Replace Me

by Jennifer Foor

  Shayne and I were both in the backseat and he was giving me the most concerned look that I’d ever seen him give. “Lacey, don’t you see what you’ve done? You raced on a plane to get to him and then you just come home, giving up. I’m not buyin’ it. I’m not buyin’ how you’re okay with this decision. It’s not for the best. It’s fuckin’ bullshit. Look at you.” He motioned toward me. “You look like Hell and I’ve never seen you so upset, not even when we broke up. Don’t sit there and tell me it’s for the best, when clearly, it’s not what you want.”

  I cried even more and felt him pulling me into his arms. He said something to the girl who was driving, albeit I was too caught up in my own sobbing to hear him. “It hurts so much.”

  I sniffled, sobbed and then bawled some more. By the time we’d made it back to my parent’s house, I was done talking and just wanted to go to sleep. Shayne walked me to the door and said hello to my mom, before he started to walk away. I stopped him halfway down the sidewalk. “Shayne wait!”

  He turned and faced me. “You good, Lace?”

  “I’m not good, but I wanted to say thank you. Tell your friend thanks as well. I didn’t mean to cock block you on a date, if that’s what it was.”

  “It wasn’t a date, not really. She offered to come. Look, no matter what I’m doin’, you will always be more important. Remember that.” He kissed the top of my head before walking to the car.

  My parents wanted an explanation, even though I knew they assumed I’d been at Sky’s the whole time. Instead of worrying them, for now, I lied and said that’s where I was and I’d forgotten my cell phone charger. When my mother saw my eyes, she asked if Shayne and I had been fighting. They were so out of the loop that they thought I was still seeing him. It reminded me how against it they would be about me moving to Italy to be with a man they knew nothing of.

  I found my way to my room and locked the door behind me. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. All I wanted to do was cry myself to sleep.

  I’d never felt so depressed and alone. My heart had been so full of love and excitement just days ago. Being in Joey’s arms felt like Heaven. Now, I was left vulnerable, wishing I could turn back time.

  I had a chance at happiness and I threw it away.

  Was I making the biggest mistake of my life?

  Chapter 28

  Shayne

  “Maybe I was wrong about you, Shayne.” Megan’s comment caught me off guard. We were pulling out of Lacey’s driveway and I figured she’d had enough of me after being ignored for the whole drive.

  “I’m really sorry things were so weird. I’ve never seen her like that.”

  “You really care about her, don’t you?”

  “I’ll always care about Lacey. After she broke things off with me, I thought I wanted to do whatever it took to get her back. The thing is, we aren’t good together. She wanted a forever kind of love and I don’t know what that feels like yet. It wouldn’t have been fair for me to lead her on. She deserves happiness.”

  We pulled onto the main highway and she was quiet for a few minutes before she replied. “I am guessing you hate the Joey guy?”

  “Me and Joy share a cousin. It’s complicated. I’ve got to see him on holidays and him bein’ with Lace is difficult. You think my track record is ridiculous, well, you’ve never met Joey. The guy is a gigolo. He fucks for amusement and nothin’ else. I don’t get how Lacey fell for him, but she did.”

  “If he’s such a player, why would she want him?”

  “Because, apparently, he’s in love with her.” I shook my head and looked out the window. “It figures right? The one girl I care about and she falls for someone I loathe. I suppose I deserve the torture, in some ways.”

  Megan kept watching the road as she spoke. I wasn’t sure if she was just conversing with me because she was curious or because it was helping with the drive. “So, she got on a plane and went to Italy, then broke up with him and came home? It makes no sense.”

  She had a point. Why was Lacey willing to give up so much? Had I really messed with her head that bad that she wasn’t willing to wait for what she wanted. Did she really think it would be better if she walked away and tried to move on? “I’m not one to root for the other guy, but you’re right. The only person that can make Lacey happy is herself. The sooner she realizes it, the sooner she can follow her heart.”

  I don’t know if I’d made her feel uncomfortable, but for the rest of the ride Megan talked about other things. We discussed her job and the twins. I didn’t get into details about who the real father was. It was irrelevant to our friendship anyway.

  After the long ride, we decided to grab some fast food and call it a night. We sat in Megan’s car eating. “I’m sorry our dinner got ruined. I swear I wanted something other than a drive-thru.”

  Megan laughed. “I think I got to know you more this way. It certainly showed me that you care deeply about your friends. Look at the way you take care of your pregnant friend. It’s insane that you would put yourself out there like that. I was wrong about the person you are. I mean, I’m not saying that I want to sleep with you, but I think we could be friends.”

  She held out her hand and I shook it. “Deal.”

  We both laughed. Then Megan did something that shocked me. She leaned over and kissed me on the cheek.

  Instead of pushing my luck, I simply smiled and got out of the car.

  On the drive back to my apartment, I tried to call Lacey, but she didn’t answer. It was late and I knew she probably wanted to be alone. I just wanted her to know I was there if she needed me, as a friend of course.

