Mind (Naughty Wishes #3)

by Joey W. Hill

  “You’re a mix of things, Chris, a bloody unpredictable mix. There are parts of you that, yeah, want to follow my lead, follow orders. But not necessarily to submit. I get the difference. I have room in me to figure out how to handle both of those things if you do. You get that? You don’t have to ride any ride that doesn’t interest you. But I push because that’s part of my makeup, especially when I sense something in you that responds to it. Right?”

  Chris nodded again. He couldn’t deny it. Geoff’s gaze sparked with that look that made Chris aroused and uncomfortable at once, but then Geoff carefully reined it back. “In that world, there’s something called a safe word. Maybe what we need is something like that, so if something doesn’t feel right to you, you just say that, and it stops.”

  “But the problem is, it feels right but wrong. Like too much candy. Or maybe like something else needs to happen first for the rest to work.”

  “What do you think that is?”

  Chris knew, but he wasn’t sure he could say it out loud. They’d finally hit on the root of the problem. He could say he wanted to think about it awhile longer, but it wasn’t going to get easier. Plus, Geoff had opened his heart to him, made himself vulnerable, and Chris wouldn’t leave him out there alone. So he said it.

  “I’ve never given my heart to anyone,” he said. “Not really. I mean, I think you’re the first person beyond my mom that I loved. Really loved, and not in the roses-and-candy way. Kind of like when we watched The Mighty . . . that kind of thing, between Max and Kevin.” Thank God they’d watched a million movies together, so they could patch in some emotional context without him having to wrangle it out. “Then there’s Sam, showing up in the mix, and I realize whatever that is, I have it for her, too. Bam, two people, a man and a woman, the only people I’ve loved in my life. My first loves, either gender.”

  Geoff studied him. “And that bugs you.”

  Chris returned his gaze to the fairy mound, to the slim fairy sitting next to the squirrel, her tiny feet in the swirling water. “You don’t get to control love. And nobody’s first love is their last love, is it? It’s a way to grow up, evolve. I don’t know anyone who stays with their very first love.” His fists clenched at the thought. Geoff, who could sometimes be a dick and way too smart, was smart enough to stay silent as the feelings kept coming, kept leaving Chris’s lips.

  “I don’t want to evolve past the two of you, and if you evolve past me, I just . . . I’m not sure how I’d survive. I don’t want you all to be my first love, crush, whatever. I want you to be it, and I can’t handle it otherwise, because I feel so much for both of you.”

  “Ah, Chris. I should have known. When something bothers you, it’s the kind of thing that tears the heart out.” Geoff gripped his hand, and there they were, holding hands like a couple of girls, but it felt right. “No, there are no guarantees. But Sam and I have the same hopes for forever that you do. If we don’t try, we’ll never know.”

  There it was, out and declared, and Geoff wasn’t backing away from it. No more double talk or covering stuff up with casual words that meant nothing. Chris’s hand constricted on Geoff’s, and the fierceness of his friend’s expression said he knew that he’d just said something that couldn’t, wouldn’t be taken back.

  When he’d thought about his dad leaving, Chris had always focused on the anger, the betrayal, his resolve to do better, be a better man. He’d known he’d built some emotional walls. But it wasn’t until these past twenty-four hours, putting it out there for the man who mattered most, that he’d realized how much he’d always longed to feel safe, emotionally safe, with another human being. His dad had taken that ability away from him. But he had two people willing to give that back to him, if he could be brave enough. If he could leave those walls behind when he was with them.

  “Spill the rest of it out,” Geoff said softly. “Tell me.”

  So Chris opened himself even further. “Last night, after you left, I did have a fantasy. This one with pictures, full color, sound, the whole bit. I thought about coming to you while you were asleep, and sliding into the bed behind you.” He swallowed, shifting his gaze to Geoff’s feet, aligned with his. “Being with you, wrapping around you, holding you, being inside you, like you talked about when you said that . . . about me being a group of one. About trusting only one person to do that. Me.”

  Now he lifted his eyes once more, met Geoff’s. “Just now, you asked me what I need to have happen before the rest can work. I think if you let me inside you, all the way, you can have anything you want from me.”

