborhood. It was so peaceful this time of night. I felt hopeful again. I thought of all the wonderful things in my life, all the people who supported and loved me. I said a little prayer asking for the strength to get through the next month being as open and honest as I could while receiving the help I needed to get my life back.

  I brushed my teeth and washed my face before I undressed for bed. I stopped before I got in and looked down at Ethan. He was unbelievably awesome in every way. I was falling hard for him. I wanted to face my demons so I could be everything Ethan thought I was. He deserved someone who could love like he could. I wanted to be that someone.

  I crawled into bed and snuggled up to him. He opened his eyes, smiled, and took me in his strong, warm arms. “Thank you for waking me so this night could end perfectly,” he said and kissed me on my forehead.

  I realized that was all he needed, to hold me while we fell asleep together. I was smiling when I closed my eyes.

  Chapter 9

  I awoke to the smell of coffee and cinnamon rolls. This must be what waking up in heaven smells like. I opened my eyes and there they were! I sat up, picked up the cup, took off the lid, and let the steam enter my nostrils. “Mmm.” I took a sip. It was perfect, one Splenda, one cream. I grabbed the gooey cinnamon roll and took a big bite. “Mmm.” I closed my eyes and smiled.

  “Wow.” Ethan was in the doorway watching me.

  I smiled. “Come here,” I said and set the coffee down.

  He sat beside me and I pulled off a piece of the cinnamon roll. “I know you didn’t dare eat one of these, but you gotta taste it.” We locked eyes and when he opened his mouth I thought about putting something else in it. I held it above his mouth. He tilted his head back but kept his eyes on mine. I touched it to his lips and then pulled it back, leaving some of the icing there. He licked it and opened his mouth again. Holy hell! I touched it to his lips again and pulled it away. He licked again, slower this time. Fuck!

  I straddled him. He raised his eyebrows, mouth still open, eyes smiling. I touched his lips again, but that time I licked it off. I wish I had like a gallon of this shit! The next time, I let him take a bite. He chewed very slowly and then swallowed while keeping his eyes on mine. We were very still, staring at each other. Then he slowly opened his mouth again. I dipped my finger in the icing and right before I got it to his waiting mouth, he pulled his head forward and caught it. He closed his eyes and sucked my finger all the way in. I squirmed on his lap. He opened his eyes and I pulled my finger out. He licked his lips and opened his mouth. By that time I had practically squeezed the roll into an unidentified object.

  I tore off the mangled half and took a bite while I gave him a bite of the still recognizable half. We smiled at each other while we chewed. When we took our last bites I said, “Thanks for breakfast.”

  “You’re welcome. Thanks for sharing.”

  “My pleasure.”

  “When do we have to pick up the girls and head to the airport?”

  I glanced at his watch. “In a couple of hours.”

  “Are you as turned on as I am?”

  “More!” I said and immediately kissed his delicious lips. He put his hands up my shirt and pressed them flat against my back. I had mine in his soft, thick mane and was scratching his scalp gently. He tasted sugary and was slightly sticky. “Mmm. You’re delicious,” I said.

  “I was thinking the same about you.” He smiled, “Wanna try something new?”

  I got nervous butterflies. “Um, maybe. Half the things we’ve done have been new to me and you’ve never asked me that question before, so I’m a little nervous.”

  He got a curious expression. “What do you mean half the stuff we’ve done was new to you?”

  My face turned red. “Lex was sort of, um, well, he liked the standard position most of the time.”

  “Oh, okay, and what did Gia like?” He tipped his head to the side and waited for the answer that he already knew.

  “Gia…well, she just liked making her husband happy.” I looked down.

  “Gia’s husband really missed out, didn’t he? There he was, with a beautiful wife who cared more about his wants and needs than her own, yet he couldn’t even make love to her the way she wanted.” He lifted my chin and kissed my lips. “I know what you want.” He kissed my neck. “I know what you need.” He lifted my shirt off. “I know what you like.” He kissed my breasts. “I know what you love,” he whispered in my ear. I got goose bumps and my nipples hardened. Yes, he knew all those things about me. He knew better than anyone.

  Ethan laid me down on the bed. I watched as he took off his shirt and jeans. My eyes went to his package, which bulged beneath his form fitting boxer briefs. I took a deep breath as my eyes traveled slowly up his defined abs to his firm chest to his strong jawline to his gorgeous face. I sighed. “You’re so sexy.”

  He slowly climbed on top of me. I spread my legs and wrapped them around his waist. “Mmm, that feels good,” I whispered as his bulge pressed against me. I raised my hips to feel him harder. He pulled his hips back and pressed against me again.

  “You always feel good,” he whispered. “It doesn’t get any better than you.”

  As we made out, we covered every inch of the bed. We rolled around playfully, not hard and fast like teenagers, but slow and easy, like two people who knew they were going to miss the hell out of each other for the next month. We both had our undies on and it felt innocent, yet we were unbelievably turned on. I loved the way he kissed me. Kissing like that was, in my opinion, one of the most intimate things between lovers, even more so than sex. You can really tell how someone feels about you when they’re either looking into your eyes or kissing you. Foreplay with Ethan was better than any sex I’d ever had. I still wanted him inside me, of course, but kissing him was amazing.

