Gina was silent for a moment. ‘You’ve been on your own too long,’ she announced.
‘That’s a bit random.’
‘I just think you’re taking too much of an interest in this. You felt connected or whatever on Christmas Day, and you got close because he needed you, and now you feel like there’s something special there, some bond that means you can’t let him go and you keep beating yourself up about whether he’s alright or not. It’s twisting your logic.’
‘You were the one who just suggested his wife was trying to murder him!’
‘I was kidding. You’re not. Walk away, Han. He’s got his wife back, they’re happy and rich in their big house, end of story.’
‘But they’re not happy, are they?’
‘They might be on the rocks but stay away. It’s a train wreck waiting to happen, and if things are as you say they are, then you don’t want to be on the tracks when it does, no matter how much you like him.’
‘I’m not going to be; I’m just discussing it with you, that’s all.’
‘I know. But you have to ask yourself why you’re bothered about any of it. You don’t know him… you don’t know either of them. What do you care if their marriage is shit?’
‘Because I’m a human being.’
‘Because you’re interested in him.’
Hannah sighed. ‘This is a silly conversation. I’ve got no intention of breaking his marriage up.’
‘I never said that.’
‘But you implied it.’
‘If you think that then you have a guilty conscience and that’s down to no-one but you. I only meant that you shouldn’t get involved. At best it would be a messy affair, at worst you’d be a rebound relationship; either way it wouldn’t be pretty. Han… I hate to see you alone, and I do wish you’d find someone nice, but not him. You understand what I’m trying to say, don’t you?’
‘I suppose I do. But you’re wrong if you think this is about me pining for a man. I’m perfectly happy alone and I wouldn’t settle for any man just for the sake of having one. I’m certainly not going to go out looking for one.’
‘You could go out a bit though, and maybe you’d meet one.’
‘That’s rich coming from you. Perhaps you should take your own advice.’
‘I haven’t been alone as long as you, and I still have a husband to get rid of.’
‘That’s not it.’
‘It is soooo it. When my divorce comes through and I’ve cleaned the cheating bastard out of every penny I can, I’m taking myself off to Spain and finding a waiter with the biggest penis I can.’
‘Howard really did a number on you, didn’t he?’ Hannah said with a faint smile.
‘He hurt me, Hannah, I can’t deny it. He might as well have cut my heart out with a blunt knife. But he’ll be sorry. I’m going to have so much sex it’ll make my eyes water and I might even film it to send to him.’
‘Oh Gina… Please tell me Jess isn’t there right now.’
‘She went out almost as soon as we dropped our bags on the floor. She doesn’t need me anymore, and when all the joking is done, I’m going to be on my own soon. That’s why I don’t want to see you lonely, because I know how it feels.’
‘Well…’ Hannah said, sensing her sister’s mood darkening, ‘you’ll be back here soon, close to me for good and we can keep each other company.’
‘Like two mad cat ladies? Fabulous.’
‘I’ll bring the cats and you can provide the incoherent rambling.’
‘I see you save the best job for me.’
‘Of course. When will you hear from the solicitors?’
‘Soon I hope. I just want it all sorted, to get my money and come and find a place back in Millrise. I want to come home now.’
‘I can’t wait,’ Hannah said.
‘Neither can I. Though I’m not sure Jess is as happy about it.’
‘She’ll adjust; kids always do.’
‘She’s leaving a pretty good social life behind.’
‘It’s only a couple of hours away from Birmingham. She’ll make friends here and then she’ll have two really good social lives.’
‘I’ll let you tell her that when she kicks off as I hand my house keys back,’ Gina laughed. ‘For now I think she’s pretending it won’t happen.’
‘Want me to talk to her?’
‘There’s no point yet. It could be months before I’m in a position to go anywhere – there’s just no way of knowing with legal stuff. When the time comes I’m thinking I might just get a sack and some strong rope so I can tie her up and throw her into the removal van.’
‘Good luck with that,’ Hannah laughed.
