by Rane, April
You will suffer for what you’ve caused!
The wheat of the field you cannot eat.
The seed of your loins it will not seat,
And always… I will know of your defeat!”
“Be gone!” she shouted to the elementals, “for I have called you out for the last time. It is set. It is done. So be it!”
Staring at Tomis with hatred in her eyes, she collapsed on the floor.
He turned pale when he saw water and blood where she had been standing. Shouting for help, he knelt by her side, softly whispering, “Regina Bella, mea Regina Bella.”
Sovonya, who had just risen from her sick bed, arrived in time to see Tomis carry Aradia’s limp body toward the small cot. He ordered a fire to be lit and told the maid to send someone for the midwife. When he was told there was none available, the bird-like maid said that she had tended a birth or two.
The master of the house was not far behind them. Roaring like an enraged lion, he burst through the door and was about to order everyone out when he saw Tomis.
“What in heaven’s name are you doing here?” he shouted.
“I might ask what Aradia is doing in this dungeon of a room, cold and damp, in her condition? What were you thinking? Why was I not informed that she was with child?”
Tomis turned from him in disgust as the little maid prepared for the birth, and Aradia groaned piteously.
“Sovonya, I order you to leave!” the master said, “All of you leave immediately, except the one to help with the child. I am told it is on the way.”
“You have ordered me for the last time sir,” Sovonya waved her cane towards him in a threatening fashion, declaring adamantly; “I am staying to help with this birth!”
“If you stay, it might be the last thing you do!” he warned her.
“I think you have done enough injury,” Tomis said to the master of the house, standing protectively in front of Sovonya. “Leave now!”
The master found himself being propelled towards the door by a furious Tomis, who barely able to contain his murderous feelings, was shouting, “Allow the women to do their work!”
“Go!” Sovonya cried in agreement. “I am given to understand that Aradia nursed me for more than two moons before this hideous situation befell her. It was Aradia’s herbs that finally roused me from my illness. Be gone, before I turn you into a toad! The sight of you sickens me!”
And leaning heavily on her stick, she sank into a chair close by the bed on which Aradia lay groaning. “The staff has told me he took the letters you wrote to her,” she told Tomis. “He used them against her. She never saw or read them. He did not let the letters she wrote to you leave this house.”
Tomis knelt down and lovingly gathered up the parchment that Aradia, in her distress, had left scattered on the floor.
“Is there anything I can do now?” he asked the older woman.
“No, it is up to her now,” Sovonya said, “We need to see if she will rouse herself from this faint. But you should be here. It is your child.”
“Yes,” he said, tears unashamedly spilled from his eyes. His face contorted, showing deep seated pain. “Rumaldea kept news of the babe from me. He lied to me. Why?” But finding that Sovonya was murmuring words of comfort to Aradia, he unrolled the parchment and carried it to the fire where he began to read the story of Aradia’s life. He read about her grandmamma guiding her, teaching her la vecchia religion, the old religion. He learned of her enormous love for her family, and her close tie with her sister Sardiana. He was aghast at how they were butchered along with nearly everyone in the town…everyone she had written so glowingly about. He openly cried, his tears blotting the ink as he read of how she was taken captive, beaten and forced by her protective instincts to kill. His breath caught in his throat as he read that she was thrown in the hold of a boat like an animal and brought to Athens to be sold as a slave.
With drooping shoulders, hunched close to the fire in order to read every word, Tomis ran the gauntlet from ice cold anger to fiery rage as he felt her pain. Slowly, as he read he began to understand the depth of the lies told to him by Rumaldea, and worse…the poisonous lies told to taunt and hurt Aradia. In the name of what, he riled? What excuse, what useless emotion could ever make this despicable treatment anything but inhumane?
The lines on the parchment tore at his heart as he read of the deep feelings she had for him. Looking over at her as she writhed on the bed, he wept, the tears streaming down his cheeks, dampening his robe. With a pang, he remembered when she kissed away his tears.