  By the time Ethan laid beside me and put his hand between my legs, I was silently begging for it. I moaned and spread my legs wider. His fingers were thick, strong, and knew what they were doing when they found my clitty. I dug into his boxers greedily and took ahold of him firmly, stroking him with the same rhythm. At one point I’d gotten so worked up by his expert fingers that I’d stopped giving him anything, I was just holding on to him like it was a baton I was getting ready to hand off. I hadn’t peed when I woke up and that, apparently, was making the sensation more intense.

  I stroked him again and tried to focus, but he kept bringing me to the edge and my hand kept pausing. He massaged me with two fingers, sometimes three, and then he’d finger me with one. He never missed a beat, keeping a quick, steady rhythm as my hips moved in circles and my breathing became soft moaning.

  “Gia, you’re so wet. You’re going to feel amazing,” Ethan whispered in my ear before he kissed it softly.

  I released the death grip I had on his cock and, again, tried to handle him more pleasurably. He was very well endowed and I wondered if that was why I had such intense orgasms with him. I’d only had orgasms about a quarter of the time with Lex and that was if I had touched myself during intercourse like Ethan was doing to me then.

  Ethan stood and took his boxers off. His cock sprung out and I felt an aching between my legs. He pulled me so my ass was right off the edge of the bed and pushed my panties to the side like he had on the desk. He ran my leg
s up the length of his body so that my feet were at his shoulders. Wow, I’ve never done it like this before! I was excited to be experiencing yet another new position with Ethan.

  He teased me by pressing against me, but not entering me. He rubbed his cock against my clitty, then barely pushed the tip into me and pulled it back. “Mmm, you’re teasing me,” I said.

  “Don’t you like it?” he smiled, knowing that I did.

  “Yes, I do.” I slid my hand down my stomach, put my fingers on myself, and started rubbing. I knew he liked it, a lot. “Do you like it?” I asked.

  “Yes.” He nodded and swallowed. “You’re so sexy, Gia.”

  “I want you inside me, Ethan.” I was about to make myself come so I had to slow down and let him take me there.

  He smiled. “I know you do.” He squeezed my legs together at the knees. My feet were still up at his shoulders. He pushed into me slowly and we both moaned. I felt even tighter in that position. He looked from my hand, which was still rubbing my clitty, back up to my eyes, and then back down again. “You’re driving me crazy with that,” he said with hitched breathing.

  I reached up with my other hand and massaged my breast. His eyes got big and he moved in and out faster. I rubbed myself faster and it was driving both of us crazy. I put my hands beside me on the bed, arched my back, and with one more thrust from him, came. “Ahh, Ethan.”

  “Jesus, Gia.” He looked up to the ceiling and held very still inside me. He looked back down at me and shook his head, smiling.

  I was smiling right back. I wasn’t even embarrassed about touching myself in front of him. I hadn’t touched myself in front of Lex until I’d been with him for a couple of years. I’d gotten tired of faking orgasms all the time, so one night, after I’d had a couple glasses of wine, I built up the courage to rub myself while we were doing it. He didn’t like it. It made him feel like he was a bad lover. So I didn’t do it very often, I just continued to fake it. I couldn’t imagine ever having to fake it with Ethan.

  ***

  We showered and I finished packing. Luckily, I had everything organized and ready because we didn’t leave ourselves much time before we had to head over and pick up the girls. As I stood in the doorway, looking back into my little apartment, I felt some anxiety and fear about not being able to have its safety net for the next thirty days, but I pulled the door shut, and as I followed Ethan down the steps, those feelings were replaced with more peaceful, hopeful feelings. I glanced down the street one last time as Ethan put my things in the trunk. The idea of a fresh start when I got home in a month sounded really, really good. I closed my eyes and tilted my head up to feel the sun on my face. Ethan kissed my cheek and ran his hand across my ass as he headed to the passenger side.

  “Here,” I said as I tossed him my keys. “I better see if you can handle Frank before I let you bring him back here alone.”

  He laughed as he caught them. “Are you sure? I wouldn’t want to come between a woman and her Chevy.”

  I laughed. “Don’t worry, Frank isn’t the jealous type. Plus, I couldn’t compare you two. He likes to go fast, always.” I winked and hopped in.

  Ethan walked over to the driver’s side and got in. “Well, then, sounds like Frank needs to practice some self-control if he ever wants to compete with me.”

  When Ethan turned the key, “Family Tradition” blared through the speakers. He looked at me. “Country music?”

  “Don’t mess with Hank Jr.” I gave him a look that told him he definitely didn’t want to tease me about Hank. When I was younger and would go fishing with my dad, we’d listen to Hank Jr. His music meant a lot to me. I loved to crank it up and remember those good times.

  “Whoa! Was just surprised, that’s all.” He laughed. “Kaw Liga” is one of the best songs ever!” I couldn’t believe those words had just come out of his mouth and I wanted to make out with him immediately, but he’d just pulled out onto the street.

