“Thanks so much for letting us stay here on short notice,” Caroline said.
“Forget about it. I have no idea why you didn’t plan on coming here in the first place.” Judi looked hurt.
“We were going to stay with my dad, but we ran into some . . . complications.”
Judi nodded sagely, as if she was used to complications.
“And what’s your name?” Judi asked Nolan, who clung to his mother like a koala bear and rested his chin on Annie’s shoulder.
“Nolan. I’m five. I haven’t pooped since Denver.”
Judi suppressed a grin.
“You look exhausted,” she said, turning to Annie. “Joey, will you get them settled? Then we can see what’s what.”
Judi grabbed Caroline’s hand and led her into the living room, while Joey showed Annie and Nolan to the guest room beside his own room.
“He’ll be back soon, and then you can tell us what happened,” Judi said, looking after her grown son with fondness. Judi and Joey had always been close. So close, in fact, that Joey had moved home to go to graduate school in special education. He didn’t tell his friends that, though. No one knew his mom still made him baked ziti every Wednesday night.
“Come, sit awhile, have some tea or whatever.” Judi gestured to an armchair.
Caroline sank into the old chair with a sigh. Her eyes traveled across the familiar surroundings. The walls were a floor-to-ceiling gallery of pictures of Joey and his brother, Freddie, in all stages of childhood and adolescence. The boys in the snow. The boys at camp. The boys at school. In each of the images, Joey stood tall and wiry, his clothing pressed and neat, even in the shots taken after backpacking trips. His brother, in contrast, was disheveled and messy even wearing a tuxedo.
“Have you heard about Freddie?” Judi asked.
“Joey told me he’s running a small business,” Caroline said as Joey reentered the room.
“Small business? Ha!” Judi said. “Freddie’s gotta lunch truck. He named it My Greasy Balls. Can you friggin’ believe it? My Greasy Balls. Christ, my mother’s turning over in her grave with a name like that. Anyway, he’s making arancini—you know, those little deep-fried risotto balls stuffed with meat sauce? Yeah, he’s making a living on his grandma’s recipe. Still, he’s staying outta trouble, which is a good thing, since he was pretty bent outta shape when my wuzband Buddy finally left, the no-good bum.”
Unlike Joey, who could get along with anyone, Freddie was quick to anger. But Caroline knew Freddie was also quick to help his friends. Before Caroline could ask anything more about Freddie, Judi’s face grew serious.
“So, you gonna tell me what’s going on?” she asked.
“Yes, but can I get some water?” Caroline said. “It’s a long story.”
The sound of laughter woke Caroline. She was surprised she’d fallen asleep.
The weak light filtering in through the curtains told her that night would be falling soon. But with her nerves already twisting her gut, she knew she wasn’t likely to sleep again before the hearing tomorrow morning. And she needed to finish preparing Annie to take the witness stand.
She wished she could call Louis for advice. Or instruction. Maybe he could arrange for marshals to escort her to court while he was at it. But she couldn’t call him any more than she could call her father. Not only might her phone be bugged, but so might Louis’s. It was safer to prepare Annie on her own. And get her to court. On her own.
Following the sounds of mirth emanating from down the hall, Caroline made a plan. She’d run through the Heller article with Annie, preparing her for all of the possible questions someone might ask her about it. Then she’d get Annie’s views on the secondary articles. Just in case. She hoped Annie already had some familiarity with those other articles . . .
Caroline found Joey crouched behind the coffee table in the sitting room, making a puppet show for Nolan using the boy’s stuffed animals and some kitchen implements. Nolan’s laughter welled out of him in coughing fits that made Caroline smile, too, despite her preoccupation.
Seeing Annie nowhere, Caroline padded over to the kitchen.
Judi stood beside the toaster. She wore a zebra-print nightgown that clashed with the floral wallpaper. She held a copy of the National Enquirer in one hand and a glass of chocolate milk in the other.
Her eyes flicked up when Caroline entered the room.
