This made me feel weird. It was weird because I felt safe and protected but I also felt badly that they likely had to commit acts of violence in order to make me feel safe and protected.
I spent the morning struggling with that.
Since I figured Shard, Clarence and Jermaine had destroyed a number of lives by the time the clock struck twelve, I got over it.
Then I cal ed Luke.
“Babe,” he answered.
“I don’t know what to say.”
Silence then, “I’m guessin’ you’re talkin’ about the boys.”
“I’m talking about what you and Mace and Ike did for me.
I feel like I should do something to repay you.”
“Not necessary.”
“Maybe I should make you some cookies,” I suggested.
“Really not necessary.”
At first I was shocked at the emphasis to his “real y”.
Then I remembered that Luke had smel ed the results of my last attempt at being a baking goddess.
“Okay, maybe I should buy you some cookies.”
“That’d work.”
Disconnect.
Wel then, there it was.
Store cookies seemed kind of a lame “thank you” for driving three drug dealers hel -bent on gang-raping and torturing you out of town but burnt cookies were no thank you at al .
I made a mental note to hit the bakery at Safeway and got back to work.
* * * * *
Now Vance was cal ing again and I tried to be cool but I had to admit (just to myself) I liked to see “Crowe cal ing” on my display. I liked it a lot.
I picked up my phone and flipped it open. “Hey,” I said to Crowe.
“Hey. Got some things to do tonight. Thought I’d take you to Lincoln’s for dinner before I did ‘em.”
“That sounds good.”
“Meet you at your place at six.”
“Okay.”
“Later, Princess.”
Disconnect.
I sat there with the phone to my ear and stayed that way. I liked how I felt even after a quick, meaningless phone cal from Vance tel ing me he was taking me out to dinner. I wondered if I’d always feel like that and I hoped I would.
Slowly I flipped the phone shut and set it on my desk, realizing this would be only the second time we’d been out to dinner. We’d had only one date and we were practical y living together. He was moving clothes to my house, I had toiletries at his.
Realizing this, I started to laugh, my body shaking with it.
Vance had done it. Just like everyone said he would, just like Lee, Eddie and Hank before him. He hadn’t wasted any time (I, however, had) and he’d moved so fast I didn’t even realize it was happening. Hel , it was my idea for him to leave clothes at my house.
I was laughing so hard, I snorted and Andy, who was on the phone, looked up at me with knitted inquiring brows.
I shook my head at him and mouthed, “I’l tel you later.” Andy blinked in surprise.
I’d been working with Andy for awhile. He’d come to the Shelter about six months after they hired me. I’d never, not once, told him anything personal about me. He was a good guy and he could make me laugh. He had a wife and a little girl. He shared stories al the time about what they’d done, funny things his kid said.
Me, nothing. I never shared.
I’d gone through life alone (my choice), in order not to feel, so I wouldn’t get hurt.
Now I knew what I was missing.
What kind a fucking idiot was I?
I struggled with that long after Andy got off the phone.
Long after I shared with Andy that Vance was practical y moving in with me. Andy had said, hesitantly and with concern, “Um… Jules, don’t you think this is a bit fast?” then I’d told him about Indy, Jet and Roxie, his eyes got big, but he didn’t look any less concerned. Long after I hit two different Safeways and cleaned them out of their M&M
cookies (the absolute best) and picked up some other provisions (doing this randomly because although Vance was going to be hanging clothes in my closet, I had no idea what kind of food he liked in the house).
This last thought had me cracking up hysterical y in the meat and cheese section and people gave me a wide berth. This was a good thing as it meant I had the meat and cheese section al to myself without anyone breathing down my neck to make a selection.
I got over my latest emotional struggle when I put the cookies on the kitchen counter, put the food away and gave Boo his kitty treats, letting him have a few more because I was in a good mood. Then Boo and I went over to Nick’s.
Then, realizing it was nearly six, I stopped outside Nick’s backdoor and Boo and I went back to my side. I dropped Boo long enough to write Vance a note saying I was on Nick’s side. I didn’t want him to think he was stood up again. Vance didn’t like that.
When I was done I stared at the note on the counter and went back to emotional y struggling with having to write a note to someone to explain my whereabouts, something I’d never done in my life. This didn’t take long because, as I stared at the note, that velvet shroud wrapped around me and I stopped staring at the note and started smiling at it.
Then I snatched up Boo and we went back to Nick’s.
I knocked on the door and stuck my head in. “Nick?”
“Hey Jules, be right there.”
I walked in and dropped Boo who immediately went in search of Nick.
I went in search of beer.
I’d just pul ed out a Fat Tire when Nick came in.
“Hey,” I said.
“Hey,” Nick replied, staring at me intensely.
“What?” I asked about the stare.
“I don’t know,” Nick answered.
“Why are you looking at me like that?”
He leaned a hip against the counter. “I’m waiting to see what you have to say. I don’t know if you’re gonna tel me someone’s been shot, you broke up with Vance again or you’ve decided to single-handedly plan a march on Washington due to the lack of AIDS medications available to developing countries. I gotta be prepared for anything.” I grinned at him and popped open the beer. Then I handed it to him and leaned a hip against the counter myself.
