Live it Again

by Geoff North

  “Jeshus, Joseph, and Mary,” he mumbled swatting away at the mess on his pants. The back of his hand hit the cake table, and the rest came toppling down. Little pink and yellow pastel flowers composed of rock-hard sugar rolled off in every direction like spilled marbles.

  Margaret Wolowich, Lloyd’s three-hundred pound wife rose from her chair at one of the guest tables. “He hit him! I saw it with my own two eyes!” Hugh heard the woman yell out over the rest of the commotion and wondered first, how she rose to her own feet without help, and second, how she could see anything with those beady black eyes. Never had he seen a face so fat-filled, so absolutely stretched out and perfectly round. She must have been over sixty, he thought, but you would never know it. How could the wrinkles possible set in? “He head-butted my poor Lloyd!”

  “Sit back down, you old cow!” That had come from Donald. Margaret sucked in air as if she’d been struck in a kidney. Her planet-shaped head wobbled back and forth, the big grey-streaked coiffure of hair swayed along with it. Hugh was reminded a bit of that old Bride of Frankenstein movie, the widescreen version.

  Donald wasn’t finished. “That’s what you get when you marry into a family of bohunks!” Donald was never finished. Things then tumbled completely out of control. Hugh leaned up against the wall behind the main table and watched as his oldest brother was tackled down by two of Sandy’s cousins. He knew it was about to happen, could have prevented it perhaps, but he really did see the point. Hugh was no fighter, and how could you defend such foul-mouthed bigotry in the first place, even from a member of your own family?

  Steve Nance, who hadn’t thrown a punch since the night of Heather’s graduation, made up for lost time. Greg Curtis inflicted the most damage. The best man stood over six and half feet tall, his strong athletic body threw guests around twice his age. Fortunately, he was on the outnumbered Nance family’s side.

  “Nothing like a good wedding to get the blood boiling,” Hugh said to a girl cowering next to him. It was one of Sandy’s bridesmaids. He couldn’t recall her name, but knew she’d been asked at the last minute to replace Heather. Hugh’s sister had backed out and skipped the wedding altogether. Lucky her. He was sure she had faked the whole ‘flu-thing’, and if he’d remembered, he would’ve used the same excuse as well. Hindsight as they say is twenty-twenty, but when you try and recall a lifetime of events, most of the smaller stuff is forgotten.

  “How can you joke about it? This is horrible!”

  Hugh eyed the cute blonde up and down. She was a few older than him but that didn’t matter to him tonight. He felt too damned good to care. The silky fabric of her dress hugged all the curvy spots nicely. “Wanna go outside for some fresh air?”

  “Get away from me, kid!” The crashing of collapsing tables and the breaking of plates and glasses continued.

  I’m not a kid.

  Little boys wearing little suits and others sporting flashy sweaters and uncomfortable dress shirts crawled under tables finding it all a wonderful game. Girls in dresses of pink, yellow, and green joined them. They scrambled and wrestled on the dirty floor, laughing and fighting each other for the cake’s missing sugar flowers.

  Hugh watched it all unfold again, like revisiting an old movie favorite.

  Life is great…I lost my virginity last night.

  He’d picked Mandy up in the old station wagon and the two had gone straight to the theatre. Excalibur was playing, a totally forgettable film, featuring one of Hugh’s favorite actors, a very young Liam Neeson playing the role of Sir Guinam. They had settled into the back row and Hugh wrapped an arm around her shoulders. The opening credits had hardly finished before they started to make out.

  “You wanna get out of here?” Hugh asked. Two other couples in front of them were holding hands and giggling between whispers. A few boys off to the left were swigging sips from a smuggled bottle. Nerds were sitting in the first row consumed with the medieval adventure taking place on the big screen.

  Mandy nodded.

  Once they were back in the car Hugh fumbled with the keys, dropping them to the floor between his feet. Mandy slid up beside him in, bent down and retrieved the keys before he could. Her other hand moved up his right thigh and finally settled on his stiff crotch. “What do we have here? Are you just happy to get away from that crappy movie, or do you have something else on your mind?”