“You caught me having a little something,” Judi said, gesturing toward the toaster, which steamed with the smell of something sweet. “Have a seat. I’ll fix you up a little something, too.”
“I can’t,” Caroline said. “Where’s Annie?”
“Poor girl just went to sleep,” Judi said. “I thought she’d tip over, she looked so tired, but she just sat there staring at Nolan like she was drinking up the sight. When she closed her eyes with her cheek all pressed up against her hand, I finally convinced her to go to the guest room to get some shut-eye. You’ve got a big day tomorrow.”
Caroline considered waking Annie. They didn’t have much time before the hearing.
“Let her sleep,” Judi said. “Whatever it is can wait.”
Caroline opened her mouth to protest, then closed it. Judi was right. They’d been through so much. Whatever prep she had in mind was less important than sleep.
She sat down heavily at the cushioned banquette. She knew better than to offer to help Judi prepare food. Judi had been feeding her “a little something” since elementary school. Judi was an expert at snacking. If there was an advanced degree in comfort food, Judi had it. And in Judi’s view, part of doling out comfort food was keeping its recipient cozy. Hence, the banquette.
“I’ve got the perfect suit for your court thing tomorrow,” Judi continued as she moved around the kitchen, grabbing dishes and silverware. “It’s candy-apple red. You’d look great in it. It would make a real statement.”
“Thanks for the offer, but it’ll be best if I blend in. Getting inside the courthouse could be hard.” Caroline’s stomach knotted with faint nausea, an echo of her flight from Santa Rosa. She had no illusions of safety. The courthouse would be guarded by those who wanted to keep Annie away—at all costs. Even after her long nap, Caroline felt the weight of that knowledge torturing her already frayed nerves.
Judi studied Caroline’s face. “You all right, honey?”
Caroline shook her head. “It’s been a hell of a week for me. The things I’ve been through . . . the things that have happened . . .” She trailed off, her throat constricting at the recognition of the danger that had been her constant companion.
“Honey, everyone goes through some stuff,” Judi said. “Hell, I’ve got a kid with ADD. Not Joey, of course. He’s an angel. But Freddie was a nightmare. He’d smear shit on the walls, then I’d have to go off and show houses to clients like nothing was happening. You’ve got to say to yourself, ‘Well, that sucked.’ Then move on. You can’t bog down. Yell when you’re alone in the car. Talk to a friend. Get it out. Then clean yourself up and go to the bank or to the nail salon or whatever.”
As Caroline considered Judi’s words, the timer went off for the toaster oven.
“Want a Pop-Tart?” Judi asked, pulling one of the treats out of the hot oven.
Caroline contemplated the offer.
“Come on, honey,” Judi said. “It’s a hug in a box. Sometimes that’s all you need.”
“Joey can take care of Nolan while we’re at court,” Caroline said to Annie, who sat across from her in the banquette. Beside them, the breakfast dishes were piled in the sink.
Annie didn’t answer. Instead, she kept her eyes trained on the coffee she held in her hands. With each passing hour, the scientist seemed to be sinking deeper and deeper into herself.
Caroline knew the reason. Terror. Fear of dying. She shared those emotions.
“We can’t bring him with us,” Caroline said gently. From the living room, she heard the sound of Nolan laughing as Joey choreographed dance numbers for his stuffed a
nimals.
Annie turned to watch Nolan, who giggled as Joey paraded the dinosaurs across the coffee table in a curtain call, bowing each in turn as its name was called.
After a long moment, Annie pivoted back around to the banquette.
She reached for the pen and pad of paper on the counter. She wrote down a phone number, then pushed the piece of paper toward Judi.
“If anything happens, please call this number,” Annie said. “It’s my sister’s number in San Diego. She’ll . . . look out for him.”
Judi took the number, but shook her head. “Nothing’s gonna happen, honey. You’ll come back here tonight, and we’re all gonna celebrate with some pizza.”
Annie tried to smile, but the creases in her forehead gave testament to her continuing consternation. She looked like a woman who was sure she wouldn’t see another sunrise.
