It is Friday afternoon and has now been a week since she was caught red handed by her brother… but still nothing. As she throws her keys onto the side and hooks her school bag over the banister, she strains to hear the low murmur of voices coming from the kitchen. Janet is ranting and she sounds fairly pissed off. ‘Here we go’. Abbey thinks, as she takes a deep breath and enters the room. Peter is sat at the breakfast table reading a paper. He doesn’t look up or even acknowledge her presence as she walks in, but Janet turns, and to Abbey’s surprise, she is smiling.
“Oh Abbey, there you are…”
“Is everything OK?” She asks, cautiously.
“Oh, yes its fine darling… a slight problem with the conference room we have booked for tomorrow but nothing that can’t be fixed….”
“Tomorrow?”
“I’m away this weekend I thought I told you…?”
“No, I don’t think you mentioned it…” Abbey manages to refrain from rolling her eyes. ‘Why the hell would she mention a little thing like that?’
“Well, I leave tonight and I get back late on Sunday. Peter is in charge while I’m gone and there’s plenty of food in the fridge for you both. I’ll be on my mobile if you need me for anything…”
“OK…”
“Listen…” Janet stands in front of Abbey and puts her hands firmly on her shoulders, holding her in place… “I know it’s been difficult recently, and I want you to know that I like it about as much as you do. I don’t want us falling out all the time. You’ve been really good these past few weeks and your school work is back on track… so… I don’t see any reason for you to be grounded anymore…” It’s a good job that Janet is gripping Abbey so firmly, as she can feel herself rock backwards, almost passing out with shock. Is this really happening? Surely Peter isn’t going to just sit there and let this go?
“Thanks, Mum…” She stutters.
“You’re welcome… but I still want you on your best behaviour alright? No slacking off at school. I’m trusting you here Abbey, I’m giving you a chance…”
“I know. So… if I’m not grounded, does that mean I can see my friends this weekend?” Janet hesitates and Abbey almost regrets pushing her luck.
“I suppose so…” She replies with a degree of uncertainty, “But I want your coursework done first and you need to be home when your brother says so – no arguments…” Abbey can live with that. Peter isn’t here half the time anyway. Janet collects her laptop and a stack of folders off the table and rushes upstairs to pack. She is being picked up in an hour by one of her colleagues and then she will be gone for a whole weekend. An entire 48 hours. And to top it off - Abbey has her freedom back. As her excitement starts to build, Peter clears his throat and leans back in his chair. Abbey still can’t figure out what game he is playing but that was the perfect opportunity for him to drop her right in it… and he didn’t.
“You haven’t told her?” She states the obvious.
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Don’t think for one second that I’m OK with what you did, or that I’m going to let it go…” He scoffs. “But Mum has been in a really good place recently and she’s been looking forward to this trip for weeks…” Oh, so Janet had known for ‘weeks’ about this business trip and still Abbey knew nothing. Great, “She is doing really well and there’s no way I’m going to let you upset her and bring her down…” There it is again, that overwhelming urge to punch her brother square in the face.
“Are you done…?” Abbey stares at him.
“You’ve got some nerve… don’t think this is over. Mum is giving you a chance and you better not blow it. If you do I won’t hesitate to tell her exactly what’s been going on…”
Peter’s snide, bitter words linger in the back of Abbey’s mind as she gets ready in her room. She isn’t in the greatest of moods, but she is determined to shrug it off and enjoy herself tonight, no matter what it takes. She is no longer grounded and that is definitely a cause for celebration. She rings Lucy straight away and she is over the moon that Abbey can join them on their night out without having to conduct a covert operation in order to get there. She gasps in amazement as Abbey tells her in detail about what had transpired that afternoon. Of course Lucy, Nathan and Liam knew all about Peter catching her as she snuck back into the house - she had filled them in the following Monday at school - so they are all as shocked as Abbey when she tells them that her curfew has been lifted.
