by Aja Cole
I miss her presence, but I haven’t been able to do much about it because the little time I have, I’m with Natalie and Addi.
“I’m…” I hesitate. Pining? Hoping for something?
“Ah.” She pats my leg, rising from the floor. “It’s complicated.”
“We…I don’t know. I don’t really have time to figure things out right now.” I pick up the rag again and go back to scrubbing at the wall.
“Hey.”
I turn to where she’s leaning against the doorway with her arms crossed.
“Yeah?”
“Pro tip. If you care about her, you’ll find the time. Addison and I will be here…don’t sacrifice something if you think it’s good. If anything, it’ll be good to try something out before you completely focus on our little family.”
She disappears down the hallway and leaves me to mull over that little nugget of wisdom that I wouldn’t have expected from her.
Maybe she has a point.
I don’t even know if Keyra still wants me that way. I went so long not trusting anyone to be real with me, that I broke the trust of the one woman I’ve never doubted.
17
Dane
“…We had some really good looks tonight. They threw a lot of pucks at the net but I feel like we, you know, we generated some pretty quality chances.” I adjust my cap and lean a down a little so I can hear the interviewer better.
“That second one, it changed direction so drastically, is that much more difficult than that first one to get under your stick?” Nancy asks, and I nod, glancing at the door as I see Natalie and Addison standing just outside the room.
“Yeah, you just…that kind of angle, you’re trying to put it towards the net anyway you can, and uhh…I don’t know, I think it went between his blocker side but yeah, you’re just trying to get it there any way you can.”
“What were you thinking when you saw that go in?” I hear from the other side of me.
“Uh, just happy. We had some really good looks, some two on ones, I mean we had three two on ones at least tonight and sometimes you go a few games without that and then we get three in a row like that so you know, we did some pretty good things on them. We executed well, they got a save, they got a block, but it was nice to see that one go in.” I see Addison break away from Natalie and I can’t help but grin. “I’m going to have to cut this short guys, thanks.”
I pick up my bag and move through the people in the room, leaning down and scooping Addi up when she gets near.
“Hey, warrior girl.” I kiss her on the cheek and she points to the jersey she’s wearing with my name on the back of it.
“Look, Daddy, I have the same shirt as you!”
“Yes, you do! Did you take mine without me knowing?” I affect a stern face and she giggles, hiding behind her hands.
“Hey, there’s something I want to talk to you about,” Natalie says quietly, and I glance at her, nodding.
“Okay. Hanson is having family dinner catered at his place tonight for his sister’s birthday if you want to come?”
“Uh…”
“No pressure if you’re not ready to hang out yet.”
“Yeah, I have a few calls I need to make anyway. Take Addi, and I’ll just have a mommy night.” She pecks Addi on the cheek. “You’re going to stay with Daddy, but I’ll see you when you get home okay?”
“Okay, mama.” She puckers her lips for another kiss and Natalie kisses them, then they rub their noses together and Addison giggles.
Her giggle is quickly becoming one of my favorite things in the world to hear.
I’m happy that kids go with the flow so easily, though apparently when Addison recently started asking about me, Natalie just told her I was doing a lot of work in a different place but she’d see me soon.
It’s crazy to me that she had a whole life without me in it, and I can never get those years back.
But I’m damn sure going to make sure I’m here for every little second from now on.
We head towards the door and into the hallway.
“Dane.” I turn and Keyra’s leaning against the wall, talking to the team’s PR director. Probably talking about trade secrets.
“Hey. I didn’t know you were here.” I smile, and Addison reaches out her arms.
“Kiki!”
We look at each other with raised brows, laughing.
“I didn’t realize she had a nickname for you.”
“Me neither, I like it.” She takes Addison from me and I feign offense.
“You’d just leave Daddy like that?”
“Kiki has pretty hair.” She says like it’s completely justified and pets Keyra’s head like she’s a puppy.
“Ahem.” Natalie clears her throat and I mentally smack myself.
“Natalie, this is my good friend Keyra. Keyra, this is Addison’s mother, Natalie.”
They shake hands, murmuring different niceties, and I don’t know if I’m imagining things - but there’s definitely some sizing up going on.
“Are you going to Hanson’s?” Keyra asks.
“Yeah, we were about to head out.”
“Do you mind if I tag along?” She asks hesitantly, and I almost trip over my words because I rush to get them out.
“Of course! Yeah. That’d be cool.”
“Daddy, can I sit on your shoulders?”
Wordlessly, I bend down and Keyra places her over my shoulders and I stand, laughing when she wraps her small hands around my head.
Keyra turns to Natalie, clutching her purse in front of her. She must’ve been entertaining people in her Dad’s lounge today because she’s more dressed up than usual.
Most of the time for our games, she’ll wear jeans and a jersey.
Today, she’s wearing dark jeans with low heeled booties and a cream colored sweater that falls off her shoulder.
