“I will meet you at a restaurant, a well lit one, with plenty of people in it.”
“Jesus, I don’t murder people.”
“Shayne, let’s be clear about one thing. You will never get me into your bed, backseat, or anywhere else for that matter. I have no interest in sleeping with you, not now and not ever. I only agreed to be your friend, because I felt sorry for you.”
“I will text you the details of where to meet. I know how you feel about me, Megan. You’ve made it very clear.”
“Goodnight Shayne.”
“Goodnight.”
Ashley smiled at me from the other side of the couch. She had her whole hand in a bag of popcorn and threw a piece at me. “She’s goin’ to cut off your dick if you try to get it near her, you know that right?”
I shrugged. “I plan on bein’ nice and havin’ a plutonic meal with her. Hopefully she can’t reach it from under the table.”
Ash laughed. “Are you sayin’ it’s small?”
I threw the popcorn back at her. “Don’t even play. You know I will whip that shit out right now and show you.”
She covered her face. “Eww. Take that somewhere else.”
Before I could say anything, She shot up straight and grabbed her stomach. I was immediately at her side. “What’s wrong?”
She grabbed my hand and put it on her belly. “Feel.”
I could barely feel little taps against my hand. Then they finally stopped. We looked at each other, but I didn’t remove my hand. “How long have you been feelin’ that?”
“A few days, I guess. I thought I had gas or somethin’. One of those books said it was called flutterin’. I laid in bed last night feelin’ them. That’s when I knew what I had to do.”
I looked at her with worry in my eyes. “What do you have to do?”
“I need to devote my whole life to these two. It’s time I stopped worryin’ about myself and started living for them.” She smiled and looked down at her belly.
I kissed her cheek, catching her off guard. “You’re goin’ to do great, Ash.”
“I hope so.”
We stayed up watching a movie. Ashley was probably thinking about the twins, while I was focused on how I was going to get back into Megan’s good graces. This was definitely going to be my hardest challenge. Since I’d slept with her sister, she wasn’t going to let me touch her, at all.
When I got into my room, I lay there staring at the ceiling, thinkin’ about Lacey. I don’t understand why my mind kept going back to her, because she was obviously happy in Joey’s bed. Just picturing them together made me cringe. I hated that he’d won her heart and promised myself that I would kick his ass one day, if he hurt her.
By midnight, I’d already looked up a few places to eat and shot Megan a text message. It was late and I was sure she was asleep, but I needed the distraction. Getting her to like me was going to be it.
Anything was better than sitting around thinking about the girl that I let get away.
Lacey
I don’t know how long I’d been crying. Joey continued to hold me and I did manage to sleep in between the sobbing. It wasn’t like he was being mean to me. The man didn’t know how to be a boyfriend. He’d slept with women with no strings since puberty. How could I be angry when he honestly was confused himself?
My heart still ached though.
Our time together was limited and I hated thinking about it.
By the next morning we’d settled nothing and Joey had to get up and head to work for six hours. He showered and dressed before sitting down next to me on the couch. “I’ll be back in time to take you out for dinner. Promise me, you’ll still be here.”
I nodded. “Yeah.”
His kiss was long and soft. I took in his scent and immediately thought about having to say goodbye to him for real. I held back the burning in my eyes, so he didn’t see me getting upset again. I needed to be strong. This was a mutual decision. We couldn’t be together until we were both done what we needed to do.
I didn’t have a problem with waiting for Joey, but knowing his track record, and the fact that he said he couldn’t do long-distance, I feared that he’d pick up other women and share his bed with them.
Once he left, I lost it again. After some time, I curiously walked around his apartment and stared out the window. Finally, I got a coffee from across the street and sat outside, listening to the people speaking such a beautiful foreign language.
The stone streets and kind folk were welcoming, but one thing that I couldn’t help notice was the slew of beautiful women everywhere I looked. My stomach was in knots as I watched them smiling and passing by me.