Sovonya’s heart was breaking for this child…a child having a child. And she was bearing the threat of being hanged, as well. She swore to herself that she would prevent that no matter what she had to do. If Aradia lived! Oh, if only she lived! Don’t let it be that I have come too late, she begged the gods. “I came as soon as I could,” she cried now, hoping against hope that Aradia could hear her. “Oh child, do not leave us,” she prayed aloud. “Here, hold my hand, squeeze, it will help. Push! It is time to push again.”
With Sovonya’s encouragement, Aradia roused herself and pushed, crying out as she did so, “Do not let the master have this child! He is a monster! Please take my babe back to my homeland. I have told the maid, given her instructions. Please, I’m so sorry I disappointed you… that I did not take you into my confidence. I … I’m sorry I took the jewels. I would have repaid you.”
“Hush, hush child,” Sovonya said, assuring Aradia she would see to it that the child was brought back to her homeland. She would do it herself, if need be.
“I will protect you,” Aradia kept repeating to her child, as she lovingly held her belly, trying desperately to bear the waves of pain.
Tomis was shaking severely as he continued to read Aradia’s diary. Reading of the trial, and of the words she had spoken to the judges…words that were to protect him wrenched at his heart. With each new sentence he connected with her pain! The master had told her that he, Tomis, had accused her of seducing him with witchcraft. Outraged that the man he had once trusted had produced a letter supposedly written by him, he realized that he could kill him with his bare hands, knowing the damage that those words must have caused her. And now he was witnessing the outcome of the lies.
A fierce primal roar came from Tomis as he read the last words, the words of a woman only living to bring forth her child as the desperate cold, the deep loneliness, and his abandonment of her had finally won. She had nothing to live for.
Leaping from his chair by the fire, he ran to Aradia’s bedside and knelt on the floor. “Aradia, tu mea cour!” he cried. “I never accused you! Never!” Crying out against the injustice of what was happening, he implored, “Please, please don’t leave me, Regina Bella, tu mea cour.”
When the head of the baby crowned, Sovonya whispered, “Push, push,” and with her very last breath, Aradia propelled her child into the world.
“I never accused you, never,” Tomis wept as he clutched her lifeless hand and begged her not to leave him, at the same time that Sovonya sobbed, “She is gone, Tomis. She is gone!”
Aradia, floating above the bed, heard Tomis say that he had never accused her.
And when Desimena, her spirit guide, appeared beside her, Aradia grabbed her arm and shook her as she cried, “He was not the one to accuse me. I must speak to him!”
But no matter how she tried to get his attention, Tomis could not see her. Sobbing, he sat on the bed caressing a slender white hand.
“He cannot hear you, Aradia. You are not of that world anymore. You have left your body behind, and you have left much karma to deal with. What goes out must come back. When you know of these things as you do, then they return threefold.”
Desimena’s face was awash with understanding, but she shook her head in sadness at the outcome of Aradia’s life.
“I am not chastising you child, but you spewed forth such hate, and its residue will be felt for a long time to come…no doubt, for many incarnations. Come, child, it is time
for us to leave. You have much preparation, for it is possible that you are to be born again very shortly. Those who take their own lives usually return very quickly.”
“I did not take my own life!” Aradia declared in utter astonishment. “I died. Beside what of my child?”
“You allowed your body to waste away. You wanted to cheat them of killing you! You pushed away parts of your soul with your distrust of Tomis and the growing hate you harbored. One of your redeeming factors was that you sang to your child, and ate just enough to bring him forth into the world. He shall be a great man, mayhap a king in his time. Yes, you took your own life for you were determined it would not be taken from you.”
“I needed to be strong … I needed…” faltered Aradia.
“There is a fine line between pride and humility. If you are too humble, you lose yourself in meekness. If you have too much pride, it becomes arrogance. And in arrogance you lose yourself just as surely as you do in humility that serves no purpose.”
Aradia looked puzzled.
Desimena shook her head. “No, child, I will not explain it to you. It is one of the lessons you must learn for yourself.”
