THE AFFAIR

by Davis, Dyanne

  “I called them, Mother. You’ve been acting strangely ever since I came. First you didn’t want me or the kids here. Which was normal,” she said with a smirk.

  “But when you decided to play grandma, I knew something was wrong. So the next day when you were supposed to be going to work I followed you.” Her chin jutted out in defiance.

  “You’ve been going to see that psychic, Blaine MaDia. Daddy told you not to. You won’t sleep with Daddy, so you must be sleeping with someone.”

  She said this as though that justified her spying on me. My voice was quaking with emotion, sadness laced with anger. “Larry, did you tell her to do this?”

  “No,” he answered, his voice low. He wasn’t being completely truthful. It only took one lifetime with him to know he was hiding something from me.

  “But you knew about it, didn’t you?”

  “I knew,” Larry said. “I thought you would tell me. But when you went to lunch with him and still didn’t tell me I’d say I had reason for concern. You have to admit, Mick, you have been acting weird. You haven’t been yourself in a long time.”

  I laughed hysterically. “You don’t know how right you are. Since I was born, I haven’t been myself.”

  I turned from him to Erica. “This doesn’t change anything. Tomorrow morning I still want you to leave.” I smiled at her. “Your brother and sisters can all leave with you.”

  “Mick,” Larry called out to me.

  “Don’t say anything, Larry. Don’t make me lose whatever respect I have left for you. This was wrong. Much more than what I did.”

  I walked to my room. So, Erica had arranged a little family meeting. Well, I had news for all of them. The free ride was over.

  I was sure the money they were using to come to my home to scold me as though I was a child was financed no doubt by their father, who’d never heard the word no, let along uttered it.

  I awoke that morning to more voices in the house than Mindy and Lars’ excited screams. I heard Derrick asking where I was. It was time for me to get up and put in an appearance.

  Derrick and Shannon were standing only a couple of feet apart. They were talking and looked up quickly when I came into the room.

  “Hi Mom,” Shannon almost whispered, glancing once at her big sister Erica, to see if her talking to me was permitted.

  Derrick glanced at both of them, then came to me and hugged me. He pulled away from me, looked me over and whistled.

  “Wow, Mom, you look good. You’ve lost weight. How much?” He angled his head for a better look, not giving me a chance to answer, before he commented on my hair. “You cut your hair too. I like it.”

  “Didn’t you know, Derrick, that’s the first sign of a woman having an affair? She loses weight and gets a makeover.”

  “What are the signs of a man having an affair, Erica?” I looked at my daughter. “If I were you, I’d worry that the first step could be when he doesn’t care that his wife and kids take off so frequently to visit her parents without him. I’d worry that maybe my husband was glad I left.”

  My daughter’s face flushed a bright red as she huffed and stomped angrily away. I heard her dialing the phone. Larry was sitting in a chair in the family room. I hadn’t noticed him at first.

  “Was that really necessary, Mick?”

  “No, it wasn’t,” I admitted. “But it wasn’t necessary for her to make that crack either.”

  “You’re the mother, the mature one.” He paused. “You’re supposed to be the mature one. I wouldn’t know it by your actions.”

  I went and sat across from Larry. “And you’re supposed to be my husband. But then again, I can’t tell it by your actions.”

  This time I wasn’t trying to goad Larry. I meant it. I was tired of the spineless act he pulled when our children were around. I wanted him to be the confident man he was in the courtroom.

  “Mom, why don’t we go for a drive, just the two of us?”

  I looked up at my son. Only then did I wish I had not spoken to Larry in such a manner. My son’s expression mirrored his father’s confusion and pain. God!! For a moment I wanted to die. In all the years of our marriage Larry and I had taken great pains to never speak to each other disrespectfully in front of the children. Actually, until my accident in now more than twenty-eight years we’d never spoken in disrespectful tones to each other. I didn’t like it. If only there was a way to make it stop without me having to completely give in I’d gladly take it.

  I looked again at Derrick, my only son and the child with whom I had the closet connection. Erica had just re-entered the room, frowning. Derrick rolled his eyes at his sisters.

  “Mom,” he said, “we didn’t come to condemn you. We only want to help. I want to help, Mom. Can we take a ride someplace?”

  I think I knew then what I was going to do. I followed Derrick out to the car. Surely there had to be a better way to end a marriage.

  “Mom, is everything that Erica’s been telling us true?”

  “I don’t know. I don’t know what she’s told you.”

  “Did you have an affair while Dad was in Arizona watching Mindy and little Larry?”

  My son looked so young in that instant, his eyes moist. He was trying to be strong. I could only imagine how he was feeling.

  The mother that had raised him would never do the things I had done. I saw a look come into his eyes. He wanted me to call Erica a liar, to say it hadn’t happened, so he could pretend that nothing was wrong.

  I wished momentarily for him that I could. But the pain I was in was the result of years of pretense. I didn’t wish that on my son.

  “It’s true,” I said at last.

  “You met him in the parking lot of the grocery store?”

