There wasn’t one—Annie was dead and Salem’s mother long dead—but damned if he would ask Emily to step in.
His mind cast about. “I’ll phone Laura, Nick Jordan’s wife.”
“Uh-huh. Sure, you can. She’s probably at the bakery right now serving customers, but you can call her and ask her to leave them and come right over.”
Of course he couldn’t. Weekend mornings were crazy busy at the café, Laura’s busiest time. “How about Emily’s sister, Pearl?”
“She won’t think that’s odd? You calling her while Emily is here in the house? And her knowing Aiyana idolizes Emily? That won’t look strange?”
It would look ridiculous, and Salem knew it.
Emily was here. Still...he couldn’t ask. He couldn’t open Aiyana to heartbreak. But Aiyana was unhappy about something, and wouldn’t confide in him.
His dad’s white eyebrows rose in an exaggerated circumflex, low on the sides and high in the middle, almost meeting at the midpoint, compelling Salem to set aside his fears and seek help for his daughter.
It stuck in his craw. He didn’t want Emily’s help. He could do this on his own. He wanted Emily out of his house and back in her own. Away from him. Away from his daughters.
“She won’t hurt them,” Dad said as though reading his mind. “She won’t lead them astray.”
His confusion with Aiyana, his utter...helplessness, had him swaying toward Dad’s point of view. He needed someone’s help. Emily was the only one available right now.
He’d made the decision to not see her again, to not think about her, to pretend she didn’t exist, and yet here she was in his house. And Aiyana needed someone at this moment. Salem could deal with the consequences later.
“Okay,” he said and trudged upstairs, footsteps heavy and slow like his thoughts.
At his closed bedroom door, he halted and glanced down the hallway toward Aiyana’s door, also closed.
So many doors were closed to him these days. About the only thing that wasn’t was school. No wonder he spent so much time buried in books. They opened pathways for him he couldn’t breach elsewhere in his life.
He knocked and Emily called for him to come in.
She stood beside the bed, her skin pale and gray like ash, using his brush to calm her hair. He loved its thickness and color, a medium brown warmed by glints of blond and red tones. Natural highlights. Or, he assumed they were natural since they’d already been there when she was twelve.
He still remembered the first time he ever saw her and thinking he’d gone crazy because he’d felt such an immediate kinship with a stranger, and her only twelve while he was a strapping eighteen.
For a while, he’d wondered if he was some kind of pervert before realizing his attraction wasn’t sexual. That had come later, when she was still too young at fifteen. It had driven him into the arms of another woman. Just his rotten luck their birth control had failed. No, that wasn’t true. He might have regretted his marriage, but never his daughters, even now when they were teenagers and he didn’t have a clue what to do with them.
“Are you okay?” he asked Emily.
“I’m fine,” she replied, but wasn’t.
He knew when Emily lied. She was lying now.
“What’s up?” she asked shyly. Emily, who could go anywhere, do anything, was never shy. “You look upset.”
“And you look a little better than last night. More like yourself. How do you feel?”
“Tired, but the fever broke during the night, thank goodness. The attack’s almost run its course.” She placed his hairbrush onto his dresser. “I’ve known others with this. I’ve seen the symptoms and how they progress. I’ll be better soon.”
“Do you need to be anywhere this morning? I have a problem.”
“What kind of problem?”
“Aiyana’s upset.”
Her head shot up. “Aiyana? What’s wrong?”
The request backed up in his throat, but the bottom line was that Aiyana needed help and Emily was here. Even with his father’s help, Salem had been coping as both parents for so long, and he was out of his depth. “I think maybe she needs to talk to a woman.”
Emily looked uncertain, another sign she wasn’t herself. In all the years he’d known her, Salem had admired her generosity of spirit and her self-confidence.
He stepped back. “If you don’t want to that’s okay.”
“No. I don’t mind. It’s just...”
“Just what?”
“What kind of help does she need? I mean, I don’t know if I can help.”
If she didn’t help him figure out the puzzle that was his daughter, who would?
“What exactly is the problem?”
Salem shook his head like a bewildered old man, so far out of his element. “Mika says it’s boys. She’s at that age, right?”
Emily tilted her head, thinking. “Aiyana’s what? Fourteen?”
“Fifteen. Almost sixteen.”
“Yeah.” Emily’s mouth twisted wryly. “It’s probably a boy.”
“So, you’ll talk to her?”
A wash of emotion that might have been sadness painted Emily’s features.
“Okay.” She seemed to rouse herself. “Where is she? In her bedroom?”
Salem nodded and went back downstairs, hoping he could deal with the repercussions of Emily leaving—again—later. Maybe. He hoped.
* * *
EMILY LEANED HER forehead against Aiyana’s door to summon her strength before entering. She had to help the girl however she could, even though her resources were depleted. She just didn’t know what she had to give. Damn this illness.
Aiyana, the girl who used to follow Emily around like a perky kitten, needed her. While Emily had completed high school, she’d spent time with Aiyana on the weekends, bringing her gifts—stuffed bunny rabbits, books and toys.
