by JB Salsbury
Without warning, he quickly drops his chin and stomps past me. “We better go.”
I stand there for a few seconds too long but startle when the flatbed engine roars to life, and I scurry around to the passenger side.
I climb in, placing the bag at my feet and trying to settle in for the drive home amid a tension that rolls around and pricks my skin. I watch the minutes tick by on the clock. The truck’s engine seems too loud in the quiet cab, and at the fifteen-minute mark I can no longer take the silence.
“So…what did you do before you moved to Payson?”
His eyelashes flutter, but his lips remain closed.
“Do I make you uncomfortable, Lucas?”
He blinks and the tight lock he has on his jaw softens. “A little.”
“Why? Because I get the sense that you’d rather me shut up so you can get this time stuck in a truck with me over with.”
He doesn’t confirm or deny it.
I don’t like the way that feels one little bit. “Okay.” I won’t make him say it.
Turning my head away from him, I lean my temple against the window and decide closing my eyes will help to get me through the last leg of the trip without unleashing hell on the poor guy.
But really…I’ve done everything I can to dissolve this unexplainable strain between us, but he refuses to let it go. I don’t expect him to kiss my ass, but it would be nice if he made a little effort to engage. He’s one of those quiet artsy types, antisocial and awkward, but still! I can tell he forces himself to talk to me and even that is giving me the bare minimum. What pisses me off is why I even care.
Whatever. He can have his tortured and brooding artist bullshit.
“Why do they call you Shy?”
I glare at him and have to remind myself that he didn’t do anything wrong, so sending him the death stare probably isn’t cool on my part. “Because it’s my name.” Duh.
“Hmm.” His thoughtful eyes scan the horizon.
I go back to watching the scenery.
“But you’re not shy.”
“No. I’m not.” I sigh heavily. “My mother’s name was Annika. In Native American culture, you name your child after they’re born and according to who they are, how they act, or what they look like. The Ann was taken from my mom’s name, and my grandfather believes by naming me Shy I was cursed to be the opposite.”
He makes a sound, somewhere between a chuckle and a huff.
“My middle name is Blue Eyes.” I motion to my eyes. “Obviously. It’s a little much so I dropped the ‘Eyes’ and go by Shyann Blue.”
He smiles. It’s subtle but warm.
“If you think that’s bad, my brother’s name is worse. My dad named him Cody. My mom gave my brother his middle name. Shilah.”
“What does it mean?”
“It’s brother in Navajo. His name is Cody Brother Jennings.” A snort of laughter brings Lucas’s eyes to mine. “You must think we’re crazy.”
“No.” He looks uneasy and pulls his hat lower to shield his eyes. “You miss her.”
The way he says it, his words dripping in a childlike fascination as if he wants to understand me, makes me want to pour out my deepest darkest secrets. “Sometimes so bad I can’t breathe.”
“I can tell. I hear it in your voice when you talk about her.”
I wish I remembered more. As much as I scramble to recall the simple things like the way her hands looked after a morning in the garden or the way her arms felt when she’d hug me, they slip through my fingers as soon as I bring them close. But I’ll never forget the softness that would touch my dad’s face when he looked at her. Nor will I forget the look on his face when he watched her take her final breath, and certainly not the expression he wore when he stared at her, seated at her bedside for hours after she died.
Even worse is what she looked like, her brittle hands curled up against her rib cage, paler than the sheet covering her emaciated body, her eyes slightly opened, lips parted, totally void of life. Of spirit.
My eyes burn and frustration rolls through me. Why does every positive memory I have morph into something ugly? I can’t have one thought of her without it leading to her death.
Irritation at being robbed of good memories makes me want to jump out of my skin.
A blue sign comes into view in the distance. That’s exactly what I need. I’m sure Lucas will hate it, but right now I don’t give a fuck; I just want the pain to go away.
I point to the sign. “Turn off there. I need to do something. It’ll only take a second.”
Lucas
That was too close.
When she asked me about what I did before I moved to Payson, darkness flickered at the edge of my vision. Stuck in the truck, I couldn’t run, so I turned the focus on her and asked about her name. But learning about Shyann is a double-edged sword because the more I learn, the more I want to know.
Now I’m in foreign territory.
The sign ahead says DEAD MAN’S DROP.
We’re forty-five minutes between Payson and Phoenix with nothing around for miles and she wants to make a quick stop at Dead Man’s Drop?
“We told Mr. Jennings—”
“I know.” Her words snap with impatience. “We’ll get there fifteen minutes later than planned and we’ve made good time so far. I don’t think it’ll be a big deal.”
“I—”
“Please,” she whispers, her eyes cast out the window.
I flip on the blinker and take the exit.
“Thank you.” She points. “Right, then follow the dirt road. I’ll tell you where to stop.”
I do what she asks and after five miles, she motions for me to pull over. Before the truck comes to a complete stop, she’s out and charging through the thick brush of forest. I lock up and chase after her. Losing the boss’s daughter in the woods seems like a sure way to get myself fired, if not killed.
