by M. Ullrich
Emma was absolutely lost in watching Caroline react. She could see the memories coming and going in her eyes, and Emma knew when a favorite one came along because she’d smile in such a soft way. Those smiles were the ones that came from Caroline’s heart.
Emma took a deep breath and swallowed hard. “Read the last few lines aloud.” Her heart started to pound and she wiped her moist palms against the sheets.
Caroline cleared her throat and read, “As I mentioned earlier, I’ve never reviewed or even visited a couples resort or retreat. I had no interest in visiting places like those. This resort exceeded every expectation I brought along with me on this trip. Their attention to detail and dedication to romance and love was unparalleled. The forces were so powerful, I walked in as a single and left as someone who was beginning to fall in love.” Caroline went silent.
Emma looked back and forth from the screen to Caroline. “What did you think?” She squirmed when Caroline’s silence stretched on. “I even mentioned Miguel.”
“I saw,” Caroline said, closing the laptop. She handed it to Emma and got out of bed.
Emma watched Caroline collect her clothes and overnight bag. She started to move in a panicked frenzy, wrapping the sheets around her legs as she tried to get out of bed.
“What’s wrong? Caroline? Dammit.” She pulled at the sheets and threw them on her bed. Caroline was already fully dressed. She grabbed her sweatshirt and followed Caroline out into the living room. “Please talk to me.”
“Now I know why Ronaldo was looking at me like that today.” Caroline grabbed her phone from where she left it in the kitchen and frowned at the display. She touched the screen a few times and held the phone to her ear.
“Please—” Emma stopped talking when Caroline held up her index finger and turned her back. She pulled on her sweatshirt and tugged at the bottom. Emma was not used to feeling this kind of exposure, but her discomfort paled in comparison to her worry.
Caroline hung up and stared at her phone. “I have to go.”
“What did I do? Tell me and I’ll fix it.” Emma watched Caroline’s phone as she tossed it into her overnight bag forcefully.
“You decided to announce we’re together in an article published on the internet, one our mutual boss surely read, and didn’t think twice about asking if I’d be okay with it.”
Emma cringed. “I really thought the surprise would be romantic. Me declaring how I started to fall in love with you on our trip and all.”
“Romance isn’t always grand gestures, Emma. You could’ve told me you started falling in love with me while we shared a spring roll in bed before. Instead, you took to a public platform and did the one thing you know I hate. I don’t like my business being shared with everyone.” Caroline took a deep breath and threw her bag over her shoulder. “You pushed me into opening up to you about what Ann did to me, and you took nothing away from that conversation.” She looked Emma in the eye. “I was right when I said you were selfish.”
Emma felt that insult like a punch to the gut. “I was mindful of your privacy. No one knows it’s you, I didn’t use your name or go into any detail. Most people will assume I’m talking about falling in love with the resort.”
“But everyone who knows I went with you will know, like Ronaldo. Now I really have to go.”
Emma stepped in front of the door. She wanted to wipe the tears from Caroline’s cheeks but knew better than to touch her. “I’m sorry.”
“Your apology means nothing. Think about it. I was sent to Florida with you to avoid this exact situation. I can lose my job.” Caroline stared at Emma. “I don’t have time for this right now. My brother’s back in the hospital.”
“The phone call?”
“Was from my mother over an hour ago. He tried to hurt himself, so they called 9-1-1. This isn’t the first time, but it’s been a while.” Caroline wiped her face roughly and tried to make sense of her mussed hair.
“Can I call you?” Emma said as she stepped aside.
“I need space to sort through this on my own. I can’t even imagine what it’s going to be like to face Ronaldo on Monday. You should’ve seen the way he was looking at me today.”
“If he put two and two together, I really don’t think he cares.”
“You didn’t see his face.”
“You’re being paranoid, and it’s making you crazy.” Emma watched as ice coursed through Caroline and turned her eyes cold. Emma thought about what she had said. Nausea overtook her. “I didn’t mean—I can’t believe I just said that.”
