Before I could answer my questions, his hands came away from the last button and he shrugged his shirt off his shoulders and it fel to the floor. Then he captured me by the hips, pul ed me closer and with a swish he had my dress clutched in his fingers and up over my head. Then it was gone.
I was wearing a pair of red satin panties with a little black bow under my navel (one of my new pairs) and no bra.
For a second shock hit me and I stood frozen. Then I covered my breasts with an arm and bent to retrieve my dress.
I’d decided that it was time to fuck this. My head-crackin’
mamma jamma was coming out.
There were a lot of things I didn’t need that had come at me in the last few days but Vance being a complete asshole was the biggest one of them al .
Vance caught me as I bent over and pul ed me back up.
“Take your hands off me, Crowe. I’m going home,” I snapped when I was straight and looking at him. His arms were wrapping around me and pul ing me to him.
I tried to push back, they went tight with a jerk and my body slammed into his.
“You aren’t goin’ anywhere.”
“I don’t like this. You’re making me uncomfortable,” I informed him.
“You’l be comfortable in a second when my mouth is between your legs.”
Oh my God.
He did not just say that.
“You’re an ass!” I shouted. “This is not happening.”
“It’s happening Princess. I have one more night of your sweetness and I’m gonna take it.”
“You’re gonna have to take it because I’m not giving it.”
“You’l give it.”
“Fuck you!” I was stil shouting and now I was pushing away from him.
“Yeah,” he returned, “exactly.”
Then he twisted me. We went down on the bed, him on top and his weight hit me hard.
I struggled, I swear I did, but he got my wrists to the sides of my head and his mouth was on me everywhere and I couldn’t keep it up. I wanted to, I fought it, but I didn’t win.
He kissed me hard and deep then his mouth moved over my neck, to my col arbone, between my breasts, doing amazing things to my nipples. It was just too much. I hated him at first then I hated myself for giving in and then I couldn’t think of anything (certainly not hate) when his mouth kept at me.
He knew when I quit fighting. He let my wrists go and then I pushed him to his back, too turned on to think of running. I did the same to him, just as Daisy told me to do, if he did something I liked, I should do it back.
I went further though, out-of-control turned on, yanking his belt loose, undoing his fly, pul ing his jeans down. I took him in my hand and I kid you not, no experience, nothing but instinct, I took him in my mouth.
I had no idea what I was doing but I just winged it. I did what I liked and I liked what I did and I knew he liked it too because after awhile he started to make low, growling noises.
Then he pul ed me up and to the side, he sat up, yanked off his boots and socks, stood up and pul ed off his jeans. I used that time to push the souls of my shoes against the heels, shoving them off. He bent over me, feet stil on the floor, one hand to the bed beside me. He reached down and dragged off my panties. When they were gone, he spread my legs and then he was there, slamming inside me.
“Vance,” I breathed when he did.
“Say it again,” he demanded against my mouth.
I did.
It was like it was in the hal of my house, hard, fast, deep and I was coming close to orgasm just from the velvet violence of it.
Then al of a sudden his hand glided down the back of my leg, lifted it at the knee and he slid out of me. He rol ed me to my bel y, repositioned between my legs and, hands at my hips, he pul ed me up, just the lower half of my body and then he was inside me again.
I felt a moment of being stunned then it melted away. He could go deeper that way, harder, and God, it felt good. I pushed my hips into him, curled my fingers into the covers at the sides of my head and little mewing noises came from my throat that I couldn’t control.
It would seem impersonal, him being so far away but he didn’t let it. His hands went from my hips, fingertips brushing my behind, the smal of my back, softly then back to hold my hips.
That was al nice even fantastic but better yet the position felt naughty and it was simply, downright hot.
I was close, the noises I was making were getting urgent and he pul ed out and flipped me around again. He dropped to his side, his arms went around me then he went to his back, taking me with him, rol ing me on top.
“Don’t stop!” I cried (kind of loud and snappish) but he just stared into my eyes, pul ed my legs up on either side of him, guided himself inside and sat up.
Um.
Wow.
His head was tilted back, eyes stil on me and I looked down at him.
“I wanna see your face when you come,” he murmured.
Um.
Wow, again.
My arms went around his shoulders and immediately I started to move, my mouth at his, we were both breathing hard, not kissing, lips just touching. It didn’t take long before my Grade Nine and Three Quarters bypassed Grade Ten and went straight to Grade Thirteen and a Half.
* * * * *
I shivered. “I’m cold,” I whispered, face in his neck, lips at his ear.
He reached across the bed and pul ed the blanket over us. I was stil on top, stil astride him, my torso against his, my knees pressed against his sides.
I was trying to quiet my mind.
Once he covered us his arms went back around me and he held me pressed tight against him.
We hadn’t used protection again which was another thing I did not need. This time I understood that it was out of either of our control. But we were playing Russian roulette with my ovaries and eventual y my ovaries were going to succumb to the bul et.
Gently he rol ed me to the side, stil under the blanket and he moved away.
“Furnace,” was al he said and he was gone.
