“Yep, I have… Actually, I better go start getting ready…”
“It’s only 3:30pm…!” Anna exclaims, as Abbey wriggles out of her grasp.
“I know, but I officially need to get out of this conversation…”
“You can escape now…” Dom laughs, “but you know she’ll be bombarding you with questions tomorrow…” Anna shrugs and nods in agreement as Abbey grimaces at the thought. She will no doubt get the third degree from both of her siblings, her brother in law and her mum. But it doesn’t frustrate her half as much as she lets on. They only do it because they care, and having them all take an active interest in her life, no matter how cringe worthy it might be, is an amazing feeling.
She appreciates how lucky she is.
Abbey somehow manages to get herself ready and changed in just under an hour which is a new personal best, but now she has another three to kill until she meets Matt with nothing to do but wait. After pacing nervously for several minutes, constantly checking and re-checking her hair and make-up, she reluctantly ventures back downstairs.
“Swit Swoo, very nice…” Anna beams as Abbey walks into the kitchen. She is wearing a black crop top with a thick, chunky gold necklace, her dark blue jeans, black ankle boots and her dark brown leather jacket. She picks up her keys from the kitchen work top and throws her bag over her shoulder, bending down to kiss Amelia before giving Dom a quick peck on the cheek.
“Are you going already?” Janet asks looking at the clock above the door.
“I can’t wait around here for two hours, I’ll go insane…”
“Don’t be nervous sweetheart; you’ll have a lovely time…” She smiles encouragingly.
“I know, I just don’t want to sit here clock watching. I have few jobs I need to sort…”
“Do you want me to come with you?”
“No, don’t be daft its fine. I’ll text you when I get to the bar and when I’m on my way home, OK?”
“OK darling… have fun…” Abbey hugs Janet, squeezing her hand reassuringly as she turns to leave and Anna high fives her sister as she passes, grinning from ear to ear.
“Enjoy…” She chimes, and Abbey rolls her eyes as she smiles and waves at Amelia again before ducking out of the kitchen and setting off towards the bus stop at the end of the road.
Abbey’s errands included posting several references for potential summer jobs as well as returning a handful of books to the library opposite school, but it had taken far less time than she expected it to. As she walks back outside into the pleasant evening sun, she ambles quietly along the street, thinking of her future, about what she is to do next and how this could be an exciting new beginning in more ways than one.
Without realising it she has soon ended up on the outskirts of the park and with plenty of time still to waste, she wanders down past the cricket green, through the play area and over towards the arcades. It looks exactly the same as it did and all the bittersweet memories come flooding back from the endless days she spent there with Lucy, Nathan and Liam. They were happier times, when she was so unbelievably grateful for their friendship and she feels a pang of sadness thinking back to how it all ended. She misses Lucy so much and wonders what she would think about all of this. Would she be proud of her for finishing school? Or would she be angry at her for walking away from Alex and their friends? It is something she will never know.
Abbey sits down at one of the tables in front of the arcade and watches a group of teenagers over at the skate park, practicing tricks on their boards and BMX’s. The sun is low in the sky and there is a soft, gentle breeze rustling the trees above her head. She feels calm and content and although still saddened, thinking about the friends she has lost, she reminisces fondly of the afternoons they spent together, gossiping, joking around and laughing more than Abbey could ever remember laughing before in her life. Despite being in such a good place now, she really does miss them.
There is a loud clatter as one of the teenagers tries and fails to land a jump from the biggest ramp at the skate park and he tumbles to the ground in a heap. Abbey watches closely as he remains there for a few seconds before slowly getting up and dusting himself off. He appears to be uninjured, but his fall draws Abbey’s attention long enough so that she fails to hear the scrape of a chair pulling up beside her.
“Hello stranger…” The familiar voice makes her jump and she stills slightly before turning slowly in her chair.
“Liam…” She gasps.
