by C. R. Corwin
The invitation said it was going to be a backyard barbecue, so we followed the cobblestone walk around the side of the house. “I’ll probably be the only black person here,” Ike grumbled.
I squeezed his arm. “And I’ll probably be the only Democrat.”
He smiled at me the way I wished he wouldn’t. I smiled back at him the way I wish I wouldn’t. We had a way of grounding each other-unfortunately. “Don’t worry, Sweetie,” he said. “I’m sure the serving staff will be Democrats.”
We laughed our way toward the enormous flagstone patio behind the house. Just below the patio was a swimming pool. Below the pool was a horse barn and fenced-in riding ring. Below that was a long sloping lawn sprinkled with dogwoods and blue spruce. Below that was a lake lined with yellow willows.
We climbed the stone steps to the patio. Both of our fears proved to be unfounded. Ike quickly counted three other black guests and I spotted one of the most prominent Democrats in the city, Ariel Wilburger-Gowdy. All-in-all there were maybe a hundred people there, dressed casually but expensively, mingling like a hive of honey bees. Bustling among them were those Democratic servers Ike had joked about, in crisp white shirts and black slacks, some balancing big trays of finger food on their palms, some toting wine bottles the size of artillery shells.
Jeannie Salapardi saw us and came running with her fishbowl-sized margarita. “Maddy! I’m so glad you could come.” She smooched the air a foot from my cheek. She stuck out her hand for Ike. “And you’re Mr. Sprowls?”
“So far I’m still Mr. Breeze,” he said. “Ike Breeze.”
“Well, Mr. Ike Breeze, don’t you let Maddy escape,” she said. “She’s one of a kind.”
“Thank God for that,” said Ike.
Now Jeannie got as serious as her margarita would allow. “Even though it didn’t work out exactly as we wanted, Eddie and I are still grateful for your help. My husband, too.”
“I’m looking forward to meeting him,” Ike said.
“Ike’s a businessman, too,” I explained.
Jeannie pouted apologetically. “Then you know how it is. Work-work-work, 24/7. But I’m hoping he’ll be here later.”
Jeannie hurried off to welcome another couple coming around the corner. Ike and I headed for the lemonade.
That night’s party was for Eddie. Sort of a combined going away and going straight party. After several meetings with the prosecutor’s office, Eddie had agreed to plead guilty to a single charge of aiding and abetting. In exchange, he agreed to tell everything he knew about Violeta Bell’s fake antique business. That had led to the arrest of antique dealers in Tuckahoe, New York and Brattleboro, Vermont. Also arrested were a pair of talented furniture makers in Buncombe County, North Carolina, a whiz-bang metalworker in Mckeesport, Pennsylvania, and a crafty potter in Zanesville, Ohio.
The antique dealer in Tuckahoe confirmed that on the night of July 4, just four hours before Violeta Bell was murdered, Eddie was at his store unloading a shipment of just-made 19th century mantle clocks. The Tuckahoe Motor Inn confirmed that Eddie had checked in shortly before midnight and had watched one X-rated pay-per-view movie after another until dawn. Another establishment in that leafy New York City suburb, G.W. Moley amp; Son Auto Repair, confirmed that on July 5 a yawning man wearing a bright orange baseball cap paid in cash to replace the muffler on an old bread truck.
So that coming Monday Eddie French was going to court. To plead guilty and start doing the twenty-four months in state prison the prosecutor’s office promised him.
Eddie, by the way, wasn’t the only member of the French family to have a heart-to-heart with Detective Grant. His sister, Jeannie, confessed that she owned that bread truck Eddie used to deliver Violeta Bell’s fake antiques. “My brother was broke, as usual, and was already driving his cab on a suspended license,” she explained. “He was crying how he could get his life in order if he only had a truck. So I made sure he had one.” She bought the old Hausenfelter truck from Richfield amp; Sons. She paid a mechanic at her husband’s Mitsubishi dealership to pry the identification number off the dashboard. She bought new license plates and stickers for it. She made sure it was insured. She filled it with gas and had it parked behind her brother’s apartment.
