by Yoram Kaniuk
Tape / -
Attached below, another chapter of the draft, the third copy. If you compare it to the previous copy (that you disliked so much) you'll see that in principle I didn't change things, I just cooled them a little, I distanced myself, I let people shape themselves a little in view of the words that didn't stick to them. And so ...
Bent over he was at the barbed wire fence, maybe more than bent over, he was leaning forward, and his whole life would pass in that second like a flash with nothing except memories of others, and he won't know if what passed through his mind was his life.
A woman in rags passed by on the other side of the fence. She said: Are you all right, Schneerson?
I'm looking at you through a fence we haven't passed through for years, he said, I look and I see. He didn't know how he knew they hadn't passed through it for years if he didn't remember who he was and what happened to him.
I'm eating, said the woman.
And then a slice of bread she held in her mouth dropped. The bread fell on the ground covered with bone dust that flew in the wind. She bent over in alarm, picked up the slice, cleaned it with her hand and put it back in her mouth. At that moment, Samuel appeared, touched Ebenezer, and said to her: See how much food they brought, sausages, cheese, bread, and she smiled, the slice of bread in her mouth, and then she fled wildly.
Ebenezer stood still because he had nowhere to go. Everything was in motion. Bonfires were lit. A tank was slowly squashing the drooping roof of a gigantic block that had previously collapsed. Imagined shapes of human beings, staggering, dressed in pajamas or tatters. A soldier vomits. Hands of a dead man leaning on a wall, like a skeleton who started walking and stopped, the hands are stretched forward, clenched into fists, the skin is flayed. A Spitfire was circling in the air and dropping paratroopers full of food and medicine and uttering a purity of distances no longer unimaginable. For a moment Ebenezer sensed the stench that had been with him for three years.
April fifteen, nineteen forty-five. Five hours and five minutes after noon. A long twilight, whose long faded shadows, twined with fiery hues, create calculated uncertainty and solid vagueness, an hour with no boundaries, until the dark that may really descend again. On the horizon blue mountains, treetops and silence. A gleaming gold of a tank tramps to the block. Behind Ebenezer the blocks still stand in a long line, a ditch perpendicular to them, its banks concave. A second glimmer of a passage from one planet to another. In the distance, SS Sturmbahnfuhrer Kramer is seen. Tied with a coarse rope. Two British soldiers guard him. One of them touches him, almost pushes him, and Kramer tries to wave his hand, as if he wanted not to wave the white flag, his eyes keep revealing contempt and at the same time keep surveying the destruction, the tanks crushing his blocks, their sloping roofs, and those people in pajamas. The impulse is mechanical, his hands are bound and he can't wave them, he drops his hands and once again straightens his hands behind, Ebenezer sneaks a look at him from the distance, and very slowly turns his back to him. Ebenezer feels a stab in his back, as if he were shot, but Samuel's hand is stroking him, Samuel doesn't see what Ebenezer sees, he's already far away from here, in a future that's almost solid and bound to reality, Kramer doesn't interest him anymore. Ebenezer wants not to see the humiliation, he didn't want it. A British officer who had previously been seen chatting with the tall, ruddy Red Cross representative then asked Ebenezer something and Ebenezer said: It's true that I was almost the first one in this camp. But I'm not the last! And he blushed at the sound of his words. The "but" sounded arrogant and coarse. The architect Herr Lustig made them a stylized roof, Kramer requested, Weiss approved, and so he got sloping roofs with a unique angle for that camp. The originality of their slope is an interesting modular plan, said Herr Lustig. Concentrating vertical force. The arc on which the roof is set doesn't have to be a concrete support but only its bottom half, you can learn from these dimensions in the Alhambra, for example, he added. A city isn't houses, Herr Lustig then said, camp and city, town and future concentration of human beings will constitute a planned texture and not some accidental combination of beautiful or ugly structures, streets or squares, it will be a unit in itself!
The officer who sees the corpses all around wipes sweat from his brow and thinks he has no choice but to bow to Ebenezer and he does, as if he were viewing a natural force, gallops on a horse, Jehu King of Israel a chariot too fast, and Ebenezer stands up too fast, pickling for four years, and yet too fast, and he thinks, Toward what? They lived in those blocks? He has no satisfactory answer. To what? Hard to know. He has to organize a journey of dying people. To bring them quickly to some sanity. So they won't eat with their fingers and won't be so alarmed. Kramer is sitting there, he could have shot him.
A waste of a bullet, thought the officer.