  I was surprised that Larry had filled them in on all the details, and that aspect made me feel ashamed, but still I refused to lie to him.

  “Yes, Derrick, that’s true also.”

  “Erica said you think this guy…she said you think you were married to him in a previous lifetime.”

  He wasn’t looking at me now. He was embarrassed to be asking me such an intimate question. I was aware of that.

  “It looks as if your sister has all of her facts straight.”

  “All of them, Mom?”

  “What else did she say?”

  “She said you claim this Blaine MaDia is a long lost son. That he’s the child of the man you had the affair with.”

  Derrick laughed nervously, too macho to admit that he was worried that I was attempting to replace my entire family with a new husband and son.

  Derrick glanced over at me. I saw the hesitation in his eyes, heard it in his voice.

  “You haven’t answered,” he said to me. “Are her facts accurate on that one also, Mom?”

  “Derrick, are you worried that I’m trying to replace my family?”

  “You have to admit, it kind of looks that way to all of us. Are those your plans?”

  Derrick’s voice was breaking. I saw the tears welling up in his eyes. I had an irresistible urge to pull him into my arms, but knew what he needed was a straight answer.

  “She’s only partially right. No one could ever replace you. Any of you. Not even Erica.” I smiled and Derrick smiled also, some of his burden lifted.

  “But you still think this guy is some baby you had years ago and that you died after it happened?”

  “Yes, I believe that.” I folded my hands across my lap, feeling nervous. “Do you think I’m crazy?”

  “No, Mom. I don’t think you’re crazy. If you say you believe it, then there must be a very good reason for it.”

  The tears fell down my cheeks. I gripped Derrick’s hand in my own as I looked out the window. It felt so good to hear someone beside Blaine and Chance tell me that I wasn’t crazy.

  It felt good to have this son that I knew, whose birth I fully remembered, whose pictures proved it, tell me that he didn’t think I was crazy.

  “Derrick, would you like to meet B
laine?”

  Derrick hesitated. I could tell he was wondering if by meeting Blaine he would be disloyal to his father. “You don’t have to go, I was only wondering.”

  “I don’t want him telling me my future or anything like that.”

  “He would never do that without your permission. He’s not like that.”

  “Dad’s not going to like it if I go with you, is he, Mom?”

  “You’re right, Son. He’s not going to like it.”

  We were quiet for a few minutes, driving aimlessly, neither of us talking. I knew my son’s thoughts were the same as mine. He was thinking about Blaine.

  “Give me his address, Mom.”

  “Blaine, this is my son Derrick. He wants to ask you a few questions. Do you mind?”

  Blaine looked from Derrick to me, then smiled at Derrick and held out his hand in greeting. Derrick glanced away and Blaine pretended not to notice the snub as he brought his outstretched hand down to his side.

  “Ask away, Derrick,” he said.

  “How much money have you taken from my mother?”

  Blaine turned toward me, amused. “Is your entire family hung up on money?”

  I gave my shoulders a tiny shrug.

  “I give your mother the family discount.”

  “She’s not your family.”

  “That depends on how you look at it.”

  “She has one son, that’s me. What kind of discount are you giving her? Erica said you charge her anywhere from five hundred to one thousand dollars an hour.”

  My mouth dropped. I noticed Blaine only smiled in amusement before he answered Derrick.

  “Your sister Erica came in here yelling at me, calling me a charlatan, telling me I overcharged. She was convinced of it, so I told her what she wanted to hear.”

  I watched the two of them, Blaine so confident and sure of himself and Derrick so young, jealous and determined to protect his mother from the only friend she had.

  “How much are you really charging her then?” Derrick wasn’t going to let it go.

  Blaine stood. I wondered if he was getting annoyed. First I’d threatened him, now here was my son. As far as Erica’s visit, I didn’t know everything she’d done or said to Blaine, but knowing my daughter I knew her visit wasn’t a pleasant one. I started to intervene but caught Blaine’s eye. He would handle it. So I allowed him to do just that.

  “Derrick, I’m not charging your mother anything.”

  “Okay, I know how this works,” Derrick replied. “She’s giving you gifts or donations. How much?”

  “Nothing. No money has exchanged hands between us.”

  “My sister said the two of you went out to lunch. She said she even saw you going to the mall.”

  I watched as Blaine closed his eyes. He was shaking his head from side to side, most likely in disbelief.

  “I took your mother to lunch, Derrick. I treated, she didn’t pay and yes, we went to the mall. I wanted to buy your mother a present, so I did. Didn’t your sister stay around long enough to see who paid the bill? Jeez.”

  Blaine sighed, “How old are you, Derrick?”

  “You’re a psychic, you tell me.”

  Blaine starting laughing. “Michelle, he is your son. The family resemblance is uncanny.”

  I laughed, too. Derrick looked nothing like me. Blaine was referring to our distrust.

  I decided to interject something into the conversation or the inquisition. “Blaine, how did you know Erica?”

  Blaine smiled at me before glancing at Derrick. “She’s the spitting image of you. She has a temper, doesn’t she?”