  “I umm, I wanted to, umm, I know this place…”

  She straightened up and kissed his cheek. “Do I make you nervous, Hugh?”

  Not really, just scared shitless.

  What was he so afraid of? He’d lost his virginity decades ago. The fear of being rejected was lost even before that. Was it guilt? “I’m not nervous. I just wanted to save it for later on.”

  “Oh…I hope it won’t be too late by then. I don’t think your friend down there can wait much longer.”

  He thought of his sixteen-year-old daughter. Did Dana behave this way on first dates? Had they even allowed her to start dating? His erection withered away. “My friend will be just fine.”

  He drove to the park and the two walked past the line of campers parked along the river. They settled down under a bushy elm tree overlooking the sandy bank and watched the sun vanish into the west.

  “Do you remember when we used to come here as kids and skip stones across the water?” She asked.

  “How could I forget? You were better than all the boys.”

  She ran a hand back through her long hair and sighed. “Bob used to love it down here.”

  Hugh hadn’t expected that. The guilt he felt for being with a seventeen-year-old girl doubled with the mention of his dead friend. “Me too.”

  “He was my first boyfriend.”

  But not your last.

  “I didn’t know that.”

  “You would’ve been my first if you’d paid any attention to me.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” Was she using Bob as an excuse to get him interested in her? He felt suddenly defensive.

  “I’ve liked you since grade two, dummy. Didn’t you ever notice how I looked at you?”

  He hadn’t, and now he knew she was being serious. “I remember how you were always laughing at me.”

  “Why wouldn’t I? You were funny. It felt good being around you. It was the main reason I hung out with Bob…to be near you.”

  “No way.”

  “Yes way!” She pushed him onto his side and jumped up. He watched as she went down to the river and bent over to find some stones in the sand. “You want to toss a few?”

  “Wouldn’t be fair, you’re just a girl.” Hugh joined her.

  “I’m not laughing.”

  “Sorry.” He took a stone and hurled it out across the water. It sank instantly. “There, that should put a smile back on your face.”

  “After all these years and you still can’t skip a stone.” She squatted down and started to dig in the sand. “It all starts with finding the right ones. They have to be nice and flat with a rounded edge.”

  Hugh knelt down and picked up a dark grey stone. “I like these shale ones.”

  “Yeah, they are pretty good.” She grabbed it from him. “Let me show you how it’s done.” Mandy whipped her arm forward; the rock spun off her index finger and skimmed the water’s surface. Once, twice, three bounces all separated by ten foot spans, and after the fourth it rolled up onto the grassy bank on the other side. “I still got it. You want to try again?”

  Hugh rubbed his elbow. “Think I strained my arm.”

  “You poor baby.” She stroked his shoulder. He pulled her in and kissed her forehead gently, the skin warm beneath his lips. Her hair smelled fresh air and apples. She looked up into his eyes and wrapped her fingers around the back of his neck. Their kiss was tender and long, nothing like they did back in the movie theater. Her lips tasted sweet and the coolness of her nose tickled his cheek. He reached down for her other hand, felt the damp rocks she was still clutching to. They dropped back down into the sand, a
nd Mandy whispered into his ear. “Time to get your rocks off?”

  Hugh pulled away, embarrassed. “I’m sorry…it’s just that when you talk like that…when you come on too strong, I just don’t know what to think.”

  “Why think at all?”

  “It’s our first night out, maybe we shouldn’t push it.”

  “You really are a sweetheart, aren’t you?” She led him back to the elm tree and they sat back down. They kissed again.

  “I’m anything but a sweetheart,” he said when they finally pulled away from each other. She ran her fingers through his hair and shuddered when a coyote started to howl in the distance. They were joined by a half dozen more a few seconds later. “I love that sound,” he said and kissed the back of her hand.

  “Scares the hell out of me.”

  “They sound so lonely.”

  “Why would you love that?”

  He shrugged his shoulders and Mandy wiped a tear away from the corner of his eye.

  “Have you been lonely, Hugh?”

  “I guess you could say that.”