“How’s it going?” Abbey’s eyes tear up as she stares at her old friend and she swallows hard, composing herself. Instead of answering his question she instinctively leans towards him and they hug for a long, lingering moment.
“It’s so good to see you, how are you?” She asks, running her hands underneath her eyes to prevent her tears from spilling over. He smiles at her reaction and lights up a cigarette, offering her one, but she politely declines. Just like she had done on the very first day they met.
“I’m good thanks…” He nods, snapping his lighter shut, “What are you doing here?”
“Oh I was just passing…”She shrugs, casually.
“I come here too sometimes…” He smiles, ignoring her far too flippant response, “Just to remember, you know? The way it used to be…”
“Feels like a million years ago…”
“It might as well be…” He sighs, “I heard you’re on the straight and narrow now? That you did a stint in rehab?”
“Yeah I did, last year…”
“3 months?” Abbey nods and Liam shakes his head, looking impressed, “Good for you… really. I admire you for it. Same old story for me though I’m afraid, some of us haven’t got that sort of will power. Plus I like chasing the high a little too much…”
“That’s sort of what rehab is for Liam…” She smiles and he laughs in return.
“Yeah I guess so…”
“And everyone else…?” Abbey asks, cautiously. Trying hard not to single out one person in particular, “How are they?”
“Getting by, same old same you know…” He takes a long drag on his cigarette and exhales slowly, “He misses you, even now…”
Abbey’s heart lurches and she has to bite down hard on her lip to stop herself from crying again, “He was fucking unbearable after you left… impossible to be around. Threw himself into work as usual to keep focused. Truth is, it hasn’t really been the same since Tom and Lucy. I don’t know how the fuck you’re ever meant to get over something like that…” He frowns, and there is real deep rooted sadness in his eyes as he speaks Lucy’s name.
“How’s Nathan doing? And Darren?” Abbey asks, and Liam shrugs, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees.
“As well as can be expected I suppose. We get through… what else can you do?”
“Liam… I just want you to know, I never wanted to… I never meant to leave like I did, I just…”
“It’s alright, Abbey. Alex told us what happened. I get it…”
“I’m still sorry…” She sighs and he smiles sympathetically, “Will you tell them that? And tell them all I said hi…?”
“Why don’t you tell them yourself…? I’m on my way to meet them now…”
“I can’t tonight…” Abbey replies quickly, panicked by the suggestion.
“Why not?”
“I’m meeting someone in a couple of hours…”
“A couple of hours is plenty of time to show your face and say hello…” Liam stares at her expectantly and Abbey finds herself toying with the idea for a moment despite her better judgement; completely torn down the middle, not knowing what to do for the best. Even though she knows she really shouldn’t open that door and risk her recovery, she wishes more than anything that she could have said a proper goodbye to her friends and this might be the only chance she gets to explain her actions.
“I doubt Alex would want to see me…” She confesses.
“I don’t know about that. Anyway he’s working tonight, chances are
he won’t even get there until later and you’ll have gone by then…” Liam is trying his best to persuade her, but she is still unsure, “Come on Abs… just come for one drink. We were your friends once remember? We were your family. Or does that not mean anything to you these days?”
Denny’s Bar at the bottom of Merrion Street in Leeds has been one of Alex’s main dealing spots for the last few years. He started doing business there way before he and Abbey met and according to Liam, he still works it on a regular basis. However, he has assured her that he won’t be there until later tonight, which leaves Abbey relieved and disappointed all at the same time, and after a good ten minutes of Liam guilt tripping her into joining them she agrees to come for a drink.