I lay there alone, under the blanket while he went to turn on the furnace. I hadn’t realized how cold it was inside but then again it was colder outside and I’d been half frozen when I walked in.
At this though, my mind final y stil ed and that side effect that I thought before was annoying now seemed charming because the ridiculous thoughts didn’t hit me. What just happened came over me in a humiliating rush.
Everyone told me he was a player. He’d get into my panties and even as pissed off as I was and he was, he did and I’d let him. I hadn’t begged him with words but my body had done it and I hated myself for it.
I got up, wrapped the blanket around me and was trying to pul my underwear on when he walked in.
He was naked, apparently oblivious to the cold, looking beautiful (as usual). His ponytail had come out somewhere along the way. There was a clean, white bandage wrapped around his thigh where he’d been shot and behind him the house was dark.
“Don’t do that,” he said to me.
“I’m going home,” I told him, stil trying to get the panties up under the big blanket. I was no longer looking at him but anywhere else. “Can I borrow your truck? You can pick it up from the Shelter tomorrow. I’l give May the keys.” He came forward as I was stil fighting with my panties and he hustled me, moving me gently but firmly back, around, over, his arm coming around my waist to hold me to him. He leaned down and flipped back the cover. I wasn’t much use fighting him and trying to keep the blanket around me and my panties in place at the same time. Then my hands gave up on my underwear and they dropped to the floor. I was trying instead to keep hold of the blanket at the same time I was slapping at his hands. I lost that battle too.
He pul ed the blanket away from me, tossed it on the bed, he leaned into me and we went down.
I tried to rol away while he pul ed the comforter back but he caught me and rol ed me to him face-to-face, his arms going aroun
d me.
I stil ed and stopped fighting. I knew I wouldn’t win, no matter how many moves I knew.
“I’m going home,” I said, looking at him.
He didn’t say anything.
I closed my eyes tight and dipped my chin so I wouldn’t see his face. Then I opened them again and said what I had to say.
“Please, Vance. I can’t stay here now,” my voice was barely audible, “not after that.”
“What was wrong with that?” he asked.
“It was humiliating.”
It was his turn to stil . “How was it humiliating?”
“Just let me get dressed and go home.”
His hand went into my hair and he tugged at it until my head came back. “Tel me what was humiliating about what we just did?” His voice was quiet, low and I knew he was pissed off again.
“I gave in. I barely fought. You just had to… I don’t know… kiss me and that was it. It’s humiliating.” At my words, his body relaxed and his hand smoothed over my hip. I knew right off that he wasn’t pissed anymore but he wasn’t going to smooth away the Return of the Major Freak Out.
“I don’t even know what I’m doing here!” I cried suddenly.
“I broke up with you this afternoon. Hel , I broke up with you last night!”
“Think hard, Princess, you might come up with an answer.”
“I don’t want an answer,” I said truthful y, shocking myself with my words.
Damn and double damn.
I didn’t need that either so I mental y pushed it to the side.
“I didn’t think so,” he murmured, making me think and making me freak out more that he had my number.
“I need to go home,” I said, pul ing back but his arms got tight again.
“I know you need to go home, Jules, but you’re not gonna go home.”
I gave up pul ing away. “Why are you doing this?” I asked, looking at him.
“You want to stop seeing me then you’l stop seeing me, at least this way. I’m not gonna play that game.”
“I’m not playing games,” I snapped, interrupting him, now getting pissed off myself.
“Yeah. You are. You just don’t have enough experience to know you are.”
to know you are.”
My mouth dropped open.
He did not just say that.
“I’m not playing games,” I repeated, a little more heatedly this time.
“What were you doin’ with Luke this afternoon?”
“I wasn’t playing a game.”
“Wel Luke was and is and wil continue to do it. And you didn’t get it and won’t get it until you get your head out of your ass.”
No…
Wait.
He did not just say that.
“I don’t have my head in my ass, he was kicking my ass!”
“He was fuckin’ with your head.”
I pul ed free saying, “I’m going home.”
He caught me, rol ed me to my back and rol ed on me, ful body, hand coming down, pul ing out one of my legs until his hips were settled between both of them.
“Get off me, Crowe,” I demanded, squirming underneath him.
“Stop fightin’, Jules.”
“Get off me!”
“Stop fighting!” His voice had risen. I’d never heard his raised voice and my body froze at his tone.
“Don’t yel at me,” I whispered, feeling that weight in my chest again, knowing he was that angry with me and I hated that too.
It felt like these days I was always on the verge of crying and I couldn’t remember the last time I cried.
What was up with that?
He talked over my secondary freak out, further fuel ing the fire of my first. “For Christ’s sake, I’m givin’ you what you want. I don’t know what’s in your fuckin’ head, you don’t even know what’s in your fuckin’ head. Until you’re ready to sort it out, it’s gonna stay fucked up and I know enough to know there isn’t a fuckin’ thing I can do about it. So you want this to end, it ends. But tonight is mine. You want to fuck it up further, keep fightin’ me but I’m gonna have you fightin’ or sweet. I don’t care. But Jules, I’m tel in’ you, I’d rather it be sweet.”
