“Hey,” Gina said.
Eliza paused. Jeff had said the call was urgent, but nothing about Gina’s casual, lackadaisical greeting seemed urgent at all.
“Hey,” Eliza said, her nervous energy suddenly deflated.
“So, I’m back at Mom’s.”
Eliza hooked the leg of the bar stool at the edge of the counter with her foot, pulling it closer so she could sit down. “That’s good.” She was hesitant, still unsure what to make of the phone call.
“She thought I should call you,” Gina said.
“I’m glad you did. I’ve been worried about you.”
“Yeah, about that . . . I’m sorry I bailed. That wasn’t cool.”
Eliza breathed out a frustrated sigh. They were the same apologies, Gina’s halfhearted attempts to keep her family on her good side. She’d say whatever she had to say to keep her safety net in place.
“You stole from Henry.”
“I’ll pay him back.”
“What, that’s it? You’ll pay him back? He’s my friend, and he went to a lot of trouble to try to help you.”
“What do you want me to do, pay him interest?” Her voice was raised, her tone sharp.
Eliza sighed again. “Let’s not do this, Gina. You didn’t call so we could fight. I’m glad you’re home safe.”
Gina didn’t respond, allowing the silence between them to grow for several more seconds.
“I’ve been sober for ten days,” she finally said.
Eliza sat up straight, her weariness immediately replaced with a faint sense of hope. “Gina, that’s really great.” She tried to soften her tone.
“That’s sort of the reason I called. Mom seemed to think . . . Well, she made it sound like maybe you might still be able to help.”
“Help . . . how?”
“If I want to go to rehab,” Gina said. “Is it too late for me to go to that place in Raleigh?”
Eliza couldn’t believe what she was hearing. At first she hesitated to believe her sister. She expected the sullen, sarcastic Gina from the first five minutes of their conversation. But this was different. Was it possible her sister was actually reaching out for help?
When Eliza didn’t respond right away, Gina kept talking. “Look, I realize I was terrible to you, and you don’t have to help me, but I just . . . I think I’m ready now.” She suddenly sounded small, her voice more childlike than Eliza had ever heard it. “I don’t want to do this anymore, Eliza. I’m just so tired.”
Eliza wanted to believe her sister was completely sincere. But there was only so much she could do. “Gina, I can’t leave work again,” she said. “I can call, I think, or have Henry call, but I can’t take you to Raleigh.”
“No, you don’t have to take me. Mom said she would drive me over.”
Eliza was happy to hear that her mother was willing to be involved. If Gina’s rehabilitation was going to stick, she would need their mother’s support. Eliza’s hope was growing stronger. Maybe this time it would actually work out.
“I can’t make any promises, but I’ll see what I can do, okay? Listen though, if you can’t get into Hazelwood, you can go somewhere else. You know that, right? There’s help out there.”
“I know,” Gina said. “I’m not going to give up this time. I promise.”
Chapter 21
“Hey, Henry, you got a free hand?” Henry turned and saw Andrew Porterfield standing in the doorway of the branch president’s office. He had a briefcase in one hand, a diaper bag slung over his shoulder, and an infant car seat on the floor at his feet.
Henry smiled. “Of course,” he said. “I remember those days.”
Andrew still wore the goofy grin of a new dad experiencing the bliss of being in love with his daughter. He picked up the carrier and extended it to Henry.
“Would you mind walking the baby down to Kate? She’s in the Relief Society room, I think. I’ve just got to finish up this interview before the baptism starts.”
Henry took the baby and lifted the carrier high enough that he could see the tiny face of the sleeping newborn. He watched as she grunted and yawned, her eyelids fluttering open for a brief second, then closing again.
Henry laughed. “It’s a rough life you’ve got there, little one.” He looked back at Andrew. “You want me to take the diaper bag too?”
“Oh yeah, here,” Andrew said. “Hey, are you staying for the baptism?” He took a step closer to Henry, glancing cautiously in both directions. Somehow, Henry suspected there was more to Andrew’s question than simple curiosity.
