What was wrong with her?
She licked her lips. “Well, then, by all means. Speak.”
“Oh, I will.” He moved even closer, his gaze locked on her mouth. Why was the urge to close her eyes and lift her face to his so strong? “Are you scared?”
Terrified, actually. But not of what he might say. She was scared of the feelings coming to life inside of her. They were strong, and real, and they wouldn’t go away. For just a night, she wanted him, to be with him, and she didn’t care if it was a bad idea.
He glanced down, watching the path her tongue left, and took a small step closer. “Brian was a douche, and so was every guy before him. You keep dating men who don’t deserve you, and it pisses me the hell off.”
Her heart sped up. He studied her with a heat that could only be explained in one way. He quickly shook it off and gave her the same tender smile he always did, the one that said he thought of her as a sister, or a bro, and nothing more. “Funny, so do you.”
“I don’t date at all. I fuck.”
She bit down on her tongue. “I do that, too. Just more than once with the same guy. You should try it sometime.”
For a second, it looked like he might say something meaningful. Like admit that the reason he didn’t date was that he was scared to open himself up like that, or that he didn’t think he deserved love and commitment. But then he grinned, and the somberness in his eyes gave way to laughter. “Try fucking a guy? Well, they say you never know till you give it a good old college try…but I’ll pass. I like chicks, not dicks.”
“That’s not what I meant,” she said, frowning.
“What do you want me to say? That I’ll go out and fall in love with some girl?” He gritted his teeth so hard there was a grinding sound. “I tried that once already, with Rachel, and it didn’t work out so well.”
She nodded. “Yeah. She cheated on you. That doesn’t mean every other woman out there will, too.”
“Funny, considering most of your asshole boyfriends have.”
Sucking in a breath, she blinked. “That was harsh.”
“Shit. I’m sorry.” He blew out a breath and met her eyes. “I didn’t mean to say that.”
“Yeah. You did.” She lifted a shoulder. “And it’s true. Ever since the day I was born, guys love to leave me, or cheat on me, or both. History doesn’t lie.”
“The only way I’d walk away from you was if they carried me away in a coffin,” he said, his voice low. “I would never leave you.”
She couldn’t tell if he was saying he’d never leave her—as a friend—or if he was insinuating she should give him a chance to be more. When he lowered his hand from her cheek, she caught it, holding on tight. And nothing short of a tornado whipping through her kitchen would make her let go. “Steven…”
He swallowed hard, and his fingers flexed in hers, that heat still burning behind those warm hazel depths of his. “Yeah?”
Sucking in a deep breath, she rested her hand on his heart. It raced beneath her palm, speeding up even more when she locked gazes with him. There it was again. The heat she’d just sworn she would never see in his eyes. “You’re everything to me. And I…I want…”
Instead of finishing her sentence, she went with it.
She let the booze guide her actions.
Lifting up on her tiptoes, she pressed her lips to his. And it felt as amazing as she always thought it would. The second their mouths touched, it was like she finally made the right choice, which was insane. She knew herself, and Steven. And yet…
It felt right.
For a second, his mouth pressed back against hers, and his grip on her tightened. He groaned and took over the kiss, closing his arms around her tightly. This was it. The moment she’d been waiting for. The man she’d been waiting for. Steven Thomas.
A moan escaped her, and he froze, his mouth still glued to hers. With a harsh movement, he jerked back, a scowl marring his face, and his mouth pressed tightly into a line. “What the fuck, Lauren?”
Pressing her hand to her mouth, she stared back at him.
And had no clue what to say.
Chapter Five
Steven had no damn clue what the hell was going on, but she didn’t really mean that kiss. Throughout all the years they’d shared as friends, all the drinks they’d drunk together, and the numerous times they’d shared a bed—she’d never once done that.
She was drunk, upset about something she refused to dig into, and doing things she hadn’t fully thought through. Doing anything to forget whatever it was that upset her in the first place. With any other girl, in any other place, he could be her guy.
Pressing her fingers to her mouth, she shook her head quickly. Those tiny little pajamas she always wore to bed taunted him more than they had before the kiss, and he’d never been so damn aware of how much skin those shorts left bare on her legs before now. “I’m sorry. I thought…I…”
When she didn’t finish, he crossed his arms. “You thought you could use me to forget whatever you’re upset about?”
“N-No. It’s just I’m alone, and you’re alone…and it’s quiet. So quiet. And when you looked at me like you were thinking about—”
A horrible thought occurred to him. One that made him sick with anger and…and…fuck it, he might as well admit it. Jealousy. So much damn jealousy he might as well turn green and start smashing shit with his fist. “Jesus, Lauren. Is this about Brian? Do you miss him so badly you had to use me to fill a void?”
Her jaw dropped. “What? No.”
No matter what had caused this kiss to occur, it hadn’t been her overwhelming desire for him. That was what pissed him off the most about this.
She wasn’t kissing him because she wanted to, or even because she wanted him. She was using him to forget something, and now their first kiss was wasted. There had been times where he pictured kissing her. Where he forgot why he never could, and got lost in the moment. Over the years, he imagined kissing her in tons of ways.