“Excuse me.” Caroline lurched from the breakfast nook. She needed to get away, but there was no way to escape the weight of what she’d set into motion. She’d asked Annie to risk more than her own life. She’d asked her to risk making Nolan an orphan.
Caroline stopped in the darkened hallway, staring sightlessly at the family photos. What would happen to Nolan if Annie died? Would Annie’s estranged sister take care of him? What about her father?
“Are you okay?” came Joey’s voice from behind her.
“I’m fine,” Caroline said.
“No, you’re not,” Joey said, coming to stand in front of her. “You’ve got that look on your face. The one that says you’re about to plotz.”
“What am I doing?” Caroline looked up into his face. “I’m just winging it and hoping it all works out okay. It’s totally irresponsible. It’s totally insane.”
“Of course you’re winging it. That’s all anyone does. Fake it till you make it.”
Caroline stayed silent.
“You’re good at winging it, Caro,” he said. “You’re going to figure this out. You always do.”
“Not with someone else’s life on the line,” Caroline said. She was terrified for herself, but her feelings about jeopardizing Annie’s life added an overlay of crushing guilt to her terror. Fear with a light dusting of horror, served with a side of dread.
“You aren’t forcing her to do this,” Joey said, drawing her eyes to his. “She needs to do this for her own reasons. You aren’t making her do it. She’s a grown woman, and she’s decided she needs to do this. You’re just helping her to.”
“But what if I get us both killed . . .” Caroline could not believe the words had come from her own mouth. In her entire life, she’d never done anything that could get herself or anyone else killed. This was insane. “What if I can’t figure this out? The stakes . . . they really couldn’t be higher,” Caroline said.
When Joey spoke again, he had an embarrassed look on his handsome features. “I know it isn’t the same, but remember when I went to go stalk that cute guy at the Gay Men’s Chorus in Flatbush? God, I was so obsessed with him. Gregory. That was his name. I really thought he’d give me a ride home after the show. I was so stupid. He was eighteen, and I was what? Thirteen? Of course, he just left after the show, and I was stuck out there in Flatbush with no money and no way to get home. My parents thought I was at Tommy Tan’s house doing homework.”
Caroline remembered. Joey had been petrified. He hadn’t come out to his family yet. He wouldn’t have been able to explain why he’d been in Flatbush. It had been dusk when she’d started her journey into the city. The wind had blown cold off the Hudson and the bus drivers had cocked a curious eyebrow at the young girl climbing onto the bus alone.
“You came and got me,” Joey said. “You could’ve gotten in so much trouble, but you didn’t think twice about helping me. It was brave and it was kind.”
He paused. “It doesn’t mean you have to do this, though. You could both just stay here.”
Caroline knew what he was doing. He didn’t want to force her to do something any more than she wanted to force Annie. Everyone had to choose for herself what to do.
“I’ve got to do it,” she said. And she did. Thousands of people were depending on her to bring Annie safely to court. If she didn’t, every SuperSoy case would end. Today.
“Then you’ll do it,” Joey said simply.
“But what if it doesn’t work? You know how I . . . get,” Caroline said. She’d once told Joey that she felt like her mind was a fancy Italian race car. It could be blisteringly fast, or it could end up on the side of the road with smoke pouring out from under its hood.
“Why’d you quit software engineering?” Joey asked.
Caroline heard his implicit question. Why’d she leave her staid, safe job in the tech world? It was a good question. She’d never experienced fear there. She’d never spiked the terrors she’d routinely endured in the past weeks. She’d also never really felt like she was doing anything with any real meaning.
“I wanted to help people,” she said. To her ears, she sounded pathetically idealistic.
Joey cracked a smile. “How’s that working out for you?”
“Let’s see, I’ve trashed my car, barfed my way across the country, gotten chased, and now I’m hiding out with you because I think some people might want to kill me. So . . . it’s going great.” Caroline smiled back at her friend, but then the smile faded from her face. “You want to know why I became a lawyer? The answer is, I didn’t want to be ruled by my fears.”
She looked down. Her fears were kicking her ass at the moment.