‘Thanks. I’m going to need it.’
*
Hannah clicked submit. A message popped up on the screen to congratulate her for registering on Starcrossed. com. She chewed a fingernail and sat back in her seat waiting for something to happen. She didn’t know why she was doing this. Perhaps something Gina said had sparked off a realisation. She was nervous as hell now, worried about what sort of nutters she might get replies from, but it was done. And you never knew… didn’t lots of people meet their true love on dating sites, every day? So they couldn’t be a complete waste of time, could they? There were biometric testing and glossy photos and profiles and scientific formulae of all kinds helping to match couples, not like in the old days where you turned up wearing a pink carnation and hoping he still had his own teeth. What she had said to Gina, about not needing a man – she felt sure that was all true; but there was no harm in seeing what was out there. She might even have fun in the process, meet some nice people, make some good friends. And maybe, just maybe, she’d find that elusive soulmate she had given up on.
She refreshed her inbox once, cursed herself for being stupid enough to think that anyone was going to respond that quickly, and then minimised the screen so she could get some work done. It had piled up during Gina and Jess’s visit, and there was more than enough now to keep her working until midnight for the next couple of weeks.
Three days had passed since Gina had gone home, and the house had become Hannah’s again. The peace had been welcome at first, but now it felt almost too quiet. Hannah had tidied away the Christmas mess, and then she had gone to the antique wardrobe in the spare room, bundled Jason’s clothes into a bin bag and dropped them off at the church for their monthly jumble sale. It was a simple act of decluttering, but it had meant so much more. Everything had gone, even the clothes Mitchell had borrowed; it was Hannah’s way of putting all that behind her, a promise to turn over a fresh page and start a brand new chapter in her life. It would be nice to date, have a few nights out, enjoy some frivolous sex once in a while, but never again would she get hung up on a man and let him take over her life. That was the intention, anyway. She’d heard no more from Mitchell or Martine, and while she was still intrigued by the mystery that surrounded them, she decided that it was probably for the best if she didn’t see them again. It was even something of a relief, if she was honest, because Gina was right: it could only lead to trouble. She hadn’t told anyone about signing up to the dating agency either; she’d just see what happened. Probably nothing, so until something did, there was really no need to tell anyone. Despite this, it would have been nice to share it with Gina. She had wondered a few times about telling her, but then decided against it for reasons she couldn’t quite put her finger on. For now she was just quietly getting on with the rest of her life.
*
An hour later Hannah checked her inbox again. No messages so she went back to work. Usually she found the process of designing soothing, but her mind wouldn’t stay on anything today. With a sigh, she grabbed her duffle coat. A breath of air might be just the thing to clear her head.
The morning was bright and clear, and if it hadn’t been for the bitter wind, Hannah could almost imagine it was spring. She wandered in the direction of Holly Farm, for no other reason than her feet seemed to take her that way. Perha
ps it was the subconscious need to see a friendly face, and when she found Ross digging a hole for a new fencepost on the farm’s boundaries, she couldn’t help a broad smile.
‘If it isn’t my favourite knight in shining armour.’
‘Oh aye…’ he turned to her and leaned on his spade with a sweaty grin, ‘you know a lot of them do you?’
‘Ooooh, tons. None as good as you, though.’
‘What brings you this way? Come to see my mum? Please say you’ve come to see my mum because she’s been going on about you ever since your last visit.’
‘Has she?’ Hannah smiled.
‘Yup. Determined to get you involved in the WI.’
Hannah’s face fell again. She had hoped to have dropped off Briony’s WI radar by now.
‘I thought that would wipe the smile off your mush,’ Ross laughed. ‘Actually she’d just love to see you again, says she really enjoyed your chat last time and I shouldn’t have stolen you away.’
Hannah recalled that it had been less of a chat in the traditional sense and more of a barrage of gossip from Briony at Hannah. Still, it had obviously made her happy and Hannah couldn’t grumble about that. ‘I’ll call tomorrow if she’s going to be around. I’d love to see her today but I have a ton of work to do.’
