by Sammi Cee
“Oh, Eli. Honey, we reminded you over and over again so many times that I guess we assumed it finally stuck,” my mom says softly.
“What stuck? What did happen?” Coop ask, frustration clear in the edge to his voice.
Dad says, “The night of the accident, Elijah suffered many injuries. I know you’ve always been the most fixated on your scar, son, but that wasn’t our greatest concern. As horrible as it may have looked to you once you were up and moving, it was the trauma to your brain that terrified us. We almost lost you, son.”
“But, well, I know that, but it was from the cut running down my front.”
“It was a concern Lij, no one’s saying it wasn’t. But after your surgery, the doctor was confident that there was no permanent internal damage. You ended up with a doozey of a scar, but we knew rather quickly that it wasn’t the injury that could possibly take your life,” Ronnie says.
“No, it was the trauma to your brain the doctors were concerned with,” says dad.
Darla chimes in, “Elijah, you should’ve seen mom. We could barely get her to leave your side. We were allowed to have two in to see you at a time for the first few days, so it was always mom and the rest of us would rotate in. It wasn’t until they determined the rest of your body was holding up and dad pushed for a private room that we could get her to attempt to take care of herself.”
Showing the first sign of humor, mom smirks at Darla. “You have kids now. Tell me you wouldn’t do the exact same thing if it was one of your babies.” Turning back to me she says, “The ambulance driver came in to check on you. He had kids about your age, so watching you get cut out of the car and bringing you in hit him hard. He told me how all you kept mumbling was you wanted your mom and that it hurt.”
Tears fill her eyes again quickly, spilling down her cheeks. “I wanted to be sure I was the first person you saw when you woke up. And even thought I knew you were in a drug induced coma and weren’t gonna wake up suddenly, if you didn’t wake up,” taking a shuddering breath, she continues, “if you didn’t wake up then I wanted to make sure I was there when you took your last breath just like I was there when you took your first.”
Moving from between Coop and Shay, now it’s my turn to kneel at mom’s feet, laying my head down in her lap like I did as a child. As she runs her fingers through my hair, I hear dad finishing their story. I listen and am shocked by how many details about my own life are missing from the six months after my accident.
After the swelling had gone down in my brain and they deemed it safe to wake me up, the doctors had warned my parents that there could be some memory loss from the night of the accident and that my short-term memory may be affected for a while. Ronnie interrupts dad to laugh at how I couldn’t remember what pizza was called for months and had kept getting frustrated with myself and asking for the triangle stuff with cheese. His story helped break the tension a little, and behind me I heard Dottie whisper to Shel, “Hon, we can never let him live that down. We’ll have to make sure to feed him lots of triangles with cheese.”
Shaking my head a little, while grinning at the relief I heard in Dot’s voice—relief that I knew had nothing to do with pizza—I paid attention as my dad kept talking, trying to piece together the story to see if I could recall anything. The doctors had told them not to force memories from the accident on me since it could be traumatizing and delay my recovery, and to just answer any other questions as I had them.
The biggest shocker for me is when dad starts talking about how our attorney made a deal for us that kept me out of serious trouble for the accident and the number of drugs that were found in my system. The drugs were why I could remember being in so much pain since they had to careful what they administered to me in the ER not being sure what all was already in my system. But the deal the judge was willing to sign off on had me having to delay college and go into the military so I could mature.
The crazy thing is how my family went from trying to make sure they were obeying the doctor’s orders to having repeated themselves so many times, they honestly didn’t think I wanted to talk about it. Darla’s husband, Howard, came along years after the accident and had tried to tell the family several times that he didn’t think I had retained many memories from that time period. While they would discuss how heartbroken they were that I didn’t want to have a relationship with them anymore, he would try to tell them that he saw pain in my eyes and rejection in my stance and really felt like they needed to bring that night and its aftermath up to me.
Jessie’s husband, Thad, who had been my sister’s high school sweetheart agreed with the rest of the family, though, that at the time it really did seem like one day I had started to retain things and like I was doing better, even if getting more resentful every day.
“May I ask a question?” Shelly asks after a lull in my dad’s explanation.
“Of course, dear,” my mom answers while still running her fingers through my hair, both of us content to not break contact, yet.
“Why did you guys think Eli hated you?”
Ronnie answers, “Because the last thing he said before walking away from us for boot camp was that he’d never forgive us for sending him away. He said he knew that we hoped he’d end up on the front lines and die, and he personally hoped it would happen, too.”
Jerking my head up to look around the room, I say, “No, I didn’t mean that. I was upset, and honestly, I didn’t remember about the judge or having to go. Here and there I’ve vaguely thought I remembered conversations, but I thought I was imagining it.”
Coop says, “Is this why you write everything down, babe?”
Mom asks, “You’re still writing everything down?”
“Yep, I don’t know why, but sometimes I get distracted and forget so—what? Why are you all smiling at me like that?” My eyes sweep the room from dad to Ronnie, to Darla and Howard, and then to Jessie and Thad, finally landing back on mom’s twinkling eyes. “What did I miss now?”