They walk down a dark, narrow flight of stairs and into a long passage with posters of rock and indie bands covering every inch of the wall from floor to ceiling. There are several low hanging seventies style light shades illuminating the way and as they reach the end of the corridor it opens up into a large spacious room. The bar is situated at the top end and there are booths running down either side, slightly raised up from the rest of the seating area and the dance floor. The door they have just entered through is next to a montage of various musicians with a huge neon sign reading ‘Denny’s’ suspended in the middle. Just across from them at the very back of the room, tucked away in a booth that is private and secluded, are a small group of people, four of whom she instantly recognises. As she follows cautiously behind Liam feeling almost sick with nerves, she hears a loud and pronounced, ‘OH…MY…GOD…’. Gemma’s obvious shock catches the attention of everyone gathered at the table and they all turn to follow her astonished gaze.
“Look who I bumped in to…” Liam announces proudly.
“Oh my gosh, Abbey I can’t believe you’re here…” Gemma throws her arms around her in a huge, welcoming hug as Sophie edges out from her seat at the table. She too greets Abbey warmly and their ability to instantly banish her nerves and make her feel completely at home still amazes her, just as it had done back when they first met almost two years ago.
“Bloody hell lass, It’s fucking good to see you…” Darren shouts, as he lifts her up and swings her round.
“It’s good to see you guys too…” She giggles; catching Nathan’s eye as he carefully places her back down, “Hi Nate…” She smiles nervously, and his sweet and sad expression causes a lump to form in her throat. He climbs quietly out of the booth and steps forward, hugging her tightly - almost as if he is reluctant to let go - and tears pool in her eyes again. He is a lot thinner than she remembered and he looks so tired and worn out. It is obvious that he is still struggling with the physical and emotional effects of losing the love of his life. Perhaps he always will?
After her initial anxiety wears off Abbey can’t believe how good it feels to see them all again, after spending months on end worrying about them and wondering how they are coping.
“What are you drinking Abs?” Darren asks excitedly, “This is cause for celebration! Or… do you still drink…?” He adds, apologetically.
“Yeah, I do… a glass of wine would be great?”
“No worries…” As he jumps down from the booth and strides across the dance floor Abbey takes a seat at the table with the others. She is introduced to the three people she has never seen before, who are apparently acquaintances of Alex. The two men are pleasant enough but the woman that is with them is frosty and unresponsive. Abbey quickly reaches the conclusion that she either thinks of her as the heinous bitch that broke Alex’s heart, or, she is threatened because she wants Alex for herself and the ex-girlfriend turning up wasn’t part of her plan. She isn’t overly sure which it is but the second possibility makes Abbey’s blood boil and her jealousy washes over her in a disarming wave. She has no right to feel this way, she has no claim to Alex what so ever after what she did, but when has jealousy ever been a rational emotion?
After ten minutes in the presence of her friends it feels like she has never been away. They talk and laugh openly together, reminiscing about the times they shared and all the crazy nights they partied their troubles away. Darren and Sophie are still head over heels in love and it is a relief for Abbey to see that some things never change. Gemma informs her that Tom is doing well and is keeping his head down in prison, focusing on his release while studying a few courses to hopefully gain more qualifications for when he is back on the outside. It could be as little as three years until he is free now, instead of the initial five they originally thought.
Nathan had suffered a really difficult time in the months after Lucy died and he is apparently still battling to get his head straight. It was always going to be unbelievably tough for him to move on and the others seem to position themselves around him in a protective manner, constantly checking where he is and making sure that he is OK. Abbey doesn’t press for details but it is fairly obvious due to the way they are acting that he must have gone quiet badly off the rails. They all seem to be keeping a close and watchful eye on him. He assures Abbey that he is doing much better now though and he seems to be in good spirits tonight, laughing and joining in with the banter full conversation.
Unsurprisingly, it isn’t long until Abbey’s departure becomes the topic of discussion and she grasps the opportunity to explain her actions, informing them of the various reasons behind why she left in such a cold, abrupt manner. She had been deeply worried that they would be angry and judgemental but to her great relief it soon becomes apparent that she needn’t have felt that way at all. They understand. They know how painful it had become for the whole group and they admit that they always suspected deep down that she would eventually return to her family. Regardless of how much she appreciates their understanding, she is still highly apologetic and makes sure that they all appreciate just how much she has missed them.