Damn, I love when her tops do that. It’s more tantalizing to me than her cleavage. Just that peek of shoulder and collarbone.
“It was nice meeting you, Natalie.”
“You too.” Natalie’s smile is a little more forced and I silently hope that there’s no real issue. The last thing I want is there being a problem between Keyra and Natalie if Natalie’s going to be around.
I can’t see myself not having Keyra in my life again, but I wouldn’t want Natalie to leave with Addison.
I’ll ask her about it later.
“Daddy, I’m hungry.” Addison covers my eyes with her hands and I glance at Keyra, and she nods.
“Alright, we’re gonna head out. Call me if you need something, Nat.”
“Got it.” We walk away with Addison twisting and waving, and having Keyra beside me feels good. Feels natural.
It feels right.
I was so selfish and blinded by my anger that I didn’t let myself accept that Keyra was different until way too late.
And she always has been.
Hanson’s sister has a twin daughter and son, and Addison ran off with them, a few other kids, and their babysitter immediately.
Something about painting.
I just hope Addison doesn’t get anything in her hair this time. The other day, she said she painted half of her hair pink because she wanted pink hair.
Hours. It took hours to get it all out. But damn if it wasn’t amusing.
The adults are hanging out downstairs and playing pool and darts. Hanson’s basement is basically set up like a very low-key bar and everyone’s having a good time while the food’s being set up.
“So, you and Natalie seem to have a good relationship.” Keyra leans next to me where I’m watching some of the guys play foosball.
“Things have been surprisingly smooth.” I agree.
“Have you forgiven her?” She peers up at me, a sparkling water in her hand, curious.
I shrug because I’m not completely sure.
“I’m trying to just let the past stay in the past. We talked a bit.”
“Are you…” She looks down, turni
ng the glass bottle in her hands. “Going to try again? See if things work out?”
“Would it bother you if I did?” The words fly out before I can censor them, but I do want to know.
Her eyes swing to mine and she scoffs. “Bother me? Why would it bother me?”
“In any case, I don’t have any feelings for her that way anymore. Do I need to pass you a note with Do you like me? Yes or No on it?” I decide to not pretend anymore. I owe it to her to let her know exactly where I stand and let her decide what she wants to do with it.
“Why isn’t there a maybe option?” She sips her drink and I nudge her playfully because I can see a smile on her lips.
“Maybe is basically yes.”
“It is not.”
“It definitely is. I’ve never known you to have a problem saying no.” I point out.
“And if I said yes? Does that automatically make us a thing?”
“I’m offended that you think I’m that easy. At least take me out first.” I mock.
“We can have this conversation later.” She still doesn’t answer, and she glances at me, brown eyes amused. “Are you pouting?”
“I don’t pout.” Even to my ears, my voice sounds a little petulant and I shake my head.
Get it together.
“Food’s ready everybody, get your asses upstairs,” Hanson yells, and everyone whoops and cheers. While we’re heading up, Keyra grabs my hand and I give a celebratory whoop like a little kid.
Hey, it’s a start.
18
Keyra
I’m bored out of my goddamned mind.
I can’t do this.
I’ve been back for two weeks and I’m about to pull every strand of hair out of my head from the stress of not being stressed.
I joined a yoga class.
I joined a spin class.
I asked around and found some friends of friends that go hiking and try out different trails every week, but they won’t be more active until the weather is a little warmer.
Those things are so temporary. They don’t require constant thought or problem-solving or watching over.
I need that, I think.
I flop face-down on my couch with a yell, at a loss.
I don’t know how long I’m lying there in self-pity when I perk up because my FaceTime starts ringing.
I press accept without glancing at who’s calling and the video screen opens. There’s fumbling for a second, then a face pops into the frame.
“Marissa!” I’m completely surprised.
We met in Junior League, but we’d lost touch when she moved to California for work.
“Hey, am I interrupting you? I know you’re probably busy.”
“Girl, I’m only busy in my dreams now. What’s up? How have you been?”
“Married, divorced, blah blah. Anyways, that’s a story for another time. I’m hearing some chatter and I wanted to check in with you.”
“Chatter about what?” Chatter is rarely good. Chatter that I don’t know about is even worse. Honestly…I’ve been terrified to turn my phone on. I’ve been texting from my iPad, but any backed up stuff hasn’t come through yet.
“Your mom is Camille James, right?”
Oh, hell. Anything about family is never good. “Right. Now you’re making me nervous.”
“Did you know she gave up a child for adoption? Before you were born?”
Sudden cold hits my core in a way it never has before.
“No, I was my mom’s first child.”
“You’re sure about that, because if that’s the case, I can send my own chatter out. I’m just hearing blackmail and…”
“I’m sure. Blackmail? Who?” I snatch my phone from my dining room table and sit back in front of the computer, pressing the power button.
“Your father. You really haven’t heard anything? That’s kind of unlike you.” She raises a brow, laughing a little and I scowl.