“You and me both, honey,” Joey said. “Being scared is a natural response to living. But you get out there, and you figure it out. Honey, you can do this.”
Meeting his eyes, Caroline found conviction. Absolute belief in her. That certainty in her merit, in her abilities was the gift her best friend had been giving her for as long as she could remember. The question was whether she shared his certainty that she could see this nightmare journey through to the end.
“You’ll take care of Nolan while we’re gone, right?” Caroline finally said.
Joey smiled. “I promise.”
“The police station’s automated phone system is a complete nightmare, but I finally talked to a real, live person,” Caroline said. “They said they’d send a couple of officers to escort us into the courthouse.”
“Really? How’d you get them to agree to do that?” Judi asked. “I can’t even get them to come out here when the neighbors are dumpster diving in my trash cans. Don’t get me started . . .”
“I told them I had a subpoenaed witness who was worried about getting to a hearing safely. They said they’ll meet us at the north entrance between nine and ten a.m. The hearing starts at ten fifteen, so that should give us plenty of time to get upstairs.”
“That’s great,” Annie said, her dark eyes sparkling with relief.
“It’s still not ideal,” Caroline said. “An hour window is really big. The more time we spend out in the open, the greater our chance of detection. But if we aren’t there when the police get there, I’m worried they’ll leave.”
Judi nodded, her face showing her skepticism about whether the NYPD would wait.
Caroline tilted her laptop so Annie and Judi could see the map of the courthouse.
“What we need is a safe place where we can watch the north entrance.” Caroline met Judi’s eyes. “Is there a café or restaurant across the street?”
“No.” Judi shook her head. “Just some office buildings and a subway stop. There’s a dirt lot where they took down a building, but that doesn’t help us.”
From the corner of her eye, Caroline saw Nolan approaching. Judi and Annie must have seen him, too, since they stopped talking and took sips of their coffee with pretend nonchalance.
“Whatcha talking about?” Nolan asked. He wore a T-rex shirt, striped pajama bottoms, and a 49ers hat. At his hip, he’d tucked one of the kitchen implements from the puppet show.
“Nothing much. Grown-up stuff, honey,” Annie s
aid. “Mommy just needs to do an errand today. You’re going to stay here with Joey until I get back.”
Caroline watched as Annie held her breath, waiting to see if Nolan would reject the proposed plan. Instead, Nolan looked down at his mismatched outfit.
“Everything I’m wearing is awesome,” he announced. “Just not together.”
“What’s the spatula for?” Caroline gestured with her chin toward the silver-and-black implement tucked into the waistband of his pants.
“It’s an ax. For fighting bad guys.”
Caroline smiled. “Good thinking. You can never be too ready for the zombie apocalypse.”
“No, not zombies,” Nolan said. “It’s for regular bad guys.”
Caroline caught Annie’s concerned look over her son’s head. Maybe Nolan had heard them talking.
“I know it looks like a spatula, but that’s just to fool the bad guys. They’re only going to think it’s a spatula,” Nolan explained. “I’m going to surprise them with it being an ax.”
“That’s genius,” Judi said, her face lighting up.
“It is?” Annie asked.
“I’ve got an idea,” Judi said as Joey came to lead Nolan back out to the living room.
Caroline and Annie squatted together in the aisle of Freddie’s lunch truck. The wheels bumped along the uneven pavement.
When the motion stopped, Caroline straightened to standing and craned her head forward toward the driver’s cabin, where Freddie sat piloting the truck through the dirt lot. She was pleased with what she saw. Freddie had found a spot on the edge of the lot, facing the courthouse. All around them, other lunch trucks were setting up, preparing for a day of business. Tucked among them, My Greasy Balls looked like just another vendor.
Freddie set the brakes and cut the engine with a jolt. He hopped out of the driver’s side and lifted the sides of the truck to reveal the service windows. When he climbed back into the truck, the floor swayed with his weight. Unlike his brother, Freddie’s thick figure bore the marks of a distinct love of carbohydrates.
Doubt (Caroline Auden Book 1) Page 28