  * * *

  The tide of Chris’s emotions swamped Geoff, filling him beyond speech or even movement. As Chris had spoken, he realized he’d tightened his grip on his friend’s hand to hold on. On the surface, Chris’s words might sound like a condition, an ultimatum. Whether or not he could get into the sub stuff, he’d give Geoff that if he opened himself up fully. Yet Chris didn’t set conditions. He was telling Geoff what needed to happen for them to reach the place that they both wanted to go, not just for sex but for things a whole lot deeper than that.

  The Dom/sub stuff might all be new territory to Chris, but Geoff gave him full marks. Geoff had stumbled in his own insecurities, not sure if he’d been right about Chris when Chris pulled away so abruptly. But Chris had steadied him, given him this window to understand that he actually did have the capacity and, what’s more, the desire, to embrace a surrender to Geoff. Yes, it would be on his own terms, but that made it as much of a priceless treasure as Sam’s submission was, because each was sculpted by the nature of the person offering the gift.

  “Okay,” he said. Releasing Chris’s hand, he ran a proprietary touch over Chris’s chest, down to his upper abdomen, earning an opaque look that meant either he was getting the big guy worked up or Geoff was about to have his head knocked off his shoulders. “Why don’t we take a step back? All right?”

  “Yeah.” Chris closed his hand around Geoff’s again, holding it in place against his chest. “With Sam, she’s different. With you and me . . . it’s too easy to become rabbits fucking every ten minutes, and I don’t like how that feels. You matter too much. You and Sam.”

  Geoff curled his fingers around Chris’s hand, turning it into that brotherhood knot again, no teasing this time, their combined fists pressed against Chris’s heart. “Okay. So we move slower. Show some control. Put our dicks on a leash.”

  Chris’s lips quirked. “I’m not into that kind of shit, either, by the way. In case you ever get the notion to check out that corner of Naughty Bits, you’d better be considering adopting a dog with a throat that’s coincidentally the size of my dick.”

  “Not sure they make them that small. Maybe gerbil leashes at PetSmart.”

  Chris punched him in the abdomen, fortunately with strength held back. But he kept hold of Geoff’s hand. Glancing down at it, he looked at the ground, his mouth sliding back into a somber line. “You going to call me a girl for wanting to take things slow?”

  “If I didn’t, you’d think I was coddling you.” Geoff slid his other hand around Chris’s neck and pulled him in to plant a hard kiss on his forehead. “I love you, man. Seriously. Whatever it takes.” He drew back, met him eye to eye. “So do you want to keep working on this thing for Sam, or take a break from all of it? We could go jump into a scrimmage game at Reedy Creek and do about twenty dollars’ worth of Jack in the Box after. That’d be enough to cover lunch and dinner.”

  “Yeah, sounds good. Maybe we work on the bench later this afternoon. You think she’ll really like it, don’t you?”

  “Yeah, I do. And I think the more you see how she embraces that surrender feeling and loves giving us that gift, the better a lot of it will feel to you.” Geoff cocked a brow. “You already like topping her, don’t you? You didn’t expect that.”

  Chris nodded. “Yeah. She gets . . . wow. It’s pretty hot.”

  Geoff grinned. “It’s hellfire hot. Makes me want to spank her all day long. That’
s how it goes. Whatever the Powers That Be are, they’re pretty smart about some things.” Geoff punched him in the shoulder. “Let’s go shut things down in the garage and get out of here.”

  At Reedy Creek they found a football scrimmage in process with half a dozen guys broken into two teams. To Geoff’s amusement, they took one look at Chris and were more than happy to incorporate them into the game. They played hard, on opposite sides, and, though it was flag football, no one was averse to some rough play and the occasional tackle. When Geoff swiped blood off his elbow, he couldn’t help but grin, remembering the scrapes, cuts and bruises they’d bragged about during their adolescence, the rites of boyhood.

