“I think I can hold back. Maybe.”
“Good. There are some thoughts I don’t want to share with you.” I fought the yawn rising in my body, but I could not fight it forever. “Come on. We should pack before I lose all motivation.” As I stared into his deep blue eyes, I came to the conclusion the last thing I wanted to do was pack. Feeling his arms around me, the heat radiating from him, the way his dimples grew when he smiled down at me…
Urges I didn’t even know I had threatened to spill over. Those pesky hormones I thought awakened with John came back tenfold, far stronger than what they ever were. Maybe it was because I wasn’t sure if we were going to live through this, but I wanted to do something with Gabriel I never really wanted to do with anyone before.
I wanted to go to the bed, take off all our clothes, and, well, you get the picture.
Chapter Seventeen - Gabriel
I had a surprising amount of fun helping Kass pack. Granted, we only packed essentials, because neither of us knew how long we were going to be over there. But it was fun anyway. I didn’t remember ever going on trips; we only moved when the Council gave us orders to. We never took vacations or road trips. It just wasn’t done. We couldn’t take them, even though we worked our butts off and totally deserved them.
Being a Purifier was not something you could walk away from, even if it was only for a week when you went to Disney World.
And, okay. Maybe I didn’t so much help Kass as I did watch her roam around her room, bending to pick up clothes that may or may not have been dirty. She sniffed a few of them before shrugging and tossing them into the suitcase, on top of her rose blade, the only weapon she planned on bringing.
Her backside was very toned. Very sleek and strong. It took a lot of inner strength to remain on her bed and just watch her. Plus, those leather pants made her butt look beyond sexy. Couldn’t lie, I kind of dug this new look of hers. And, normally, I wasn’t a huge fan of loads of makeup, but her eyes looked even more green than they did before. I could handle a made-up Kass just as well as I could handle a natural Kass, or an I-tried-a-little-but-not-too-hard Kass. Every kind of Kass was a good Kass in my book.
God, how could I have said those things to her? How could I have looked at her with hatred? I loved this girl so much. I loved her ever since I could remember, even while dating other girls from the neighborhood. She was always it for me, the final one, the end run. How could I have ever felt differently?
I hated myself for letting the other me twist my thoughts and my feelings. I didn’t like that other me; he was an arrogant prick who thought he knew best. He tried to get me to turn to the dark, and I did, I almost did. I was full of rage and jealousy toward Crixis, hating the visions he showed me. Visions that, apparently, weren’t even the full picture.
The baby was mine, and Kass didn’t look much different than she did now. It only meant one thing. We…we’re together, sometime soon, before…well, the last part didn’t matter. I wasn’t going to waste time thinking about it right now.
“You look good in that,” I said, causing her to whip her head around and glare at me. Her death glare, her eyelids slightly creased, her mouth pursed. It was a half-hearted attempt, one that made me chuckle. “What? It’s true. Also, still waiting for you to give that to me,” I referenced the little black bit of cloth that held her chest in. So lacey and…well, I’d love to take it off her.
She fought the smile starting to form. She didn’t want to reveal she found me funny. “Don’t you have to pack, too?” Kass asked, cocking a brow. She was so cute. It was a good thing she couldn’t read my thoughts.
I laid back on her bed, sighing. I supposed I should start packing, but it didn’t matter. I wasn’t even sure if I’d bring a suitcase. Maybe I would, just to fit in with everyone else, not draw suspicion to myself. In the end, me packing a suitcase wouldn’t matter.
The things the other me had shown me were…not all lies. Only partial truths. I knew what was going to happen. I knew the other me wanted to destroy the world, raze it in fire and be worshipped by the Order, but I couldn’t do that. I liked the world. There were a few special people still living in it, too. People who didn’t deserve to be burned alive by hellfire, children and families who did their best to get by and live.
I might’ve been a murderer now, thanks to my outburst earlier, but I wasn’t about to turn into someone who favored the total annihilation of the world, genocide of the human race. I had standards.