Eddie accepted the mysterious truck as a gift from the gods, just as Jeannie figured. No questions asked lest he be struck dead by a torrent of scruple-sized hail. He used the truck when he needed it. He wasn’t the least bit territorial when others in the neighborhood did, too. Every year Jeannie bought new license stickers and stuck them on the plates when Eddie wasn’t looking. “I know it wasn’t exactly right,” she told Grant. “But it wasn’t exactly wrong either. He’s my brother and, well, what can I say? I love him.”
Ike poured our lemonade. We clinked our plastic tumblers together and sipped. It was not the sweetest lemonade. While I puckered like a goldfish, and Ike frantically searched for a sugar bowl, Eddie sauntered toward us. He had a bashful grin on his face. His hands were stuffed in the pockets of his Bermuda shorts. A baggy blue and green Hawaiian shirt was hanging off his shoulders. Instead of his orange ball cap, he was wearing a white straw fedora with a tiny Budweiser can stapled on the crown. He tipped it and gave me a cross-legged curtsy. “Quite an extravaganza, eh, Mrs. Sprowls?”
“The party or your shirt?”
He twirled slowly for me, like a model. “My sister insisted that I be dressed to the nines tonight,” he said. “And how could I not oblige her wishes, me being the guest of honor, et al., and her picking up the freight credit card wise.”
“She must be proud.”
He laughed and twirled again. “She was appalled. But I said, ‘Sis, you weren’t exactly Grace Kelley before you became a Salapardi.’”
He was certainly right about that. According to Eric’s research, Jeannie and Eddie had grown up in a working class family on Hannawa’s east side. Their father worked in the city’s sewer department. Their mother was an LPN at Hannawa General. While Eddie spent his youth getting in trouble, Jeannie spent hers getting As. That effort was rewarded with a scholarship to Kent State and an invitation to join one of the university’s top sororities. After trying out majors in elementary education and English, she wisely switched to business. In one of her accounting classes she sat next to a Vietnam veteran named David Salapardi who had big plans for turning his father’s used car lot into an empire. Unlike brother Eddie, she’d only had one scrape with the law. A speeding ticket in 1983. “Your sister obviously loves you very much,” I told Eddie. “The way she’s stood behind you through all this.”
Ike had found some sugar cubes by the coffee maker. He gave us both three lumps. I introduced him to Eddie. “You’re doing the honorable thing,” Ike assured him as they shook hands.
“It’s not like I haven’t been in prison before,” Eddie said. “Two measlies behind the Venetians will be a slice.”
I could see that Eddie’s choice of words had Ike’s brain tied in knots. “Two years in a jail cell,” I explained. “Piece of cake.”
“I intend to mind my Ps and Qs in there, too,” Eddie said. “Come out clean and live happily ever after, like a well-scrubbed clam in a fairy tale.”
Ike looked at me for another interpretation. “You’re on you own,” I said.
All three of us laughed. Then Eddie’s tough guy facade fell away. “I know you were forced into helping me,” he said. “And for all your sneaking around and such, came up with pretty much nada el grande. ”
He was right. I hadn’t uncovered anything that helped exonerate him. Except for realizing that Violeta Bell’s antiques might be fakes, I’d simply confirmed what Detective Grant already knew. “I was happy to try.”
His apology-if that’s what it was-apparently was just beginning. “And all you got from me was a hard time. Capital H. Capital T.”
“I can understand your being a bit defensive.”
“Defensive? I was the epitome of despicability. My only hope now is that my remorsefuln
ess seems genuine.”
“It does.”
“That’s good to hear,” he said. “Because all I did that day you showed up unannounced at my abode was blow smoke in your face. Both literally and figuratively at the same time. My sister, too.”
“She was just protecting you.”
“And you were just trying to help,” he said. He took an awkward step toward me. He took both of my hands in his hands. He rubbed his sweat all over my fingers. “The sappier moments in life don’t come easy for me,” he said. “But if it hadn’t been for you, Mrs. Sprowls, I never would’ve given the police an accurate account of my who, what, when, where, and whys.”
“I’m sure you would have eventually.”
Said Eddie, “No I wouldn’t’ve.”