It feels like a huge weight has been lifted by putting her cards on the table and talking so openly with them and she has gained a real sense of closure by seeing them tonight. Her guilt has lessened greatly and she is enjoying being back in the fold more than she ever thought she would. But drug taking is still a very obvious part of their lives and Abbey is hyper aware of various substances being continuously passed around the table. She manages to keep herself focused on whoever she is talking to, resisting the urge to look around while ignoring her morbid curiosity. She misses being in that frame of mind like crazy. That absolute high from taking drugs is a sensation like nothing else and she would be lying to herself if she said she didn’t still crave it. But she has come so far recently and her life is firmly back on track again, exactly how it should be. She has absolutely no desire to spiral into old habits and throw all of her hard work away. As the night rolls on and the alcohol flows, more and more drugs will be offered around and handed out in a far less subtle manner. She knows that she can’t stay here much longer with such a strong temptation in front of her, but it’s OK, she has somewhere else she needs to be anyway.
“So are you glad you came?” Liam asks, swigging his pint and throwing his free arm over Abbey’s shoulder.
“I am…” She admits, “It’s been good to catch up with everyone, to say a proper goodbye…”
“A final goodbye…” There is only a hint of a question in Liam’s tone as he already knows the answer. She can’t come back to the group… not now. Her life is different, she is different, and although they mean so much to her and she will always love them, her friends live in a completely different world, one that she can no longer be a part of. There is no going back.
“I’m really glad you came too, mate. And I know you’re little Miss responsible and everything these days, but we had some fucking good times didn’t we? Me, You, Nate and Lucy…? I hope you remember that, I hope you remember the laughs we had, instead of all the bullshit…”
“I will, of course I will…” She smiles and Liam winks at her affectionately.
Abbey pulls out her phone to check the time. It is 6:57pm. She has been here for w
ell over an hour now and has had two glasses of wine, not enough to get her drunk but enough to take the edge off her nerves for her impending date. She had almost forgotten about meeting Matt due to the unexpected turn of events and how her evening has played out, but there is a missed call highlighted on her phone along with a flashing voicemail notification at the top of her screen.
She presses her finger to her ear in an attempt to drown out any background noise and walks slowly away from the booth, through a set of partly opened curtains and into a little area that leads on to the toilets.
‘Hi it’s Matt, I hope you get this before you set off. I’m running a bit late but I will get there as soon as I can. It’ll probably be about 7:45pm, not much after, I’m really sorry. I’ve been looking forward to seeing you all day, Abbey… all week actually. Give me a ring if you need to, but I’ll see you soon anyway. OK… Bye.’
Abbey grins from ear to ear as she saves the message and hangs up. It’s time to make a move but she will finish her drink first before she sets off. It should only take twenty minutes or so to get to Headingley from here and she doesn’t want to arrive too early or appear too keen.
Saying a final goodbye to her friends will be difficult, but it is better than never having the opportunity at all. She wonders idly if she should leave a message for Alex with Gemma or Sophie but what could she possibly say to him through someone else? It wouldn’t seem right and she has no idea how to even begin to explain herself anyway. Her heart sinks and she feels an overwhelming sense of anguish that the one person she won’t get to see is the most important person of all, but she has to accept the inevitable. With a deep, resigned breath, Abbey locks her phone and slides it into her pocket but before she has chance to turn around and head back through to the bar, a quiet, tormented voice speaks softly behind her in an achingly familiar Irish accent.
“I didn’t believe them when they said you were here…” Abbey’s whole body locks into place and her heart lurches in her chest as she lets out a sharp, quiet gasp. She is almost paralysed, unable to turn around and face him as she genuinely doesn’t know what it will do to her. A warm shiver runs slowly down her spine and all her nerves stand on end. She clearly still has the same reaction to his voice and his presence as she always did, “Aren’t you going to look at me…?”
Even Angels Fall Page 41