“I un-ground you and this is how you behave? This is the thanks I get?” Janet has at least stopped shouting, but her anger is still visibly bubbling under the surface and Abbey has to tread carefully.
“You said I could go out…” She replies meekly.
“Yes. And I also told you that you had to be home when you’re brother said so…”
“Look I’m sorry… I just lost track of time…”
“For 6 and a half hours?!!” Janet’s high pitched shriek makes Abbey flinch. It is Sunday night and despite spending all day Saturday in bed she still feels absolutely shocking. Hangovers are bad; but she is totally convinced that a hangover from drink and drugs must be as bad as it gets. She can’t imagine it being any more painful than this. It isn’t possible.
“We were in a club and we were just dancing, having a good time, I didn’t think anything of it until I looked at my phone, I’d missed his calls because I had no signal…” Abbey tries in vain to justify her actions, but she can barely muster the energy. Her head is pounding and all she wants to do is go back to bed.
“It’s not good enough Abbey. I told you specifically that Peter was in charge…” Janet and Peter both glare at Abbey and she can feel her face redden with anger.
“I’m not a child Mum, I’m 18 years old and I don’t need babysitting. I just wanted to go out and have fun with my friends like every other normal teenager… like Pete and Anna did when they were my age. I’m sorry I got home late but you said I could go out…” Abbey knows she is pushing it with her last statement. She tries not to look directly at him but she can sense Peter raising his eyebrows in a ‘you’re really going to go there?’ sort of way. He could easily get her grounded again in an instant, but seemingly, he still hasn’t told Janet about her sneaking out, which in Abbey’s book is quite frankly nothing short of a miracle.
“Peter, will you give us a minute?” He stands slowly, arms folded and strides arrogantly out of the room. ‘Tosser’ Abbey thinks.
“I feel like I don’t recognize my own daughter anymore…” Janet’s words are harsh and abrupt and they strike Abbey like a bolt out of the blue. She knows they have grown apart recently, but Janet acknowledging it out loud suddenly makes the situation very real, “Missing school, staying out late, drinking… it’s so out of character for you. I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do anymore…” Janet stares out of the window as if lost in a distant thought and Abbey looks on helplessly. She feels a sudden and desperate urge to reassure her but she has no idea what to say.
How on earth did it get to be like this? Abbey’s childhood was a happy, stable one. They weren’t exactly well off but they had a good life and didn’t want for anything. With four kids and two loving parents, it was always a home full of joy and laughter. And they have lost it all. Abbey has only come to realize now how much she took it all for granted before. She never appreciated it as much as she should have done.
She wants to make things right with her mum, but she knows it isn’t that simple. She can’t just forget the past and behave as though the last year never happened. She can’t get up every day and go through the motions. Ryan’s absence is all around her. She feels it constantly, every minute of every day, and it baffles her that Janet and Peter - and even Anna and Dom to some extent - can carry on as before without a hint of grief, or any form of acknowledgement. Maybe she feels the loss more than they do? Maybe the bond that twins share is much deeper, therefore the hurt takes longer to heal? Whatever the reason, she isn’t on the same wave length as the rest of her family and even if they did open up and talk about it, they still wouldn’t talk to her.
The only people keeping Abbey’s spirits up at the moment are her friends. They are the ones that are bringing her to life again. They make her feel like she can finally start to move on from this and it feels amazing to be part of a group who accept her for who she is without question. A group of friends who understand that life is shit sometimes, but you have to stick together and have a laugh anyway. That is where Abbey’s head is at and that is the mentality that is helping her heal. She is so unbelievably grateful that she met Lucy Blake on her very first day at Eden Comprehensive, because she would be utterly lost without her… without all of them. But that is the problem. The very thing helping Abbey is the same thing causing the rift with her family to grow. The more Abbey sees her friends the more alive and happy she feels, but the more it angers Peter and worries Janet. As much as Abbey wishes she could make things right with her family, the thought of cutting her friends out of her life is a notion she can’t even comprehend. They are the only people who she feels she can be herself with and even though walking away from them might prevent further arguments at home, Abbey knows all too well that as a result, she will feel even more isolated and alone… and she can’t bear the thought.
