I bowed my head in my hands and started to cry quietly. I felt my grandmother pull me towards her, her arms around me. For some minutes I rested against the black taffeta and then drew back. Grandmother handed me a white lace handkerchief.
‘Dry your eyes, Jane, and weep no more. You are indeed the innocent party in this situation which amounts to a charade and I will see that the whole unpleasant situation is brought to an end but I have to speak to someone first.’
At these words, I looked with surprise at her.
‘But that is what Jason Trehaine said to me only today. It is you and he who have to speak together, isn’t it?’
She did not answer me.
‘Isn’t it, Grandmother?’
In a weary voice she answered, ‘Yes, my child. Jason Trehaine and I have to speak together.’
So saying, she laid her hand across mine, her ring sparkling in the firelight.
10
To say I spent a restless night is true. Thoughts of what Jason Trehaine and Grandmother had to speak of whirled around in my head and I came to many conclusions, probably none of them the correct one.
As I lay in bed I could see by the light on the curtains that it was a pleasant morning. I lay there, waiting for Molly to bring my breakfast while I thought of this morning’s ride with Robert and wondered what it was he was so keen to say to me.
As usual, Molly was her cheerful self and busied herself preparing my bath and clearing the grate to light a fire. This morning I felt in a sombre mood and chose my dark riding attire. I let Molly arrange my hair, not wishing to displease or outrage Robert today. At this thought I smiled to myself. Had I really outraged the unconventional Robert Thornton yesterday? With some amusement I realised I had. Suddenly I felt better and now looked forward to my ride with Robert, alone. Grandmother had not mentioned it yesterday but I took it to be true that she had given her approval. Robert was many things but not a liar.
As I pinned my mother’s brooch to the high neck of my white blouse, Molly draped the riding cape around my shoulders. Putting the finishing touches to my attire with my silk top hat, which I loathed, I was ready to face Mr Robert Thornton. As I approached the stables I could see he was already there. I could see Jack held Amber ready for me to mount.
‘Good morning, Jane,’ Robert said as I neared the stables. ‘The weather is in our favour for November. It is a lovely day. How lucky we are.’
He was smiling and obviously in good humour.
‘Indeed it is a nice morning. Even the sea is calmer and not thundering on the shore.’
As I spoke, Robert’s hands encircled my waist as he lifted me expertly into the saddle. His eyes met mine and I felt the colour rising in my cheeks and looked away quickly, thanking Jack, to cover my confusion. As we set off little did I know what confusion I would be faced with that day.
Robert rode beside me, reining his horse to keep pace with Amber and myself. As we passed Granny Merriock’s cottage, Robert leaned across and gently laid a hand over mine.
‘Think nothing of it, Jane, for today at least.’
I smiled wistfully back at him. Seeing the church tower in the distance brought to mind the unpleasant incident with Aunt Laura on Sunday and the conversation with my grandmother yesterday. Robert must have observed the solemn look on my face as he reined in our mounts.
‘I want you to be happy today, Jane. Clear all other thoughts from your mind for today is for you and me,’ he said.
These words cheered me for wasn’t this what I wanted, to be alone with this man whom I loved? Thoughts of him had filled my days since meeting him and our secret time in the library was the sun in my heart. Each time I recalled it I could still feel his lips on mine.
As we reached the field and the Dancing Damsels, Robert lifted me down from Amber. Instead of letting me go he pulled me to him and I could feel his heart beating fast. As he looked down at me I could feel myself trembling. I was alone with him, far from any other being and yet I trusted him.
‘Janie, I love you,’ he said in a burst. The words came so suddenly from him I was taken aback.
‘Why, Robert I...’
‘Don’t say anything for the moment, let me speak. I love you and please believe me when I say I have never said this before to anyone. I believe I have loved you since the moment I saw you at the railway station. I want to be with you always, to look after you and protect you. Janie, I want you to be my wife and I pray you can love me, too.’
As he released me, his words rang in my ears. His words had stunned me for I had thought of everything but this and yet it was what I desired. But what of Laura? Grandmother had assured me there was nothing between them but I had witnessed the scene in the woods that day, both of them close together somewhat intimately to my keen eyes. All these thoughts ran through my mind in seconds.
‘Speak to me, Janie. Was I wrong in thinking this is what you wanted? Was I wrong to assume you felt about me as I feel about you?’
I turned away from him and stroked Amber’s nose, catching sight of the ring of tall grey stones.
‘Speak to me, my only love.’
His voice was full of urgency and imploring. I had to find the right words. To say the wrong thing at this moment could jeopardise any future I might have with this man, the man of my dreams. I turned to face him once more.
‘You assume right that this is what I’d hoped for and that my feelings for you are different to anything I’ve experienced but...’
‘But what, Janie?’ he interrupted. ‘What of Laura?’ I asked softly.
‘What about Laura? What has this got to do with your aunt? It is you I love and wish to marry. How could this in any way have anything to do with Laura?’
I could see he was exasperated.
‘Have you forgotten the day I saw you together in the woods? Your hands were holding her arms and you were both so close you couldn’t have got a taper between you. What have you got to say about that? Before I can think of marrying you I have to know what happened that day.’