Luckily she’s stomping, so following the sound of crunching underbrush makes it easy to find her. I keep a good distance and hope she knows where she’s going and how to get back because I’m not paying attention to anything but avoiding the swing of her hips and her tight jeans.
After a few minutes I see a flash of green from the corner of my eye, like fabric being thrown. When I peer up, I stumble hard over a rock and catch myself on a tree to gawk at the view before me.
Shyann has removed her shirt and is standing in a black bra and jeans while hopping on one foot to remove her boot.
She’s getting naked.
I blink to the dirt floor and force my eyes to stay put.
“Come on, Lucas!”
At the sound of my name, instinct has me jerking, peeking, and— Oh dear God, she’s sliding her jeans down her thighs. Just like that night at the river.
I turn my back, my entire body rigid and one very particular part throbbing. “I’m uh…I’ll just…um…”
“Oh, come on! It’ll be fun!”
What will be fun? Getting naked in the forest? Is this a Would You Rather thing? Before it was being naked in the desert or in—
Her hand grips my shoulder and I whirl around. Unblinking, I can’t tear my eyes away from Shyann standing before me in nothing but her bra and panties. My mouth goes dry, but that’s because my jaw is hanging wide open. I slam it shut.
I’ve memorized what’s underneath those strips of fabric. I’m heavy and tingly between my legs, and if she looks, which thank goodness she hasn’t, there’s no way she wouldn’t see it.
“But um…” I nod to the flat, soft plane of her belly that is rounded just enough to make it look like the softest thing on the face of the planet.
She reaches out and takes my hand. “Hey…”
My eyes dart to hers.
“You don’t have to jump if you don’t want to.”
“Okay.” I lick my lips and hope she can’t feel how bad I’m shaking.
“But you’ve gotta see this.” She turns and drags me a few yards through the forest until she
stops and points. “There.”
I move closer and the trees part to reveal a decent-sized pool at the bottom of a cliff. “Wow…”
“This is Dead Man’s Drop. I used to come up here all the time over summer…”
She’s talking but my mind is on pause at the closeness of her body.
“…stay all day and swim…”
I can feel the heat of her skin against my forearm.
“…and Sam would—”
I blink and focus on her. “Sam?”
“Yeah, a friend—”
“You said you don’t have any friends.”
“I don’t. Not anymore. She works at Pistol Pete’s and even though we parted on bad terms…” She blinks and shakes her head. “Anyway, we had some good times here.”
“No.” I take a step back, pulling her with me. “You can’t jump.”
She narrows her eyes on me. “Of course I can.”
“Is it safe?”
My grip on her grows tighter and she steps close enough that I can feel the heat of her breasts brush against my ribs. “Lucas, do you trust me?”
“No.” The word comes out on a shaky whisper.
A gentle grin softens her face and with both her hands she works to relax my hold enough for her to slip free. Seconds later she turns, takes four long strides, and disappears off the rock cliff.
A holler that can only be described as guttural exhilaration echoes off the canyon walls and slices through the trees.
I race to the edge and there’s nothing but a circle of white bubbles marring the once shimmering pond.
I wait for her to surface, and just when I’m about to jump in and rescue her, she pops up out of the water with a feral howl.
“That was amazing!” She waves at me. “The water is perfect!”
With adrenaline coursing through my veins, I allow myself a moment to wonder what it would be like to be as free as Shyann. Everything I do is weighed against the danger of doing it. The threat of blacking out always pulling me back to walk the safer, less risky side of any situation. But something about her makes me want to try harder, makes me want to take a risk like other twenty-five-year-old guys. The sound of her squealing lights a fire in my chest that has me wanting to jump.
Risking a blackout might be worth the few seconds of euphoria I haven’t felt since…I can’t remember.
I think of backing away and yelling for her to meet me at the truck, but something pulls me toward her. Part of me wonders if it’s nothing more than wanting to be close, to keep her safe, because she belongs to Mr. Jennings and I owe him. But even as the thought enters my mind, so do others.
I want her to like me.
I want her to see me as brave.
I want to know what it’s like to be normal.
I drop to a rock and untie the laces of my work boots, kicking them off and stuffing them with my socks. In my hat I put the keys to the truck, my wallet, and my shirt. Unbuckling my belt, I pull my jeans off and a rush of adrenaline fires through my veins.
“Lucas! Are you still there?”
I don’t answer but instead shake out the numbness in my arms and bounce on my toes. “I can do this. I can do this.” I check the depths of my mind and find no darkness lingering at the edge.
“Lucas! Where’d you go?”
Before I can change my mind, I take off running and push off the edge of the sharp cliff.
I’m weightless.
My legs kick and my arms flail as my body responds on instinct, in an attempt to fight gravity.
Another long howl from Shyann and my stomach goes to my throat as I plummet, then hit with a cool sting that enlivens me.
Water rushes around me. Not knowing how deep I’ve gone, I thrash to the surface.
I’m still here. No blackout.
I break through with a rebel yell I never knew I was capable of, followed by a gasp of air.
“Holy shit!” Her eyes are wide and I grin at the blatant shock playing across her face. “I can’t believe you jumped!”