“What should I have done, thrown myself on the mercy of the master? He is a monster! I could not lower myself to rummage in the dirt with him. I am no coward!”
In frustration, Aradia turned away from Desimena. Flashes of the spell she had cast filtered through her mind. It was true. She knew better. It was not as if she had not been warned. Her grandmother had certainly told her; never do a spell in anger. And her spirit guide had gently and lovingly tried to keep her on the right path.
“Will I be punished?” Her words came in a rush.
“There are many roads that can be taken on life’s excursion and all of them eventually lead to learning. Life is a journey, not a destination. Life is eternal; therefore your passage means liberation, not punishment. … Let us go child, for there are many waiting to greet you.”
Desimena took the hand of her beloved student and charge. As they entered a great bluish-white tunnel Aradia heard the voice of her sister. She looked to Desimena with excitement.
“Yes, she is waiting for you,” Desimena assured her.
Sardiana was at the end of the tunnel waving and laughing, and motioning for Aradia to hurry. Aradia ran to meet her sister. They hugged and hugged and as their tears of happiness mingled, Aradia was pulled more firmly into the spirit realm.
“Welcome home!” laughed Sardiana, and then, taking Aradia’s hand proclaimed,
“I wanted to be the one to meet you.”
Aradia watched as a familiar gate appeared before them. Her breath stopped as she recognized where Sardiana was leading her. Wiping the tear that trickled down her cheek, she cried out in joy, “Oh, Sardiana!” And arm in arm they walked through the gates of the city of Volsinii.
Looking around in amazement and taking it all in, Aradia asked, “How can this be, Sardiana? How can Volsinii be here in the spirit realm? It is more beautiful even than I remember it.”
“Let us spend time with the family. They are waiting in anticipation to see you. In a few days we will talk of this marvel, and how it comes to be.”
Sardiana spoke as if she were the older sister taking Aradia under her wing. An elfin smile crossed her face, baiting Aradia to ask more questions.
Aradia, deciding to take her counsel, smiled at her sister. “Well sister, you have beaten me! You have come to be here first, and now you can teach me for a change!” Aradia gave a quick laugh then became instantly serious. “Oh! I will get to see Grandmother. Why did she not meet me?”
Sardiana, biting her lip, confessed that Grandmother had reincarnated. “You know that she was never one to sit still long!” she added.
“I am glad she has reincarnated. Nothing much ever held her back, but it does not make me miss her less.”
“Hmm …yes, and I’ll bet in your journey on earth, you will encounter her once again. Remember, Desimena told us that families tend to reincarnate together.”
“If this is true, why are you not getting ready to go back to earth?” asked Aradia.
Sardiana, with just a touch of humor in her voice said, “Because you’re the one that is always in such a hurry, and as you just learned that holds true on this side of the veil as well as on earth.”
“Desimena said it was because I committed suicide.” Aradia’s shoulders sagged as she added, “Well, she did not use that word exactly, but the reference was there.”
Sardiana and Aradia lay in a grassy field atop a glittering mountain in the Apennines overlooking the Tiber River. They had been together constantly since Aradia had arrived, and they enjoyed every moment of the laughter filled days. They watched as the river meandered on its way toward the Tyrrhenian Sea.
“I will now answer your question of how this comes to be.” Sardiana swept her arm out over the vast beauty of their surroundings. She turned over on her stomach and put her hand under her chin as if in thought.
“On this side of the veil … as well as on earth and every other planetary system, everything happens because of thought,” she said, measuring her words. “But in the realm of spirit it is instantaneous.
“You think of a place you love and it manifests right in front of your eyes. Enough people love Volsinii and all of Rome, to hold the manifestation in perfect order here on the other side of the veil. Let me show you. Think of a place you love. Picture it, taste it and smell it. Picture me there with you. …Go ahead, try, Sister.”