I studied my arms. The tattoos I used to have were still gone, and the last time I looked in the mirror, my hair was back to its natural dark blonde. No platinum locks for me, after my almost turn to the dark side. Were those characteristics only inside me when I was full-blown good? Was it the Angel inside me, waiting to come out? Kass’s mom didn’t have any markings, and her hair was a chocolate brown. No nearly-white hair for her.
Was I different only because I was supposed to be like him?
Kass should know about her mother visiting me, about how she played the Angel on my shoulder, guiding me back to the light. But how could I tell her? It just seemed like something that was better off locked away inside my head. And, anyway, Kass would surely ask me what she showed me, and I didn’t want to tell her about the baby, or about the other me that tried leading me astray.
No, I didn’t want to even think about him. Or what he showed me. So I kept my mouth shut about that particular thing. She didn’t need to know why I was no longer the dark, brooding Gabriel, just that I wasn’t.
Me and brooding didn’t get along much, anyway.
“Did you even get your suitcase out?” Kass asked, breaking into my thoughts, hands on her hips. The typical Kass attitude. I loved it.
Propping myself up, I flashed a smile. “You can just put my clothes in with yours, can’t you?” The question would start World War III, and I knew it, which was why I smiled even harder after I asked it.
Her mouth fell open, and my eyes drew to her lips. Full lips that tasted sweet on mine, like honey, if honey tasted like saliva and body heat. Okay, maybe not the best comparison. “I still have to pack my makeup,” she muttered once she got over the absurdity of my question.
“Right,” I said. “Because you got to look good while saving the world.”
“Of course I do. Style doesn’t come easy.”
“I remember the days when you didn’t give a crap about what you looked like. That’s where the raccoon nickname came from,” I teased her, laughing when she bundled up a shirt and threw it at me. “You made fun of the girls who wore makeup, and you said leather was a thing of the nineties, and it was never coming back in.”
“Says the boy who still thinks he can bring back the word joshing when you’re joking,” Kass shot back, biting her bottom lip to stop herself from grinning. “And that was because I was like thirteen. I had no style back then, and my makeup skills were seriously lacking.”
“And what would you call them now?” I made an overly dramatic squeamish face.
Kass let out a laugh. “I hate you,” she said, moving to the bed.
“Well, we both know that’s the biggest lie of the year,” I said, leaning forward. Just as she started to move away, I snatched her by her wrists and tugged her back, pulling her on top of me. Our mouths collided, and for a split second, I couldn’t believe this was where we were. This was us, together. After years of back and forth. This was what I wanted for so long.
And, maybe because of my past self—maybe because I had to make up for the atrocities he’d caused—I had to atone, and there was only one way to fully rid myself of the dark taint of Lucifer’s soul.
I wouldn’t get to stay like this with Kass for long. I’d have to say goodbye, but that was further off.
Kass somehow wriggled herself out of my grip, muttering, “Fine. I’ll help you pack, and we can share a suitcase, but only because I kind of like you.” She moved away from me sharply when I reached for her again. She darted to my room.
For th
e next few hours, we laughed and screwed around. Did a little packing, but like I mentioned before, my clothes didn’t matter. I spent most of the time watching her fiddle around, laughing when she nearly knocked over my Lego Death Star. That thing took me way too long to build; the old me would’ve gotten annoyed. But truthfully, Kass could knock over every single thing in my bedroom and I wouldn’t care. If she wanted to, I’d let her destroy the whole place.
In a week, it’d only remind her of me, anyway, assuming they came back here. Assuming they stayed here.
It didn’t help me to think about their future, to think about Kass’s future without me. She spiraled when I was in the hospital, made buddy-buddy with her—no, our—worst enemy. She did things she never would’ve done if I had been there with her. Would she be able to handle everything the world threw at her once I wasn’t here? And I didn’t mean, unconscious-but-alive here. I meant when I was gone. Vanished. Dead. When I moved on to the next life, whatever was next for me.