Caroline laughed mirthlessly as a fat tear ran down her cheek. “I can. Good-bye, Emma.” She swung the door open and was gone.
Emma didn’t even try to chase after her. She felt small, undeserving, and sick. The door closing sounded loud in her empty apartment. Emma only made it to her small couch before collapsing on it and pulling her knees up to her chest. She thought how wonderful their time together was while it lasted, and how her name was now on the growing list of people who had hurt Caroline.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Caroline sat in her car and stared out the windshield. A bird danced in a puddle, its chirp echoing in the hospital parking garage. She had managed to get about an hour of sleep each night that week.
She ran away from Emma’s apartment that night and arrived at the hospital as quickly as she could. Her brother was awake but unresponsive due to a heavy dose of meds. She had to deal with her mother and father as they fought in the waiting room, and her mother when she’d turn argumentative to her. Caroline didn’t stop crying until she got home a little after four in the morning. She took a shower hot enough to redden her skin and went to bed afterward, sleepless until the sunrise. After a few days, Kyle was transferred to Greystone Psychiatric Hospital, and Caroline had a new set of distractions on her hands.
She dragged her lethargic body from the car and walked to the hospital’s main entrance. The building felt fresh, yet historic. She still had no idea how to navigate it, though. She followed the signs in the hallways, feeling unsettled but safe until she finally made it to Kyle’s room. Her mother sat in a chair just outside the door, and her father was nowhere to be seen. She hoped, for everyone’s sake, he had decided to go home for a bit.
Caroline approached her mother slowly and cleared her throat. “I still can’t believe how nice this place is,” she said, her voice seeming loud in the hallways.
Her mother looked up at her curiously, with a hint of annoyance in her eyes. “It’s still all new to you. The novelty will wear off.”
Caroline bit her tongue. She knew her mother was tired, and the last thing anyone wanted or could handle was an argument. “How’s he doing?”
“Better since he was placed in the care of doctors who know what they’re doing. I swear the idiots at the emergency room didn’t even bother to look into his medical history.”
Caroline wouldn’t play into the hospital hating her mother liked to do. “Where’s dad?”
“He went home to get some clothes for Kyle.”
“Has Kyle been any more talkative?”
“I only got to speak to him for a few minutes before his evaluation.” She fiddled with the rosary beads she had wrapped around her left hand. Caroline could barely remember a time she wasn’t holding them. “He was a little high, but he did ask for you. I don’t even know how he knew you were around.”
“Do you think they’ll let me see him?” Caroline peeked into the window of Kyle’s room and watched as he spoke to his doctor. Some of the color had returned to his face, and he seemed capable of paying close attention, a great improvement from his blank stare the night before.
“What do I know? Ask the doctor when she comes out. I told you this was going to happen.”
Caroline had heard “I told you so” enough. She knew any chance of a civil conversation had come to an end. She should’ve known better. “I’m running to get a coffee, would you like anything?”
“A tea with milk and sug
ar, and a muffin. I don’t care what kind.” Caroline started to walk away but her mother called her back. “You should stick to skim milk. Your clothes are looking a little tight.”
Caroline tightened her jaw. “Got it.” She almost escaped her mother’s criticizing gaze, but the door to Kyle’s room opened.
“I have some good news, Mrs. Beckett.” The doctor looked from Caroline’s mother to Caroline and smiled politely. “Good morning, Caroline.”
“Good morning, Dr. Krueger.”
“I think you’ll both be happy to know Kyle is stable and in a very chatty mood. He’s much more like the man I speak to regularly.”
“So he’s not faking it?”
Caroline and Dr. Krueger looked at Caroline’s mom in surprise.
“No,” Dr. Krueger said. “It’s been a few years since he’s had a severe episode, and this one was a result of his meds needing to be adjusted.”
“Isn’t that something checked during your well visits and sessions?” Caroline said. She knew she sounded accusatory, but doctors were paid to keep her brother safe.