Henry raised his eyebrows. “I was planning on it.”
Andrew only nodded. “So it seems like Flip and Eliza are pretty good friends.”
Ah, Henry thought. So that’s where he’s heading.
“They are good friends,” Henry said. “Though I believe Flip has hopes for something more.”
“And you’re good with that?” Andrew stood with his hands on his hips, a look of mild incredulity on his face.
“I’m not sure it’s actually any of my business.” Henry tried to avoid eye contact, but Andrew was unrelenting.
“Really? It’s not your business at all?”
Henry sighed, resigned to the fate he’d given himself. “No.”
“Well, I’m sorry to hear that. I thought the two of you seemed like a great fit.” Andrew stepped into his office, then turned back once more. “Let me just tell you this. I know you’ve got a complicated past, Henry, but just because the past is complicated, it doesn’t mean your future has to be. Some things are worth fighting for.”
Henry shook his head as he walked down the hallway, the baby carrier swinging gently as he walked. What did Andrew know about whether or not he and Eliza were right for each other? And how could his past not affect his future? To him, everything seemed so completely intertwined, so completely . . . complicated.
After delivering the sleeping newborn to Kate, Henry went to find a seat at the back of the chapel. Flip’s baptism would start in just a few minutes. The chapel was filling nicely; many members had chosen to stay after the regular block to support Flip and welcome him into the branch.
Henry watched as Eliza sat down, Amber close by her side. As he watched them, an uncomfortable feeling swelled up in his gut. They were leaning their heads together, whispering and smiling, talking animatedly about something that was obviously very interesting to them both. They were interacting as if they were friends. He supposed there wasn’t anything wrong with the two of them being friendly, but if the lines between them started to blur, he worried things might become more difficult for Eliza.
But Eliza was a good counselor. Henry felt confident she had things under control. Perhaps he ought to consider it a good sign that Amber was smiling and attending a church function at the same time. Maybe Eliza really was changing Amber’s opinion about things.
When the prelude music stopped, Henry motioned to AJ, who had been sitting with his friend Jeremiah’s family, and asked him to come back and join him. AJ obliged but didn’t try to hide his disappointment that he didn’t get to sit with his friend. Henry knew it was perfectly natural for a seven-year-old kid to want to sit with his buddy, but every time AJ wanted to choose someone else over him, he couldn’t help but feel a little sting.
Flip’s baptism was much like every other baptism Henry had ever attended. The missionaries who had been responsible for teaching him spoke and performed the baptism, and Eliza shared her testimony. There was a special musical number a group of Primary children sang, and Andrew spoke for a few minutes to officially welcome Flip into the branch.
Much to Henry’s surprise, the most compelling moment of the service was when Flip stood and spoke about the process of his conversion. He talked about reading the Book of Mormon while out on excursion and trying to find the courage to pray about it. It was clear his words were heartfelt and sincere. Henry felt remorse for having ever doubted him.
As Flip continued to speak with the slight Irish lilt in his voice and his
genial, self-deprecating humor, it took only a few minutes for him to completely charm the entire room. It was a side of Flip Henry had never really appreciated and one he had to admit he could easily see making Eliza happy. Above everything else, Henry couldn’t help but notice that Flip seemed utterly and completely uncomplicated.
When the branch gathered in the cultural hall for refreshments, Henry took AJ’s hand and went in search of Flip to offer him his congratulations. In the hallway, he passed a group of young women, one of whom was Amber.
“Are you kidding?” he heard Amber say. “Of course I’ll be there. I’ve got her eating out of my hand.”
Amber’s words stopped Henry in his tracks. Righteous indignation filled him as he thought of anyone trying to take advantage of Eliza’s kindness. He tried to tell himself Amber could have been talking about anything—about anyone. But instinctively he knew it wasn’t just anyone. He would have to talk to Eliza about it later.
Flip was in the cultural hall when Henry found him finishing a conversation with a small flock of overly enthusiastic Relief Society sisters.
