by Jodi Taylor
Not a moment too soon. My legs folded of their own accord and I sat down with a bump.
‘I’ve made you some tea,’ she said, passing me a steaming mug and I suddenly realised I hadn’t eaten or drunk anything for hours.
I don’t know what was in that mug but it wasn’t tea. She’d done this once before – brewed me some sort of ancient corpse-reviver from the groves of Mount Ida. I’d been dying and it had certainly put me back on my feet again. Tonight was no different. I felt new strength course through my body. The sudden surge of heat only emphasised how cold I’d been. I sat up straight and looked around me.
‘Finish your drink,’ she said and I didn’t need to be told twice, upending the mug and draining every last drop.
My lips felt stiff and dry. ‘Thank you.’
‘How are you feeling?’
‘Much better, thank you.’ I nodded at the door. ‘Is there any news?’
‘Not so far, but please be assured everything possible is being done. Dr Bairstow has put everyone on full alert. He’s calling in favours. We’ll find him Max. Wherever Ronan goes, they’ll track him down.’
It wasn’t Ronan I wanted to find, but I appreciated what she was saying.
Her intercom buzzed. ‘You can go in now.’
Dr Bairstow stood up as I entered. ‘Max, my dear.’
‘Good evening, sir,’ I said, struggling a little with kindness, as I always do.
‘Sit down, please. You must be eager to know what progress has been made.’
I nodded, hardly daring to hope.
He sighed. ‘I’m sorry, Max, not a lot. We can say, definitely, that your son…’ I made a gesture. ‘…that Ronan is not anywhere here at St Mary’s or in the grounds. I’ve spoken to the Chief Constable. Road blocks have been set up around the county – although I think it very unlikely he used conventional transportation to get in and out.’
He paused. ‘I have, therefore, contacted the Time Police and formally requested their assistance.’
I swallowed everything down, made myself stay silent, and we looked at each other over his desk.
He said quietly, ‘May I have your thoughts on this particular course of action.’
Half of me wanted to rise up in fury and demand he call them off. The other half thought it was a good idea because they had tech and resources far beyond anything we possessed. And actually, if it meant I got Matthew back then I’d do a deal with the devil.
The silence was still there. He was watching me closely. He’d done the right thing. Never mind that all this was their fault. The Time Police were absolutely the right way to go.
I swallowed everything down again. Mrs Partridge’s potion must be working overtime to keep me this calm. As if I had summoned her by the power of thought alone, she entered. With real tea this time. I waited until she had poured and then said, ‘An excellent idea, sir.’ I paused. ‘Will they come, do you think?’
‘I think so,’ he said, and now he paused. I knew what he was going to say. I sat back with my tea and let him say it anyway.
He cleared his throat. ‘I think it would be helpful if today’s events were not … flung at them as soon as they walk through the door. And even more helpful if you could refrain from shooting them as well.’
‘Certainly not, sir. Not until they’ve found…’ I found I still couldn’t say Matthew’s name.
He held out his little arms to me.
‘…Not until they’ve completed the mission, anyway. After that … I can make no promises.’
He nodded gravely. ‘That seems eminently fair. Let us hope I remember to warn them of their peril.’ He was unsmiling. ‘I can make no promises either.’
He put down his tea. ‘Now then, Max. What happened after you left us in Hawking? And in as much detail as you can manage. Please bear in mind you will probably have to repeat your story several times tonight. The first time will be the most difficult for you and so it is probably best to do it now, among friends.’
I closed my eyes and relived the scene. The doors. The empty nurses’ station. Ronan. Matthew. Helen. Oh my God. Helen. I’d … No, I hadn’t forgotten. I’d just pushed it to the back of my mind and now the images burst forth. Helen was dead. I saw again that neat little black hole just above her right eyebrow. Saw her crumple. Dead before she hit the floor.
‘Drink this.’ Mrs Partridge was at my side, offering me a small glass with another half an inch of corpse-reviver in the bottom. I chugged it back in one go and waited for the explosion of warmth again.