This was where Joey lived, surrounded by these exotic women. By the time he came back to the states he would have bed some of them. It was only a matter of time before he got lonely one night and wanted company. Sure, it would mean nothing to him, but everything to me when, or if I ever found out.
It was making me sick thinking about it. The last thing I wanted to do was share this wonderful man with other women. This was the reason that I’d broken things off with Shayne and now I was going to be in the same situation with Joey.
With two hours left before he got off of work, I found a pen and paper and started writing him a note.
As painfully heart-wrenching as it was, I needed to walk away. There was no way in Hell that I could look him in the eyes and be able to say goodbye to him. I was too in love with him to be able to do that.
My thoughts were jumbled and I didn’t know where or what to say, until the pen hit the paper.
Joey:
Being with you has been some of the happiest, most exciting times of my life. I’ll never forget how you helped through my tough break-up with Shayne. Thank you for letting me know a side of you that no other woman has known. I will never forget that you gave me your heart.
To say that I love you back would be an understatement. When you pop in my mind, my stomach does butterflies and I feel like a giddy teenager, awaiting my first kiss. Our connection has always been mutual, even when I was fighting you off. I think that’s why I fell so hard for you, because I could feel that it was going to be amazing.
You didn’t disappoint. Everything you said was true. You were the best that I’ve had and probably the best I will ever have, but all good things must come to an end.
As much as I don’t want to do it, I have to walk away now, before I fall apart before your eyes. Being with you, here, in this beautiful place, hearing you say those three words back to me, is something I will never forget. Words could never describe how much love I feel for you.
The thing is, I can’t hold on to hope when it comes to us. You said it yourself, that you don’t know how to have a long-distance relationship. I get it, I really do, but it doesn’t make it hurt any less.
I’m leaving today, before you get home, because I can’t say goodbye to you without hurting. I can’t look you in the eyes and tell you that we’re over. It’s not what I want, but what has to happen. Let’s face it, you’re gorgeous and women notice that. I can’t be halfway across the planet from you and not wonder when or if you’re hooking up with someone else. Maybe Shayne is to blame for my trust issues, but I have them now and I can’t help myself.
I hope one day, when you come home, you’ll forgive me and we can be friends. That’s lame and cliché, but it is the truth.
I love you, Joey, with everything in me, I swear I do, but I can’t hold onto hope when I know I will only be disappointed. I can’t ask you to change for me, or be faithful when we’re so far apart.
Thank you, for everything you’ve given me. I will treasure our time together for the rest of my life.
Love, Lacey
By the time I made it down to the street, I couldn’t speak to tell the taxi driver where I needed to go. I had to write it down and hope that he could read English. Thankfully, we arrived at the airport a while later. I struggled with my decision when I got my return flight and then sat
around waiting for it come. The whole time, I stared at the doors, hoping he would come rushing through and tell me he was coming home. It was selfish for me to even daydream about. Expecting a man to give up on something he’d worked his whole life to become was ridiculous. I couldn't take that from him, no matter how much I wanted it. He needed to see it through, so that he could be happy in his future. The last thing I wanted was to be the person that held him back.
Not only did I cry the whole way home, but also when I pulled out my cellphone and wondered who to call. It was nearly seven in the evening and I was a train-wreck. For no reasoning other than being a mess, I called Shayne.
I needed to be able to get home without someone asking me a million questions. I was broken and knew he wouldn’t want details. All I could hope was that he still cared enough to come and get me.
Chapter 27
Shayne
My plans to win Megan over were going great. Instead of waiting for an opportunity to come, I made one, the next day. I’d arranged to meet her in the evening, right after work. She argued with me at first, but I think she knew I wasn’t going to let up on her until she agreed.
I located her car in the parking lot and took the spot next to it. She was playing on her phone and looked over when I pulled in. I knew she wasn’t amused by me, not that I blamed her. The animosity between us was no secret. She didn’t care for me much and I was on some mission to change her mind.