  But manhood had its own perks. When Chris brought him down on one play just short of the goal, Geoff couldn’t help reacting to the feel of his body pressing him down, or thinking about what Chris had said he needed. What they’d be doing by day’s end. As Geoff had told him, he preferred to do the pitching, but now that he’d agreed to it, he realized he was already thinking about how it would play out, Chris’s naked, muscular body pushed against him, his cock deep in Geoff’s ass, how that would feel.

  Chris was right. With guys, the hormone part was too easy. But Chris seeing that he’d wounded Geoff in the kitchen, and caring enough to try to make it right and stick to the truth? Well, it underscored that it was worth it to take it slow. As Sam liked to say, the journey was all.

  Speaking of which, at the next break, Geoff checked his phone and was pleased to find a text from her. She’d been sending them every several hours since she’d been gone, cheerful status notes, some with suggestive tones he’d enjoyed answering, sometimes with Chris’s help.

  In regulatory meeting. Kill me now! Sooooo boring.

  He tapped a quick message back. Just think about what we could do to you on the conference room table while they all watch.

  You’re evil.

  He grinned, and showed the exchange to Chris. Chris took the phone and typed another text, more slowly, since phones weren’t fond of his bigger fingers. Chris here. We’re having Jack’s for lunch and dinner. Chocolate lava cakes for dessert. How’s that hotel food?

  You’re just as evil as he is.

  They exchanged a chuckle, sent her a couple more texts, and then she had to get back to work. She closed with several heart emoticons.

  Take care of each other. Miss you.

  That feeling was mutual. They returned to the game and played hard, until they were soaked in sweat. The guys invited them to come back anytime, because they had a standing game weekly. After hitting the drive-thru at Jack in the Box, getting a few burgers and tacos, as well as the dessert Chris had teased Sam about, they headed for home and chowed down on half of it before heading back into the garage and their project.

  The physical exertion, talk and food had done the trick. They figured out the adjustments, put the bench together, and it was ready for staining. Chris put on the first coat while Geoff watched. Conversation was easy and comfortable again. When they broke for dinner, they finished up the Jack and some green bean casserole Sam had left them.

  Daylight was slipping from late afternoon to evening as they sat in the living room. From the looks Chris was sliding his way when he thought Geoff wasn’t looking, Geoff was pretty sure Chris was thinking about where this evening was going to end as much as he was. But this was Chris’s show. No matter Geoff’s natural desire to take the reins and get it started, he’d let him make the move. But as he picked up his beer and sat back on the couch, stretching his legs out on the coffee table, he had to say something, because Chris’s regard was starting to get him worked up. Geoff cocked a brow at him. “Something on your mind? Or are you just admiring my masculine beauty?”

  Chris rolled his eyes, but then he twisted his beer in his hand. “You know earlier, the belt thing?”

  “Yeah?” Geoff said it as casually as possible.

  “I don’t see you as a dad. Definitely not as my dad.”

  “Thank God.” After Chris’s dad had left them, he’d moved around and eventually fallen off the map to escape child support payments. Chris’s mom frequently wished him dead after prolonged torture in a serial killer’s basement, but his absence had never stopped her from doing what was needed to raise her boy.

  Chris’s lips twisted. “I mean, do you think the belt, my reaction to it, is about a father-son thing?”

  Geoff tilted his head left and right, an ambivalent answer. “Yes and no. Some Dom/sub relationships are the Daddy–little girl or Daddy–little boy thing. But I think what you felt was just an expression of feelings we all have. Things we have or crave from our parents as kids don’t go away. They translate into more adult cravings. Safety and structure for the sub can come from punishment, as well as the desire to cuddle or control on the Dom side. Somehow it wraps up into the sex thing and gives it an extra charge.” He pursed his lips. “You know how you feel when you’re holding a bird in your hand?”

  The absorption in Chris’s face as he cradled injured wildlife, as the creature quieted under his touch, was something Geoff never tired of watching. “Yeah,” Chris said. “It’s a good feeling.”