She swims closer to me, her black lashes dripping with water drawing my attention to her light eyes that seem to reflect the sparkle in the water. I’m hit with the force of her excitement and a wave she sends over my face. “That was fucking awesome!”
That’s when it happens. A howl of laughter I didn’t know I was capable of comes barreling up from my chest and echoes off the stone walls, and in this moment I’m free. She can’t possibly know the victory I feel, but the way her gaze finds mine and her expression softens I can’t help but wonder if she does.
My laughter dies as I tread water to stay afloat, tangled in her eyes.
“I didn’t think you’d do it! Did you see how much distance you got?” Her chin dips in and out of the water as she kicks to stay afloat. “Did it hurt when you landed?”
My skin feels sensitive, but I don’t think it’s from the hit. “Not really.”
“Did you like it? I mean, you had to have loved it, right?”
A smile practically slices my face in two. “I liked it.”
“You’re full of surprises, Lucas.” She splashes me and swims off laughing toward a rock that’s exposed to full sunlight.
Hoisting herself up, she lies back, and not in a graceful way like I’d imagined when I’d read Hans Christian Andersen’s story about a mermaid on a rock. No, she drops back, legs and arms outstretched, panting heavily.
“You should get out in the sun.” Her eyes are closed and the light makes her skin glow. My gaze follows the path of her slender neck that leads to dip between her breasts that are round and beaded at the tips.
Black peppers my vision.
No! I push it back with my mind. Why now? I’m not in any danger and feel better than I have in a long time. I’m safe. She’s not a threat.
“Helps to dry off so we can hit the road.” Her inky black hair falls across the rock all around her shoulders.
I close my eyes and focus on holding back the dark. Shyann, mostly naked before me, is too distracting and if I don’t concentrate, there is no way I’ll be able to hold off blacking out.
My legs kick to keep me from sinking and I welcome the cold water, praying it cools my heated blood so I can reinstate my walls.
A voice in the back of my mind whispers its warning.
I’m too close. Too exposed to this woman. In her presence all my defenses evaporate and the blackouts are a constant threat I’ll have to fight to hold off.
I’d never want to hurt Shyann.
But if the blackouts return, there’s no doubt…I will.
Eleven
Shyann
“We’re here.”
I blink up and realize that I’d completely zoned out for the last thirty minutes of the trip. I’d like to say it was the come-down from the adrenaline that did it, but that’d be a lie.
My zoning out was more like a daydream. A fantasy playing on a loop, over and over, and it starred the insanely sexy and frustratingly complex man at my side.
I imagined what he’d look like shirtless, but what I saw today put my imagination to shame. He’s built, I noticed, like a swimmer. Broad, powerful shoulders that taper into narrow hips, dips and valleys created by long firm muscle, and his ass…Let’s just say watching Lucas crawl out of the water was even better than watching him jump in.
But that’s not his most impressive body part. As much as it made me feel like a dirty old woman, I couldn’t help but check out his crotch, and the sight was as sexy as it was terrifying.
Oh, who am I kidding? The man is packing and as much as he tried to hide it, there was no way he could. His white boxer briefs clung to every part of his body and even after being in cold water it was impossible not to notice.
“…you can have it.”
I choke, then cough to clear my throat. “What?”
He stares at me through narrowed eyes. “The taco. You got three, right? I was saying if you want to keep it for dinner with your family, you can have it.” He p
ulls the truck up to the work site, backing it into a spot close to the two-story board and batten home with a wraparound porch.
My face is on fire, but luckily he’s too busy parking to notice. “Oh, right. No, it’s okay, I got it for you.”
My brother looks up from a table saw and pulls off his safety glasses before heading toward us.
We hop out and meet him at the flatbed.
“Nice job.” Cody inspects the stack of pallets. “It’s all here?”
I open my mouth to speak.
“It is.” Lucas hands over the paper that I swore was in my possession. Or did I give it to him? “Checked it against the purchase order.”
It’s possible that being around his near nakedness may have screwed with my short-term memory.
“Great.” Cody shoves it into his pocket. “We’re finishing up here. You’re welcome to head in and see what you can do.”
“Oh, I need a ride back to the office. My truck—”
“Dad took your truck in.” Cody grins like he lit the fuse to a firework and he’s sitting back to enjoy the show.
“He did what?”
“Yeah, said it needed some work done.”
“He didn’t even ask me!” Controlling, pushy mountain man! I groan and let go of the fight that has me fisting my hands. The adrenaline rush and subsequent fall from the jump at Dead Man’s still simmers in my veins and cools my temper. “Whatever.”
“I can take her home.”
All eyes go to Lucas, who’s fidgeting with the bill of his baseball hat. “I need to work on my carving anyway. I’ll drop her off at Nash’s on my way.”
Cody slaps Lucas on the shoulder. “Sounds good. Thanks, man.”
“Um…hello?” I wave my hands between my brother and Lucas. “Believe it or not, I’ve managed to get myself through the last five years with zero help from y’all. I’m sure I can handle the decision on how I get home.” I cross my arms over my chest.
Lucas stays silent, but Cody matches my stance in a direct challenge. “Oh yeah? Go ahead.”