“You’re so screwed,” Owen said.
“Thanks, dude.” As Christian turned onto the road, he thought about his ex-girlfriend, Kelly. He’d blamed the breakup entirely on her, but he was just as guilty. She’d wanted one thing. He’d wanted another. Neither of them had been willing to compromise. Leanne was different. She didn’t want to take. She wanted to give. Even though she’d lost everything, that didn’t stop her from giving her all, her heart, to whoever might need it. The crew at the fire station. Their patients. OMSAR. Friends. She wasn’t trying to pressure him. She didn’t want payment. She wanted nothing in return.
No, Leanne did. She wanted love.
He’d been wrong about her. Oh-so-wrong.
Christian no longer cared about what he wanted. It was all about her. “I’m going to tell Leanne the truth. And hope it’s enough.”
“Anything is possible if you believe,” Hannah said with sincerity.
He believed, but what about Leanne? Could she believe…in him?
The snowshoeing trip had been a success. Denali, Sean’s dog, ran from person to person trying to snag marshmallows. The kids entertained everyone with Christmas carols.
Leanne forced herself to sing along. This was their tradition every December 25. Everyone was here this year. No injuries like last year. She should be having fun.
Leanne stared at her friends. Little Wyatt had fallen asleep in Tim’s arms. Rita, Tim’s wife, was home cooking, as she did every year because she didn’t like the cold. Jake and Carly stood close together, the love for each other apparent with every glance. Zoe leaned against Sean, a picture-perfect couple.
Leanne’s heart tightened. She wanted to find that kind of love. But she wasn’t like Zoe or Carly or Rita.
Men like Sean, Jake and Tim were hard to find. Not that Leanne would have ever dated any of them when they were single. But love had made the men realize what was really important in life. And what wasn’t.
All Christian wanted was to be free. Free of commitment and obligations, to be able to do what he wanted with no pressure. Maybe when he finally fell in love he would realize he didn’t have to be so scared of trusting and losing control. It would take a special woman to make that happen. Leanne hoped for his sake, Christian found her someday.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
PAULSON’S SUV and Sean Hughes’s pickup were parked in the lot. Fresh powder covered the hoods and windshields.
Relief washed over Christian. He pulled into an empty space. “They’re still here.”
“Do you see Leanne’s car?” Owen asked.
Christian didn’t see Leanne’s red Subaru there. The muscles in his shoulders tensed. “No, but she could have ridden with someone.”
He put the truck in Park and set the emergency brake. “Stay inside where it’s warm.”
Hannah unbuckled her seat belt. “I’m going with you.”
“Me, too.” Owen opened the door. “Turn off the engine.”
Christian didn’t think that was a good idea. Owen’s face was pale. “You look tired.”
“I’m fine.”
Christian turned off the engine and exited the truck.
Hannah pointed to a group of people bundled up in hats and coats sitting by a fire. “They’re over there.”
Christian fought the urge to run. As he walked, snow drenched the hem of his pants. He couldn’t wait to see Leanne.
Paulson noticed him first. “What are you doing here, Welton?”
A glance passed between the men. Zoe and Carly shared one, too.
Christian studied each person’s face. Leanne wasn’t with them. His heart plummeted to his feet.
“Christian!” Kendall and Austin had red, runny noses and pink cheeks. Their eyes sparkled and smiles lit up their faces. “Merry Christmas.”
“Merry Christmas to you,” Christian said.
Hannah caught up to him. “Merry Christmas everybody.”
“Mommy!” the kids shouted.
“I’m looking for Leanne,” Christian said.
Another look passed between the snowshoers. Okay, he got it. They were friends of Leanne’s. He’d hurt her.
“She left,” Kendall announced.
Hannah placed her hand on Christian’s shoulder. “Does anyone know where Leanne went?”
Paulson stood. “She had someplace to go, but didn’t say where.”
“It’s a small town.” Compassion filled Hannah’s voice. “You’ll find her.”
Christian nodded. He wasn’t going to give up now.
“I’m sorry, dude. I don’t think I’m going to make it out here much longer,” Owen said with a yawn.
“I’ll drive you back,” Sean Hughes offered.
Tim Moreno held a sleeping child. “I can, too.”
“Take Wyatt home for his nap,” Sean said. “I’ve got it covered.”
Tim walked to the parking lot with the snowshoes and poles tucked under one arm.
“I’ll ride with Carly, Jake and the kids,” Hannah said.
Sympathy filled Zoe’s eyes. “I hope you find her, Christian.” Him, too.
The others walked to their cars. Jake and Sean glared back.
“They don’t like me,” Christian said.
“You hurt Leanne,” Paulson answered.
Regret lay heavy on Christian’s heart. “I did.”
“You have to understand, we might treat her like one of the guys, but she’s more like a sister to us. Always there. Always ready to help out or take off on some adventure to make sure we don’t hurt ourselves.”
“I didn’t mean to hurt her.”
“You still did.”
“I want to make it up to her.”
Paulson didn’t say anything.
“I care about her.” No, that wasn’t right. “I love her.”
He eyed Christian warily. “You love Leanne?”