  I glanced at Derrick, who was eyeing Blaine with anger. It wouldn’t take much to ignite the powder keg I’d brought into Blaine’s office. I saw my son weighing Blaine’s words to determine if his sister had been insulted.

  “Derrick, are you about done with your questions?” I studied my son. “Blaine probably has clients to see.”

  Derrick looked at me, his eyes taking in the looks that passed between Blaine and myself. I thought we’d been there long enough.

  “Just a couple more questions, Mom, if Mr. MaDia doesn’t mind.”

  “You can call me Blaine.”

  “Thanks, but I’m not looking for any new friends. I’ll call you Mr. MaDia.

  “My parents’ marriage is breaking up. Were you aware of that?”

  I saw Blaine attempt to look in my direction.

  “Don’t look at my mother,” Derrick instructed him. “Look at me unless you’re hiding something.”

  “Your mother and I haven’t discussed her marriage, but I had assumed there were some problems in her personal life.”

  “If you’re her friend why are you encouraging this?”

  “Derrick, I didn’t introduce your mother to anyone.”

  I heard the hesitation in Blaine’s voice. He didn’t want to say Chance’s name, in case Derrick didn’t know.

  “But you think this man my mother is involved with is your father? That’s true, isn’t it?”

  “Yes, it’s true.”

  “Is that the reason you don’t charge my mother? You want to recreate this perfect family for yourself?”

  “I’m sorry to tell you this, Derrick, but there is no such thing as a perfect family.” Blaine looked directly at Derrick, holding his gaze. “But then I never had a family, so any kind would be perfect to me.”

  I’d never known this. Blaine was right. We hadn’t done much talking about important things. I’d wanted to put them off. I thought that at least this time around Blaine had two parents who loved him.

  I wanted to cry for him for having to go through his life without a mother, or father, to love him. I found myself walking toward him, but his gaze found mine and he shook his head no.

  I looked from Blaine to Derrick, grateful that Blaine had stopped me. My first instinct was to finally touch Blaine, to hold him in my arms, to make up for the times he’d spent alone without a mother. I no longer feared what visions I would have on touching him. I only knew that I wanted to, needed to.

  I wanted to wipe away his hurt, but not at Derrick’s expense. Blaine was talking to Derrick. I forced myself back to the present to listen.

  “Derrick, I’m not a threat to you or to your family.” Blaine said. “I’m not trying to hurt your mother. I give you my word on that.”

  He walked toward Derrick, his words soft and calmly spoken. “I can’t help that I feel a connection to her. I didn’t go looking for her. And even if I had, I would have never expected to know without a shadow of a doubt that she was my…my…mother…before.”

  Blaine looked my way, trying to hide the pain, for the first time totally serious, the amusement gone. “Derrick, I’m not trying to take her away from you. And you’re right. You’re her only son. I could never take your place.”

  “I thought you believed you were her son also.” Some of the hostility was gone from Derrick’s voice.

  “Most people don’t believe in reincarnation,” Blaine explained. “It’s taboo. But for several hundred years it was thought of as natural. People died expecting to meet their loved ones in another life. Some even made their loved ones promise to find them. This is the only case I’ve heard of where I believe that it happened.”

  “If you really believe that, why are you saying I’m her only son? You think you are too, don’t you?”

  Blaine turned his back to Derrick and walked toward his desk. “We can live only one life at a time, Derrick. It doesn’t matter what I believe. I have no birth certificate. You do.”

  Blaine looked in my direction. “I’m sorry, Derrick, your mother is right. I have clients waiting. If I’m giving out discounts, I have to make my living on someone.”

  He stood smiling to usher us out of the room. This time he didn’t extend his hand to Derrick. We walked out the door. Moments later I was back to retrieve my purse I’d left on purpose.

  “Blaine, I’m sorry for the inquisition. Thanks for talking to him.
” I walked closer to Blaine. I had to hold him.

  Blaine laughed. “You didn’t expect him to like me, did you?”

  I didn’t answer. I stared at him, tears filling my eyes. I saw him back away, knowing what I intended.

  “What if it happens again? I thought you were afraid.”

  Blaine’s eyes belied his words. They were wistful, full of hope to at last feel his mother’s touch. I knew his feelings as surely as I knew my own and I was no longer afraid. Blaine’s pain erased my fears. I wound my arms around Blaine and pulled him tight to me. Again the visions assailed my senses, so vivid that I could smell the flesh of my newborn son buried beneath the stink of the blood.

  I pressed Blaine’s head into the curve of my shoulder holding him even tighter, not pulling away as I saw my baby lying there waiting for someone to pick him up. I caressed the back of Blaine’s head as I attempted to feel the soft baby skin of the child in my vision.

  I felt the volt of electrical current enter my body and pass through to Blaine. In that moment I was able to touch the skin of the baby I would never be able to see grow up.

  I could see the spark of energy go from mother to baby, from Dimi to her son, just as it was doing now. My heart lurched with love for the child, this now grown man that I held in my arms.