by Aja Cole
“Come now, no drama.” I admonished her. I didn’t bother asking what she was talking about. I’d given up begging her to tell me what caused her sudden change of heart a long time ago. Fire lit those dark wood eyes and the same adrenaline that rushed through me when I was running down the pitch filled me watching her. It was never like it was with Thea, with anyone else.
But those loves weren’t always meant to be forever. You tasted them, savored them, and then you let them go if they didn’t want to be kept.
“Hey, I can’t get my key, open the door!”
A man? Bah.
Unacceptable.
Thea leaped for the door, but I beat her there – blocking it with my body and keeping her behind me as I opened it to a pasty-faced man with thin lips holding multiple grocery bags.
“Your name?” I questioned, folding my arms and planting myself in the doorway. What rights did this culo have to be inside her space? To have a fucking key. His eyes were so wide; I could probably see his skull if I looked hard enough.
“Oh my god, you’re Luciano Silva. Holy fuck, man, I love you. I mean, I love your game. Shit, you know Thea? Thea, you know who this is?!”
I relaxed immediately. A fan? No threat, then. I could hear Thea growl behind me and I finally moved out of the way, letting fan-boy in.
He ambled in, dropping the paper bags on the carpet and pulling out his phone.
“Man, can I have a picture? My work buddies won’t believe this.” He was practically vibrating with excitement. It wasn’t anything new to me. Grown men turned into children when they saw me or fellow athletes. It was why my publicist wanted to break me into the US market more. Women loved me. Men loved me.
But if this fucking story hit the press before we got out in front of it, my upcoming endorsement deals would be thrown into question. That’s where Thea came in.
I needed to get rid of her little friend so I could convince her to play the other half of a relationship that the public didn’t know existed.
That didn’t exist.
I wasn’t worried that we wouldn’t be a convincing couple. We were always good together on the surface. Always good at pretending there was nothing wrong, even to each other. But Thea was stubborn. I wasn’t under any illusions that getting her to agree to a public lie would be easy.
Winning? That was second nature to me.
But understanding Thea was like reading a dictionary that changed every time you turned a page. It was imposible to keep up.
4
Theodora
“Thea, take this pic for me, will you!”
I just barely restrained from snatching Matt’s phone and smashing it on the tile. Un-balling a fist I didn’t even realize was clenched, I took the phone, avoiding Luciano’s face so I didn’t see his smug smile and punch him in the throat.
I was fucking livid.
So pissed that I could barely form words.
I didn’t know if everyone had that one person that ruffled their feathers every time that they even thought of them, heard their name, glimpsed them – but Luciano was that person for me.
After I got over the knee-buckling lust that hit first.
Here Matthew was, fawning over him. If I let my anger be known, then I’d have to explain why and explaining that meant I had to divulge the one thing I kept from everyone.
My mom. My dad. My girlfriends. Matthew.
I’d have to admit that I’d been the young and dumb girl that fell for a European soccer player and married him like a nitwit.
That I thought I was special.
That I thought we were so in love that his career wouldn’t be a problem.
That the women wouldn’t be a problem.
I was dead wrong.
The minute I left Manchester, left him – I knew he wouldn’t keep his promise to me.
I knew we wouldn’t last.
For some reason, I still hoped against common sense that no amount of distance would change what we had. The updates from my one friend in Manchester that knew about how deeply I’d fallen for him, told me differently.
Without me asking, she’d taken on the role of staying informed about who was seeing who and making sure his name didn’t come up.
Of course…it did.
There he was, giving me empty words and long messages about how much he missed me and needed me and wanted me – and she was telling me an entirely different narrative that he had no idea I knew about.
I told him that I didn’t want to be a part of the charade anymore and that I would start the divorce proceedings with my own money.
He refused to sign a damn thing.
The only thing I had left for him was the attraction that I didn’t think would ever go away. He could have my lust, but I’d be damned if I trusted him with my love again.
Getting them both in the frame, I snapped the picture and tossed the phone back to Matt, leaving him to gush over Luciano’s last game. I might as well have been invisible. It was like when Matt and my dad were in the same room or on the phone all over again.
Except now the object of their sports fantasies was standing in my living room.