So she is stuck. Catch 22. Be alone and miserable, or risk losing her family altogether. It is a completely heart-breaking situation, but if her mum still refuses to open up and let her in, then she is left with no other choice. So as Janet sits and stares sorrowfully out of the kitchen window, she says nothing.
After a long, exhausting weekend, Abbey is seriously struggling through Monday morning. She still doesn’t feel 100% back to normal after the copious amount of drink and drugs she took the previous Friday and she feels depressed and hollow after the awful conversation with her mum. She can’t forget the look on Janet’s face as she told Abbey she didn’t know her anymore. It was as if she had completely given up. Abbey can’t do anything about it though and as a result she feels totally deflated and is not in the best of moods.
Lost in her troubled thoughts Abbey opens up her locker, completely oblivious to the fact that Lucy is bounding down the corridor towards her and she almost jumps out of her skin as she throws her arms around her neck, hugging her from behind.
“There you are!” Lucy chimes, “I’ve been looking everywhere for you! We’re off to Alex’s, are you coming?” Abbey’s heart leaps at the mere mention of his name and the butterflies in her stomach make her feel faint, but after his knight in shining armour routine and the all too brief hand holding on Friday, he had disappeared again and she had barely seen him for the rest of the night. They had said goodbye when Abbey’s taxi arrived but there was no further interaction other than that.
She can’t figure him out at all and it is driving her insane; he is so hot and cold. She desperately wants to get to know him better and today would be the perfect opportunity, but she has already decided that she isn’t going to skip school. She has made a conscious decision to try harder after what unfolded yesterday afternoon and seeing Janet’s utter disappointment in her. It doesn’t make sense for her to get into any more trouble and her conscience has finally started to kick in.
“I can’t Luc, not today…” Abbey smiles, apologetically.
“Why not?”
“I just don’t feel up to it that’s all…” She closes her locker and turns toward Lucy, who has a sceptical look on her face.
“What happened?” She asks, mildly defensive.
“What do you mean?”
“Come on Miller, obviously something is bugging you; you look like your puppy just died! Where’s the live for now Abbey from Friday night?!”
“She is still well and truly hung over…!” Abbey laughs… “I just don’t think it’s a good idea, sorry. I should get to class…”
“That sounds like your brother talking to me! He got to you didn’t he? He grassed you in and now you’re being all mopey about it?!”
“I am not being mopey!” Abbey snaps; and the two of them stare at each other for a moment before bursting into laughter. She is definitely moping, that much is obvious… “I’m sorry Luc, but I mean it… I just don’t think I should risk it today…”
“Well, not to worry, that’s fine…” Lucy nods slowly with a look of mock understanding on her face and smiles a little too innocently, “But I respectfully disagree! It seems to me you need chee
ring up and believe it or not, I had sort of predicted this, knowing your brother would probably bring you down and make you feel all guilty. So I guess I’ll have to resort to plan B…!”
“What are you…” Abbey frowns, completely baffled, but she doesn’t even have chance to finish her question as Lucy whistles loudly and on command, Nathan and Liam sprint around the corner. Nathan grabs hold of Abbey’s bag and in one swift movement Liam picks her up, throwing her over his shoulder into a fireman’s lift.
“Oh my god, what the hell are you doing?! Get off me!!!” Abbey shrieks as she kicks her legs furiously, but they have already reached the other end of the corridor. Lucy opens the door and they race outside, down the front steps and over to the corner of the road with Abbey shouting in protest the whole way. Liam finally lets go once they are clear of the school gate and the three of them practically fall about laughing, as the un-amused look on Abbey’s face entertains them even more.
“It isn’t funny guys…” She moans.