The plan is to meet at Alex’s flat for a few drinks before heading into town. A brand new club opened up the previous week at the bottom of Call Lane and they are all eager to try it out. Abbey struggles to control the butterflies in her stomach, knowing that she will see Alex again. The way they had left their last encounter means this time round it could go either way. He might be even more standoffish and aloof than before, or maybe he will start warming to her? One thing is for certain – if he is going to stare at her as much as he did last Saturday, she is going to give him something to stare at. Abbey is under no illusions. She knows deep down that there is no way someone as breathtakingly good-looking as Alex would ever be interested in her. She has always been told how beautiful she is but she doesn’t think herself as anything special and Alex is way out of her league. This time though, she is prepared, and determined to make herself look as appealing as she possibly can, regardless of her chances.
After applying her make-up Abbey dries her long, red hair and curls it into soft waves that fall just past her shoulders, styling her fringe so that it sweeps softly over her left eye. She knows exactly which outfit to wear to achieve the effect she desires. A pair of black shorts with gold buttons down the front, her favourite cream, sleeveless crop-top and her cream stiletto heels. She finishes her outfit with a set of gold bangles on her right wrist and a pair of gold drop earrings.
Abbey gathers her phone, money and most importantly, her I.D and shoves it all into a cream and gold clutch as she checks her reflection in the mirror one last time. She looks good… and she feels it too. A car horn beeps as her taxi pulls outside… ‘perfect timing’. She skips downstairs and is almost out of the front door when Peter appears behind her.
“Where are you going?” He snaps.
“Out with friends… Mum said I could remember…?”
“Dressed like that?”
“We’re going out Pete… I’m 18…”
“Don’t be back any later than 11:30pm…” Abbey bursts into laughter before she can stop herself.
“Half 11?! You were out every single weekend when you turned 18 and you were rarely ever home before 2:00am!”
“Maybe not… but I wasn’t taking the piss by sneaking out and playing truant from school like a complete idiot either, was I?!”
There is so much that Abbey wants to say, but it would be a complete waste of time trying to get her brother to listen and she is so sick of arguing with him. The taxi beeps again.
“Don’t wait up…” She smirks, racing out of the door and down the driveway before Peter can stop her.
As Abbey approaches the apartment block she begins to regret not meeting Lucy beforehand. Her nerves are kicking into over drive and she is one step away from hyperventilating. ‘For god sake get a grip’ she scolds herself. She presses the button for flat 38 and the door buzzes immediately. As she exits the lift on the 9th floor she has to keep reminding herself how to put one foot in front of the other. She is really eager to see Alex, but he is so unpredictable and so completely uninterested in her. Why she is getting her hopes up and allowing herself to get excited about something that is clearly never going to happen, she has no idea. As Abbey approaches the door to the flat she can hear music playing and what sounds like Gemma laughing. She takes a deep breath, composes herself, and knocks loudly. The door swings open and Tom’s eyes widen in surprise. He takes the joint he is smoking out of his mouth and looks Abbey up and down.
“Fucking hell girl… you scrub up alright don’t you…?!”
“You look great babe…” Gemma smiles.
“Thank you, so do you…” Abbey replies, blushing at the compliment.
Sophie pours Abbey a glass of wine and the five of them move into the living room to join Lucy, Nathan and Liam. As they pass through the hallway Abbey prepares herself, knowing that she could bump into Alex at any second, but rather disappointingly, he is nowhere to be seen.
Lucy jumps up excitedly and squeals with delight as she races over to Abbey, hugging her tightly - and Nathan and Liam glance up from dividing out numerous lines of cocaine on the coffee table.
“Christ Abs… you look like walking Viagra…!” Liam winks.
“How charming… thanks Liam…” She quips, hugging them both as she sits down.
“You do look amazing…” Lucy agrees… “Those shoes look pretty high though, I hope they aren’t going to stop you dancing because it is on tonight…!” She laughs, shaking her arms from side to side.