I'm a carpenter, aren't I? said Ebenezer as if continuing innocently, I understand wood, huts, screws, nails. These are excellent huts but they're not meant to accommodate a thousand people in one hut without heat or toilets. I'm not complaining, he added, and the Red Cross man tried to laugh.
Why not? asked the officer.
I don't know, said Ebenezer.
Beyond the grove appeared people in civilian clothes. Their faces furious, led like a rebellious flock, kicking and cursing. Farmers brought to German Poland at the beginning of the war, one of them dressed like a rich man, bags under his eyes, tall and pale. British soldiers are leading them. A few of them stand still and the soldiers urge them on. Then they stop and wait for instructions. A mixture of orders from a microphone in English, German, Yiddish, makes that unreal moment concrete. The orders are barked out unreliably, thinks Ebenezer, they haven't imagined where they're going, they should put Kramer in charge! The civilians, who had lived in the area for years, are expecting a salvo of shots that will destroy them. They're shaking before the rifle barrels in the hands of the soldiers. Nobody bothers to explain to them. They're led to the giant pits that were dug a few days before and they think that here they'll be shot here. But instead of burying themselves they're assigned to bury those they didn't have time to burn. Abomination appears on their faces, so some of them were filled with indifferent heroism; not to yell or plead. In silence they worked, in silence they vomited, in silence they understood the respectinducing sight of Kramer. When they passed by Ebenezer Schneerson they saw the first person in their life who lived in peace on an alien planet. Until today, they hadn't seen such human beings up close, but only as miniaturized geometric shapes. They had to lower their eyes. Kramer didn't hesitate to sneer at their look. Ebenezer still thought they were only lords with bad timing. That was a perplexing moment from Samuel's point of view, who's the stumbling block here and who would change places with whom?!
Ebenezer thought: Never did they know a real shame of humiliation, if they had known they would go into those graves and not come out. But Kramer knew them (and Ebenezer) very well, thought Samuel, Ebenezer is trying to locate himself: I'm the memory of things. I'm a crapper of the Poles. I'm a hidden light Gold told about before he died. I'm an electromagnetic equation. I hover in the wind. A music room of symbols. The culture room where Bronya the Beautiful was shot with an apple in her mouth. The girlfriend of entertainers from the east. Barefoot, almost tired, they fell asleep trying to make Kramer laugh. He stood, in his hand a gun aimed at them and they tried to sing comic songs. In the searing cold of the evening, in the light of the nearby glow of the explosions, but then Kramer fell asleep standing up, the gun in his hand and bliss on his face. How do you understand that sight?
A week before the end, Sturmbahnfuhrer Weiss agreed to fix the Fuhrer's frame. And Ebenezer was assigned to fix it. Ebenezer tries to locate things. The entertainers were killed in an air raid on the way from the camp to Hathausen. Everybody kept Jewish prayer books in their cases to sell after the defeat. Like Samuel, they're also living in the future already. Ebenezer hasn't yet moved, Kramer is sitting and watching his Jew. Samuel is lusting for the wallets of the British soldiers
. Kramer's Jew doesn't understand why they tied the commander's hands, Kramer isn't used to being tied. And then a Jewish soldier of the British army barked, at Kramer he barked, to emphasize the gravity of the moment, to defend himself with hostility, because of the need to disguise himself as a dog, and Kramer smiled, calm, he knows Jewish dogs, an inflexible and inelegant race, the soldier can't see what Ebenezer saw, the twilight darkened now and only Ebenezer, who had learned in childhood to see the eyes of jackals in the dark, saw Kramer's glowing eyes.
You and I, he said.
Then he looked at the darkening horizon. The charm in it earlier vanished. A reddish winding spark looked threaded like a shoelace. Two poplars were still seen blurry in the distance, beyond the grove that was no longer seen, and further away the small church was seen. Look at the new church, said Ebenezer.
It was here all the time, said Samuel.
I didn't see it until now, said Ebenezer.
You didn't look, said Samuel.
And it was here?
All the time, said Samuel.
Funny, said Ebenezer.
But Samuel also understood that Ebenezer was now thinking about the railroad car that brought him here because then, in the railroad car, the years he had had before ended. Then the church was seen and afterward was wiped out like all the memories and now it was new. Samuel smiled at the food now brought in open railroad cars. A plunder of food lighted by hurricane lamps and spotlights. A fresh lemon fell to the ground, and when a German tried to pick it up he was kicked by a soldier who tried to laugh and didn't laugh. But the German didn't want to straighten up now. There was no point. Somebody yelled: Get up, and Ebenezer said to the English captain: You really think I'm a joke about an elephant?