No good would come of being emotional. I’d seen friends and colleagues die before this. Dr Bairstow needed facts and he needed them quickly.
I closed my eyes again because for some reason that made things easier and described, as unemotionally as I could, the events in Sick Bay.
Corpse-reviver or not, I couldn’t control my voice or stop the tears from running down my face. And nothing in the world could overcome my all-consuming fear for Matthew. What might Ronan be doing to him at this very moment? I remembered the Spartans who threw unwanted children off a mountain. Child sacrifice was widespread throughout the ancient world. And it wasn’t as if Ronan actually had to do anything. He could just land – anywhere – anytime – open the door and just pitch him out. To be carried away by predators. Or die slowly in the pitiless glare of the desert sun. Or freeze to death in a snow bank somewhere. Or…
A strong, cool hand was laid on mine and I felt calmness and strength run through me. My mind cleared. Thoughts of death and suffering melted away. I opened my eyes, turned to Mrs Partridge and nodded my thanks.
She smiled slightly and then resumed her traditional seat behind Dr Bairstow.
I cleared my throat. ‘Sir, if you’ve finished with me, I’d like to go to Dr Peterson. He shouldn’t be alone.’
‘Nor is he. Mr Markham is under instructions not to leave him.’
There was the sound of voices from Mrs Partridge’s office. She slipped from the room.
Dr Bairstow looked at me.
‘The Time Police are here.’
I stood up, gave a thought to what I must look like, decided it wasn’t important, and turned to face the door.
First through was Leon, who looked immediately for me. I was relieved to see he seemed immeasurably better than the last time I’d seen him. He was pale, but that awful grey colour had gone. He looked tired, but calmer.
We have a self-imposed rule about never touching each other if we’re in uniform. I kicked that into touch and held his hand. If anyone wanted to object, we could take it outside. I was just in the mood.
Next in was Ian Guthrie, himself looking tired. He saw me and nodded.
And here they came. The bloody Time Police. The cause of all the trouble. Despite all my good intentions, I stiffened. Leon tightened his grip on my hand.
First in was Commander Hay. We’d met before. After the battle of St Mary’s, we’d all sat down and thrashed out a workable treaty. They hadn’t stuck to it but then, neither had we, so probably enough said.
She was a few inches taller than me – so still not tall – and probably a few years older, although, with her, it was hard to tell. She’d fought in the Time Wars – that period when the Time Police had struggled against political and personal time travel. They’d fought to defend the timeline and for a while it had been touch and go. Make no mistake, we all owe the fact that we’re still here and more or less intact to the Time Police. Anyway, there’d been some sort of temporal accident. One half of her face was older than the other. Rumours abounded, but I’d heard that during an emergency evacuation, the door had been blown off in mid-jump and she’d been exposed to whatever was out there. She’d been the lucky one. Everyone else in the pod had died. And it hadn’t been pretty.
She was followed by two officers. One I knew – Captain Matthew Ellis, after whom Matthew was named. The other I hadn’t met before, but she introduced him as her adjutant, Captain Charles Farenden. He was a long, lanky man with br
own hair who walked with a slight limp. And that was it. No soldiers. No weapons. Just Commander Hay herself, her adjutant, and an old acquaintance, making the point that this was not a punitive visit. We moved towards the briefing table.
Just as we were about to sit down, however, there was a tap at the door and Dottle entered. Bloody Thirsk shoving their oar in again. This was nothing to do with them. I think she might have had similar feelings because, without looking at me, she scuttled to a seat at the bottom of the table and pulled out her scratchpad.
Dr Bairstow began. ‘Dr Maxwell, your report, please.’
Keeping my eyes on the table so I wouldn’t have to look at Leon, I described the morning’s events in Sick Bay. Dr Bairstow had been right. It was easier the second time around.
Guthrie reported no success with the search for either Ronan or Matthew. No one thought there would be, but he was a thorough man.
