Without a Compass

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Without a Compass Page 13

by Helen Juliet


  Kai stared a second, then laughed in relief. Riley was getting himself in a state over the scavenger hunt? Well that could be easily fixed. Kai focused on that rather than how pleased he was not to be the source of Riley’s unease.

  “Don’t be daft,” he said fondly. “I can explain what most of it looks like then we can both search.”

  Riley let out a huff. “Really?” he said. “You don’t mind? I’d have thought you’d rather be with Brendon.”

  It had been a fair while since Kai had assumed he’d automatically be with Brendon. They’d grown up and girlfriends had happened, and they’d naturally come to an understanding that sometimes you just had to put your lady first. Of course they still hung out, but in a family situation like this, Kai had never assumed he’d get between him and Slady.

  “What’s up,” he joked, lightly punching Riley’s arm. “Sick of me already?”

  “No,” said Riley quickly. He cleared his throat, then gave a nervous laugh. “More the other way around. You’ve definitely pulled the short straw getting stuck with me.”

  “Oh shut up,” said Kai with a snort. “Right, are we doing this or not?”

  Riley bit his lip and considered his words before nodded. He seemed happier at least. “Okay.” Then he looked around to see everyone else had drifted away. “Do you want to maybe explain stuff as we go? So we can get moving.”

  Kai couldn’t help but grin. His eagerness to leave hinted at least a small amount of competitive nature, even if it wasn’t as much as his own. “Shall we pack our bags then meet in front the tents?”

  Riley looked up from the list again and nodded. “Oh,” he said guiltily, then looked down at Bia. “Do you mind if we bring a plus one with us?”

  “Sure,” said Kai genuinely delighted. He bent down to pet her head. Her tongue was lolling out of her mouth. “Hey girl! Do you want to come for walkies? Help us win the game?”

  She responded to his playful tone with a bark and a furious wag of her tail. “I think that’s a yes,” said Riley with a chuckle.

  They began to walk back towards their tents. Kai caught sight of Brendon and Slady already shooting off with a map held between them. He smiled, glad the tension between him and Riley had melted away. He would hate for him to be anxious about working together.

  “So,” said Riley, recapturing his attention. “Which direction do you think we should take?”

  Kai had had a feeling they’d probably end up doing something like this, so he’d already researched several routes before he’d even left home. “I think we should just head towards Scafell Pike.” He pointed towards the peak looming in the distance. “It’s supposed to be an awesome walk and we’re bound to see loads of things to tick off the list that way.”

  Riley chewed his lip. “Isn’t that quite far?”

  Kai clapped his arm before he could consider what such a gesture might imply. However, he did things like that all the time with Brendon, so he wasn’t going to alter his behaviour just because of some dare. The more normal he acted, the quicker they could put it (and a certain wank) behind them.

  “Not that far. Let’s bring loads of water though, and food.”

  “And sunscreen,” Riley said earnestly. “And we should wear hats. I’ll bring a bowl for Bia and some of her treats. Oh, and we should probably pack a phone charger, I’ve got a portable one. Does yours take micro-USB as well?”

  Kai held back a laugh. His phone had died at some point last night and he wasn’t especially fussed about booting it back up again soon. But if Riley felt better bringing some of his gadgets, then there was no harm in that.

  It didn’t take him long to get sorted as his rucksack was already half packed with his usual trekking essentials that he never bothered to remove. He swapped his flip-flops for thick socks and hiking boots, then went to fill up as many bottles as he could carry for their water supply.

  He planned on being out walking with Riley for most of the day. He thought maybe he wouldn’t confess that so as not to scare the smaller guy. But he knew once they were out by themselves with no one else around they’d have the chance to have a great time. Especially if they were far, far away from the Grinter twins.

  He still couldn’t make up his mind if Riley was wary of his size, or if the kiss was still troubling him, or what. But hopefully several hours by themselves would cure him of any apprehensions he had and they could joke around a bit more. Kai was intrigued at how satisfying he found it to make Riley smile or laugh. Perhaps it was because he was so pensive most of the time, it made the extra effort to help him relax all the more worth it.