The Englishman said to him: I don't think you're a joke about an elephant, Mr. Schneerson. I do, said Ebenezer. They brought me and I remember now. Who am I who remembers? Don't know. There was a floor. And German soldiers and Jewish forced laborers from Vilna were still alive. The first hut they built around me. I arranged the joints, I put in the nails, I supervised the work, from inside, and they built the walls around me. That's how you trap an elephant, isn't it? You draw a trap around him and he's inside. Maybe I'm still building the hut the tank is destroying. And what now? Go know, my back is turned to Kramer, who sees me in the dark even if his hands are tied.
You're not alone, said the Englishman, who had known something about psychology before the war and once in London saw Sigmund Freud get into a black car driven by a young woman. There was no joy in his voice when Ebenezer tried to stitch the tatters of dark with leaps of words. The glowing light of the hurricane lamps and the spotlights covered the area and distanced it from him. The man on the microphone almost pleaded: You've got to be free! You've got to be free! Free? Without Kramer? That's absurd, said Ebenezer.
It will cost a lot, he said afterward to the officer. Women were still hiding in the huts, peeping out, scared. Skeletons in pajamas dropped after eating the first time, typhus will eat them, he said in English, officials and doctors ran around here and there. DDT showers operated vigorously. A tank fed the motor of the generator that operated the electricity. The Germans who had been brought to Germanify Poland dug in silence and buried the dead in the dark. Nobody paid attention to them anymore.
Weiss wasn't found. He's worth a lot, Weiss, said a German soldier who sat tied up in a wheelbarrow. Ebenezer gazed in wonder at the sight of hunger and thirst that split his lips. Did you ever see hungry Germans? he asked Samuel, who wanted to sell food to the German, but the German only had marks and pfennigs and that didn't satisfy him and the Englishman was starting to show signs of impatience and the Red Cross man thought that was disgusting. Then another German rummaged in his pockets and found money. Samuel helped him search, went and brought food and water. He took the watch from the German in the wheelbarrow, he told Ebenezer, who looked at him sadly: I piss on the Englishman, what do I care what he thinks of me! And they devoured the food. The Germans don't have diamonds in their rectums, said Samuel, and there's no point searching. He's got a watch, and that one has a camera, here it is. Everything's for you, Ebenezer. I'm taking care of you! The German's face was red, he was eating bullybeef and overcooked fruit and vegetables. The English officer averted his eyes. The Germans burying the dead in the pits looked mutely at the German chomping in the wheelbarrow and their mouths started chomping air.
Got to find Weiss, yelled the English Captain Wood. He yelled at Kramer: Your commander has gotten away from us! Kramer didn't answer. He was staring at Ebenezer. The wretched stance was an instance of offense to him, Ebenezer had to remember that moment, he even wanted to take pity on Kramer, not Kramer the commander but Kramer the prisoner, Kramer who even now was Weiss's deputy, but he couldn't. No feeling throbbed in him. He thought maybe they were members of the same band of grave robbers. Got to spray, yelled the Englishman, and find Weiss. Coarse eating, typhus, lice, more DDT, less eating. You've got to be free! Germans to work. The smell is awful, got to bury and burn as fast as possible, otherwise they'll die of plague. Destroy the blocks! And maybe Ebenezer said: Leave something for a memory, otherwise they won't believe us. Kramer should be given to a circus, let him be taken from place to place and tell. The Englishman looked at him with open animosity and Samuel laughed. He feels uncomfortable, that Captain Wood. He sees death and Kramer feels something, he doesn't know what. What world is there outside? asks Samuel and tries to sell food to the Germans in exchange for watches and rings. Memory is Jewish science, scoffs Kramer, and a young Australian who replaced one of the guards pushed Kramer and in the process hit him in the ribs. But he didn't show them the pain, not while Ebenezer was standing in front of him. The German in the wheelbarrow finished eating and started shaking. A jeep sped by and sprayed thick dust. The German who was covered with white material tried to wipe it off his face, but his hands were greasy from the food and Samuel said: It's bone dust, and the German shook even more and tried not to see the skeleton of a woman in pajamas who stopped not far from him and held an apple, her mouth was toothless, she spat at the German and in terror she wiped the dust off him with her hands. I wipe myself on all of you like paper, said Samuel. The German waited for his tears to flow and wash away the spit but they didn't flow. He doesn't like the taste of our spit, said Samuel, and a salvo of shots was heard in the distance, the microphone went on barking.