Leon reported he’d picked up a very slight trace of radioactivity behind the stables, presumably where Ronan had left his pod. He handed a printout to the adjutant. They could use this to help track Ronan. Every pod has an individual signature and it would give them something to focus upon.
And that was it. That was all we had.
Commander Hay spoke into the silence.
‘Max, it’s a long time since we last spoke. I’m sorry it’s under these circumstances. I’m sorry too that the events of today probably arise from our failed attempt to capture Clive Ronan. I think the greater part of the blame must lie with us and I hope we shall be able to work together to put things right.’
Well – from the Time Police, who never apologise for anything – this was a gesture. And a generous one. I found a voice.
‘Thank you, Commander. I hope so too.’
She nodded and looked around the table. ‘I think we are all agreed – this cannot go on any longer. The man is out of all control. No one and nothing is safe. I have instructed Captain Ellis to put together a team to capture Clive Ronan as quickly as possible. Dr Bairstow, from this moment on, all the manpower, pods, equipment we can spare from our normal duties will be diverted towards apprehending this man. And Matthew Farrell, of course.’
Dr Bairstow inclined his head. ‘Thank you. Your offer is greatly appreciated. You should not bear this burden alone, however. As a gesture of support and friendship, St Mary’s will call for volunteers. There will be many, I am sure, but you will understand that I can’t and won’t leave St Mary’s undefended. Particularly after today.’
‘Of course.’
‘I’ll go,’ I said, suddenly. ‘I want to volunteer.’
No one looked at anyone else.
Leon stood up. ‘I wonder if you would excuse us for a moment.’
Still no one looked at me. I found myself out on the gallery with no memory of how I got there.
‘Max, I don’t want you to go.’
‘Leon!’
‘No. I know you think nothing can go right unless you do it yourself, but I’m begging you. I don’t want to bring Matthew back only to find something has happened to you. I lost my first family. I can’t lose this one as well. I’m going after Matthew and you’re going to stay here. No, please just listen for a moment. We’re all going after Ronan in a big way. The Time Police are with us. Ian Guthrie’s going as well – he has a score to settle too – and I expect one or two others will want to volunteer. There’s no need for you to go, and what I need more than anything, Max, is to know that when I bring Matthew back – and I will bring him back, I promise you – that I’ll find you here, safe and sound. I’m going to give this everything I’ve got, and to do that I must know that you’re safe here at St Mary’s.’
I opened my mouth to protest. How could he even think of leaving me behind? How could I possibly remain here knowing that somewhere out there my baby needed me?
‘No, Max. Think about it. Helen’s dead. Peterson is going to need you. And Markham will be Head of Security in Guthrie’s absence. They’ll both need you. St Mary’s will look to you. You must appear to be carrying on as best you can. You can’t leave now.’
‘But Leon, I must go.’
‘You can’t. You’re compromised.’
I stepped back from him. ‘And you’re not?’
‘I understand how you feel, Max…’
‘No, you don’t.’
‘He’s my son too.’
‘I know, I know. I didn’t mean…’
‘I know what you meant.’
‘Leon – he’s torn the heart out of my chest. I can’t breathe. I can’t think. I’ll never be whole again. Matthew held out his arms to me and I didn’t save him.’
‘Listen to me,’ he said softly. ‘I’ve been thinking about this. I know it’s unreasonable and unfair to expect you to wait here quietly while I could be gone for weeks – maybe even months, so I’ll do you a deal. You stay here and I promise you faithfully that no matter how long it takes me, I will bring Matthew back to you next Friday. That’s just a few days away for you.’ He took my hands. ‘Will you do it? Will you promise me?’
I nodded.
‘Say it.’
I don’t break my promises to Leon. They’re too important. I took a moment to consider, then I looked up and nodded again. ‘I promise.’
He smiled and cupped my face in his hands, saying, ‘I will bring him back. You promised me and now I’m promising you. I will find him and bring him back to you.’
My eyes were so full of tears that I couldn’t see him clearly. Any moment now, they were going to spill down my cheeks and I was going to disgrace myself in public.