Robert took my arm.
‘Come, Jane, let us walk to the stone circle. Calm yourself while we walk and I will offer you an explanation. Put your arm through mine.’
I did as I was bid and we walked across the muddy ground. Robert was right, the stones did not hold me with such foreboding today. Robert leaned against one of the age-old stones, the sun falling on his face.
‘I’ve been here a few times with my friend, Alan, and vowed I would propose to you here. It’s an earthy place, far away from balconies and drawing-rooms and I wanted you to remember it always, but it hasn’t gone as planned, no indeed not. I had hoped after our encounter in the library you had forgotten that day in the woods.’
Tut how could I, especially on such a momentous occasion as you pledging your love for me?’
‘I want you to trust and believe in me, Jane, that there is no attachment, or ever has been, between your aunt and myself. Please believe me, it was purely innocent the day you saw us in the woods but at this moment I cannot tell you why we were together.’
‘Why not when you have asked me to become your wife?’
‘Trust me on this, Jane.’ His voice was firm. ‘All I can say is that until I find the priest’s hole I cannot tell you.’
‘The priest’s hole?’ I uttered in astonishment.
‘Yes. That small part of Pendenna Reach is very important to this conversation we are having now.’
‘I think I may know where it is,’ I offered.
Robert was suddenly very alert.
‘You think you know, when Alan and I have scoured the house from top to bottom?’
‘Did you try the nursery?’
‘Why do you say that?’
‘It was something Nora Blackstone said to me one day, that there was such horror to be found in these walls and that it was in the nursery.’
‘We have to get back to Pendenna, Janie. This is important. Not so important as my proposal to you today but w
e will keep that in abeyance for a day or two. It will give you a chance to think it over. I realise it must have been a shock to you.’
‘It was that, to say the least. I will think it over and I trust you also.’
Now smile and let us hope you have opened the door to an age-old mystery.’ He dropped a kiss on my brow.
On reaching Pendenna, I made my way to my room to prepare for luncheon. I realised I was trembling and my legs felt weak. The events of the morning had been so unexpected I could hardly believe my good fortune. As I stood by the fire in my room, warming my hands, I reached idly to my mother’s brooch at my throat and unclasped it. My hands were trembling so much that I dropped it and it fell to the grate. To my dismay, I saw that the gold backing had come apart from the stone. Gently I picked it up and looked at the opening in the back, behind the stone. To my utter amazement, Jason Trehaine’s image was staring back at me!
I sank back in the chair by the fire clasping the brooch in my hand. Again I looked at the picture to ensure I was not mistaken. It was definitely Jason Trehaine as a young man. His age had not really altered him. Then I read the inscription on the back of the brooch
I adore you forever.
So it had been Jason Trehaine who had given my mother the brooch which she wore every day from as far back as I could remember. But why?
A dozen questions tumbled through my mind. I thought of Mamma’s diaries and I stood up, an astonishing thought coming to me. He looked familiar because I was like him. At this thought, I ran to the mirror and stared at my reflection in the glass. I always thought I looked like my mother and had nothing of John Merriock’s fair looks, now I knew why. Realisation dawned on me, and I truly believed that Jason Trehaine, of Mannamead, was my father.
A medley of thoughts ran through my head — my mother and father not sharing a room; Mamma’s sadness each time she spoke of Pendenna, which was often; the love she mentioned in her diaries was not for John but for Jason. I recalled her words, my beloved will know what to do, and what did they do? How did I come to be brought up believing John Merriock was my father? I had seen their marriage certificate.
I had to have some answers. Then I thought of Granny Merriock saying, ‘You are no great granddaughter of mine.’
She knew I wasn’t her kin. Who else knew apart from my true father? My thoughts flew to my grandmother. She, too, must know the truth. I was so desperate to hear the truth but I must think about this, mull it over in my mind and not be hasty. I knew in my heart I was right. It explained so much.
I looked once more at Jason Trehaine’s picture and gently closed the back of the brooch. To my relief it was not broken and I could see now how the back opened. How many times over the years had my mother opened this and gazed with longing at my father, my real father. I must be Jason Trehaine’s only child. Recalling the day I first visited Mannamead, the picture of his wife came to my mind, and he had said she had died of consumption. And the paintings by John Merriock
What were they doing at Mannamead? He said he bought them as John Merriock was a good friend. Had they really been friends? I had to know what happened in the year of my birth and believed it was my true father who had all the answers.
It suddenly dawned on me that this evening he would be a guest at the Pendenna dinner table. Could I face him with composure, knowing the truth? I could do it, I had to, but for now I must keep silent until the time was right. Molly appeared while I was mulling these thoughts over in my mind.
‘Have you had lunch yet, miss? Your grandmother is asking after you according to Cook,’ Molly chatted.
‘No, I haven’t been down to lunch. I’ve decided to rest until dinner. The ride to the Dancing Damsels has tired me and I didn’t sleep well last night.’
‘No matter, miss, I’ll bring you up some cold chicken and a nice pot of tea.’