Bringing her hands up to cradle my face, she says, “You started writing everything down about a month after you came home. You were getting frustrated about not being able to keep hold of your thoughts, so I went out and bought you a few different notepads and notebooks and suggested you start writing everything down that you didn’t want to forget. You thought it was so dumb at first; but eventually, I don’t remember seeing you go anywhere without your notepad and a pen. That’s pretty cool you kept that habit up, right?”
“Very cool, Mom. Very cool.” And then the next thing I know, I’m hugging mom, and then standing up and being passed around the room; there’s hugging and laughing and happy tears before I end up in my dad’s bone-crushing embrace. When he releases me, I sit back down between Cooper and Shayna with my heart overflowing with love.
As I relax against the back of the couch to get to know my family again, I hear Shelly say to Dottie, “I’m telling you, it’s a mom thing. Never doubt the ways of my mom.” Looking over at my own mom, I think Shel’s right, it’s a mom thing.
Diary Excerpt
I finally did it last night. I couldn’t wait any longer. I’d really planned to show them at Christmas, but with everything going on with Eli’s family, I decided to wait. When the brand-new Kindles I’d ordered them came in, I hadn’t been able to contain myself. I’d uploaded the mobi document into both of the kindles, but then I’d let them sit. However, last night I was ready to show them; I waited until they were sitting on the couch together, and then presented them with my book cover on display.
* * *
Their reaction made me feel like the most important person in the world. They didn’t even start reading before Eli pulled me into his lap and the two attacked me with kisses. Although, I don’t know if I expected to basically be ignored for the rest of the night while they both read. It was cute how they both got comfortable and snuggled up next to each other. It did give me an opportunity to call Shelly and Dottie on speaker over at my old house to let them know what I’d be
en up to. Dot’s, “Mom, you really rock,” was almost as wonderful as Coop and Eli’s reaction. When Shel didn’t talk for several moments after, and let me and Dot carry the conversation, I knew she was emotional. The only area my daughter isn’t exactly like me, but more like her father, trying not to show when her heart strings are being tugged.
* * *
Then, of course, I called Bobby and Sean to let them know they had an email. While Bobby was squealing and running to get it downloaded, Sean congratulated me, asked me questions about how I felt after accomplishing a dream and where my heart was leading me from here. He’s so quiet, especially next to Bobby, that I think I forget how insightful and aware he is.
Just the questions he asked reminded me that I did it! No matter what, I did it!
* * *
Then Bear and I went for a nice long walk, I came home and took a bubble bath, but after, they were still reading so I snuggled down myself with Kitty and Bear. All in all, it was incredible.
Shayna
Seventeen
Shay
“Hello,” I yell when I hear the front door open, no one should be home right now except me. Hearing the sound of lovey removing his boot, I shoot out of my office and toward the front door. “Elijah, what happened? Are you okay?”
“Hey, Shay, I’m good. Why’re you yelling? And why’re you so pale? You okay?”
“You’re never home this early, that’s why I’m panicking.” Planting my hand on my hip I give him the dirtiest look I can muster, but it only lasts long enough for him to glance up from removing his last boot to roll his eyes at me, and we’re both giggling.
“It’s nothing. We’re on schedule at work, and I stayed up all night reading my beautiful girlfriend’s sexy book,” he pulls me in, nuzzling his nose into my neck while placing kisses under my ear, “and so I thought I would come home and nap. Why, what are up to?”
“I was just journaling since I have some free time.” As he moves toward my lips, he stops to nip my ear, and then continues a trail of feather-light kisses across my jaw. “I thought you wanted to take a nap,” I whisper before his lips touch mine.
Several minutes later, I’m breathless and up against the wall when Eli says, “How about a shower?” Before I can even nod, he swings me up into his arms, and carries me into the bathroom where he sets me on the toilet while he starts the shower. It’s rare for it to be only two of us, but it’s nice to have this time to concentrate on Eli. With our schedules and the other demands we each have on our time, it’s usually only me and Coop who have time together alone in the morning, or Eli and Coop who have time alone when I’m out and about. Rarely is it me and Eli home alone. Not that it matters, the connection between all of us is so real that no one ever feels left out since we all know we’re in each other’s every thought for the future.
Rising up, I pull my clothes off while Eli strips off his. Both of us with our eyes assessing the other, appreciating the beauty in front of us. There isn’t a part of Eli that I haven’t touched, kissed, and licked, and there isn’t a part of me that he hasn’t done the same. He doesn’t only make me feel beautiful, but special, as his eyes travel my body. By the time we step into the shower, I’m once again thankful that we’ve all been tested. Right now I don’t need foreplay, I need Eli buried deep inside me.
He whispers his love in my ear as I curl my leg up around in his hip, trying to get closer. Eli’s hands stroking up and down my back leave my skin burning. The intensity in his eyes before he kisses me makes me feel whole.
Lying in his arms while snuggling on the bed—after a mutually beneficial shower—I say, “Lovey, you should come home like this more afternoons. Especially if it’s to shower and nap.”