  Riley joined him to fill a few bottles of his own. “I packed lots of food,” he assured him without prompting, for which Kai was grateful. There was no way he could have brought anything substantial with him on the train, but that didn’t make it any easier relying on others. Especially when his high metabolism meant he was pretty much always hungry.

  “Thanks,” he said. “Here, I can carry most of the water.”

  Riley opened his mouth as if to protest, then grinned. “That’s your job, right,” he said, his tone gently teasing. “Heavy lifting. Does that mean I get to call you Donkey?”

  “Only if you do it in a Scottish accent,” Kai shot back playfully. His pack was pretty heavy as he threw it back over his shoulders, but he figured they’d drink a fair amount of the weight within the first few hours.

  “Och, Donkey!” Riley cried in a perfect Shrek impression.

  Kai blinked in surprise. Riley looked a bit self-conscious. “That was awesome,” Kai told him quickly to bring his smile back. “You’re good at all that, aren’t you? The performing I mean.”

  Riley rubbed his freckly nose. “Um, thanks,” he said, but his smile got a bit broader.

  “I guess it’s the gay thing, isn’t it?” Kai mused as he set off walking. “I bet most of you are pretty good at creative stuff. It’s in your genes.”

  Riley didn’t reply after a few moments and Kai looked over at him by his side.

  Before he could say anything further, Riley nodded. “Like how all black people have rhythm,” he said.

  “Exactly,” Kai cried. He’d worried for a second he might have offended him for some reason, but it was a compliment after all.

  Riley pulled his sunglasses from his pocket and slipped them on. Kai thought that was probably sensible. When they picked up Bia from beside Riley’s tent, he fished through his bag’s outer pockets until he found his own pair.

  His gear was all at least a couple of years old, if not older. Riley’s bag and shoes looked to be brand new. Not top of the range, but clearly not worn in yet. He must have bought them especially, like he had the tent. His level of dedication to try and fit in with his family was really quite touching.

  Kai adjusted his pack straps. After he was done helping Riley through this week, he was confident he wouldn’t have to pretend to like some of the stuff the rest of his family did. Hopefully he’d be into at least a few things for real.

  They set off via Seathwaite along a cobblestone path through several wooden gates, carrying Bia over a couple of cattle grids in the ground lest her small paws fell through. She was sensible enough to walk beside them without needing a lead the rest of the time, although she did like to stop and smell almost everything.

  Kai didn’t mind. In fact, he felt like she was helping quite nicely with his plan for a long, leisurely stroll.

  “Alright,” he said once they’d been going for several minutes. He pulled his copy of the hunt challenges out from where he’d folded it into his back pocket. “Let’s see what some of these are all about.”

  Riley had donned a seriously cute bucket hat for their trek. One of those ones with a small, downward turned brim all the way around that you might wear fishing. It was pale green with an even paler paisley pattern printed on it. It made Kai’s baseball cap look kind of dorky, but then he expected Riley to be more fashion-aware than him.

  He stopped and came to loo
k at Kai’s list over his shoulder, then removed his own from his pocket, along with a pen. “Hit me,” he said.

  Kai chuckled. Of course Riley was going to make notes. “So, Bell Heather – that looks like purple trumpets.”

  ‘Purple trumpets’, Riley diligently wrote down. “Do we have to pick some or can we just take a photo?” He scrunched up his nose, which for some unknown reason made Kai’s stomach do a little flip. “A photo would be more eco-friendly rather than ripping up the countryside needlessly, wouldn’t it?”

  Kai raised his eyebrows. He imagined there would be an abundance of heather about, so that wouldn’t occur to him, but perhaps Riley had a point. “Good job you brought your charger then,” he said, nudging his elbow with his own.

  Riley beamed at the praise, and they started walking again.

  “I think I know what a fern normally looks like,” he said, pointing at another item on the list. “But it says we need three types.”