The child might have been born to another woman, and Emily might have resented Annie for marrying Salem, but Aiyana had been Salem’s daughter, and a darling. And Emily had loved her from the first moment she met her.
Funny that Annie hadn’t minded, but then, Annie had been a proud mother, and happy to show off her baby. She had even let Emily babysit.
When Emily had gone to college, she had sent Aiyana birthday cards and sweet little notes at Christmas, and more presents.
As an archeologist, she had mailed Aiyana postcards from all the exotic countries she had visited. So, Emily had enjoyed a correspondence both ways, with Maria in the Sudan when she was at home, and with Aiyana when she’d been away.
And now Aiyana was hurting.
Aware of how hypocritical it was to offer boy advice when her own love life was a mess, she knocked anyway, because Salem had asked her to. How could she say no?
“Go away, Dad.” The voice sounded sullen, as only a teenager could, but Emily heard more. Desolation.
“It’s Emily.”
“Emily?” Emily heard a nose being blown. “Oh, um, just a sec.”
Emily waited.
“Okay. Come in.” It sounded thick with tears.
Emily opened the door cautiously. Aiyana sat on her bed with her arms wrapped around an oversize teddy bear, looking so much like a female version of a teenaged Salem that it brought back memories, both warm and tough. Aiyana was too old for stuffed animals, but Emily remembered the misery of unrequited love. Salem came to mind. She approached the bed.
“Hi,” she said and smiled.
Aiyana didn’t respond. Strange.
“Your dad says something’s going on. Do you want to talk?”
Aiyana shrugged. “I don’t know.” Her nose was stuffed up, and her eyes bloodshot. “What are you doing here so early in the morning?”
Emily was taken aback b
y Aiyana’s vaguely belligerent tone. It used to be that the girl would run into Emily’s arms when she returned for her visits. But the past couple of years, Aiyana been a bit cool, and now this. Was it normal adolescence, or something deeper?
“I slept over last night.”
“Did you sleep with Dad?”
Whoa. Did Aiyana mean sleep sleep or have sex sleep? Emily was pretty sure she meant sex. Where had this come from?
Before Emily could react, Aiyana asked, “So, like, did you guys kiss and make up?”
Ohhhh. Was this about Emily and Salem fighting before she left last year? Aiyana must have picked up on the change in Salem’s attitude toward her.
Why did adults never think that kids understood what was happening around them?
“I slept here because I was sick last night. I fainted at the Cathedral and your dad brought me home and took care of me.”
“How long are you staying this time?”
Emily finally got what was going on. The daughter had the same issues as the father.
“I’m staying for good this time.”
Skeptical, Aiyana shrugged.
“You look really pale,” Aiyana said, begrudgingly, as though she cared, but didn’t want to. “Are you okay?” A glimmer of compassion softened the blunt edges of Aiyana’s teenaged pique. Maybe they would get through this after all.
“It’s the tail end of an attack of malaria.”
“Isn’t that really bad?”
“I’ll be okay in a few days.”
Emily tucked her hands into her pockets. She felt as lost as Aiyana looked miserable, and just as uncomfortable. She didn’t know what to say or do.
This kind of thing had been easier when Aiyana’s problems had been as simple as scraped knees and broken toys.
On the wall on the other side of the bed, Emily spotted a corkboard filled with all the postcards Emily had sent over the years. Oh. Aiyana had kept them, every last one.
Aiyana might as well have reached into Emily’s chest and petted her heart as she was doing with the teddy bear’s head. Emily had to find a way to help her. She wanted to regain what they used to have.
“You know, when your dad and I fought last year, it had nothing to do with you. I love you as much now as I ever have.”
At the word love, Aiyana’s expression softened even more.
Emily took advantage. “Maybe I can help you through this.” It sounded like a question instead of an offer of help because, honestly, she had no idea what to do. She knew how to be a good listener. Maybe that’s all it would take. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“I don’t know,” Aiyana wailed. Oh, she must be hurting badly if she would consider confiding in Emily even though she was still so angry with her. “It’s embarrassing.”
“Did something happen to you?”
Aiyana buried her face in the bear’s head. “Sort of.”
Sort of? Oh, dear. “Can you explain what you mean?” Emily sat on the edge of the bed, but made sure she didn’t touch Aiyana. She didn’t want to invade the girl’s space if things weren’t fully right between them.
Aiyana covered her face with her hands. “I don’t know if I can. You wouldn’t understand.”
“You’d be surprised.”
Aiyana’s head jerked up at the depth of emotion in Emily’s voice.
Maybe in this situation, Emily would have to give before she would receive. “I broke up with my boyfriend three days ago when I left the Sudan to come home.”
“Oh, that’s so sad.”
“It was long overdue. We’d been together for six years, but he didn’t treat me well. I tolerated his behavior way longer than I should have. It was time for me to smarten up.”
Something about the phrase smarten up must have resonated with Aiyana, because she opened her mouth to speak, and the dam broke.
Through tears, haltingly, she told her story, about how she’d thought the boy had cared for her, about how she was honored and happy he’d asked her to be his girlfriend, about how last night he’d taken her into the ravine and had tried to pressure her to have sex.