‘Looks like it…’ Ross raised his eyebrows.
‘Oh…’ Hannah laughed, ‘I just needed a walk before I exploded. Sometimes I have to clear my head and then I can concentrate, you know?’
‘Not really. I’ve never been one for computer screens, that’s why I work outdoors. I’ve got a laptop, but I rarely use it.’
‘You must need to concentrate when you fix engines.’
‘I suppose I do but I enjoy it so much I hardly notice.’
‘It’s the same with me. I love my work. It certainly beats what I used to do before.’
‘What was that?’
‘Territory manager for an art supply company. I liked visiting the clients and driving around but I couldn’t stand the pressure of sales targets. Gina does a similar job, quite by coincidence, but she doesn’t let it get to her like I did. When you don’t give a stuff you seem to earn higher bonuses for some reason and she does well. Perhaps the customers can smell desperation on you.’
‘Perhaps…’ Ross chuckled. ‘Well, it’s all Greek to me. Give me an engine or a shovel any day and I’m happy as a pig in muck.’
‘Which is lucky as you’re a farmer.’
‘So I am!’ Ross laughed. ‘So your sister got home ok?’
‘Yes, no problems. Not that it would bother her if there were, she’d just rise above it like some serene and chilled disco queen.’
‘I can imagine,’ Ross smiled. ‘Not that I know her that well, of course…’
They fell into an awkward pause, where Hannah wondered if he was thinking about what it might be like to know Gina well. He fiddled with the handle of his spade. It was an uncharacteristically doubtful gesture and showed a hint of vulnerability that Hannah hadn’t seen in him before.
‘So I can tell Mum you’ll call in?’ he asked, finally breaking the silence.
‘Yes, most definitely. And I’ll tell Gina that you were asking about her.’ Hannah didn’t quite know why she felt the need to reassure him of this, but it seemed like something he’d want to hear.
‘Great…’ Ross looked down at his boots as he dug his toe into a pile of upturned soil.
‘Well,’ Hannah said, ‘I’ll let you get on in peace.’
He looked up and smiled, more like his usual self. ‘Enjoy the rest of your walk. Just be careful further down the lane – it’s muddier than it looks down there and I don’t want to have to winch you out with the tractor.’
‘I’m going straight home now. I think I’ve wasted enough time for one day; I need to get some work of my own done.’
Ross tipped his forehead in a little salute. ‘Don’t forget my mum, will you?’
‘I won’t,’ she smiled. ‘What sort of cake does she like?’
‘You’re going to bake?’
‘Not likely! I’m not in the habit of poisoning my neighbours! I was going to pick one up from the bakery.’
‘Don’t do that,’ Ross said amiably, ‘she’d be heartbroken if she wasn’t able to make you a cake. She’s always finding excuses to bake – me and Dad will be wobbling around the farm if we don’t get more help eating them.’
‘Really? I feel a bit weird turning up empty handed at anyone’s house.’
‘What will really make her happy is just that – you turning up. She loves company and sometimes I think the farm is a bit remote. That’s why she gets involved in everything going.’
‘Well I can definitely do that then. Maybe I’ll see you when I pop in?’
‘Maybe… if I’m allowed anywhere near the kitchen when the girlie conversation is in full swing.’ Ross grinned.
*
After a few days had passed Hannah had collected a healthier pile of enquires from prospective suitors on the dating site. Most of them were entirely unsuitable, however, and she didn’t need to read more than a few lines of their message to figure this out. They either talked about themselves with an alarming degree of narcissism, or described their male appendages in an equally worrying manner. The ones who didn’t, sounded like mummy’s boys or the sort who would furtively steal your knickers to add to their private collection. Only one stood out as half human, someone calling himself Chris P. It was a normal name for a start, but that was probably all Hannah was going to get without meeting him. As she considered her options, Hannah asked herself, yet again, what the hell she was thinking of.