“Yes.” There was no doubt. No hesitation. She’d been right. Again. He’d been too scared to admit how he felt, too scared about a lot of things. But no longer. He’d give her his heart, his life if that was what she wanted. “I love her.”
“I swear. If you make her cry again, Welton, I’m going to hurt you. Bad.”
“Go ahead,” Christian said. “I’ll deserve it.”
Paulson stared at him with respect in his eyes. “You want some company trying to find her?”
“Thanks, but it’s Christmas,” Christian said. “Go be with your family.”
“I should really know where she is today,” Paulson said. “But I have no idea. Let me know when you find her.”
When, not if. Paulson’s confidence bolstered Christian’s own. “Sure.”
But he had no idea where to start. He thought about what she’d said last night.
I want what that older couple Mabel and Earl have.
They had a long marriage. Kids. Grandkids. Great-grand-kids.
Family.
A barrage of images flashed through Christian’s mind. The homemade ornaments on the tree. The name LeLe written on the back of the star. The family portrait. The way she reacted whenever someone mentioned Christmas magic.
There isn’t such a thing as Christmas magic. If there were, bad things wouldn’t happen on Christmas.
Christmas. Not December.
He’d thought she was talking about Nick and Iain, but the two climbers hadn’t died on Christmas.
We were on our way home from my grandparents’ house. I was playing with a new doll I’d just gotten.
Family. Her family. Christmas Day.
Is your family around here?
Not too far away location wise, but in a completely different place.
The pieces of the puzzle clicked. Christian ran to his car. He knew exactly where she’d gone. It was the one place she shouldn’t have to be alone.
He climbed into the truck and turned on the ignition.
Christian didn’t want to show up empty-handed. He backed out of his parking spot. The general store might be open. If not, h
e’d figure something else out.
He turned onto the road. The tires spun on the snow.
Not now. He let up on the gas. He didn’t have time to get stuck. If ever some Christmas magic was needed, it was now.
Christian pressed down on the accelerator. The car jerked forward onto the highway.
All he had to do was get to Leanne. He loved her. Even if she didn’t need him or want him, maybe she’d still let him spend Christmas with her. Because he really didn’t want to spend today without her. He didn’t want to spend another day without her.
He only hoped he could convince her to give him another chance.
“Merry Christmas.” Leanne placed an evergreen wreath with pinecones, holly and a weatherproof red bow in front her family’s headstone. She looked at each name with a pang in her heart.
“I love you.” Tears stung her eyes, but she didn’t blink them away. She touched the headstone with her gloved hand. “I miss you.”
But it wasn’t the same heart-wrenching emotion the first few Christmases had brought with them. When she was younger, she used to come here all the time. To think. To talk. But she didn’t need to do that now. She came only once a year. On the anniversary of the accident. The one day—okay, a few hours—she allowed herself to be…herself. A few hours weren’t enough anymore.
“I wonder if you’d be surprised by the person I’ve become. I’m not sure I can keep it up much longer. I need…more. A family like we had.”
She had friends. Good friends, but she wasn’t with them today except for snowshoeing. She wanted to be celebrating the holiday with family, not standing in a cemetery alone.
“I hope it’s not too late.”
A gust of wind came out of nowhere. Snow blew from tree branches. It sounded almost like a whisper.
LeLe.
She froze. The hair on the back of her neck stood up. Only her family and Nick had ever called her that. All of them were buried in this cemetery.
She glanced around. No one was there.
Relief washed over her. For a second she thought she might see the Spirit of Christmases Past. Okay, now she was being really silly. She laughed.
Maybe it was a sign she wasn’t supposed to ignore her LeLe side anymore. And she wouldn’t. No matter what people thought.
“LeLe.”
The sound of her name was clearer this time and hung on the air. She turned.
Christian strode through the snow with a box full of poinsettia plants in his gloved hands. A puff of condensation accentuated each breath. He wore a green jacket, khaki slacks, boots and a wool beanie on his head.
Gorgeous. Not that she wanted him. Still, regret clawed at her heart.
He stopped in front of her.
She raised her chin. “How did you know I was here?”
“Christmas magic.”
“Yeah, right, so—”
“Let’s put these down first. Then we’ll talk.”
Christian placed two poinsettia plants on each side of the wreath. Red foil covered the plant pots, the effect very pretty and Christmassy.
Four plants remained in the box. She stared, confused. “Who are those for?”
“Your grandparents, Nick Bishop and Iain Garfield.”
Her mouth gaped. “How…”
“Show me where they are.”
She led him to her grandparents’ grave. She’d already placed a wreath there. “They were in their seventies when I came to live with them. They died within two weeks of each other, right after I turned eighteen. I think they tried to hang on until I was old enough to be on my own.”
“Eighteen is still young.”
She was about to shrug. She was so used to acting tough and appearing as if nothing bothered her. The truth was she had been young. Too young to be on her own. “Yeah. I still hadn’t graduated high school.”
“They would be proud of the woman you’ve become.”
“I hope so.” Her grandparents had done the best they could. But they hadn’t been prepared to raise another child at their age. She’d had few rules except to make good grades and be home by bedtime. She could have gotten into a lot more trouble if she’d fallen in with a different crowd. “I tried to stay out of their way and be good. It mostly worked.”