It was really hard to think about it, and I was glad Kass couldn’t read my thoughts. If she knew what we were walking into over there, what had to happen to stop the Order from destroying the world by seeking another Demon who would be able to fulfill their wish, she wouldn’t let us go. She wouldn’t let me go.
She just got me back, and she’d lose me so soon. How was it fair?
How was any of it fair? I didn’t ask to be born like this, I didn’t ask for the soul of a fallen Angel. I left the book in Kass’s room; I didn’t need to read it. I knew enough already. Too much, some would say. I didn’t need a history lesson or a play by play of what I could do. I felt the power in my blood; it was as natural as breathing was to me, now.
After we packed (or, really, Kass packed), we laid on my bed. Some would call it cuddling, others might call it needy and desperate embracing; whichever one it was, I didn’t care. I would lay with her all the time if I could. We spent nights in each other’s beds all the time, but now…things were different. If we slept in the same bed, things would most definitely happen. Things I both did and did not want to happen because it meant we were one step closer to the end.
It wasn’t like I wanted to die. It wasn’t like I was suicidal. If I had the choice between living for a few more days or living the rest of my life with Kass, I’d choose the latter every single time. Sometimes, though, we didn’t get to choose. Sometimes the decision was made for us.
Kass stirred against me, yawning. She snuggled against my chest, burrowing into me as she whispered, “Promise me.”
I had to stop myself from immediately saying anything, because there were a few promises I couldn’t make. “Promise you what?”
She was half asleep even though it was eleven in the morning. Kass hadn’t gotten a wink of sleep at all last night. She’d been through a lot lately; she’d go through a lot more before this thing was finished. “Promise me,” Kass murmured, “you’ll never leave me again.”
I ran my hand through her hair, smiling softly at the smudging makeup around her eyes. She was a raccoon in this exact moment, my Kass. She was groggy and sleepy and out of it, but she was my Kass. She was beautiful. Perfect in every way. I wished she understood it.
She wanted me to promise her I’d never leave her. That was what I was afraid of her asking. I couldn’t promise it, because I wasn’t a fan of breaking promises. And that—that was one promise I’d definitely have to break, very soon.
“Kass,” I whispered, “I think you should go rest.” When she moaned and shook her head, I took charge by snaking my arms under her dozing form and hoisting her up. She was muscular and strong, but she was so miniscule compared to me. She was child-sized, and she’d stay that way the rest of her life. A life I wouldn’t get to see, wouldn’t get to witness.
My mouth pursed into a thin line as I carried her out of my room, careful not to hit her head on the door frame, and into hers. I avoided stepping on as many bundles of clothes as I could, making my way to her bed. I laid her down, smoothing the hair out of her face and drawing the blankets over her. She had to sleep, rest for what was to come.
So peaceful when she slept; such a switch from her conscious self. My Kass. Quirky in a lot of ways, but loveable. And God, how I loved her. I loved her with all of my heart, as dorky as it sounded. She was everything to me. She was brave, tough, smart when it counted. Gorgeous and sexy and cute all rolled into one. Really, it wasn’t fair. No girl should be this perfect.
But she was, and she was mine.
When her breathing steadied, when I was certain she was fast asleep, I spoke quietly, “I’ll always be with you, even if I’m not here.” It was the closest I could get to promising her I’d never leave again.
My feet took me back to the door, and I slowly turned the handle and pulled it closed, releasing the doorknob at the same speed to avoid making any sounds that might wake her up. Once it was firmly shut, I leaned my forehead against the wood, breathing in a lungful of a sigh. My hand, palm flat against it, stretched over the wood.
I didn’t want to leave her. Not now, and not in the future. Knowing what I had to do, well, it hurt. I wasn’t ready, but I guessed no one ever really was. It always crept up on you, an unwanted visitor even though everyone knew he would come for them eventually.