“I’m going to tel you that I’m off the streets.” His body moved, only slightly, but it stil moved. It got tense then it relaxed in such a way that his relief could be read in every line.
“Good,” he said quietly.
I had to admit, I felt guilt at this. Nick’s reaction wasn’t an overwhelming reaction but it said it al .
I decided to move on to a different subject before I could figure out an anatomical y possible way to kick myself in the backside. “I’m also going to tel you that Vance is moving some clothes to my house.”
Without hesitation he said, “Good.”
It was my turn to stare. I thought for certain I’d get a lecture that we were going too fast.
“Don’t you think we’re going too fast?” I asked.
“Vance the reason you’re off the streets?”
“Part of it.”
“What’s the other part?”
“You.”
His body moved again in the same way then he closed his eyes. When he opened them, what I saw made that velvet shroud wrap closer, my pug snuggled in and licked my face.
Before I could struggle with this too, Nick started talking.
“I like Vance. I like that, since he came into your life, you got girlfriends throwin’ you parties and folks showin’ up at your house to watch footbal . I like lookin’ out the front window seein’ guys I don’t know, but I know I can trust, knockin’ on your door. I like knowin’ you aren’t alone over there with just Boo and Stevie Wonder for company. No, I don’t think you’re movin’ too fast. What happened to your family hadn’t happened, I’d have married Reba within months of knowin’
her. When you know it’s right, you just know. I got a feelin’
Vance knows it’s rig
ht. I’m glad that you figured it out. I’d be honored to walk you down the aisle, if we were walkin’
towards Vance, even if you told me it was happening tomorrow.”
I couldn’t help it, one night off the job and I was already losing hold on my head crackin’ mamma jamma. Therefore at his words I burst into tears.
I felt as his arms came around me, I shoved my face in his neck and I heard Auntie Reba’s voice in my ear.
Home.
My tears turned to sobs and now I was emotional y struggling with the fact that I was a big sissy.
A knock came at the door.
“Yeah?” Nick cal ed.
I heard it open and I lifted my what I was sure was red, wet and scary face away from Nick and saw Vance standing there watching us.
Shit.
“I’l come back,” Vance murmured.
“Think you best take over here,” Nick answered, gently moving me towards Vance.
“I’m okay,” I wiped my tears with my fingers but made one of those sil y, girlie, sobby hiccoughs.
Vance came forward and his arms went around me. At the feel of them, I started crying again, and harder, so I shoved my face in his neck.
“What happened?” Vance asked Nick.
“I don’t know. Do you ever know? She’s a girl,” Nick answered.
My body went solid and I pul ed my head out of Vance’s neck. “I’m not a girl!” I shouted at Nick. “I’m a head crackin’
mamma jamma!”
“Sure you are,” Nick soothed but I could swear he sounded a little bit like he was laughing.
I narrowed teary eyes at him. “I am!”
Vance total y ignored me but kept his arms around me.
“We’re goin’ to Lincoln’s for dinner. You’re welcome,” Vance told Nick.
“Nah, game on tonight,” Nick answered.
“Another time,” Vance said.
“Sure, sounds good, haven’t been there in awhile.”
“Not much has changed.”
“Best part about it.”
“Hel o!” I shouted, pul ing out of Vance’s arms and pointing to myself with both hands. “Having total emotional breakdown! Anyone? Anyone?”
Nick started out-and-out laughing. Vance just grinned at me.
“You done?” Vance asked me.
I rol ed my eyes.
Whatever.
I’d finish my total emotional breakdown later when I was alone, possibly while listening to Stevie Wonder singing “Al in Love Is Fair” which was the best time to have them.
“I’m hungry,” I grumbled, wiping my face with my hands.
Then I cal ed, “Boo!”
Boo trotted in, tail straight in the air, equal y oblivious to my emotional turmoil.
I scooped him up, glared at Nick, swung my glare to Vance, walked out of Nick’s and went to my side.
I was in the bathroom cleaning up my face and repairing makeup damage when I heard Vance return. Then I heard a rustling bag.
When I walked into the kitchen Vance was eating an M&M cookie.
“Don’t eat that! Those are for Luke, Ike and Mace.” Vance stared at me for a beat then looked into the bag.
Then he looked at me. “There’s at least thirty cookies in there.”
“Thirty-three,” I told him. Then I scowled at his cookie.
“Now, thirty-two. How am I going to divide thirty-two cookies three ways?”
He didn’t answer me, instead he said, “Why are you giving Luke, Ike and Mace thirty-two cookies?”
“They beat people up for me,” I replied. “That requires payback. Since I can’t bake, I can’t make them cookies.
Knitting is boring, as in super boring, so I can’t knit them sweaters. I don’t think they’d like a homemade card or anything I could do with the stickers I bought. There wil likely not be a time where I could beat up someone for them. Therefore,” I pointed to the bag, “cookies.” He took another bite of his cookie while walking up to me. His hand went to my neck and he brought me closer to his body by putting pressure there.