  Kai nodded. “Yeah, most of the time, a fern’s a fern. But some have spots on.” He clapped Riley’s back. “I bet we’ll be able to track down a couple of different ones though I’m sure.”

  Once again, Riley nodded and made some notes. He was taking this pretty seriously. “At least I know what a sheep looks like,” he said, pleased with himself.

  “Oh I’m a sheep expert now,” Kai replied. He was only too eager to launch into his story from the drive with Wilbur yesterday. He got a kick every time Riley laughed, relaxing inch by inch again.

  Riley took his sunglasses off to clean them on his t-shirt. Kai watched Riley’s eyes crinkle with mirth as he described Sally and her blue ribbon in great detail. He’d never known a guy with such pretty eyes; it felt weird as hell that anything about another bloke should be ‘pretty’, but that’s what they were. So wide and round the warm hazel brown of his irises caught the light easily, making them sparkle like he was in a Disney movie.

  “What?”

  “Huh?”

  Riley grinned and slipped his sunglasses back on. “You were staring at me. If I’ve got something in my teeth, I’d definitely rather know.”

  Embarrassment flushed through Kai. “Oh, no, sorry,” he mumbled. “Must have just zoned out.”

  It was one thing to privately muse on Riley’s attractiveness within the protection of his own head. It was another thing entirely if his thoughts started showing on his face.

  He was about to start babbling about something on the scavenger hunt checklist. But Bia suddenly barked sharply, making them both jump. Before Riley could even open his mouth to reprimand her, she shot across the grass towards a dopey looking English sheepdog. Its fur was so fluffy over its head it probably didn’t even see Bia coming.

  “Bee NO!” Riley bellowed. His commanding tone and harsh smack on his own thigh did nothing to dissuade the naughty Bia from pausing in her charge towards the other dog and its owner.

  On Kai, however, it had a startling effect.

  He wasn’t sure if it was the sharp crack of Riley’s hand on his leg, or the authority radiating from him as he bossed his beloved pet around until she obeyed. Or if it was the kindness he showed at her compliance, cooing and fussing her fur once she finally did as she was told, returning to his heel then sitting patiently for the treat he fed her.

  Whatever it was, Kai’s body had a mind of its own. Blood rushed to his crotch, and his shorts became a lot tighter than they’d been a second ago.

  He was immensely relieved that Riley’s back was turned as he dealt with Bia, giving Kai an extra few seconds to adjust himself and try and calm down. What the fuck? He wasn’t a teenager, he shouldn’t be popping boners in broad daylight for absolutely no reason.

  Whatever the hell was wrong with him, he needed to sort it out.

  Fast.

  21

  Riley

  The more Riley walked, the more he was struck that the hills looming up around them looked like folded cloth. Like the ground had once been as supple as fifteen tog duvet, thick and heavy, and Cumbria had bunched it around herself for warmth one winter, then never moved again.

  Of course the weather was as far from winter as it could be, but Riley liked the imagery his metaphor conjured. He wiped his forehead and took another glug of water. They’d only been walking about twenty minutes. But he’d already learnt to keep his bottle to hand rather than keep putting it away only to fetch it back out again.

  They were following a cobblestone path that curved around to the right. Either side was flanked with low stone walls that were probably more than a hundred years old. It was crazy to think who might have built these structures. What lives they’d led. What had happened to them long after they’d laid stones that were still standing after all that time. It was humbling, being a part of something that would last long after you were gone. Riley wondered if he’d leave anything behind like that.

  The route they were following led to the base of a V-shaped valley. There were a handful of other hikers scattered in front and behind them. They were far enough away though to feel a sense of peaceful solitude.

  To their left and right the hills rose. Before them waited the start of Scafell Pike, the path wiggling up to this first peak in a zig-zag formation. Pale green grass blended with streaks of dry-looking, burnt orange heather. All around were clusters of roughly shaped boulders that looked like they had erupted decades ago from the Earth like pimples and had never been made to leave since.