“Christ I think I’m having a fucking heart attack!” Liam gasps, pacing back and forth with his hands on his hips before leaning forward and resting on his knees.
“Oh charming!” Abbey smarts, “I told you I wasn’t coming…”
“Well now you’re here you might as well?!” Lucy flutters her eyelashes and Abbey smiles, shaking her head in dismay.
“Um, I think we better go…” Nathan is staring past Lucy over towards the front of the school and the others turn in unison to follow his gaze. One of their teachers has marched outside onto the top step and he looks less than impressed as he points over in their direction.
“You lot what are you doing? Lessons have started, get inside!”
Without a word the four of them turn and sprint towards the end of the road, and despite her best intentions Abbey can’t keep from laughing. She feels alive… and totally free.
It isn’t even midday yet, but the sun is already shining through a scattering of cloud and it is pleasantly warm as the four of them stroll along the canal. They jumped on the bus into Leeds and stopped off at the supermarket to pick up supplies on the way, mainly cigarettes and alcohol and a bit of food. Abbey is nervous, but much more excited and expectant than she has been before. It is like a game of roulette with Alex, she never knows what mood she will get him in, whether he will be pleased to see her, angry and stand offish or just completely indifferent.
Only Darren and Sophie will be there today as Gemma and Tom are at work. She had been surprised to learn that Tom has quite a high-paying job as a manager at a local art café, which is quite posh by all accounts. Abbey doesn’t really know why it had shocked her; perhaps his party boy lifestyle and brass cockney attitude don’t really fit the stereotype of what she imagines someone in that role to be like, but then he is incredibly funny and charming - and definitely has the confidence to interact with members of the public on a daily basis.
Gemma works in the city centre as part of the admin team at a firm of financial advisers, a job which she loves but is apparently quite stressful at times, hence the need to seriously unwind on a weekend with her friends.
Sophie is a hairdresser, which means she doesn’t work Monday’s and Darren’s shifts at a local D.I.Y warehouse vary. They always spend what time they can together; a lot of it just the two of them but with the rest of the group as well. If they have no specific plans or a lack of money limits what they can do in their free time, they usually end up at the flat. It is only Alex and Tom who officially live there but unofficially, they all do in some respect. Coming and going as they please almost every day. It is very much their base and they all treat it like home.
As they enter the kitchen the mouth-watering smell of sizzling bacon hits them and it makes Abbey’s stomach growl. Darren is dancing around the room, juggling various pans with a tea towel thrown casually over his shoulder. When he sees the four of them he stops and salutes.
“Just in time for breakfast kids! I don’t suppose there’s any point in me telling you, you should be at school?!” He frowns at Lucy.
“Monday’s are so overrated…” She smiles, “Besides I got the brains of the family remember, no point wasting my time studying when I could be spending the day with my intellectually challenged big brother!” Darren throws the tea towel at Lucy’s head and rolls his eyes.
“It’ll be 5 minutes… you hungry?!”
“Starving mate…!” Liam exclaims, hovering over his shoulder to see what’s on offer.
“Back off, back off, give the master space!” He states, pushing Liam away playfully and slapping hands with Nathan as his winks at Abbey.
“You wanting some, Abs…?”
“Yeah please, if there’s enough to go around. It smells great…”
“Cheers. It’s a talent of mine, one of my many talents in fact, don’t listen to my irritating little sister I am incredibly intelligent… and skilled with a frying pan!”
Lucy and Liam sit at the table rolling cigarettes as Nathan puts their shopping away in the fridge, and Abbey leans on the counter watching Darren cook up his masterpiece, laughing as he spins and jumps around the kitchen with a childlike enthusiasm. He is obviously in his element and his enjoyment is contagious as he talks animatedly about how he went to Cookery College before enrolment fees forced him to drop out. Abbey is so involved in the conversation that she hardly even notices the kitchen door open, but as she turns, her heart drops through her chest right down to her feet. Standing in front of her is a half-naked Alex. He has a towel hanging around his neck which he is using to dry his damp hair, there are water droplets scattered across his unbelievably toned body and he smells absolutely divine, a mixture of aftershave and shower gel. He is wearing a pair of dark grey joggers that hang enticingly low and if her mouth wasn’t watering before, it certainly is now.