There was only one thing that was certain in life: death. Death would come a-knocking for you sooner or later. He’d find you, no matter where you ran to or what lengths you went through to hide. Nothing could keep him away. Even exercise and good eating habits could only hold him at bay for so long. Death came for us all, never choosy, always hungry for another life.
I wouldn’t deny death. I knew him well, after all the purifying I’d done in my life. I sent many Demons his way, and now…it was my turn.
This was my fight. My battle. The Order wanted me, and they’d get me. Just not in the capacity they wanted.
I had to give this mission my all. I had to give my life. The others would make it through this, but me?
I was going to die.
Chapter Eighteen - Kass
When we pulled up to the hangar, all I could think was: fancy, fancy. We lugged our suitcases behind us; Liz, Max and mine. Gabriel won out. His stuff was packed with mine, but at least he pulled his weight by tugging it along. We drove right up to the gate, where men in black suits and dark sunglasses stood, waiting. After letting us in, they showed us to the plane that would take us over the ocean.
No wonder it took Crixis hours; there were dozens of guards here. It must’ve taken a bit of time to compel them all.
“What about when we land?” Liz asked as the pilot of the plane—a clean-cut, middle-aged man wearing a crisp, white suit—opened the hatch for us. It was not a large plane, not a commercial one. This was someone’s private jet, and we were basically stealing it.
It was kind of exciting, though. I didn’t think any of us had ever been on a fancy plane like this. When we moved across the country, we got the cheapest seats we could; and we often didn’t fly together, such was the case when we moved to North Carolina.
“I had them call ahead to notify,” Crixis replied. He had no suitcase, and thankfully for my eyesight, he changed out of his Hawaiian getup and into the dark pants and button-up navy-blue shirt that I was more used to seeing him in. “But when we arrive—” He had to duck his head to enter the plane, following Liz. “—remain onboard until I can compel them.”
Liz nodded, a freaked out look on her face. He wouldn’t have to tell her twice.
Max went into the plane next, and I asked, “How’s Claire?”
“Jealous we’re going to London and she’s not,” Max said. “But she’s scared for us. She said…” He paused as he handed the pilot his suitcase, who wordlessly smiled as he shoved it into the overhead compartment. “She said if we don’t come back, she’ll never forgive me. She says she wants me to haunt her as a ghost so she can yell at me.” Max chose a window seat.
Actually, they were all window seats.
Yeah, that sounded like Claire. I sat on the other side as Gabriel handed our luggage over and sat across from me. The seats were velvety and cushiony. Very comfortable. Why wasn’t flying like this all the time?
Gabriel shot a glare at Crixis, causing me to roll my eyes. Once the pilot went to the cockpit, he asked, “So whose plane is this?”
“Some member of Congress. Maybe a senator,” Crixis spoke with a shrug. “Does it matter, sire?”
Leaning back in his seat, Gabriel muttered, “Don’t call me sire, you dick.”
I wanted to laugh at the absurdity of it all, but I couldn’t. Night had fallen, and by the time we landed, it’d be tomorrow already. Plus, we’d lose five hours of time. That pushed ahead our schedule quite a bit. We had two days now, we’d have one day tomorrow.
One day would be enough. It had to be.
The pilot’s voice came on the loudspeakers, telling everyone to buckle up, that we were getting ready to take off. Once we were in the air we could move around freely.
I looked at Gabriel as the scenery of pavement turned into a blur in the windows. He reached out to hold my hand across the little aisle, his fingers weaving through mine, his warmth welcome. I didn’t remember going to my own bed earlier, but I supposed it was a good thing we didn’t sleep together. If we slept in the same bed, we might be tempted to do other things.
Things I really, really wanted to do.
I ran my thumb over his rough knuckles before letting his hand go. We’d have plenty of time to do those things after.
Once we were high in the sky and the United States were but a memory, Liz knelt near us, shoving a laptop onto my legs. On the screen, an impressive building sat, its architecture all swirling arches and statues even though it only looked to be two stories tall. White and grey stonework, and steps carved from marble.
The Order (Nightwalkers Book 8) Page 10