Everything seemed so normal with Molly there but in truth everything was different. I picked at my lunch, drank my hot tea and then fell asleep, exhausted by the day’s events. As I drifted off, I asked another question. Did Robert also know the truth?
I entered the drawing-room that evening purposely ten minutes late. As I stood at the door, I regained my composure and smoothed the skirts of my dress. I felt behind me to ensure the stiff silk bow was straight and then glanced down at the square, lace-trimmed bodice to which was pinned my mother’s brooch. I took a deep breath to be ready to face both Robert and Jason Trehaine.
They were all assembled when I entered, as I hoped they would be. Robert stood out. I had not even thought of his proposal since finding the picture in the brooch. I instinctively touched it to make sure it was securely in place. Robert and Jason had obviously been in conversation and I wondered again if Robert knew the truth. I felt as if I was looking at a play being performed. Everything and everyone felt unreal this evening.
‘Miss Merriock, how nice to see you again.’
Jason Trehaine crossed the room and I studied his features carefully, trying not to make it obvious and smiling as he came towards me. There was no doubt about it, I looked like him. Grandmother was silent as she watched the scene enacted before her. What was she thinking? And Laura, did she know? She sat in silence, next to her mother, with a scowl on her face. What was the real reason she hated me so much?
All the while these thoughts were going through my head I tried to smile and act normally, accepting a drink from Robert as he looked in my eyes, conveying the secret of his love to me alone. I suddenly found myself tongue-tied.
‘Where is Alan Lester?’ I stammered.
‘He left this afternoon bound for Somerset and more stone circles,’ Robert enlightened me.
Then I set to wondering about Aunt Laura and the priest’s hole. Why had she denied its existence when my mother had noted in her diary that they had found it? Had Robert looked for it that afternoon? As if in answer to my thoughts, Robert took me to one side, much to Aunt Laura’s displeasure.
‘Meet me at breakfast. I want you to come to the nursery with me in the morning,’ he said quietly.
I glanced around. No-one had heard.
The whole evening was a strain. How I got through it without screaming out that I knew the truth I don’t know, but little did I know that the whole truth was to be revealed next day when the secret of Pendenna would well and truly be out in the open.
11
Robert was seated at the table when I entered the dining-room next morning, quite an unusual occurrence as he normally took breakfast early and then went riding out on the estate visiting tenant farmers. He looked up as I walked in and I prayed he wouldn’t mention the proposal of marriage today for I had other things on my mind, but I needn’t have worried for he, too, had more immediate matters to attend to.
‘Good morning, Janie. I hope you slept well.’
As I helped myself to bacon and scrambled eggs and poured myself some coffee, I thought briefly of the night I had just spent tossing and turning, my mind full of the events of the past few weeks, but I wasn’t going to admit this to Robert.
‘I slept well, thank you,’ I lied admirably as I seated myself opposite him and sipped the strong hot coffee with some relish for I thought it may go toward making me feel more alert.
‘So, you are ready to face our exploration of the nursery?’ He paused. ‘Or maybe you have changed your mind.’
‘Not at all. I am looking forward to it as I haven’t yet visited this room.’
‘Are you not a little afraid of what you may find?’
Robert smiled at me, such an engaging smile I could not help but answer truthfully.
‘With you, I would not feel afraid anywhere.’
It was the truth but as soon as I had uttered the words, I regretted it for fear he might misconstrue them and conclude the truth that I was jelly in his hands. Robert didn’t answer but neither did he mock me. Instead he placed a strong hand over mine, the look in his deep brown eyes warm and sincere. In that moment I knew we forged an unspoken understa
nding between us.
‘Have you told my grandmother of our plan to visit the nursery?’ I asked.
‘No, I would not want to worry her. In any event, we may not locate the priest’s hole. I have looked at many books and found no mention of it.’
‘My mother mentions it,’ I offered, ‘in her diary.’
He sat looking at me for seconds which in truth seemed like minutes.
‘Does she say in this diary where it can be found?’
‘No, only that she and Laura discovered it when they were younger.’
‘So, you only have Nora Blackstone’s word that it is in the nursery, which makes sense. It is a place no-one would think to look.’
Robert sat back in his chair and I knew he was anxious to start our search.
‘No matter, Janie, we will go ahead as planned although we have little to go on. More coffee?’
‘No, I am refreshed, thank you.’
So saying we both left the room. As we made our way through the hall and up the staircase I saw everything in a different light. With Robert at my side, things did not seem so dark and although the eyes of my ancestors followed our progress, even the portraits took on a new meaning and I realised till now I’d never taken the time to look at them with much interest. At the top of the stairs was a large portrait of a young woman and I realised it could be my grandmother.
I lingered to look a little more closely but Robert was going on ahead so I quickly caught up with him. We passed the schoolroom. I then caught the strong scent of lavender as we passed Nora Blackstone’s room, consequently my thoughts were of her as we opened the door of the nursery. We stepped inside and, looking around, I gasped in surprise. Everything looked as if the room was still lived in. The two beds on opposite walls to each other were made up and covered in pink bedspreads. On one bed was a china doll similar to the one I had found in the schoolroom but not so well cared for and I assumed it to be Laura’s.
Matters of the Heart Page 8