I ran over to her door and opened it, like a gentleman would do.
“Good evening, Megan.”
She stepped out and gave me a weird look. “Hey. Keep in mind this isn’t a date, Shayne. Opening the door for me isn’t necessary. You don’t have to pretend to be someone that you’re not.”
I wasn’t alright with her assuming that I was the world’s biggest douche. Sure, she had good reasons for not liking me, but she refused to give me the benefit of the doubt, about anything.
“When we met, was I an asshole? Did I or did I not stay up with you all night and never ask for anything else?”
Megan waited until we were inside and seated to answer me. “When we met, I already knew things about you. You weren’t an asshole, but it’s probably how you work. I can see how you would meet a girl and charm her into thinking you were nice. Then, when they finally let you in their pants, you showed your true colors.”
“How I work? Damn, woman. Should I give you the knife to cut off my genitals now, or can we have dinner first?” I had to laugh at the way she thought she knew everything about me. “Can you clarify that for me?”
“How you swoon women into sleeping with you. It’s ridiculous. I don’t get it at all. How could someone give themselves to a complete stranger?”
The waiter brought us our drinks and I pondered on how to respond. This girl was determined to bring me down and I wasn’t going to be taken easily. I was going to get in this girl’s pants, whether she believed it or not. “There is no swoonin’. Did you ever think that maybe they want to know what it’s like to be with me, to fuck me? Have you considered that they enjoy it as much as I do? Besides, let’s face it, all you know is what you’ve heard. Maybe I’m not as bad as you think I am.”
“I have a good idea of exactly how you are.”
I pointed to her. “I’m goin’ to prove you wrong.”
“Fat chance.”
“Can we please enjoy our meal? I didn’t ask you to dinner to rehash your hate for me. I’m tryin’ to make peace here. I’m tryin’ to show you that I’m not the asshole you think I am.”
She went to open her mouth when my phone started ringing. I grabbed it, preparing to ignore the call, until I saw who it was.
“Lacey?”
She was crying hysterically. “Shayne, can you come and get me?”
“Where are you? What’s goin’ on? What did he do to you?” I was freaking out and I think Megan was embarrassed at how loud I had become.
“I’m at the airport. My flight just got in.” She sobbed harder and I knew that it wasn’t worth asking her for details when she was in this sort of condition. Something bad had to have happened for her to come home so upset.
“I’m leaving now. It’s goin’ to take me a few hours. Can you hang tight until then?”
“Yeah.”
“See you soon, Lace. I don’t know what’s goin’ on, but it will be okay. I’ll make sure of it.”
I hung up the phone and looked at Megan, who obviously wanted an explanation. “Megan, I know I basically forced you to come here, but Lacey’s in trouble and I have to help her. You should stay and enjoy your meal. I’ll call you tomorrow.” I pulled out my wallet and tossed money on the table before starting to walk away. My mind was on Lacey and hearing her so upset had me worried.
Megan grabbed my arm. “Wait! Do you want some company?”
“She’s at Dulles. It’s a far ass drive.”
“I don’t have plans. Besides, she may need to talk to a woman about whatever’s going on. I can take my car so we all fit. Unless, you want to be alone?”
I didn’t have time to consider if this was some kind of female test. There was always one happening and I was forever failing them. Still, I knew that whatever was going with Lacey wasn’t going to end in the two of us sleeping together, plus the ride was long and boring alone. “Yeah, it would be cool if you came. I’d like the company.”
We grabbed our things and headed toward the airport. Joey messed with the wrong girl this time. He was going to pay for hurting her, even if I had to fly to Italy to do it.
Megan and I talked about a lot of things before we reached the airport. Traffic was moderate and it took us an extra half hour. After over three hours of being stuck in the same vehicle, I felt like we’d made progress. Megan was starting to ask me personal questions. She wanted to know me, which was the first step.