The improvised white flags were waving by ten. The tramping tanks stopped on the fences. Why didn't you think of a decent and splendid defeat? he asked Kramer, who blocked his ears. White panties instead of flags, that's a disgrace, isn't it? Fat Frieda, for whom the French chef would make fish heads, stuck a white ribbon to her sleeve and ran outside when she heard the tramping tanks. An enormous wolfhound burst out of the guardroom and chomped a hand that had previously been torn off, dripping thick material that may really have been blood, thought Ebenezer, the dog sat down on Frieda and she yelled: She's here! The dog loved her and lay on her to protect her and licked her, and she yelled: Get off of me, monster, but he didn't understand the orders and licked and Frieda was crushed, turned pale, turned blue. What love, said Samuel afterward, and the tanks split the fences and people in pajamas peeped as if they didn't believe. Skeletons who came to life walked on the ground padded with bone dust and the dog was called Brutus. Until they shot the dog, somebody said: Those were barks permeated with ideological awareness! And then Weiss was seen fleeing for his life with a bottle of wine in his hand and the picture of the Fuhrer he managed to throw at the dog who was shot. The dog licked the Fuhrer as he died. Not exactly a heartwarming picture when Frieda was crushed to death. The funniest thing of all, said somebody, was that Weiss looked shocked but was afraid to throw his cigarette on the ground so as not to litter the yard. And they didn't know where he was. Those bonfires, the food that came, the British officers, Captain Wood who took a position next to Ebenezer all day. Eat! Drink! You've got to be free! shrieked the microphone.
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nbsp; Then they die in DDT showers. Final solution of life, says a man who swallowed too much food and he turns pale and drops, his hand outstretched, still managing to trap a slice of sausage and chokes. And tranquility reigns, at long last tranquility reigns. Imaginary, not imaginary, one toilet for four hundred German workers. Stench mixed with an aroma of a distant meadow. Captain Wood a crumbled empire with medals on his chest. Historic spectacle, he says to himself, St. Bartholomew's night, and Kramer doesn't budge. It's to his credit, isn't it, thinks Ebenezer, he didn't ask for food. When he was given a glass of water, he held it in his tied hands. And then he poured out the water. Some time has to pass, time that will grant these moments their meaning, and the moment hasn't yet come. Kramer is trying to give his sitting that proud solidity he saw in the propaganda films that were wasted on him. He looks at his last battlefield. His soldiers are in wheelbarrows or graves, tied up, pleading for food and water. A momentary ritual nightmare, he said to Ebenezer, who couldn't hear him. In a little while we'll know what to do, the Fuhrer has surely left instructions, there's something to be done, but we don't yet know what, got to gain time, a retreat for some time and then we'll attack again. Kramer is seeking some sign, why didn't he devastate the land along with the traitors. It all has to be started over, says Kramer. And Ebenezer is amazed at how he can read Kramer's mind, even today. Kramer says to the Englishman: I beg your pardon for the water I spilled, I'm talking now as one officer to another, but without getting any orders what can I do? The Englishman didn't understand Kramer's splendid German, and went on drinking his beer, and spitting. The sight of the splendid death of another officer who was mistakenly shot by an English soldier cleaning his weapon pleased him quite a bit, even though it was incorrect in terms of military protocol. The gravediggers also saw in the death the nobility they were denied and didn't yet know how to be despised properly. Weiss the fool is hiding under the dead Jews, thought Kramer, I'm still secretly recording things about him, as long as I haven't received an explicit order to report what Weiss is doing. And the dead officer dropped masterfully. And in contrast to his splendid death, Weiss was now taken out of the corpses and, shaking in terror, was led to them. Some of the skeletons he lay under were still breathing, his mouth dripped the remains of wine he had drunk in hiding. They sit him down next to Kramer and somebody kicks him too, he bites his lips, wails until his hands are tied. Don't blindfold him, says Samuel, let him learn to see! And the English obey Samuel Lipker. Weiss asks for food and water and the soldiers bring it to him. He holds out his tied hands, chews hungrily and drinks water. He tries to wipe his face but he can't. Finally he manages to wipe his face with his forearms. Kramer points to the dead officer and says: There died a manly officer, you sell yourself for a slice of bread! Weiss doesn't answer and looks around. Something isn't clear to him. His eyes run from Kramer stuck to him to Captain Wood, he's trying to know where the power is. Maybe there's some mistake here. There was no mistake, says Kramer. Weiss doesn't get it yet. People are passing by him with wheelbarrows full of cadavers and he turns his face aside. Only when Kramer challenges Weiss and looks at him with restrained and tranquil contempt does Ebenezer understand that maybe the war is over.