“I think they like you, Flip,” Henry said with a grin. “It was a nice baptism,” he continued, his voice sincere. “Congratulations.”
“Thanks, Henry. I’m glad you were here.” Flip glanced down at AJ, standing slightly behind Henry. “I don’t believe we’ve had the pleasure of meeting,” he said. “I’m Flip.”
“Is that your real name?” AJ asked.
“It’s not,” Flip said. “My real name is Frederick Finnegan Marshall, but since that’s such a mouthful, I’ve been Flip since I was about your age.”
“Why does your voice sound different?”
“AJ, don’t be rude,” Henry said gently.
“I’m not being rude; I’m just asking. His voice sounds different.”
Flip only laughed. “It does sound a bit different. AJ, do you know where Ireland is?”
AJ nodded. “It’s next to Britain across the English Channel from France.”
Now it was Henry’s turn to laugh. He could tell it wasn’t the answer Flip was expecting. Before the divorce, AJ had a globe in his bedroom that he and Henry would look at together every evening before bed. Henry would spin it around until AJ would stick out his finger and yell stop, then they’d talk about whatever place his finger had landed on.
Their geography lessons had been mostly rudimentary, but they had named countries and bodies of water enough that many of them had stuck.
It was a painful realization—a guilt-inducing stab just behind Henry’s ribs that blasted through the haze of his own suffering and etched out a new picture of his son with such crystal clarity Henry nearly gasped. He hadn’t thought about those moments with AJ or attempted to re-create them, even in the smallest part, one single time since the divorce. As he watched his son in animated conversation with Flip, he wondered how he had managed to venture so far off course. How had he let the sting of Allison’s betrayal keep him from recognizing the pain of the one person who didn’t deserve to hurt at all?
* * *
The following afternoon, Dr. Adler met Henry in the doorway of his classroom just after he’d finished for the afternoon. “Henry, do you have a quick minute?”
“Sure,” he said. She pulled his classroom door closed behind her.
“I’m going to be perfectly frank,” she said. “Eliza has suggested that Amber be approved for our final wilderness excursion of the season. They leave at the end of this month, and I’ll be honest, I’m not sure Amber will be ready in time. Ordinarily, it takes students quite a bit longer to be ready for excursion. Eliza feels there are reasons to fast-track Amber through the program, and while her reasons seem valid, there’s something I can’t quite put my finger on, some doubt that’s hovering off to the side that I can’t make sense of. I’m wondering if you can provide some insight.”
“I don’t really feel qualified to make a judgment of that sort,” Henry said. “Amber is doing well in class, working very hard . . .”
“Of course, of course,” Dr. Adler said. “It’s not a judgment on Amber I’m asking you to make. What I’m afraid of is that in asking Eliza to take Amber to and from church every week and in giving them so many opportunities to spend time together, I’ve crafted a situation where Eliza has formed a bit of an attachment to the girl. I worry, perhaps, that her judgment is a bit clouded, muddled by her own feelings and desires for Amber’s success.”
Henry shook his head. He immediately remembered the remarks he’d overheard in the hallway at church the day before and the casual way he’d seen Eliza and Amber interact. But he couldn’t be certain that all he had observed was completely accurate. Having not had the opportunity to discuss it with Eliza, it didn’t seem right to share his concerns with Dr. Adler.
He chose his words carefully. “Eliza is a good counselor. Even with the unusual circumstances of their relationship, I haven’t seen anything that would make me think to question her judgment. I feel certain she has Amber’s best interests in mind.”
It wasn’t necessarily a lie. He did think Eliza had Amber’s best interests in mind. He would feel better revealing the rest of his concerns directly to Eliza.
Dr. Adler smiled. “Well, perhaps you’re right,” she said. “Thank you, Henry. It makes me feel a bit better to hear you say so. Will you tell me, though, if you see anything that might indicate otherwise?”
“Of course,” he said.