Aradia brought to mind the tree she used to sit under on the ‘Tiger River,’ as she had loved to call it. She pictured herself putting coins in her coffer box in her secret place. She could feel the box and smell the river, and a slight breeze wafted the tendrils of hair gently caressing her face. She dutifully pictured Sardiana beside her; she then opened her eyes. She was sitting in her favorite spot, under the tree on the river with her special box in her hands, and Sardiana sat beside her. Then the memory of the fateful day, the horror of all that took place moved through her mind, and all of it disappeared.
Sardiana, looking impishly arrogant, said, “You must have not held onto the pleasant thoughts or we would still be there. Well, no matter, you get the idea. I will continue. This is fun being your teacher.
Earth is a very low frequency planet; therefore thought manifestation takes time. Though I have learned that, when you are on the earth, quiet time in meditation and prayers facilitate matters. Oh … and also positive thought, can raise the vibration of the body, allowing thought to produce more quickly.
“Unfortunately…” said Sardiana, hesitating as she searched for the right words, “angry thoughts, because they are so powerful, can also produce quick results that will boomerang back to the person who thought them.”
Sardiana had been lying on her stomach with her chin propped up by her hand. Stretching she turned over onto her back, and sat up putting her hand on her sister’s arm to get her attention.
“Oh, my wild and beautiful sister, I never thought to be having this conversation here, in this world, with you. Remember on earth how I worried so often about your using your magic? I worried that it would come back to hurt you. Well, I have learned about karma and that is what Desimena wants to talk to you about this morning. She is going to begin your lessons. She will teach you about … oh, so many things that your head will be spinning when she finishes. Desimena will…”
“Wait a minute, wait just… one… minute,” said Aradia pointedly. “You have been so busy teaching me, my little sister that I think you have forgotten one thing. The very basis for all of this is preparation for the next life.”
Getting to her feet, with a satisfied smile, Aradia swept her arm in an arc, taking in all of the resplendent land before them. “And the talk Desimena is to have with me this morning is about the karma you create that follows you into your next life. Therefore I was right all along! You always pushed away any thought of more than one lifetime.”
Sardiana stood facing Aradia, and copied her stance. “Yes. But I was here first, and if you don’t mind your manners I’ll not take you to visit the Hall of Records, and assist you in picking your next life!”
She looked every bit as smug as Aradia, as they stood there glaring at each other.
Aradia then began to howl, her laughter causing everything around her to shimmer, her sister joining in and they hugged and began to dance in a circle. As their joy poured forth, a nearby tree began to bud and then flower right before their eyes. As they recognized their eternal love, their tears of joy mingled and created such purity it radiated out in luminous waves, creating rainbows that danced in their midst.
Desimena had given Aradia time to be with the family she had lost. But now they would begin in earnest to prepare for Aradia’s next life. When Aradia and Desimena finally met for the lessons, it was in a lush and fertile walled garden, the atmosphere pleasant but never a distraction. The pastel colors of the delicate flowers, and the faint aromas emanating from them had the subtle effect of calming her body while invigorating her mind. A large willow tree, its branches low and gracefully bending down to embrace the ground, stood behind the white marble bench where Desimena motioned Aradia to sit.
“Why is it that when most everyone goes to earth, they forget their past lives and when they come here are able to remember them?” queried Aradia in an attempt to keep her teacher from speaking about karma.
“No one that I have spoken to on any of the dimensions that I have visited seems to have a better answer than what I am going to tell you. It is easier on the human body to have brief glimpses, than full memory of past lives. First of all, the mind would run rampant with all the past memories, never mind the future ones.” Desimena held up her hand. “No child, I will not explain future memories now. It is for another time.”
“Meditation and contemplation are two ways of retrieving past life information,” continued Desimena. “Also, another reason most don’t remember their past lives is that they would glory in them, or hide themselves in a closet because of shame. Humans would begin to take their merit by the lives they lived as a king, or they would constantly hang their heads in apology because of the monsters they had been in their last life. This is a good system; for the most part it works. Most souls that have incarnated have had anywhere from several hundred to seventeen thousand past lives, on many planets and galaxies throughout the universe. But now it is time to speak of the karma you created in your last life.”