  When I walked in the door, I found Ashley asleep on the couch. She had a bag of chips in one hand, the remote stuck in her cleavage, and a jar of pickles in the other hand. I snapped a quick picture from my phone before cleaning up and carrying her to her bed. Halfway there, she wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed me. Her eyes were still closed and I didn’t think she even knew what she was doing. She mumbled something as I put her on the bed and rolled over, as if it had never happened.

  I watched her sleeping for a minute, taking in her growing belly. It wouldn’t be long before the twins were here. I still had a bunch to do to prepare, as well as have a heart to heart with my brother regarding plans. I needed to know how long he expected me to play daddy. The more time I spent with Ashley, the more attached I was to the twins. They weren’t even here yet and I already loved them. Feeling them moving did me in. I was starting to wonder if making this decision was going to end up ripping out my heart. It was important to talk to Parker, before I let that happen.

  Lacey

  I was under the assumption that when I got to my own bed, in my home, I’d feel safe enough to get some rest. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case. I spent countless hours tossing and turning, thinking about the man that I’d left behind.

  Out of habit and curiosity, I checked my social media pages.

  Joey had messaged me and I was petrified to open them.

  I stared at the notification for a while, before I could bring myself to do it. My hands were shaking and I imagined the worst. I scrolled down to the oldest one and started from there.

  Lacey, I don’t know what I did to deserve this. Did you come here to rip out my heart one more time, because that’s what you’ve done? I brought you flowers and whistled my whole way back to work, in which I got off an hour early. I was more than excited to know you were waiting for me. You can imagine the pain I felt when you weren’t there and had left that note.

  I don’t care what I said the other night. Given the chance, I would have talked you out of your decision. I sure as Hell didn’t tell you I loved you so that you could leave me.

  This sucks. I’m guessing you’re still on a plane heading home. In that case, just know that spending even one extra day with you was worth so much to me. No matter where you are, or who you end up with, just know that you’re the first woman I ever loved. I’ll never forget the way your body felt
in my arms, or the way you looked when you were lying naked in my bed.

  Love, Joey

  My eyes were so blurry that his last sentence was difficult to read. I wanted to continue, but needed to gain some composure before I had a nervous breakdown and had to be committed. My mind was thinking irrational things and all I wanted to do was disappear so that I wouldn’t have to hurt the way I was.

  Once I grabbed some tissues out of the bathroom, I was able to bring up the second message.

  Why can’t you talk to me? I’m hurting too, you know. Don’t you get it? I was just getting used to moving forward. I’d focused on my job and tried to forget about how much I missed you and then you come walking through my door. You gave me fucking hope and then you took it away. I , at least, deserve an explanation, other than this fucking note. We’re not kids, Lacey. You’re being ridiculous. None of this makes sense to me. Why leave if you were happy? Why rip out my heart on purpose. Did I hurt you? Did I do something that I’m unaware of?

  Just talk to me.

  I wanted to talk to him. I wanted to hear him telling me he loved me and that we would find a way to be together, but it wasn’t going to happen that way. The inevitable had already occurred. Joey and I had missed our opportunity to work things out. Our lives were in two different places and there was no logical solution to that problem. We were doomed, probably from the beginning. I should have taken my best friend’s advice and stayed away from him.

  I stared at the blank screen, thinking of what I could possibly say to him.

  Only two words came to mind, so I typed them and hit send.

  I’M SORRY.

  The next few days were a blur and I refused to look at any of my new messages, on account of them being from him. I even avoided talking to Sky and Shayne. I knew that they didn’t deserve the silent treatment, but I had nothing positive to say and explaining myself would only make my wounds worse. In order for me to heal I needed to block out the world and give myself time.

  There wasn’t a single second that went by that I didn’t think about Joey. He consumed me in one way or another and the ache for him grew. It was when I truly realized the difference between puppy and adult love. The more I thought about it, the more I understood that Shayne had always been my past. He was someone I imagined being with, but never really had completely.

  Joey was the opposite. He was someone that I never imagined being with, but didn’t want to ever let go of. I could close my eyes and picture us in the future. I could see us settled down together and him coming home to me every night.

  For the most part, I chalked my irrational thoughts up to being desperate. A part of me refused to let go of my feelings. It was useless to think that one day I was just going to wake up and have forgotten about our connection. Each time we separated, I found myself needing him more.

  One day, more than a week later, while I was in class, I got a text message from a weird number. The vibration caused me to jump out of my seat, so I checked it immediately.

  I LOVE YOU- Joey

  My heart skipped a beat, before my mind could let myself get upset.

  We weren’t together. He was free to move on and see as many women as he wanted. I’d given up on us and made that clear.

  His words were like a ticking time bomb. An hour later I was in the bathroom, dousing my face with water, trying to calm down. I was fighting a losing battle with my heart and didn’t know what I was going to do.

  All I knew was that the path I was on was destroying my livelihood. Something had to give.

  If Joey couldn’t let me go, then I had to force myself to push him away.