“Yes,” the doctor said politely, “but sometimes these things happen. And all we can do is react quickly and accordingly. We’ve been observing him carefully, and I think he’ll be ready to go home tomorrow. Just in time for the weekend.”
Caroline bit her thumbnail. “Can we see him?”
“He was actually asking for you.” Dr. Krueger smiled politely at Caroline and left them.
Caroline gave her mother’s shoulder a squeeze and walked into Kyle’s room. The lights were off, but the afternoon sunshine illuminated the room comfortably. He sat with his back to the door and looked out the window. These grounds were much more meticulously cared for than the general hospitals they’d visited.
She didn’t know what to say since she hadn’t been around for any of his most recent episodes. The last time she talked to Kyle was at a family dinner before she started her new job. She said the first thing that came to mind. “Tough day at the okay corral?”
Kyle looked at her with raised eyebrows. Thankfully, only amusement shined in his eyes. “That’s a nice way to put it.”
“Word on the street is you were asking for me.” Caroline sat beside Kyle and took his hand. Her bond with her brother was constantly tested, but it had never crumbled.
“Don’t let it go to your head.” He bumped his shoulder into hers. “I wanted to feel normal, and I knew I’d only get that from you. If Mom came in here now, she’d dote and point blame. You and I know there’s no one to blame but brain chemistry and the manufactured chemicals I take daily.”
Caroline read between the lines easily. “She’s blaming me for not being around, isn’t she?” She put her other hand atop Kyle’s with a slap. “And then coming back.”
“Doesn’t she always?” Kyle mimicked Caroline’s action with his free hand. His hands dwarfed Caroline’s in comparison. “I never told you this, but I was so proud of you for leaving and trying to start a life for yourself. I was happy for you and Ann, until I found out what a terrible person she is.”
Caroline laughed, the sound coming out uneven as she started to cry. “I could’ve avoided that whole mess if I had stayed home.”
“Were you happy with her?”
“For a little while.”
“Are you happy you came back?”
Caroline looked at her brother. He was younger than her, but his eyes seemed more aged, wiser, and his short beard had started to gray. “Why are we talking about me?”
“Because I talk about myself twice a week for an hour at a time.”
“Touché.”
“Are you happy? Because if you’re not, I don’t want you to feel like you have to stick around for me or Mom. We’re okay.”
Caroline traced the edge of the bandage around Kyle’s wrist. “Are you?”
“Yes,” Kyle said firmly. “Plus, we both know Mom’s the crazy one. I’m just a little imbalanced.”
Caroline looked at Kyle in disbelief. His joke might have been distasteful, but Kyle did always turn to humor at the worst times. Somehow, he managed to be a survivor and he continued to win battles in the endless war against his own mind. And he still knew how to smile and make her feel better. “I’m trying to be happy here, but it hasn’t been easy.”
“How was your work trip? You went to Florida, right?”
“I did, and the trip was…” Caroline couldn’t think of the best way to explain it. “I’m glad it’s over.” But was she really?
“Tell me about it.”
Caroline would be lying to herself if she thought Kyle wouldn’t enjoy the situation she had found herself in. “Miami was lovely. Hot and humid, but lovely. And the entire trip was one unexpected surprise after another.” Kyle shifted on the bed, clearly very interested. It reminded Caroline of all the times they’d stay up late talking as kids.
“What do you mean?” he said with a growing smile.
“First, we got there and found out it wasn’t only a couples resort, it was a retreat catered specifically to couples. There’s not one thing offered to a single. So, we had to pose as a couple during the trip.”
“Did you go with a guy or a girl?”
“A girl.” Caroline was momentarily transported back to the front desk of the resort, to the first time Emma called her babe. “Emma.”
“You got lucky there. It would’ve been really awkward if you had to pretend to like a guy.”
Caroline chuckled. “The situation was plenty awkward anyway. Everything was geared toward lovey-dovey couples, but we made the best of a bad situation. Are you sure you want to hear about this?”