He’d pushed her too hard too fast, but Aiyana hadn’t given in. Wow, strong girl for holding her own.
Emily was proud of her young friend. “That took guts. You have to feel the time and the boy are right before taking that big step. You’ll get over him.”
“I already have, as soon as I realized what a jerk he is. That’s not the problem. Look!” She jumped up from the bed. Anger vibrated in her slim frame. Good. Anger was a hell of a lot better than despair. Aiyana hit a few keys and her Twitter account came up. “Look what he did.”
Emily joined her, pressing her hand onto Aiyana’s shoulder. Oh, she had a bad feeling about this.
There, on the computer screen, tweets bounced around from the boy and his friends, and girls too, stating that she’d gone all the way with him last night...and that it hadn’t been the first time, and he hadn’t been the first boy, tweets like a hail of bullets cutting Aiyana down, too similar to Jean-Marc’s assault, but much, much worse.
Aiyana was too young, her defenses too undeveloped, to repel an attack like this. No wonder she needed help.
Damn the internet for making bullying so painfully public.
“It’s all lies,” Aiyana wailed. “I’m still a virgin.”
In Aiyana’s pain, Emily heard echoes of her own.
She fell back to sit on the bed, her past rushing toward her from a long dark tunnel, whooshing full speed ahead, the memories she’d worked so hard to submerge surfacing here where she had thought she would be safe.
She could handle Jean-Marc and his ugly innuendo miles and miles away, because she knew she could find a way to repair the damage, somehow, but this was here at home in Accord, and it was happening to a girl she loved, and it was happening in Emily’s old school. And that easily, the woman Emily had matured into was gone, and she was back to the lost and lonely girl she used to be.
CHAPTER FOUR
I HAVE NOTHING TO GIVE.
Emily had left too much of herself with all of the relics she’d resurrected and studied, and with a man who’d only wanted to control her. Any resilience she’d once possessed had deserted her. Her life was in shambles. How on earth was she supposed to help this girl?
Emily stared into Aiyana’s dark eyes, identical to Salem’s, but filled with panic and fear. Emily couldn’t turn away from the pain of being a young adolescent, of being unjustly accused, of experiencing the unfairness of life.
Aiyana needed a friend, and unless Emily wanted to disappoint herself and Salem, she had to try to help her.
Jean-Marc’s unfair accusations had brought up her painful past. Aiyana’s pain cemented her in it. All of those things she’d thought she had dealt with came brimming to the surface. She didn’t want to be in this place. She wanted to escape.
How naive to have thought that by leaving Accord time and again she had left the past behind. It sat inside her gut like a hard ball, blocking growth because she had never dealt with it. She hadn’t even begun to deal with it.
Salem had been right—she had been running—a lowering thought, that she’d based her life’s major decision on denial.
Rather than facing the problems she’d had in school head-on, she’d hidden from them, had believed herself to have risen above them, but all she had done was to find herself another bully to live with. Rather than deal with the lack of self-esteem with which the bullying and isolation had left her, she had created a pattern.
And it made her sick with disappointment in herself.
Memories of her own helplessness in high school, and the unjust accusations of mean girls, brought to flaming life the shame she’d felt back then. It had scalded then and did again now.
/> Her dad had married Laura and it had looked as if Emily’s life was turning away from the solitude she’d lived with for too many years since her parents’ divorce. Her mother had moved to France with her new husband, and her father had been a workaholic. Emily spent too many evenings alone in their big Seattle home. Then they’d moved to Accord, a town Emily had fallen in love with on first sight. She’d been happy for a few years, until her body matured and a clique of the most popular girls hadn’t liked that boys found her attractive.
By then, her dad and Laura had been busy with Pearl and then Cody. Emily’s cousin and best friend, Ruby, had gone to live with her mother and new stepfather for a year. Salem started dating Annie. Emily had been devastated. Soon after, Annie was pregnant and Salem married. Emily had never felt so alone.
She had survived the mean girls, eventually, but had spent subsequent years burying those memories as though they’d never existed. She didn’t want the old pain resurrected, she didn’t want Jean-Marc repeating that behavior, not now at another low point in her life, not on top of everything else.
But this girl needs you. Dredge up something. Anything.
“We’ll figure out how to handle this.” She meant it, even if only intellectually.
Give what you can.
An hour later, she left Aiyana’s bedroom and went downstairs. They had come up with a plan. Aiyana had to be proactive. Tomorrow morning, she would go to school as usual and pretend nothing had happened. She would be a better person than Justin and his friends. She wouldn’t check social media for the rest of the day. Emily had convinced Aiyana to brazen it out, the only way to get through this kind of thing, advice she needed to take herself. Today, she had to deal with the prayer book.
She entered the kitchen and found Salem and Mr. Pearce sipping coffee and making desultory conversation.
When he saw her, Salem’s expression became alert, and he stood so quickly his dad had to catch his chair before it toppled. “What is it? What’s wrong?”
“It’s boy trouble, and not good at all.”
She told him about Aiyana going out with a boy the night before. Salem reacted as a father.
Always Emily Page 7