“Believe me, it hasn’t been by choice.”
“Well, you look good at least. Glowing.”
“Just came back from vacation. I’m going to put some feelers out, but thanks for giving me a heads up.”
“You’re welcome. It’s not close to being public yet, to my knowledge. We’ve just got the—.”
“The grapevine, I know. You still in California?”
“Actually, I just got back to New York today.” She moves her screen around and I can see empty boxes stacked everywhere.
“Let’s do lunch and catch up soon, okay?” I’m already distracted because messages are coming in and I’m scanning them as quickly as I can for information.
“I’ll send you my calendar. Talk later, smooches.”
“Smooches.” I murmur, ending the call. I sit there for a second, running through all the possibilities in my head.
There’s no way. This is why I need to be doing my damned job because stuff like that doesn’t happen when I’m in charge.
I grab my keys and slide my feet into the Keds I keep by my door.
I need to see my parents and find out who the hell is letting false information slip through the cracks.
Then fire them.
It was about a 45-minute drive from my condo in Greenwich Village to Gracie Mansion.
I shut off my car after I get through the gates and sit there for a second, just taking it in. The pale yellow of the house, the white wraparound porch, and the grayish-green window shutters and accents.
I had to convince my dad to move in. He was hell-bent on staying in the townhouse he and Sina moved to once we all left.
They lived in the townhouse, we’d have events and barbecues at the house we grew up in, and now - those things will happen here.
I think the mayor-elect staying in Gracie Mansion gives it a special tie-in to New York, it makes it seem more alive, more real.
More mayor-of-the-people like.
Who convinced my father of that? Me.
Who cleaned up the little messes that popped up over the years and made sure nothing was ever unfairly said about this administration? Me.
Who put the plans together to boost his popularity ratings and put him in exactly the right places to get his platform across?
Me, with a little help from people I directed.
I’ll be damned if it’s going to blow up in my face now because of incorrect information.
I want someone’s head on a gold-plated platter and I want the knife and fork to eat it with.
I slam my door and stalk up the walk, taking the dark grey stairs two at a time.
The door swings open because the guard let them know I was here.
“Keyra, we weren’t expecting you. How was your trip?” Sina holds the door open and hugs me when I step inside. I hug her back, scanning my eyes over the foyer. When she tries to guide me towards the sitting room, I shake my head.
“I’ll show you all the pictures later. But I need to talk to Dad right now, is he around?”
She pauses, her smile wavering just a little bit and the green eyes she and Mickey share, flickering. “He’s actually meeting with someone right now, but they should be finished by the time we finish catching up.”
“Sina.” I lower my voice and she fingers the pearl bracelet we saved up from our summer jobs and got her for Christmas years ago.
“Keyra.” She sighs. “Keyra!” She calls softly, her voice defeated when I take off towards my dad’s office.
I push open the door and stop up short when I see who my father is apparently meeting with.
My mother.
They both have the same stupid, guilty look on their faces like they did when I overheard them talking about how not to tell us they accidentally ran over our puppy.
That “We thought it’d be best to keep it between us and now we’re at a loss” look.
I know immediately that the only people with incorrect information are apparently my sisters and me.
They’ve been lying to us our entire lives.
19
/> Keyra
I was so mad that day that I turned around and walked right back out.
My father has called a family meeting.
I guess he figured that I’d told my sisters, but I haven’t. I was trying to figure out what to say.
Even though Mickey isn’t our biological sister, I’m sure it’ll be crazy for her to hear too.
At this point, I don’t even know what I don’t know. I guess we’re all about to find out.
When I get there, Kaija is standing outside with her arms crossed, and Mickey is sitting on the steps.
“Why aren’t y’all inside?”
“You know something.” Kaija comes down and meets me at the bottom of the stairs, and I back up, smoothing my face.
“I don’t know anything.”
“You know everything,” Kai emphasizes. “I don’t think for one second that since you’re not working directly with Dad anymore, that you’re out the loop.”
“Well, surprise surprise, I’m in the dark.” I skirt her and head up the stairs two at a time, hoping my heel doesn’t break.
It would totally ruin my image here.
“You’re full of shit.” Mickey murmurs with a smirk, and I knock her gently with my shoulder as I pass.
For once, I don’t want to be the one to break any news and ripple any waters. Let my parents handle it since they’ve been so damn secretive.
I open the door and gesture my sisters inside ahead of me, Kai still looking at me suspiciously.
“Keyra.” My dad rumbles and I hug him to keep up appearances. I hug Sina and my mom too, moving aside as everyone does their rounds.
Inside, I’m boiling. I have never felt so blind-sighted in my life. This, this feeling throws me completely off kilter.
I made it a point in my life to not be caught by surprise. Growing up in a family that’s always been connected to politics, you watch things happen and you watch news go out and you realize that if you don’t protect yourself with knowledge - you lose.