I put my hands on his waist and looked up at him.
“Princess?”
“What?”
“You have to be the fucking craziest woman I’ve ever met.”
I was back to glaring at him. “I’l take that as a compliment.”
He grinned. “I meant it as one.”
Wel .
There you go.
I couldn’t help it, I smiled.
* * * * *
We were sitting at Lincoln’s Road House. It was after we ate, the dirty dishes stil in front of us and we managed the whole thing, from duplex to bike; bike to Road House; door to table; menu to ordering; ordering to eating, al without fighting (or even bickering) once.
It had to be a record.
I was enjoying my second beer, relaxed, mel ow maybe even at peace with the world.
“You wanna tel me why you were cryin’?” Vance asked and my eyes moved to him.
I instantly decided I was not at peace with the world.
“Um… no,” I answered.
There was no way I was ready to tel Vance that Nick was cool with walking me down the aisle toward Vance even if it happened tomorrow.
No way in hel .
Vance shook his head and looked away, his eyes moving to the television hanging by the bar and I had the feeling I’d disappointed him.
“What are you doing tonight?” I asked to change the subject and his eyes slid back to me.
“Got a job. It’l take a few hours.”
“Are you coming back to my place when you’re done?” I found I was worried about his answer.
“Yeah.”
I found I was relieved at his answer.
“Okay,” I smiled at him.
His gaze dropped to my mouth, taking in my smile. Then he looked in my eyes again and his were serious.
“Princess, we’re gonna have to do something about your inability to share.”
“I’m working on it,” I promised.
He watched me a bit and then said, “Somethin’ else.” Uh-oh.
He stil had the serious look in his eye.
“Yeah?” I asked, but I didn’t want to know.
“I’m wonderin’ why you bought Mace, Ike and Luke cookies when I’m the one who brought in Clarence and Jermaine yesterday.”
I didn’t know what to make of this question. The answer seemed obvious to me but I gave it to him anyway.
“You get naked gratitude,” I told him.
He stared at me a beat and again I knew I threw him.
Then he gave me one of his shit-eating grins.
“A lot of it,” I went on.
The grin turned into a smile.
“Vance!” a female voice cal ed from behind me.
Vance’s eyes cut to the voice, his smile vanished and I looked over my shoulder.
Coming toward us was a fantastic-looking, curvy, leggy, long-wavy-haired brunette. She had on a short skirt, high-heeled boots and a tight sweater that was giving some serious cleavage.
She was also smiling at Vance in a way that I did not like.
“Hey,” she breathed when she got to our table and I realized instantly that this had been one of the many girls who had come before me.
Poof! There it was. My head crackin’ mamma jamma came out.
“Jackie,” Vance replied. He was across the table from me but I could see his face and it was blank.
I hated his blank look when he directed it at me. I liked his blank look when he was giving it to leggy brunettes in short skirts that he’d fucked somewhere down the line.
Jackie’s eyes moved to me, looked me up and down where I sat on my stool then she dismissed me and her eyes went back to Vance. She turned so her back was slightly to me.
Um.
No.
“What’re you up to these days? Haven’t seen you in ages,” Jackie asked Vance in a way that communicated she thought his answer might just be
the key to the meaning of life.
“Jackie, this is Jules,” Vance said, I thought making a point and I could have kissed him.
She swung her head (as wel as her hair) around and glanced at me again. “Jules,” she muttered, then she swung her head (and hair) back. “So, how’re things?” Jackie went on, missing the point.
Vance opened his mouth to speak but I’d kind of had enough.
“Things are good,” I put in and Jackie’s head (and hair) swung back to me. Her eyes had narrowed.
“Excuse me?” she asked.
“Things are good,” I repeated, giving her a huge, happy smile. Then my eyes moved to Vance. “Aren’t they, honey?” Now that, I hoped, was a point Jackie wouldn’t miss.
The corners of Vance’s lips turned up.
Jackie didn’t wait for Vance to answer, to me she said,
“I’m so pleased for you.”
She did not mean this.
Translation: Shut the fuck up, I’m not talking to you, I’m flirting with your boyfriend.
She swung back to Vance and leaned in a bit (the better to show her cleavage), smiled, and said in a voice I was meant to hear but she was pretending I wasn’t, “We’l talk some other time. Give me a cal .”
Vance again opened his mouth to speak but again I got there first.
“What did you just say?” I asked.
Vance’s eyes moved to me. “Jules,” his tone held a warning but he looked like he was about ready to laugh.
I wasn’t paying a lot of attention to Vance, my eyes were on Jackie.
Jackie leaned back and put up her hands. “Nothing to get excited about,” she said.
I came off my stool. “Are you saying that you coming onto my fucking boyfriend right in front of me is nothing to get excited about?” I demanded and my voice was a wee bit loud, so much of a wee bit people started to stare.
Jackie looked from me to Vance then back to me. “If he’s your man, then, girlfriend, you got nothing to worry about from me.”
She did not mean this either.
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