As we approached the terminal for arrivals, I saw Lacey sitting on the curb. She had her hands up to her face and was clearly emotional. I threw Megan’s car into park and went running over to her.
After scooping her up in my arms, I held her tight and let her cry. “Shh, it’s goin’ to be alright, baby. You’re safe now.”
Seeing her so upset made my blood boil. More than ever, I needed to settle a score with Joey. If Lacey wouldn’t tell me what was going on, I’d call him and find out. He wasn’t getting away with breaking her heart. She didn’t deserve it yet again, from another man she loved.
Lacey
I’d spent four hours stuck in an airport, after an even longer flight. I was exhausted and lost. My heart, soul and everything that kept me together had shattered into pieces. I’d walked away from Joey, without giving him a chance to fight me. I knew myself better than that and it was clear that I couldn’t allow myself to trust him, not when he was so far away.
Shayne ran toward me, before I even noticed a car sitting there waiting. He threw his arms around me and for the first time since I watched Joey walk out of that bedroom, I felt safe. I wasn’t using him, asking him to come and pick me up. I may not have trusted Shayne with my heart, but I trusted him with my life and I knew he cared enough to help.
I didn’t expect him to have been on a date and for him to have brought her along. I watched a familiar girl get out of the front passenger seat and climb in the driver’s side. She said nothing and neither did Shayne about her being there. Honestly, I didn’t care. I just wanted to go home and lock myself inside where nobody could get to me. We both got into the backseat and pulled away from the parking spot.
Shayne continued asking me what was wrong as we drove away from the busy airport. I stared out the window, until I couldn’t take him asking anymore. “I left him there.”
“You what? What do you mean?”
“He was so happy to see me,” I cried while I tried to explain. “We were so happy, all consumed in each other. I thought he was coming home with me, so that we could be together. It’s what we both wanted. We were finally on the same page.” I cried even more
. “So I thought.”
“I’m not followin’ you, Lace.”
I knew I wasn’t making sense, but it was difficult to explain when I didn’t want to talk about it in the first place. “Joey wanted me to stay there with him. He said he couldn’t leave until his job was complete and that his future was at stake.”
“Babe, you need to get to the part where he broke your heart.”
I faked a smile. “He didn’t. I left him.” I shook my head and covered my face again. “After much consideration, I decided to come home, where my life is. It wasn’t like I could just move there and be with him. My parents would disown me.”
“He’ll be back, right? He isn’t stayin’ there forever?”
I thought about why Shayne would ask that. A part of me wondered if he wished that Joey never came back. It was no secret that he hated me being with the guy. “He’ll be there six months to a year. I don’t know all the details, because I got too upset when he started to tell me.” I was fighting back the tears again, while thinking about him being that far away. He’d have gotten my letter by now and I knew it would hurt him. In my experiences, when a man gives his heart to a woman and she breaks it, he’s kind of broken from opening up ever again. It hurt me knowing that I was hurting him. “Look, I left Joey because it’s impossible for me to trust a man who is living half way around the world. I can’t even trust a guy that lives thirty minutes away.”
Shayne disregarded my comment and chose to ignore the fact that he was the reason for my distrust. “So, he just let you go? He just let you walk away and hop back on a plane, all hurt and messed up like you are?”
I shook my head. “Not exactly. I waited for him to go to work and then I left him a note. He’s probably just finding out.”
“Jesus Christ. Are you fuckin’ with me right now?”
“No. I’m not kidding. We outweighed our options and it was clear that it wasn’t going to work out, so I took it upon myself to find a resolution. Joey needs to focus on his career, because it’s all he’s ever wanted. I can’t ask him to give that up for me. I also know that I wouldn’t be able to handle him living so far away. Since he’s never been one to settle down, a long-distance relationship is out of the question. I made things easier for him. He didn’t have to watch me walk away. He didn’t have to hear me telling him that we weren’t going to work out. It’s for the best.”
Replace Me Page 21