  She rubbed his leg above the knee, away from his crotch, much gentler than rub she gave him in the car. “It isn’t a crime to be a virgin. We don’t have to do anything tonight.”

  Hugh laughed and lay back down on the grass. “What’s wrong with this picture?”

  She jabbed his stomach with a finger that made him flinch and laugh harder. “What did I say that was so funny?”

  “I thought the guy was supposed to push for sex, not the girl.”

  She sat forward and wrapped her arms around her knees. “It’s not like that, not like you think. I told you that I’ve liked you for a long time.”

  “I’m sorry; I didn’t mean it like that.”

  “I don’t give it away that easily to every boy I date. I’m not a slut.”

  “No, no! I definitely didn’t mean that.” He sat up and rubbed her back. He could feel the bra strap beneath the fabric of her red sweater. He pictured what it was holding in and felt his erection returning.

  Not now.

  “I really wanted to go out with you, too. I guess I was just kind of expecting one thing. Now that we’re together, I just feel kind of guilty for thinking that way. Boys can be pigs sometimes, you know?”

  “Boys are pigs all the time.” She was smiling again. “Thanks for telling me the truth, it means a lot. So have you ever been with a girl?”

  “Hell, yeah! Well…no, I guess I haven’t.”

  She raised a single eyebrow, looked at him quizzically. “Then I guess we can wait.” She stood up and held her hand out for him to take. “Let’s get going. It’s getting cold out here, and those wolves are really starting to creep me out.”

  “They’re coyotes, not wolves.”

  “What difference does it make?”

  “A lot if you’re a coyote.”

  She smacked his rear-end and ran off ahead, back towards the car. He watched her run. Her blue jeans were tight, her ass tighter. He could just make out the side of her one breast bouncing with every step. Why not feel the way he felt? He was seventeen years old.

  What the hell, you only live twice.

  He sat back down and yelled after her. “Hey, come back here!” He patted the ground beside him when she looked back. “It’s not that cold out!”

  She walked back, slowly, and stood between his legs for a few moments. “You sure about this?”

  Hugh pulled her down on top of him, tugging off his shirt at the same time. When they were almost completely naked he dug into his discarded pants, desperately searching through the pockets.

  “Mr. Innocence himself,” she panted against his chest as he fumbled with the condom.

  Thank you, Gordo.

  He’d stolen a couple from his brother’s room the year before, just in case the need ever arose.

  The sun set completely, the coyotes finished howling, and the two young lovers finished half an hour after that. On the drive home Mandy lit a cigarette and offered one to Hugh. He shook his head. “Those things will kill you.”

  She blew smoke through the open window and after a few moments of thought started to giggle. “Virgin my ass.”

  Hugh checked his watch as the wedding brawl continued. That had all happened twenty-four hours ago. And now this.

  Icing on the cake…or off.

  He couldn’t wipe the stupid grin off his face. Even as he watched Donald collapse beneath a swarm of tuxedos, his grin continued to spread. Lloyd Wolowich took a drunken swing at his father, Steve Nance answered back with a more precise blow of his own. Tears had smeared black mascara streaks down Sandy’s pink cheeks. Her dress was coated with gravy, sour cream, and burst perogies. Gordo helped her back into her chair, stroking the hand he’d stepped on. “It’s okay, sweetie. Everything’s going to be alright.”

  She tore the hand away and studied her fingers. “You bent my ring, asshole!”

  Another aunt of Sandy’s wandered aimlessly between tables, yelling at the top of her lungs. “It’s bad luck when the wedding cake breaks! The marriage will never last!”

  She’s right, Hugh thought, it wouldn’t. Maybe there was something to those old superstitions. He found a half-bottle bottle of champagne not yet knocked over and took a long swig. The fisticuffs had stopped and the room was finally coming back under control. The festivities had ended, but Hugh wasn’t disappointed.

  He’d lost his virginity last night.

  ***

  His father shook him awake the next morning. Hugh blinked a few times and looked around to see where he was. His mouth was dry and his head was pounding. He sat up on the short couch and remembered coming back to his parent’s hotel room. The alarm clock on the end table read 8:12 AM. “What’s the big hurry, dad? Check out can’t be until at least eleven.”