Ike tried to intervene on my behalf. “I’m sure you would have, too.”
“Neither of you know me like I know me,” Eddie said. He pulled me toward him, in a sweet, innocent way. He lowered his face until it was level with mine. His eyes were watering. Instead of the beer and cigarettes on his breath I expected, there was a powerful blast of Listerine. “You remember what you said to my sister that day, Mrs. Sprowls? ‘Your brother is going to be twiddling his thumbs on death row if he doesn’t start telling a more forthcoming version of the truth.’”
It was a pretty good line. I was impressed with myself. “I said that, did I?”
“I remember it word for word,” he said. “Like it was one of those dirty parts in Deuteronomy or something.” He let go of my hands. Stuffed his own hands back in the pockets of his baggy shorts. “It didn’t turn me around right away, of course. I’ve been my own worst enemy for a long time. A real self-destructive sonofabitch. Capital S. Capital O. Capital B. But your words of wisdom eventually put my noodle in question mode. What if they don’t find the real killer? What if I’m the best they can do?”
I patted his shoulder. “I’m just glad it’s gone well for you.”
Eddie the tough guy was back. “Damn friggin’ straight! Those two measlies behind the Venetians will be a slice.”
I liked Eddie French. But I also wanted to get away from him. Talk to a few other people before they brought out the steakburgers, or chicken legs, or whatever they were serving. “There is one little thing I’m still curious about,” I began. “About Violeta.”
Eddie blushed. “Like I’ve told you more than once, I truly never-ever expected that she’d been born with the male accouterments.”
Smoke was rolling across the patio. The Democrats were taking things off the barbecue racks. Piling it on platters. We’d be eating soon. “It’s not that,” I told him. “I’ve reluctantly accepted the possibility that nobody had a clue about her previous gender. It’s the fake antiques.”
Eddie showed a little worry. “I’ve already told the gendarmes the brutal truth about that.”
And for all I knew he had. According to the story Dale Marabout wrote about Eddie’s change of heart, Violeta Bell didn’t start trafficking in fake antiques until after she retired from her shop and moved into the Carmichael House. Dale quoted Eddie’s statement to the police: “She was already hiring me to haul things around. Real things left over from her shop. Then every once in a while she’d sneak in something fake. Before long it was all fake. Some of the dealers called her on it. But others ate it up. Wanted all she could get.” Eddie also opined that, “It’s been my experience that there’s good and bad in everybody, usually simultaneously, but sometimes sequentially.”
“I know the facts,” I said. “I was wondering how she felt about it.”
Eddie shrugged. “She did it.”
I tried to cool off my impatience with a long drink of lemonade. It was too sweet now. “But did she feel guilty about it? Some criminals do feel guilty about the things they do, don’t they?”
“Crime is a very individualistic thing,” he said. “Some do, some don’t. Some both do and don’t depending on what day it is. I, for better or worse, have always been one of those.”
I was forced to take another long drink. It was either that or strangle the little man. “And Violeta?”
Eddie scratched his whiskers. “At first she exhibited the customary pangs of guilt,” he said. “But as things went along, she started to get a kick out of it. I’ve been there myself. You say, ‘Jesus, I can’t believe I’m getting away with this.’ The people you’re rippin’ off are the dummies and you’re the smarty. Good for the ego.”
I had another question. “Why did you think she was doing it?”
He looked at me like I was daft. “For the moola-boola!”
I had him in a lie. “But that day I visited your apartment, you said that you didn’t know she was broke. You were downright flabbergasted in fact.”
“I was flabbergasted,” he admitted. “As downright as you correctly observed. I’d always assumed she was as comfy as the other three.”
I was confused. “So, if you thought she was rich why would you also think she was doing it for the money?”
He shrugged. “Rich people keep working. Crooked people keep crooking. So sayeth Eddie French.”
People were lining up at the serving tables. Getting their plates and silverware. Oohing and ahhing over the fare that awaited them. I locked one arm around Ike’s elbow, the other around Eddie’s. “What do you gentlemen say we get something to eat?” We headed toward the tables.