  “What I feel when Sam surrenders to me, or when you give yourself to me like you did yesterday and today . . . It’s that feeling. Like, despite how crazy and brutal the world can be, you realize for just that moment you can trust me completely. To protect you, to give you pleasure, to take both of us where we want to go. You weren’t off base about what we were tapping,” Geoff added quietly. “The feelings your dad left you to handle, because you were abandoned by the person who’s supposed to love you enough to stand behind you your whole life . . . My feelings about my mom and dad . . . When we come together, you and me, Sam, we’re reclaiming those lost connections, reestablishing them. It’s scary as hell, because it feels just the way we know it should. In some ways, it’s better and even more intense than an orgasm. So when an orgasm comes with it, it’s pretty much paradise.”

  Geoff shifted so he could briefly press his foot against Chris’s. Chris stared at their overlapped shoes. He gripped Geoff’s thigh, a quick, rough squeeze. “Yeah. Okay.” His voice sounded thick. “Um . . . I think I’m going to take a shower.”

  Geoff rose, gathering up their dishes and the taco wrappers. “I’ll do it after you. I reek.”

  “I would have mentioned it, but I wasn’t sure if the stench was you or me.”

  “Pretty sure it’s both. Sam would throw us out back and make us hose off like dogs.”

  “Girls. They’re so clean and pretty. It’s nice.” Chris grinned, restoring them to a nice equilibrium. A gentle one, with room to let the tender ground they’d exposed settle in and get used to the touch of light and air. As Geoff made himself move toward the kitchen, Chris rose and headed for the hallway, pulling off his shirt as he went. Geoff stopped to watch the play of muscle across his back, the tight ass beneath the camos he’d worn to the park. Geoff adjusted himself as his cock pushed up at the wrong angle inside his jeans. While he was tempted to invite Chris to take a shower with him, he was still trying to do the courtesy wait thing—no matter how his Dom side was starting to chafe over it—and Chris hadn’t put out the vibe that he was looking for company.

  Geoff didn’t take it as a rejection. Neither shower was large. Two guys their size wouldn’t have a lot of maneuvering room. He and Sam had enjoyed the space, but with someone Chris’s size, they would end up being in each other’s way more than anything.

  Since it was never a good idea to start up both showers at the same time, because someone inevitably would lose out on the hot water, he had a few minutes to kill. Sam being up in the Asheville area made him think of Merry Childers, a college friend of his and Chris’s. She ran a couple of rental properties up in Bat Cave, a tiny community just outside Chimney Rock.

  One of Merry’s cottages was new, with all the amenities. It stayed pretty heavily booked. The other was more rustic, a long rectangle built in the seventies, eas
ily recognized as such since the interior had laminate cabinets and appliances all in the Harvest Gold color popular during that decade. The eclectic decorating was a deer and bear motif mixed with cherubs and lace, a tribute to the older couple who’d owned it before moving to an assisted living facility.

  Chris had helped Merry landscape a couple of her real estate flips, and Geoff had updated her rental agreements, all in the past year. Geoff figured he could get a cheap rate for a weekend in trade, particularly since it wasn’t quite high season yet. Sam had gone with Chris on his landscaping trip and he’d told Geoff she’d been enchanted with the seventies house, particularly the huge back porch that hung precariously over the scenic creek. There was a spacious private hot tub out there.

  He thought of Sam and Chris in the hot tub. Sam would wear some tiny little bikini that clung to her curves. At least until they got it off of her. Private hot tub, after all, screened from the rental office next door by a nice big slab of lattice threaded with silk flowers.

  Beads of water would roll over Chris’s massive shoulders, slicking down the gleaming hair on his chest. Geoff would thread his fingers through it and tip his head back to set his teeth to his corded throat. Sam would twine her legs around him, her breasts pressing into his chest . . .

  He typed out a text to Merry, asking if she had a couple of days’ availability sooner than later, and what she’d charge. They were winding up one of Geoff’s ongoing projects at work. If Merry’s dates meshed with Chris and Sam’s schedule, it would be a nice getaway for all of them.

  So they could keep working on their own ongoing project.

  He left his half-finished beer and wandered down the hall. The shower was running in Chris and Sam’s bathroom, and the door was half-open. When Sam wasn’t home, Chris would leave it like that so steam wouldn’t collect. Now that they were all seeing one another naked, he might leave it like that all the time, a nice change to contemplate.