“Mostly?”
“Except when I went against my better judgment and took off with the guys.”
“They became your family.”
Her first instinct was to say yes. Jake and Nick were the ones who attended her high school graduation, but they probably would have come anyway since Bill was graduating, too.
“The closest I’ve had in a very long time.” But she wanted more. “They say I’m one of the guys, but I’m not always treated that way. Whenever something big went down, like when Nick was missing or Sean wanted to get Zoe back, I was the one left to stay with the wives, girlfriends and kids. Even though I tried hard to be one of the guys, when push came to shove I’m still a girl.”
“I’m glad you’re a girl.”
She straightened. “Me, too.”
“So who are you planning to spend Christmas with today?” Christian asked.
“No one,” she admitted.
“You prefer being alone.”
“No.”
“Why aren’t you spending Christmas with anyone?”
“I’m spending it alone.”
“No one invited you.”
“You did last night.” She took a deep breath. “I could have asked—”
“Not your style.”
No, it wasn’t. She couldn’t believe he knew her so well. “It’s okay. Nick used to always invite me over, so it’s not like I’ve been alone since my grandparents died.”
“Only since Nick died. Eight years.”
“Cocoa was here for three of those Christmases.”
Accusation filled Christian’s eyes. “That doesn’t make it right.”
“It’s no one’s fault. Things changed when Nick died,” Leanne explained. “People had their own grief and pain to deal with. Carly and her parents moved away. Jake was so busy helping Hannah and the kids. Tim had just met his future wife and was head over heels in love. Bill was…well, Bill.”
Christian started to speak then stopped himself. He handed her one of the poinsettia plants. “This is for Nick.”
She walked to his gravestone. She placed the plant on the ground. “Nick loved Christmas. He wore a Santa hat the entire month of December. Even when we were in high school. He was a lot like my oldest brother, Cole.”
“Which is why he called you LeLe.”
She nodded. “He was a good guy. He knew exactly when I needed a friend or a big brother. Or when he needed to push me out of my comfort level to try something new.”
Christian held the remaining plant in his hand. “Where’s Iain?”
“His parents didn’t want him buried here on the mountain.”
Christian placed the poinsettia next to Nick’s. “They’re probably together.”
The gesture touched her. She shoved her gloved hands in her pockets. “Thanks for bringing these by. But I’m not really sure why you did or why you’re even here. You don’t owe me anything.”
“I know, but I wanted to see you.”
Her pulse quickened. “On Christmas?”
He nodded. “I went by the station, but you’d already left. I ended up at the snowshoe trailhead.”
“No one knew where I was going.”
“I know,” he said. “I was feeling pretty lost and a little desperate.”
“Desperate?”
“Yes, until I figured out where you would be.” He motioned to the poinsettias. “I didn’t want to show up empty-handed so I stopped by the General Store.”
“It’s not open on Christmas Day.”
“I called Mr. Freeman.”
She didn’t get it. “You went to a lot of trouble.”
“You’re worth it,” he said. “As you said, it was time to get over myself.”
; The air rushed from her lungs. Her mouth gaped. That was what she’d said to him at the station.
He took her gloved hand in his. “Come with me.”
A million questions filled her mind, but she kept quiet.
Christian led her to a trail at the far side of the cemetery. Her boots crunched on the snow as they headed up. Tall trees flanked the path. She had no idea where they were going. She also knew they weren’t prepared for a hike in this kind of weather without any gear or water.
But she kept her mouth shut.
He stopped in a clearing, surrounded by snow-covered pine trees. A perfect Winter Wonderland setting. Snow flurries fell down on them as if they were standing in the middle of a snow globe.
Christian took a deep breath. “I’m sorry I’ve been such a jerk.”
Her heart stuttered. He wanted to apologize. That was why they were here and he’d brought the flowers. Disappointment shot through her.
“Apology accepted.” She looked at a snow-laden branch, then at an intricate snowflake spinning and twirling its way to the ground. She would stare at anything if it meant not having to meet his gaze again. “Thanks for bringing the poinsettias, too. We’re more than even now.”
“I’m not trying to repay you, Leanne. You have to understand. In my life, strings were attached to everything. There was always pressure to do what others wanted. Because of that I wanted everything to be my choice, be under my control.” He took her hand. “You made me see I went too far. Caring for someone is not an obligation or pressure. It’s mutual giving. Can you forgive me?”
Her throat tightened. She blinked back the tears in her eyes.
“I forgive you,” she said. “I’m sorry for being so emotional. I’ve kept that side hidden for so long, when it comes out it’s hard to control.”
“Please don’t feel the need to control it around me. You’re the most capable, self-reliant woman I’ve ever met. You don’t need anyone. I thought I didn’t need anyone, either. I tried to be entirely independent, but that isn’t the best way to live. It’s not what I want anymore. I need you. I want to be part of your life.”
“As a friend.”
“More than a friend.”
“Oh, you want someone to kiss on New Year’s Eve.”
“You know me well,” he admitted, to her regret. “But I don’t just want to kiss anyone. I want to kiss you.”
Firefighter Under the Mistletoe Page 18