Abbey giggles at Lucy as she launches into one of her super excited outbursts, chatting about how great the night is going to be and how much fun they will have at this new club, which she describes as ‘like the best club ever’. The only time she stops talking is when she takes a sip of her drink or has another line.
Just like the previous weekend they all make Abbey feel completely welcome and her nerves soon vanish. She finds herself marvelling again at what a close knit group they are and she feels incredibly lucky to be a part of it. She is beyond grateful that they have welcomed her into the fold so willingly. It is just what she needs; a fun night out with no drama, to let loose and enjoy herself with friends, but no matter how hard she tries she can’t seem to switch off completely or forget about her problems at home. The resentment she feels towards Peter and the detachment she feels from her mum is slowly starting to eat away at her. Things have gotten so much worse recently and she is constantly playing it over and over in her mind - wishing there was a way to resolve the tension, but knowing there is nothing she can do as long as her family refuse to face up to their pain and acknowledge their grief. Until they open up about Ryan and remember him the way that he deserves to be remembered, they are never going to see eye to eye.
“Just got off the phone to a mate, he says the club is packed…” Tom returns from the kitchen with his phone in his hand… “It’s gonna be mint…!”
“I hope we don’t have to queue for ages…” Sophie muses.
“Course not, Alex got us guest list…!” Tom laughs, incensed at the thought.
As Darren changes CD, the others gather around the coffee table, preparing to play what sounds like a rather complicated drinking game. When the music kicks in, they cheer in approval at Darren’s choice and start singing along to the track, albeit loudly and rather out of tune. Abbey uses the opportunity to lean towards Lucy, ensuring that only she can hear.
“Where is Alex…?” She asks, as casually as she can manage.
“Work… but he should be back anytime soon…” Lucy doesn’t bat an eyelid at Abbey’s question and she is left wondering again what Alex does for a living that causes him to be out so late.
Another hour or so passes and the several Sambuca shots that Abbey has drunk start to take effect. It turns out she isn’t very good at drinking games. Feeling tipsy she begins to lighten up a little, but the buzz she is feeling still isn’t enough to completely dispel her worries and her brain is working overtime. Why can’t she just relax and enjoy herself?
“Here he is…!” Tom shouts over the music… “Busy night son?!” Abbey looks up from the CD case she is studying and sees Alex standing in the doorway; their eyes meet for a brief moment before he steps forward and slaps hands with the lads. He looks even more appealing than the first time she laid eyes on him – if that is even possible.
He is wearing dark blue jeans and a black shirt that fits his frame perfectly. The sleeves are rolled up to his elbows and the top two buttons are undone, showing a slight glimpse of his sculpted chest and the chain of his rosary beads. ‘Don’t go bright red, don’t go bright red…’ Abbey chants, over and over in her mind. The butterflies in her stomach return and a rush of adrenaline shoots through her body. She can’t believe that just been in the same room as him affects her in this way.
She takes a sip of her drink – glancing nonchalantly over to where the lads are sitting – and her heart leaps. He is staring at her again. This time though it isn’t threatening in the slightest, instead he looks more intrigued, with only a slight, underlying hint of irritation. It is a definite improvement from last time.
Abbey jumps as her phone vibrates in her pocket and she reaches for it grudgingly, pressing the message icon in the top corner of the screen. ‘1 New Voicemail’. She hadn’t heard her phone ringing over the music but she can already guess who the missed call is from. She walks out onto the balcony where it is quieter and calls through to her message bank.
‘Where are you? You need to be back no later than midnight Abbey, I mean it. Don’t be late.’ Peter is obviously still furious with her. Why can’t he just leave her the hell alone instead of involving himself in her life? He obviously gets a kick out of lording it over her and acting all superior. She wishes he would just back off.
“Hey, are you OK?” Lucy joins Abbey on the balcony, hugging her arms to her chest, “It’s freezing out here…”
“Yeah… sorry, I was just checking my phone. I have a voicemail from Pete…”
“And what did he have to say?” Lucy raises an eyebrow and tilts her head disapprovingly.