On the beach at sunset. In a fancy restaurant. At his place, after he cooked dinner for her and they shared the dessert she made for them. She’d have icing on her lip, and he’d lean in to wipe it off, smiling. Their eyes would meet, and suddenly…it would just happen. And it would have been everything he never knew he wanted.
But never once had he ever imagined their first kiss being like this.
A drunken ploy to forget another man.
It should have been tender. Loving. Kind. Passionate. “Tell me the truth. Do you miss him? Is it a way to forget what is so very obviously bothering you?”
She dropped her hand to her side, and her lower lip trembled. “No. No. I wasn’t using you to try to forget about him, or anything.”
“Then why?” he asked, trying to keep his tone non-accusatory, but failing miserably. “Why did you kiss me? Why now?”
Cheeks pinking, she advanced on him. “In that moment, it felt like I needed to, and have for a long time, you idiot. Do I need more of a reason than that?”
His heart raced faster than a speeding bullet. “Bullshit.”
“No. It’s. Not.” She shoved him, both hands on his chest, but he didn’t budge. She used about as much force as a mouse fighting off a cat would. “I needed to…to feel…and you always make me feel. You’re always there, and I…I…kissed you. I picked the right guy for once, and I’d do it all over again.”
He swallowed hard. He’d never denied her anything she asked him, but this was entering dangerous territory. This was bad. “You’re drunk. You have no idea what you’re saying right now.”
Shaking her head, she stepped back from him. He felt the distance all the way to his dark fucking soul. “Not drunk enough to forget what I want, or to mistake what I’m feeling here.” She pressed a hand to her stomach. “I want you, Steven. You.”
Shit, he’d love to believe she spoke from the heart, rather than the bottle. But he watched her pound back the booze, and her tolerance was nonexistent. She was drunk off her as
s, and nothing she said could be held accountable right now. Not even if he longed to kiss her again. Now that he had a taste, he couldn’t think of anything else he would like more. “Lauren.”
Her brows drew in. “Don’t. Don’t look at me like that.”
“Like what?” he asked.
“Like you didn’t like it.” She threw a pointed glance southward. “You did.”
His dick hardened even more, all because she looked at him. Pull your shit together down there, man. “We shouldn’t have done that. We should forget—”
“No.” She fisted her hands, her chest rising and falling rapidly. “Don’t say it. If you do, I swear to God I’ll make you regret it.”
He steadied himself with one long breath. He was going to say it, no matter what she threatened. It needed to be said, for the sake of their friendship. It was like he stood on the edge of a cliff, and one small push from her would send him plummeting to his death…or his salvation. Damned if he could tell which one. “You should go to bed. We’ll pretend this never happened, and—”
Snarling, she threw herself at him, her mouth catching his for the second time that night. And this time…he didn’t push her away. There was no way in hell he could manage to reject her twice in one night. Not in this universe.
Hell, not even if he relived this moment every single day for a hundred years, with the express purpose of having a chance to choose differently. Even then, every single time, he would pull her closer.
He swept her into his arms and kissed her, letting all the frustration, confusion, and desire he felt wash out through that kiss. Sharing all the mixed up emotions he held close to his chest, and more. He backed her against the wall, his hands cradling her face as he ravaged her mouth, not letting his inner conscience have a say. Not right now. Maybe not ever.
She tasted and felt like salvation…
And damn it all to hell, he needed to be saved.
Moaning, she clung to him tightly, and opened her mouth under his. He didn’t hesitate to take advantage of that. Didn’t even pause to acknowledge what a horrible idea this was. He’d just give her what she needed…
Like he always did.
Sliding his hands under her ass, he lifted her up and stepped between her thighs, and she locked her legs around him tightly without any sign of the hesitation or doubt he couldn’t ignore. The second he pressed against her wet heat, he was a lost man.
Or maybe he was found.
After this, there would be no going back for him. No more pretending he didn’t notice how pretty she was, or how much she made him laugh, or how she was one of the only people who truly understood him. The one person he trusted. For years, he did his best to ignore the fact that she was everything, and more. Refused to even consider that she might be the reason he hadn’t settled down with anyone, and ignored everyone when they said that very thing.
All this time, he laughed it off and treated the notion of him and Lauren as if it was an impossible theory, and so had she. But now that he had her in his arms…
It didn’t feel so impossible after all. Nothing did. He felt like he was king of the world, and she was his queen. And that was bad. Real bad.
She deserved better than a guy like him.
Shutting his thoughts off, he rolled his hips against her, digging his fingers into the sides of her ass. She was wet and hot and sweet—and he could easily get lost in her. In this. She groaned into his mouth, her nails digging into his shoulders through his thin dress shirt. Slowly, he ran his hands up her sides, learning her curves.
He gripped the spot where her hips flared out gently from her tiny waist, curling his hands in that small spot possessively. Perfect. Just as he’d fantasized earlier. She rocked against him, small sexy sounds escaping her as she did so. When he moved his hands up her flat stomach, under the flimsy tank top she wore, and closed them over her tits, she writhed in his arms. She didn’t have a bra on.
God help them both.