There were more than chicken legs and steakburgers. There were ribs. Blackened jumbo shrimp. Thick medallions of prime rib. Enormous brats ringed with bacon. Golden Cornish game hens almost too cute to eat. Ike and I went for the prime rib. Eddie loaded his plate with shrimp. He used his fingers to make a nest of them and plopped an entire game hen in the middle.
There were oodles of fancy side dishes, too. I limited myself to German potato salad and an ear of roasted corn. Ike chose roasted peppers, wild rice, stuffed mushrooms, and green beans. Eddie scanned the table with a disappointed frown and then went back to the meat table for more shrimp.
I was afraid that Eddie was going to latch onto us for the entire party. Instead he excused himself. “Sis will kill me if I don’t spread my countenance about,” he said. He headed off to the bar.
Ike and I strolled across the lawn, nibbling the best we could. It was a beautiful evening with just enough sun. We chatted with Kay Hausenfelter for a while. With Ariel Wilburger-Gowdy. With the Reverend James W. Bobbs. With Bob and Tippy Averill. With somebody named Penelope. With somebody Penelope introduced us to, whose name I never did catch. Then I saw Gloria McPhee’s husband, Phil, strolling along the lake with his plate, by himself. “There’s just the man I want to talk to,” I told Ike.
“Alone, I gather?”
“I’m a one-man-at-a-time girl,” I said. I headed for the lake.
I’d only seen Phil McPhee once before. At lunch, after my garage-sale juggernaut with the Queens of Never Dull. He’d cooked for us. He’d told way too many jokes.
I was half way down the lawn when Phil spotted me. I waved at him, hoping I didn’t look too eager. I’m sure he wasn’t thrilled to see me coming-he obviously wanted to be alone for some reason or the other-but he stopped and waited for me. He was sucking on a barbecued rib. He had sauce on his chin. On his white linen pants, too. “Feeding the fish?”
He smiled. “Don’t tell me you abandoned that good-looking man up there to keep me company.”
“He’s not that good looking up close.”
“Even if he’s ugly I’m flattered.”
Phil was quite the flirt. And that’s exactly why I wanted to talk to him. At lunch that day he’d seemed a little too charming. A little too comfortable around women. “I think it’s just terrific the way your wife and the others stood by Eddie throughout this mess,” I said.
He went Groucho on me. Wiggled his eyebrows. “And Eddie is a hard guy to stand next to.”
I pretended to like his joke. Then I got serious. “Then again, they spent a lot of time with Eddie over the years. I guess
when you know someone that well, you know if they’re capable of murder or not.”
This time, no joke. “That seems to be the case.”
“Seems?”
He tossed his rib bone in the lake. Lowered his eyebrows and smirked devilishly. “You didn’t see that,” he whispered, as if somebody was close enough to hear him.
He was testing me. Seeing if I was seducible. “I did see that.” “Do you want me to jump in and get it before the fish do?”
“Whatever your conscience will bear.”
He laughed loudly. Sucked on a fresh rib. “I’m sure the girls are right about Eddie,” he said. “The police seem to agree.”
“But you don’t?”
“I’m an exterminator,” he said. “I know my wiggly little creatures.”
He started walking along the bank again. I followed him. “I meet my share of those in my work, too,” I said.
He finished sucking the meat off his rib. Made sure I saw him put the bone back on his plate. “You’re a funny lady.”
“And you’re a funny man.”
He grinned at me. Winked. Coming to the mistaken conclusion, I hoped, that I was indeed seducible. To improve the odds, I pointed out that he’d splattered more barbecue sauce on his pants. “And look there,” I said. “You’ve got cat fur all over the place.” I reached down and pulled a couple of the hairs off his knee.
“Gloria’s cats have the run of the house.”
“I noticed that day I was there.”
“Well-I’ve learned to live with it.”
I turned the conversation to Violeta Bell. “So, what did you think when all that icky stuff came out about Violeta’s sex change? You didn’t say anything about it that day at lunch.”
He licked the sauce off his fingers. Tucked his arm inside mine. “What’s there to say?”
“You weren’t surprised?”
“Everybody was.”
I was making him nervous. I kept going. “I figured a man might pick up on something like that. Quicker than a woman would, I mean.”