  That night, I pulled up my account and left him a message. It wasn’t the best decision, but he had to stop holding on to me.

  Joey,

  Please stop messaging me. We’re over. There’s nothing you can say or do. It was fun, but I can’t do it anymore.

  Lacey

  Hitting send was like drilling nails into my feet. I knew the repercussions of my words. I also knew that he’d come back one day and when he did, he’d want explanations. When that time came, I’d find something to say, but for now, it was all I had left in me.

  Chapter 29

  Shayne

  When my mattress gave way, I opened my eyes to a bright room and a pregnant chick sitting on my bed. She handed me a cup of coffee. “Good morning.”

  I sat up and grabbed the hot cup out of her hand. “Thanks.”

  “Parker’s on his way here.”

  I knew I had a shocked look on my face. “I was going to go see him.”

  “Shayne, let’s be honest. We can’t keep pretendin’. I messaged him last night and he agreed to come and talk to me. We’ve never done it before, so I think it’s important.”

  “Do you want me to leave?” I wasn’t sure if she wanted me to be a part of the conversation, being that they were the real parents. I was just some asshole taking care of her and holding her hand through all of this.

  She reached over and touched my hand. “No. I want you to stay. He needs to hear how you taken care of me. He needs to know what you’ve sacrificed. You think I don’t see how miserable you are, bein’ here with me and bein’ seen out in public with me, now that I’m showin’?”

  “Ash, I’m not embarrassed.”

  “Deep down you know this isn’t your mess to have to fix. I know you keep doin’ it anyway, but enough is enough. You need to date and be happy again. I’m just holdin’ you back from that.”

  Ashley couldn’t have known how attached I was becoming to her and the twins. She couldn’t know that I enjoyed her company and liked her being my roommate. We were awesome friends and I could tell her anything. In a way, I felt like she was pushing me out. “You’re wrong, but I’d like to hear what my brother has to say. The shit is gettin’ real.”

  I hadn’t calmed down, even when she left me to get up and get dressed. I couldn’t shake the feeling that I had no say in what was about to happen. My ‘do the right thing’ brother could have decided he wanted to step in, for some reason it bothered me. Ash and I had been living together for months. Our friendship had grown and I cared for those twins, more than he could. He didn’t even want them, claiming they were the biggest mistake of his life. Watching Ashley’s stomach grow and feeling them move, was like nothing I’d ever experienced before. They were little miracles and shouldn’t be taken as pieces of property.

  Since I didn’t want Ash to notice how much it was bothering me, I kept to myself until my brother arrived. When I saw him standing on the other side of the door, I wanted to tell him to go away, but instead let him in and shook his hand. “Long time no see, bro.”

  “Yeah, man. How you been?” Parker walked directly into the kitchen where Ashley was sitting on a stool. He froze, seeing her baby bump for the first time. “Whoa.”

  “Nice to see you, too, Parker.”

  He threw up his hands. “Sorry. I wasn’t expectin’ you to be so big.”

  I could tell from the look on Ashley’s face that she took it the wrong way. She looked shocked, as if he called her a fat heifer and laughed afterwards.

  “She’s carryin’ twins, little brother. That’s what happens.” I did my best to take up for her, but I could see that she was still offended.

  She folded her hands on the counter. “I think we should cut to the chase. We all know why you’re here, Parker. I’m goin’ to be honest with you. You haven’t done shit for me and that night we spent together was a huge mistake. It never should have happened. Your brother has not only supported me, but stepped in and done everything to make sure your children have a home and they are provided for.”

  “He volunteered that shit on his own. It wasn’t like I could leave school. I’ve got responsibilities.”

  My brother was naïve. He had no clue how to be a parent, because he was just a kid himself. Ash was a good five years older than him and even she had her moments. “I did it because it was the right thing to do. Look at you, you�
��ve got your head so far up your own ass that you can’t see how serious this is. It’s not somethin’ that’s goin’ to go away. For the next eighteen years, these kids are goin’ to need a father.”

  Parker sat down and placed his hands over his face, moving them up and down. He was frustrated, but I was about to kick his little ass. “What do you want from me? I didn’t come here to be ambushed.”

  Ashley looked at me and smiled, but I knew it wasn’t a happy one. “Shayne, can you give us a minute alone?”

  I was a little mad with her question. If anyone needed to leave the room it was my brother. I stood up and started walking toward the balcony. “Whatever.”

  I stood out there, thinking about the whole situation and how my family was going to be devastated. Parker needed to tell the truth, before more time passed. My parents would forgive him. They would help him.

  Then I started thinking about Ash and the twins. I thought about living in this apartment alone. I pictured my brother setting up the cribs and preparing their arrival. My hands clenched the railing thinking about it. I wasn’t sure when it had happened, but at some point, I’d become attached to them. I didn’t want to share and I sure as Hell didn’t want them leaving.

  Unfortunately, it was out of my hands. Ashley was going to make Parker come clean. It wasn’t my place to ask her to continue with the lie.