  It was coarse, but, especially in the glorious sunshine, it had a naturally hewn beauty that took Riley’s breath away. He wasn’t sure which way the rest of the pairs had gone. However, he had a feeling that he and Kai had picked the best direction to attempt the scavenger hunt.

  Kai had been telling him a pretty funny story about a farmer he’d met with an overly fond relationship with his sheep. But then he’d gone slightly boss-eyed and trailed off a couple of minutes ago, and hardly spoken a word since.

  Riley knew his moods had swung several times around the roundabout this morning. So he shouldn’t really be one to judge. But he’d had valid reasons every time for that. He’d genuinely been stunned at his pairing with Kai for this task. Of all the rotten luck after his promises to put space between them. But then the whiplash once again as he’d revelled in his company, selfishly soaking up every second of it.

  Until that comment about ‘All gays do art, right?’ As far as he was aware, Kai hadn’t even picked up on his sarcasm when he’d suggested all black people could also dance. Honestly, he’d come across all thoughtful and educated, and then he’d land a clanger like that. Riley was almost certain he didn’t know he was doing it, but it didn’t mean it was okay.

  Once they’d started walking, Bia bouncing at their feet as Kai chatted on, his mood had thawed. If they were going to have all day together, perhaps Riley could find a moment to tactfully explain how saying things like that were insensitive. He was sure Kai wouldn’t take it personally and that he’d listen. He was a smart guy and would probably understand a couple of faux-pas once they’d been explained.

  Riley had just started relaxing again and having some fun, looking over the scavenger hunt list and listening to Kai’s silly story, when he’d retreated into himself, leaving Riley hanging.

  His almost-black hair was sticking out at slightly odd angles where he’d run his large hands through it several times now. His gaze was firmly stuck on the uneven ground as they traipsed along, his brow furrowed.

  Riley was sure he hadn’t done anything embarrassing to put him in a funk. But his insecurities persisted in suggesting that Kai had suddenly realised he was going to be stuck with the little poof he’d been tricked into snogging last night, and he was seriously regretting the life choices that had led him to this moment.

  Riley felt antsy and awkward, so looked down at Bia for support. She just continued to trot by his feet. Upon seeing he was looking down at her, enthusiastically butted her nose into the meat of his calf. It was her way of saying ‘Oh thank you
thank you THANK YOU I’ve never been outside before and this is the best walk of my WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE.’

  At least she was happy. Kai was probably wishing he’d come up with a better excuse to swap Riley for his brother. It would have made sense for Riley to pair off with Slady, really, and let the guys catch up.

  Except, he was here now. And they were climbing up a god-forsaken mini-mountain together. So if they were going to survive the day, Riley needed to pull his socks up and be better company.

  He hated situations like this though. Uncomfortable silence just made him clam up until he could find an opportunity to leg it. But there would be no running away here, so he would have to do something.

  The list he was clutching in his hands contained about a dozen requirements. Some were very specific. Others were extremely vague, like ‘The most colourful thing you can find!’ That sounded right up Riley’s alley as a challenge, so he kept his eyes peeled, pausing every time Bia needed to sniff something of pee. He’d stop and give her water soon, just so she understood it was an option while they were walking out here.

  He glanced over to catch Kai looking at him, before he hastily dropped his dark eyes back down. Riley sighed. “Are you okay?”

  “Huh?” His response came out a little high-pitched.

  Riley shrugged. “You, um, seem preoccupied all of a sudden,” he said, picking the most tactful adjective he could think of.

  “Oh,” said Kai. He shook himself from those wide, solid shoulders downwards. Then he grinned apologetically. “Sorry,” he said, his tone authentic. “Something stupid crossed my mind, so random. It’s fine.” He jumped a few times on the spot, looking like a salmon trying to swim upstream, then grinned at Riley. A proper one, not a terse, forced attempt. “I’m back in the room.”

  Riley knew he’d still gnaw at his worry that Kai was secretly irritated with him. But if he didn’t want to talk about what was bothering him, that was fine. He’d respect that. “Okay, cool.”

 

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