Tickling my side, he rolls over on top of me. The solid weight of him pushing me into the bed is one my favorite feelings in the world; however, it’s the tenderness in his eyes when he looks down at me that makes my heart all gooey. “You know what, Shay?” His voice is so soft and his face so relaxed, more than I’ve ever seen it before, that I’m scared to speak, so I give a barely-there shake of my head. “I’ve never been this happy in my whole life. You and Coop, the three of us together, have given me a peace I never thought I’d feel. And you’ve given me and Coop a family we never knew we needed. Coop’s right, you are precious.”
My eyes start to well with tears as I look into his earnest face. If it was anyone else it maybe wouldn’t be as meaningful, but I know the demons Eli’s fought in his own mind. His own doubts and feelings of self-loathing would’ve destroyed him if he’d continued with the way he was going. Bringing up both hands to cup his face, I say, “Well, you and Coop have made me happier than I ever imagined being.”
Eli’s gaze searches my face, and upon seeing my own sincerity, he gives me a quick peck on the lips and rolls off me taking me with him. Once I’m tucked into his side with my face resting on his chest, we start talking. “Okay, we didn’t take a lot of time to talk about the book last night. How did you end up writing that story instead of the one you started with?”
“Eli, really? This one is our story.”
“I know that, Shay. But you were so excited about the other one, and totally invested in it.”
“Yeah, I know. I still am actually. I worked on it for a while after Coop left for work. But lovey, this is our story.”
“It is. As much as I knew life had changed in the last couple of months, reading the words to express our journey left me in awe.”
Knowing that my boys love our story fills me with a joy that surpasses how I felt when I finished the book. This is everything. “Thank you,” I whisper, and then close my eyes, relaxing and soaking up the peace of being in his arms.
Coop
It was a long unproductive day. Not only did I go into it tired from staying up reading Shay’s book, but the newest contract I’m working on isn’t exactly fulfilling. The client is the issue, not his employees. From what I’ve observed so far, he doesn’t come into the office much, and when he does, he’s not willing to listen to the staff who are there doing their jobs. He comes in with hair-brained ideas and schemes to make money quickly, if not profitably. His costs are out of whack, and his projections are based on nothing but dreams.
When only Bear greets me when I walk through the door, I check each room in the house before I find a naked Eli and Shay curled up on the bed. They’re sleeping peacefully so I don’t want to disturb them with my angst; however, seeing them lying together in our bed begins to still the irritation inside of me. Retreating from the doorway, I go back down the hall in search of Bear who is already back in his spot with Kitty nestled into him. When I pick up Bear’s harness, he nudges her and runs for me at the door. A walk with my dog will help to further clear my head, and then I’ll come home and take out steaks to make for Eli and Shay.
It’s a cold, clear day and the exercise continues to soothe my restlessness. I wasn’t lying when I told Shelly that I enjoyed working for myself and the flexibility of my hours, but what I haven’t really even admitted to myself until now is that I also hate ending up on projects where the outcome may result in material gain for the company, but inevitably is going to have an adverse effect on the employees. It’s always such a relief when it’s time to walk away from a job like this one, but it doesn’t often lead to favorable change for the people I see working so hard to do their job well under ridiculous conditions.
By the time I get home to pull off my outer-wear and get Bear fresh water, the only thing I’m sure of is that I might need a change. Now to decide what I want to be when I grow up. After pulling the steaks out to thaw, I go take a quick shower to warm up before climbing into the bed next to Eli. Not wanting to disturb either one of their naps, I settle onto the edge of the bed on my back and continue sifting through my thoughts.
“Hey, babe,” Eli says as he turns over from being wrapped around Shay and places an arm over my stomach and a kiss on my chest.
“Hey, I didn’t mean to wake
you. You two looked so comfortable when I came in earlier that I couldn’t resist coming in to be with you.”
“It’s fine. I’ve been half awake since I heard you come in and leave again earlier. Want to talk about it?”
Turning my head down so that I could meet his eyes, I ask, “Talk about what?”
“What had you come home and leave immediately to take Bear for a walk instead of joining us for a nap. I know it’s something, Coop. We’ve known each other too long for you to try to pretend something isn’t going on in your head.”
With a sigh, I laugh at myself thinking that I could hide anything from Eli. He’s right, we’ve been each other’s sounding board for years. Of course, he’d notice something was off with me. “It’s this particular job. I’m not enjoying it, but I made a commitment, so I’ll follow through. The owner is an ass, though. If I could, I’d take a few of his employees and put them to work for me and leave him high and dry.”
Snorting, Coop says, “I’ve heard you say that several times over the last year.”
“I know. It’s frustrating to watch good people dancing like monkeys for someone who doesn’t appreciate them. I don’t know. It helps coming home to my own family, though. Finding you and precious snuggled up and taking Bear for a walk soothed me. It’ll be fine.”
From the other side of the bed, I hear Shay speak up. “Sweets, why are you settling? You should find something you love to do every day. Not just some days.”