“Oh the usual, just barking orders at me. He says I have to be back by midnight…”
“What?!” Lucy pouts… “But we aren’t even leaving the flat until 11pm and you can’t skip the club it’s going to be great…”
“I know. But he won’t budge…”
“So just pretend you haven’t got the message! Come on Abbey… he clearly doesn’t understand what’s going on with you. What you need right now is to have a laugh and get your life back! Just because he isn’t dealing with it, don’t let him drag you down as well…”
Abbey breathes in the cold night air and stares down at the lights of the city that are sparkling below. Lucy has a point. She seems to understand Abbey better than anyone and always knows exactly what she needs. But it doesn’t change how terrible she feels about how strained her relationship with her family has become and she knows that she is making it worse by acting out. She should be on her best behaviour instead of making things more difficult for her mum, but she isn’t doing it on purpose. She just can’t bring herself to carry on as normal like they do, pretending as though everything is fine. Her sorrow, her anger and her grief, they are always there - a constant ache in her heart which there is no escape from, and it is far too strong to ignore.
“I just wish I could run away from it all, you know…?”Abbey whispers, “This last year has been the worst year of my life and I’m so sick of feeling this way… hurting all the time. I want to grieve, I want to remember Ryan and celebrate him and move on but I can’t because of them. The way they act, like it didn’t happen, like Ryan was never here… It makes me so angry. He doesn’t deserve that…”
“Maybe they act that way because they find it easier to block it all out rather than deal with it…?” Lucy suggests, hesitantly.
“Yeah. That’s exactly it. I know that it’s their way of ‘coping’, but I just don’t understand how they can turn their back on him like that…”
“You really miss him don’t you?” Lucy asks, and tears spring behind Abbey’s eyes. She isn’t used to talking about Ryan this way as her family hardly ever mention him at all, and it is strange, openly admitting
her feelings.
“Every single day…” she sighs, turning to face Lucy, “Have you ever felt like you wanted to escape your own life and be someone else…?” she asks, shaking her head, sadly, “I wish I could make it all just disappear… even for one night…”
“Maybe you can…?” Lucy’s tone is quietly cautious.
“What do you mean?”
“Look, I know you said it isn’t your thing and you’ve never done it before. But it sounds to me like you’re in serious need of a release, and… well… maybe a little pick me up will help?” Lucy nods once towards the living room and to the coffee table in particular, where Nathan, Liam, Sophie and Darren sit, sharing line after line of cocaine.
“I don’t know Lucy… I’ve always been told drugs are bad news…”
“The only people who say that are the ones who’ve never tried them. There are risks, yeah, but there are risks involved in everything you do… as long as you’re careful and you don’t get stupid with them, you’ll be fine…” She states, convincingly, “It sets you free Abs… makes all your troubles just melt away and for one night you can forget about all the bullshit and enjoy life. You can be whoever you want to be…”
Abbey has to hand it to Lucy; she has one hell of a sales pitch, but she is still incredibly wary. She had always been told about the horror stories regarding drug use and she is certain she doesn’t want to go down that road - or does she? The others are all doing it, and it doesn’t seem to be affecting them in a negative way at all. They are happy, laughing and joking, enjoying themselves. They look so relaxed and care free… exactly how Abbey wants to feel more than anything. She desperately wants that escape.
“Hey, no pressure, but think about it…” Lucy puts her arm around Abbey and pulls her back inside. They join the others around the table just as Nathan finishes cutting up several more lines and after inhaling his he passes the rolled up note to Lucy, but she only does one, looking at Abbey inquisitively. She holds the note out to her and without stopping to think or over analyse, Abbey leans forward and quickly does the line of cocaine in front of her, before she has chance to change her mind. She passes the note to Darren and sits back on the sofa.
Even Angels Fall Page 8