  “I love that song, too!” I skipped through the CD until I got to it. Ethan knew every word, and I got turned on as he sang it with me. I hadn’t seen him do that before, so I was witnessing another sexy side of him for the first time. “If you’re ever looking for a sure fire way to get me in the mood, just sing me some Hank.”

  “Good to know.” He was smiling as we approached Dana’s street.

  “Go around the block,” I told him.

  “What’s wrong?” His smile dissipated and he looked worried.

  “Nothing’s wrong. Everything’s perfect, and I don’t want it to end yet.” I was suddenly emotional. “I’m sorry. I think I’m just nervous.” I wiped a tear from my cheek.

  Ethan pulled over and turned to me. “Gia, it’s going to be okay. Just focus while you’re there and when you get back, we’ll pick up right here, right where we are now.”

  I nodded. I knew it was going to be okay and I hadn’t really been worrying about it, but now it was getting closer and I was panicking. I hoped I could keep it together until I got on the plane—then I’d be all right.

  “Gia, no one would love for you to stay here more than me, but watching you have nightmares every night and beat yourself up every day is breaking my heart. I want you to be happy and carefree all the time. I want you to be able to accept my love and love me back. I want you to see yourself the way you really are, the way I see you.”

  I wanted all that, too. I nodded, but I didn’t try to talk because I knew it would make me cry again.

  “Should we go pick up your friends now?” He spoke to me gently. He was sad and worried, but tried to hide it. He was trying to stay strong because he knew I was having anxiety. He wanted to protect me from my own fear. I nodded.

  He smiled and squeezed my hand. He drove around the block twice, giving me time to get myself together.

  We pulled up to Dana’s just as Jo pulled up. She hugged me tightly when she saw I was having a bit of a hard time. Dana came out and Ethan loaded all of their stuff into the trunk. I took a deep breath and we headed to the airport.

  “What time do you girls get in on Monday? I’d be happy to pick you up,” Ethan asked Jo and Dana. He was so sweet.

  “I think about two or three, but Trey’s gonna pick us up,” Dana said. “Thanks for the offer, though.”

  It was pretty quiet the rest of the way. I just wanted to get there and get on the plane. I dreaded saying good-bye to Ethan.

  ***

  Ethan stayed with me until we got checked in. The girls gave him a hug and went to the entrance of the security check to give us some privacy. I had butterflies.

  “I made you something,” Ethan said as he handed me a little box. “It’s a playlist with all the songs that remind me of you.”

  “Aww, thank you, that’s unbelievably sweet.” I wrapped my arms around him, and as we held each other, I wanted to forget this whole thing, go home with him, and never leave.

  “You’re welcome. I hope you like it.” He kissed me. Tears rolled down my cheeks. “Please don’t cry,” he whispered. “It breaks my heart.” He wiped them away.

  “I’ll call you when we get there,” I told him.

  “Okay, have a good flight.” He kissed me again and then whispered in my ear, “I love you, Gia, and I’m proud of you for taking this step.”

  I walked toward Jo and Dana, who were waiting for me with open arms. I turned and looked back at Ethan one last time. He smiled and winked at me. I smiled back, turned, and found some comfort in the arms of my friends.

  “I know it’s hard,” Dana said, “but you’ve finally found something worth forgiving yourself for and you’re going to find the happiness you deserve.”

  We got through security and were soon boarded and taxiing down the runway. As we lifted into the sky I gave a sigh of relief. I was on my way.

  Chapter 10

  Ethan

  As I watched Gia walk toward her friends I felt so many different emotions. Sadness, optimism, fear, love. She turned and looked at me. I gave her a wink and a smi
le. She smiled back. She was beautiful. I watched as her friends took over and comforted her. I knew she was in good hands.

  I listened to Hank all the way back to her place. I wished I would’ve known of her love for his music so I could’ve put it on her playlist. I locked Frank and hopped in my truck to head home. I had to sit for a minute. For some reason I reached in the glove box and got a cigarette. I was lonely already and realized that it was going to be one long month.

  I was making mental notes all the way home of the things I wanted to do for Gia before she came back. It made me feel better and I knew if I kept busy, I’d get through the separation a lot easier. When I got home I immediately wrote down all of the things I’d thought of in the truck.

  The Lock was filling up fast. I knew we wouldn’t be as full as the last weekend, but I still expected a pretty decent turn out. I called Trey to see how everything was and he seemed relieved to have me back home for a while.

  “Thanks for taking care of everything while I was in the city,” I told him.

  “Of course,” he said. “I hope everything goes good for Gia in California. Hey, man, if you don’t feel like working tonight, I got it.”

  “Actually, I’m looking forward to keeping busy, but thanks. Why don’t you swing by in a couple of hours and we’ll do rounds.”

  “Sounds good! See ya then.”

  I made something to eat, looked over my list of things to do, and made some phone calls. I’d come out of my somber mood by then and even felt some excitement about the next month. I got on the internet and checked on some show dates and cities for a couple bands I wanted to take Gia to see. While I was researching, I got curious about which concert the girls were going to see Saturday night. There were a few in that area, so I didn’t get an answer.

  “Hi, Rose,” I answered when my cell rang.

  “Ethan, how are you?”