She moved to the door. “Oh, and, Henry,” she said, glancing back, her hand resting on the knob. “I’ve heard wonderful things about the progress you’ve made with Daniel. I know you’ve had your doubts about how you fit here at Rockbridge, but I hope you are feeling better about things. I know I am.”
Funny, Henry had been feeling better about things. He didn’t love the turmoil surrounding William Harrison’s appearance at the foot of Rockbridge’s front steps, and his relationship with AJ still felt fragile, but work-wise, it had been a good summer. He’d found his footing with a few more students and was feeling a more natural rhythm to his teaching. He reasoned he’d only needed a little more time to adjust and settle in, but in the back of his mind, he knew his progress stemmed from something more.
That something more was Eliza. He’d had the insight to pray about Daniel because of Eliza. He’d had the courage to get personal, to take risks because of Eliza. Her influence was the biggest reason he’d been able to accomplish so much. Of course, that was far more than he could ever explain to Dr. Adler. He settled instead on simple acknowledgment. “Thank you. I’m feeling much better about things and have no intention of giving up.”
“Well, that’s good,” Dr. Adler said. “Rockbridge wouldn’t be the same without you.”
Chapter 22
The week after Flip’s baptism went by in a blur. Eliza was busier than she had ever been at Rockbridge. Her counseling load was maxed out—in fact, all of Rockbridge was maxed out. There wasn’t room for a single new student, which left everyone feeling like they couldn’t let their guard down even for a second.
In addition to work, Eliza was driving Amber into Rose Creek for weekly youth activities. It had taken only a couple of weeks before Eliza felt like Amber deserved the added opportunity to leave campus. After a few sessions, Amber had morphed into the most compliant, good-natured student Eliza counseled.
So many students were in such a difficult place when they came to Rockbridge. Amber was like a breath of fresh mountain air in comparison. And Eliza wasn’t the only one who thought so. Everyone enjoyed being around her. She’d grown close to several of the other girls and was quickly building friendships with the youth from church.
It was only when Eliza tried to get Amber to talk about her family that things got ugly. Today they sat together outside, enjoying their counseling session in the sunshine of the October afternoon. At least, Eliza was enjoying their session.
Amber was sullen, her eyes dark, her arms folded tightly across her chest. They were dis
cussing her parents’ divorce, something that had clearly shaken her world in a way that had left her feeling bruised and battered from within.
“Tell me why you’re angry,” Eliza said gently. When Amber didn’t answer right away, Eliza let the silence pool between them. She’d learned that sometimes it took the hardest answers a long time to make it to the surface.
“I’m angry because I feel like it was all a lie,” Amber said.
“What was a lie? Their relationship?”
“Well, that, but everything they ever told me about love—eternal marriage, the temple, looking for my eternal companion.” Her words were laced with sarcasm. “Why teach me all of that if none of it matters anyway? What’s eternal about our family now?”
“But it doesn’t always end that way,” Eliza said. “Sometimes it does, yes. But we live in an imperfect world, Amber. We’re all doing the best we can, and when we don’t measure up, the Savior is there to make up the difference. When we fail, even when marriages fail, the Atonement covers it all.”
“My parents weren’t doing the best they could,” Amber said. “If they were, they would still be together.”
Amber’s words might very well have been true. But that didn’t change how important it was for her to find forgiveness for her parents.
“Can we talk about something else now?” Amber flopped back onto the grass behind her and stretched her arms over her head.
“Like what?”
“Like Dawson,” Amber said, her voice a little dreamy.
“Dawson Peterson? From church?”
“He’s amazing, isn’t he? I think he’s in love with me, and I know he wants me to be at the stake dance on Halloween. What do you think? Is there any chance I’d be able to go?”
“Amber, it’s not likely. Stake dances are all the way in Asheville, which is a long way from Rockbridge. You are already afforded so much more leeway when it comes to leaving campus. A dance is pushing the rules a little too far. Aside from that, you’ll likely be on excursion at the end of the month.”
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