As Alex greets the others he strolls over to the fridge, eyeing up Darren suspiciously.
“How long does it take to cook a fucking breakfast?!” He jokes.
“This my friend, is more than a breakfast, it’s a work of art!”
Alex laughs as he takes a carton of orange juice out of the fridge, turning to face Abbey as he looks her directly in the eye.
“Hello…” The word sounds like velvet as it rolls off his tongue.
“Hi…” Abbey smiles, shyly. It doesn’t escape her attention that this is the first time Alex has ever directly acknowledged her in front of the others; apart from the time he rather aggressively challenged her opinion on drugs across the crowded living room. She cringes slightly at the memory.
Darren’s breakfast is as delicious as expected, and they all eat together sat around the long, glass table in the dining area. Sophie arrives an hour or so later after running a few errands and the rest of the day passes by in the same relaxed manner. They laze about, watching TV, talking and listening to music and the boys find plenty of time to play on the Xbox, especially Liam and Darren who apparently have a score to settle. Abbey’s spirits have definitely lifted and she is feeling perfectly content, if not a little surprised. She had been wondering earlier what to expect from Alex and she finds that she is seeing a side of him today that she hasn’t witnessed before. He is clearly at his happiest and most com- fortable in this environment, at home surrounded by his friends. He is very talkative, funny and engaging, and when he laughs he seems so much younger and far less troubled than he usually does. He always seems so serious, as if he has a lot on his mind, yet he shows none of that now. He is calm and happy… almost playful.
The clouds from earlier have completely cleared and Abbey can feel the sun burning down on her as she sits with her feet up on the balcony. Nathan, Sophie and Alex are sitting next to her and the double doors are pushed wide open, allowing the sunlight to pour into the living room. Nathan passes the joint he is smoking to Sophie and makes his way inside, cuddling up with Lucy on the sofa. Abbey has obviously never smoked marijuana before, but seen as it is a step down from a class A drug like cocaine
she doesn’t really see the harm in trying. She likes it, it has a calming effect and her limbs feel heavy, as if she has been sedated. It feels a bit like floating and definitely suits her current mood. Much like the effect of the cocaine, but in a different sort of way, it seems to make all her worries temporarily disappear.
Abbey takes the joint from Sophie and walks over to the edge of the balcony, leaning her arms on the railing and looking down at the bustling city life below. It’s like they are in their own little bubble high up on the 9th floor. No one knows they are here and nothing can touch them. It makes her feel giddy, or maybe that is just the weed kicking in?
Abbey anxiously takes another drag as she realises Sophie has gone back inside, leaving her alone with Alex. Too nervous to look around, she stands in silence and carries on gazing out across Leeds City Centre, trying to ignore the tension that is building between them. As it becomes almost unbearable she considers retreating back inside, but stops suddenly when she feels Alex’s arm brush lightly against hers. He is standing right next to her, their skin touching, and it sends a warm shiver through her body. It is like electricity, being so close to him, and although she is trying to keep her cool she struggles to get the image of his unbelievable physique out of her mind, playing the memory of this morning in the kitchen, over and over. He is complete perfection and she wants him more than ever.
“So…” He purrs, “Skipping school, taking drugs, hanging around with trouble makers like us…? And to think I had you down as a good girl!” Abbey glances up to see a flicker of mischief in Alex’s deep blue eyes.
“Not all the time…” She smiles, impressed at how calm and unaffected she manages to sound.
“So how are you liking Leeds?”
“It’s starting to grow on me I guess. It’s just different…” A slightly less confident response but she is still managing to hold it together, despite the fact that Alex is staring at her again. It is incredibly off putting, she could easily get lost in those eyes.
Even Angels Fall Page 10