Groaning, he skimmed the tips of his thumbs across her perky nipples. She fit in his hands perfectly, filling his palms and spilling out a little. He deepened the kiss as he learned her body in new ways—ways he’d never imagined actually coming to life.
Her hands drifted down his back and over his shoulders, where she fisted his shirt. She urged him closer, like she couldn’t get enough, and pushed against his hard, aching dick. This kiss, this moment, was something he couldn’t express with mere words. It’s like the whole world shifted and changed, all because he kissed Lauren.
And the thing was, it didn’t feel like a bad change.
Rolling her nipples in between his fingers and thumbs, he tugged and rocked his hips into her, cursing the clothes that kept him from plunging inside her warm depths once and for all. Gliding his hands down her smooth skin, he cupped her ass, learning the feel of it in his hands. It felt like fucking heaven.
Like she belonged in his arms.
She cried out, arching her back and rolling her hips in a figure eight motion. She dug her heels into his lower back impatiently. Her urgency was a tangible thing, and she was close to the edge. All she needed was a little push. He could give her that, at least.
Breaking off the kiss, he bit down on her shoulder and thrust against her again, letting his hard dick hit her clit. She moaned and moved against him frantically, letting go of his shirt to bury her hands in his hair. Tugging, she lifted his head till they were nose- to-nose, looked him in the eyes, and said, “I need you to make me come now.”
And then she kissed him.
Something inside of him snapped. There was no controlled seduction. No slow, easy moves meant to tease her and draw her higher. She wanted him to make her come? Well, then, she’d get it. No games. No teasing. Just orgasms.
Whatever she asked for, he gave her.
That wouldn’t change now.
Sliding his hand lower, he pressed his thumb against her clit, cursing the material that kept him from touching her flesh, and traced a circle around it. She tensed in his arms, and she came. That easily. It was as if she’d been waiting for years to get off, and now that he finally gave her a chance, she wasn’t going to waste time.
It was a big turn-on.
She tore her mouth free and dropped her head back against the light yellow wall, a small, strangled sound escaping her. Her breathing went ragged and harsh, and she collapsed against the wall, her chest heaving. He’d barely touched her, but she was already quivering from the orgasm he’d given her. “Steven.”
He’d never been so moved by another person’s pleasure before.
Slowly, he removed his hand from between her legs, his heart pounding so loudly all he could hear was its erratic beats. “That might be the fastest a man’s ever gotten a woman off before,” he said drily. “Do I get a gold medal?”
A small laugh escaped her, and she blew her hair out of her face. “I apparently needed that.”
He laughed too, and that’s when it hit him.
The reason she affected him so much, so deeply, was because he cared about her. She was his best friend, she was drunk, and if he continued on this path that they were just starting on…
He was going to lose her.
She deserved courtship, roses, and romance. Not drinking, nightmares, and a one-night stand with her best friend. Gently, he lowered her to the floor, letting go of her once she steadied herself on her own two feet, even though it was the hardest thing he’d ever done before. “Lauren… Jesus.”
She was willing and hot and sexy, and finally his. But he’d end up hurting her.
He had to stop.
Cheeks suffused with color, her mouth parted, and she whispered, “Screw medals, Steven.” The way she said his name, like she wasn’t sure if she should thank him or curse him for eternity, rocked him to his core even more than her kisses had. “Instead, you get this.”
She caught his mouth frantically, her tongue sweeping into his mouth this time. Her fingers fumbled with his fly. It was now or never.
If he was going to end this before she did something she might regret, he had to move now. One more minute in her arms would be too much.
One more minute, and he wouldn’t be able to walk away…
Cursing inwardly, he broke off the kiss, catching both her hands with one of his. For the first time ever, he was going to deny her something she wanted. “No.”
She froze immediately. “No?”
“No.” Bracing himself, he stepped back, still holding her hands. Stopping this before he discovered how sweet her body would feel, naked and entwined with his, was like holding a gun to his own hand and pulling the trigger. And just as painful. “This ends here. Go to bed before we do something we’ll both regret. I’ll take the couch.”
She ripped her hands out of his. “I…I…I don’t understand. Was it something I did?”
“No. I just—” He shoved his hands into his pockets to keep himself from reaching out and touching her. Kissing her. Taking her. It would be so easy. Turning her down would leave him with blue balls and a hard dick for a year—at least. “I can’t do this.”
“I…” She shook her head. “What have I done?”
And then she bolted for her bedroom.
He flinched when her bedroom door slammed shut behind her. She might be pissed at him now, but she’d thank him in the morning. He was sure of it.
Guys like him were always a regret when the sun came up.
Chapter Six
Sometime before dawn, Lauren woke up with a headache and blurry vision. No big shocker there. She rarely drank, and she’d pounded back a few shots within moments of one another on an empty stomach, all to prove a point.
Like an idiot.
She threw herself at Steven and he refused her. Sure, he made her come before sending her to her room alone, but still. He could’ve had her, and he chose to push her away instead. Refused to take her to bed.
He didn’t want her like that.
Now, she was going to have to act as if it didn’t hurt that he would sleep with virtually any other woman besides her. It did hurt. A lot.
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