I didn’t know what to say to that so I didn’t say anything. I just stayed silent.
He watched me for awhile then he said, “I’d be happy with fightin’ too. If what happened ten minutes ago is any indication, maybe I’d rather it be fightin’.” I didn’t know if he was joking or being serious.
I decided to go with joking. “Stop joking,” I said quietly.
“I wasn’t joking.”
Okay then, he wasn’t joking.
That got a bel y flutter.
“Wel , I’ve decided to be sweet,” I said, just to be contrary.
He grinned and his grin was so at the ready it made me wonder if he’d used reverse psychology on me. Then his face came down and disappeared in my neck and I felt his lips there.
The bel y flutter escalated to Grade Two.
“I’ve changed my mind,” I told the ceiling, “I’m going back to fighting.”
His hands went down my sides to my hips, he lifted them and then, I kid you not, he slid inside me slowly, gently but I could feel he was again rock hard.
My breath went out in a rush at the surprise of it and the fact that I moved from a Grade Two to a Grade Six in about three seconds.
“Vance,” I said softly and his lips moved from my neck to my mouth.
“That’s it, beautiful. Every time I slide inside you, I want you to say my name,” he muttered there.
He’d started moving and I started moving with him.
“I thought it was every time I came,” I whispered and his hands moved on me, a thumb sliding across my nipple as my hands roamed his back.
“I want you to say it then too.”
“Why?” I asked.
“I like it.”
“But why?”
“I don’t know why. It doesn’t matter why. I just do.” That seemed plausible to me.
“Okay,” I said agreeably, my hands going over his ass and either my word or my hands (or both) made him grin again and he kissed me and started moving faster.
When he stopped kissing me and his mouth went to my ear I said in his, “You have to get a condom.”
“In a minute.”
“Vance.”
“In a minute.”
I rol ed my eyes.
He drove in deep.
When he did it felt so good, I whispered his name low into his ear.
Then I slid my hands in his hair, pul ing it back and I traced the outer edges of his ear with my tongue just like he’d done to me last night and I’d liked that too.
* * * * *
After the second time, when it was dark and I was curled into Vance’s side, his fingers drawing on my hip, the moonlight coming in from the two windows on either side of the fireplace and the one at the back of the room, I asked him in a whisper, “Were you mad at me when we got here?” “I wasn’t happy to walk in the down room and see Luke on top of you. I wasn’t happy that you ignored me at the party. And I wasn’t happy you were breakin’ up with me. So yeah, I was mad at you when we got here.”
I went silent because I knew the answer already. I didn’t even know why I asked. I supposed if that was the way he took out his anger it wasn’t al that bad.
The minutes ticked away.
Then I asked, “Why do you have so many books in the living room?”
“I like to read when I’m here,” he answered.
“Why don’t you get a bookshelf?”
“Don’t need one.”
I supposed he didn’t. Stil , he could use one.
For some reason I went on advising him about the décor of his cabin. “You should put new countertops in and refinish the cabinets in the kitchen,” I told him.
“Why?”
“It’l look nicer.”
“It doesn’t have to look nice. It needs
to keep me dry and warm.”
“But it’s your home,” I said.
“It’s just a cabin.”
Something about that hit me somewhere deep. If this wasn’t what he considered his home and he had no place in Denver, where was home?
I decided not to ask. He wouldn’t answer anyway and considering we were breaking up, I had no right to know.
Instead, I said, “I like my space to be special.” His hand went stil and he rol ed into me. “Yeah,” he said,
“I noticed.”
I stared at his face in the moonlight not sure if what he said was good or bad. Considering the way his space was, I decided it was bad.
“You don’t like it.”
He looked me in my eyes for a moment then he kissed my forehead. “I like it,” he said softly when he was looking at me again.
I stared at him, memorizing his face when it was like it was now, beautiful and gentle.
“The moon seems brighter here,” I whispered.
“It is.” His hand came up and he started to play with my hair and I pressed in closer to his warm body.
“It’s been a weird birthday,” I told him, my voice stil quiet.
He didn’t answer.
I kept silent for a few minutes then, knowing I should tel him, needing to tel him and knowing I’d only have the courage in the dark, I said, “I don’t know if you saw the roses but they were beautiful.”
His arm came tighter around me and fitted me to his body but he didn’t say anything. He just looked at me in the moonlight.
“They were perfect, each one of them. I’ve never seen anything like it.”
He stil didn’t say anything.
“You should know that everyone was there when I saw them; Indy, Al y, Jet, Daisy, Roxie, even Tod and Stevie.” He kept quiet.
“Daisy said you have class.”
He final y spoke. “I’m not certain how to take that, comin’
from Daisy.”
I smiled at him. “Believe me, she meant it as a compliment.”
The smile was stil on my face when his hand came to my jaw and even though I couldn’t see it in the dark I just knew his eyes had changed. I felt them warm on my face.
Then he kissed me, it was long, slow and sweet. He careful y pul ed the covers down our bodies, the air in the cabin was no longer bitter cold but it stil hit me.
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