She read the message again. And then she re-read Chris P’s profile. He looked ok. But only ok. Was that good enough? Was there any point in putting herself through this for only ok? He’s probably much nicer in real life, she told herself, most people find it hard to sell themselves without looking like a twat. She was sure she probably looked like a twat from her profile too. And you couldn’t get any sort of chemistry through a computer screen. There might be an instant physical attraction that she just wouldn’t know about until they met. But, then again… he could be a twat.
In the end, it had seemed a much safer bet to let Briony Hunter cajole her into going to her charity salsa night. Nice and safe, as usual, Hannah thought. Not that the idea of a room full of virtual strangers wasn’t a daunting prospect, but at least she had enlisted the support of her sister, who was even now on her way from Birmingham. Gina hadn’t taken much persuading, stating that January was shit and anything to break the tedium was fine by her. Hannah suspected it was a welcome distraction from messy divorce proceedings but, either way, she was glad of the company. Everyone else would doubtless be there with dates and spouses and as long as she and Gina weren’t expected to dance together they could get legless at the bar and have a pretty good night watching everyone else, not to mention helping various local charities in the process.
*
Later that evening, Gina and Hannah jostled for space at the bathroom mirror.
‘Hey, this is my house!’ Hannah giggled. She was already succumbing to the pleasant effects of a glass or two of gin and tonic, and Gina was similarly well-oiled on the mojitos she’d mixed for herself.
‘But I’m your guest. You’re supposed to go out of your way to make sure I’m happy.’
‘You should be happy I let you come anywhere with me at all.’ She gave Gina a playful shove. ‘So shift it.’
‘You should be honoured I’m allowing myself to be seen out with a social embarrassment like you,’ Gina laughed as she shoved her back. ‘Now, out of the way, munchkin. I’ve got beautifying to get on with.’
‘You don’t need it, you look gorgeous already.’
‘Are you kidding? I’ve got a couple of years on you; it’s hard enough as it is without keeping up with a younger model.’
‘Only a tiny bit younger,’ Hannah laughed. ‘I think at this point in our lives it doesn’t re
ally make all that much difference.’
‘You’d be surprised.’
‘I don’t know why you’re worrying anyway – you got all the good genes.’
‘That’s not saying much from our parents, is it?’
Hannah’s smile slipped.
‘Still,’ Gina continued quickly, ‘who wants to think about all that crap now? We’ve got serious things to sort out. Like do I go in a classy black dress or a slutty red one?’
‘Red. If it’s the dress I’m thinking of it will shake things up a bit.’
‘What are you wearing?’
Hannah frowned. ‘I have absolutely no idea. Every dress I had thought about wearing looks horrible tonight and I didn’t buy anything new because I didn’t think it was worth spending the money. I wish I’d splashed out now, though.’
‘Want to borrow?’
Hannah shook her head. ‘They won’t look the same on me. I haven’t got the gravity defying boobies for a start.’
‘It’s all in the bra, my dear, I keep telling you that. Try one of my dresses, please. I’ve brought far too many with me so it seems a shame to drag them all over and not use them.’
‘You could leave them here for when you come back.’
‘You mean come over and get pissed in public with you more often? Hannah Meadows – what on earth has got into you? You hate clubbing!’
‘I don’t hate it; I just don’t see the point of it most of the time. Right now, though, I feel like letting my hair down and having a little fun.’
Gina turned back to the mirror and dabbed at her foundation. ‘Is that why Jason’s clothes have gone?’
‘You little sneak. Nothing escapes your notice, does it?’ Hannah laughed. ‘I thought it was about time. Besides, I need the wardrobe space if you’re going to keep your clothes in there.’
‘You know the minute I leave a dress here I’m going to want it in Birmingham?’
‘You don’t go out that much, surely?’
‘I might start… I’ve registered on a dating site.’
Hannah blinked at her. And then she let out a peal of laughter. ‘Oh my God! So have I!’
Once Upon a Winter: All Four Parts in One - Plus an Exclusive Extra Short Story... Page 12