“I’m positive. This was for a review, right? Some of the details are a little fuzzy still.” Kyle pointed to his head.
“Yeah, Emma reviews for the company I work for.”
“Did the resort pass?”
Caroline remembered every word of Emma’s review, down to the very last words. She ran her tongue over her teeth before biting her lip. “It passed with flying colors.”
“That’s cool. I want to know more about the trip, but I think there’s something way more important to discuss.”
Caroline gave him a sideways glance. “Which is?”
“Is Emma hot, and do you want to hook your brother up? It’s hard meeting chicks with Mom always hovering.”
Caroline thought about laughing, but she really just wanted to cry. She kept it together enough to answer Kyle in the simplest way possible. “Emma is hot, yes.”
His eyes lit up. “Do you have a picture?”
“Um, not really,” she said, grabbing her phone from her purse. She pulled up Emma’s Instagram account. Caroline stared at Emma’s latest post. The photo was Caroline’s silhouette as she stood on the balcony with a beautiful sunset behind her. The caption was simple, but the meaning settled in Caroline’s heart with an unexpected weight and warmth. Missing nights like these. Posted twelve hours ago.
“Is that her?”
Caroline shook off her daze and picked a selfie Emma must’ve taken as they were heading to the airport on their last day. She looked a little tired, but her eyes were bright and cheeks colorful. “This is Emma.” She handed her phone to Kyle.
“Wow.” He looked at Caroline and then back to her phone. “Is she single?”
What a complicated question. “Sort of. She’s also a lesbian.”
“Oh man,” he said with a snap of his fingers. Then a lightbulb went off. “You should ask her out.”
Caroline felt her cheeks warm as she choked on a hundred different denials. “I can’t.”
“It’s been months. It’s time for you to move on, and who better than some hot woman you pretended to be in a relationship with for a week?”
Caroline waved her hands back and forth. “I really can’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because.” Caroline stood up and walked to the window. She crossed her arms over her chest and leaned her hip against the sill.
“It didn’t work.”
“How do you know if you don’t try?”
“I didn’t say it wouldn’t work,” she said with a shake of her head. “I said it didn’t.”
Kyle’s mouth fell into an O. “It wasn’t all pretend?”
“Not after the first few days.”
“What happened?”
“She is selfish and doesn’t listen,” Caroline said with a flash of anger. “She announced in her review that she started to fall in love during her trip.” At Kyle’s nonplussed look, Caroline said, “Without checking with me first.”
“That’s sweet.”
“That is not sweet. Kyle. My personal business is not for other people to share.”
“Whoa.” Kyle put up his hands. “You’re sounding a lot like Mom right now.”
“Thanks,” Caroline said.
“Did it ever occur to you that this was Emma’s personal business, too?” Kyle shook his head when Caroline rolled her eyes. “She took this big moment of her life and worked it into her review. She’s falling in love with you, Caroline.” Kyle picked up Caroline’s phone again and brought up the picture of Emma. “This woman is falling in love with you and wanted to announce it.”
“Without—”
“Yeah, yeah,” Kyle said dismissively. “I know, she didn’t ask permission, blah blah blah.”
“She knew what I went through with Ann and did it anyway.”
“Apples and oranges.”
“Oh, that’s very helpful.”
“Was the feeling mutual?”
Caroline’s shoulders slumped. “I think I knew I’d fall in love with her the moment I saw her, and I didn’t even like her.”
Kyle laughed. “She sounds perfect for you.” He stood and straightened his clothes. He opened his arms to Caroline, and she stepped into them immediately. “Did all of your fears come true after Emma posted the review?”
Caroline pulled back slightly and considered the question. Ronaldo had barely said much beyond a quick greeting each morning as they passed one another. She had been busy with paperwork and other, much smaller situations to handle. Everything at Travel Wisdom continued like she had never gone to Florida in the first place. Emma’s theory that’d they’d never cross paths in the office was the only thing to come true. Caroline shook her head.