‘It’s just two days,’ he said, softly. ‘I will bring him back to you in two days. That’s Friday, Max. All you have to do is hold it together for two days and then, on Friday, you’ll see him again. Whatever it takes, I will do this. Understood?’
I said reluctantly, ‘Yes.’
‘I’ll find him Max. I’ll get our little boy back.’
I looked around. No one was in sight. ‘Promise me … promise me, Leon. When you find Ronan – and I know you will – there’ll be none of this bringing him to justice crap. No more worrying about any impact on the future. I don’t care what everyone else says – just shoot the bastard dead.’
‘I promise.’ He bent, kissed my hand and then my cheek and before I could say another word, he was gone.
I wanted nothing more than to be alone for a few minutes. Just to pull myself together. To find a brave face to put on for the rest of the world.
Matthew, holding out his arms to me.
I rubbed my sleeve across my eyes, wiping away the tears. He’d wanted me to save him. To make everything all right again and I hadn’t. I’d been useless.
But, perhaps there was some good I could do. I made my way to Peterson’s room, tapping on the door. Markham opened it, stepped out, and pulled it to behind him. ‘What’s happening?’
I gave it to him in a few words and we looked at each other.
‘I’d volunteer if I could, Max.’
‘I know you would, but if Guthrie goes then you can’t. How’s Tim?’
He shook his head. ‘Not good.’
‘Does he know exactly what happened? In Sick Bay?’
‘Dr Bairstow’s spoken to him, yes. Look, I’m glad you’re here. Can you stay for a few minutes while I get us both something to eat and have a quick word with the Major?’
‘Of course.’
He disappeared and I stepped inside.
It was a mistake. Perhaps I should have taken those few minutes to step back from everything that had happened. Perhaps I should have given us both a little time and space. Perhaps I should have … I don’t know what I should have done, but I know what I shouldn’t have done. I shouldn’t have gone in.
The room was dark.
I said, ‘Tim?’ but there was no response.
I tried again. ‘Tim?’ and brushed my hand against the wall, feeling for the light switch.
His voice came out of
the dark. ‘What do you want?’
‘I came to see how you are. Can I do anything?’
‘I would have thought you’d done enough damage today.’
I thought I’d misheard him. This wasn’t Tim. This couldn’t be Tim Peterson. I groped along the wall again for the light.
‘Tim?’
The voice came out of the dark, flat and deadly. ‘You were there and you didn’t save her.’
The shock took my breath away. I felt as if he’d slapped me in the face. He was angry with me. Tim, who was never angry with anyone, was angry with me.
‘You let her die. I don’t understand you. Why would you do that? I thought she was your friend. She would have fought to the death for you. And you did nothing for her.’
I wanted to run. To run and run, and not have to hear his voice, loaded with all the blame and recrimination I knew I deserved. Because he was right. I’d done nothing. When Helen – my friend – needed me, I’d done nothing. When Matthew – my baby – needed me, I’d done nothing. I deserved all the things he was saying to me.
‘You really are the kiss of death, aren’t you? People die all around you all the time and you just carry blithely on as if nothing has happened. It’s taken me a long time to realise the truth, but you don’t actually care for anyone but yourself, do you? You don’t care for anyone or anything as long as you get what you want. The rest of us just drop by the wayside, broken and unwanted, while you just clamber over the ruins of people’s lives without even noticing.’
I wanted to run. I couldn’t run. I had to stay. He shouldn’t be alone and Markham wasn’t back yet. Tim himself shouldn’t be here. He should be in Sick Bay, being tended to, except that was the very last place he should be. Because that was the place with so many memories of Helen.
I leaned back against the wall and stayed silent. He was right. I should have done something and I hadn’t and this was my punishment. To stand in the dark and listen as my best friend said things that, in my heart, I knew were true.
I heard the door open and Markham came in.
The voice stopped. Silence dripped.
‘Shall we have some light?’ said Markham. I heard a click and, suddenly, light filled the room. I blinked.