  Steve Nance sat at the end of the couch and turned the television volume up. “You’d better see this.” A commercial for disco classics was on. Hugh slipped into a pair of jeans he’d set out the day before. He heard his mother saying goodbye to someone on the phone in the bedroom. She came out and nodded somberly at her husband. Her lips quivered and Hugh could tell she’d been crying.

  “What is it, mom?” Had someone been seriously hurt in the fight?

  She couldn’t answer. She shook her head and pointed to the television. Hugh recognized the rusty, orange Mustang immediately. It was sitting in a ditch, half-submerged in mud and water, its back end mangled beyond description. Police officers walked back and forth across the screen, bathed in steady, flickering flashes of red and blue light.

  “Billy?”

  “He’s alive,” his mother said. I was just talking to his mother. “There were three of them in the car. The two in front just got a few bumps and bruises. The one in the backseat...”

  Hugh leaned back against the couch and shut his eyes tightly.

  “Are you okay, son?” His father asked.

  His mother sat down next to him, stroked his hair and kissed his cheek. Her tears felt cold against his face. “Thank God you came to Winnipeg with us.”

  Caroline Sterling would’ve been in the front with Billy.

  Mandy had gone to the dance with them.

  Chapter 19

  It took a whole month before Hugh could bring himself to stand before her gravesite. He never once blamed Billy for the accident. The booze he’d bought from Reynolds Liquor Mart earlier in the week was found in the front seat, all three bottles unbroken and unopened. The grade twelve student that had struck them with a half-ton truck was the only one who had been drinking. He’d passed out behind the wheel and plowed into the Mustang before Billy had time to react.

  Mandy, Hugh was assured, had died instantly. He couldn’t even bring himself to hate Trent Almey, the drunk driver. Hugh blamed the entire tragedy on himself. If Billy had died like he was meant to a couple of years earlier, Mandy would still be alive. If Hugh had never interfered in anyone’s life she probably would have gone to the dance with Bob
Roberts.

  If Hugh had remained dead after his own car accident, the split second collision that killed Mandy never would’ve taken place. They would never have had that night in the park.

  Fresh flowers were still being brought daily. There was a golden necklace hung around the grave marker, probably a favorite of hers. He’d never seen it. Framed pictures were propped up on the ground. Mandy with her parents. Mandy with her friends. Mandy with her pet cat. Memories of a life he didn’t have time to share with her.

  Hugh pushed two flat shale stones into the hardening mound of earth and left the cemetery. He vowed never to return to her gravesite again.

  So many people would have been better off if he had just stayed dead.

  They were cowardly, self-centered thoughts, he knew it. He had no intention of committing suicide. Hugh had a family to reunite in the future. Nothing would keep him from that. No more side trips.

  September

  It was the first day of school in the last year of Hugh’s education. Again. He studied himself in the bathroom and patted a dab of aftershave on his face.

  Did Cathy even like Aqua Velva?

  He ran the hot water, scrubbed his cheeks and neck and sniffed the air. That wasn’t as bad. He grabbed a piece of unbuttered toast from the kitchen, kissed his mother goodbye, and ran out the front door. He jumped into his black ‘77 Grand Prix and headed into Braedon. In his first life, Hugh hadn’t bought a car until he was nineteen, the year he moved into the city. This time round he had to be sure. He had to impress the new girl, Cathy Alexander; he had to get her to take notice on this first day, the day they met.

  His father had started to take him to construction jobs during the summer. The pay was good and the work was easy. Hugh still marveled from time to time how strong his young body was, how much energy it could store. Even after a long work day with his dad there was still plenty of juice left to mow lawns in the evening.

  So Hugh had a nice car and he had cash. Now all he needed was the girl.

  He arrived at the school parking lot a few minutes before the first wave of buses. She wouldn’t be on any of them since she right lived in town. Although he hadn’t seen Cathy yet, he knew her family had moved to Braedon two weeks earlier. Billy Parton had told him so. Hugh had kept away; he was desperate to see again her but didn’t want to risk meeting her before he was supposed to.