I felt those deep blue eyes on me as I started to put up the groceries. We could post-pone making dinner. Suddenly, I just wanted to work on my new project and go to bed. I’d warm up some leftover lasagna and leave them to their bonding. Then they could both get out of my apartment.
I didn’t even know why I was mad at Matthew.
I knew he was a big fan of La Maquina or “The Machine.” To him, he was a phenomenal European soccer player. Larger than life. Full of fire and passion for the game.
To me, he was just a flawed man. One who didn’t love me enough to wait a full month before he started fucking around with the groupies that followed the team around.
Watching Matthew fawn over him reminded me too much of those women, and it killed any thoughts I had about us having more than a friendship. Knowing about his adoration and keeping my silence was one thing. Seeing it was a different beast that I wasn’t prepared to fight.
Matthew must’ve realized where he was, because I heard him finally ask what Luciano was doing in my apartment. I closed the fridge and leaned against the counter.
It was an answer I wanted too.
“I need her help with something. It’s a bit secret, you understand?” he clapped a hand on Matthew’s shoulder like they were old friends. My scowl got even deeper. “I’d tell you, but I need to talk to her about it first.”
“Of course, of course. Thea, I can’t believe you didn’t tell me you knew The Machine! Man, this is something. Does your dad know? I would’ve brought my jersey had I known something like this was going to happen. Man, who knew?”
I didn’t.
What could he possibly need my help with? The only thing I wanted him to help me with was getting another set of papers drawn up so that he could sign them and I could close that chapter of my life completely.
“Listen, amigo. I need privacy to talk to Thea. I hate to interrupt you two tonight, but it’s a time sensitive matter.”
“Wait a damn mi—,”
“Yeah, of course! Thea, we’ll reschedule.” Matthew picked up his keys and jacket faster than I’d ever seen. All because Luciano requested that he leave? How the hell did he know I wanted to be left alone with him? “It was great meeting you man. Truly.”
Just like that, he was gone.
“Didn’t take much persuasion,” Luciano walked closer to me, stopping a few feet away like he knew I wasn’t sure if I was going to resort to violence or not. He always made me want to throw things. I was never an overly emotional person until I met him. It was like he flicked some switch in me that turned on my bat-shit crazy side that I hadn’t known existed. “No way he’s your boyfriend.”
“Of course Matt didn’t need persuading! He was dazzled by you. We both know how that can turn out though, don’t we?” I ignored the second part of his comment.
“You seem angry, still.” He
cocked his head, impeccable dark hair falling slightly over his forehead.
“You still like making obvious statements and acting like they’re new revelations.”
“I can’t imagine what you have to be upset about. I’m not the one that went completely silent and then served you with divorce papers with cero explanation.” There was no accusation in his voice. It’s like he completely believed the bullshit that was coming out of his mouth. Almost as if he felt that my decision was no fault of his.
We’d started unraveling before I even stepped foot on that plane because of his decisions, and here he was 5 years later laying the blame at my feet like I woke up out of the blue and decided he wasn’t worth it.
No. That’s what he did to me.
“You have more nerve than I remember,” I said in a low voice. I was trying, desperately, to reign in my temper.
We’d had blowout arguments before. To the point that, once, a neighbor called the police about a domestic disturbance, but we’d made up by the time they arrived.
I’d never felt in danger. The both of us were just young and we both thought that we were right. Sometimes, things got loud and if anyone else was present, they might’ve thought it was in danger of becoming violent. It never was.
We rubbed against each other like two flames, burning brighter and stoking the other higher until we eventually burnt out. It’d been explosive. It’d been amazing.
And it was the worst pain I’d ever felt in my life when it was all over.
I wanted him in my past, behind me, and I wanted it yesterday.
5
Theodora
6 Years Ago
“I don’t want to go out.” I whined, resisting my flat-mate as she practically dragged me out of bed. God, couldn’t a girl just sleep and hang out for a little bit? I was on a gap-year before I started school, and one of my good high school friends connected me with Kimmy.
I knew I wanted to spend the year in Europe, but I wasn’t particular about where in Europe I went. When I found out that Kimmy was looking for a flat-mate in Manchester, I took the opportunity. Kimmy’s parents owned the flat and didn’t mind renting out a room for a pretty low price, so it was a steal.
Kimmy wasn’t exactly the type of friend I would’ve picked out of a crowd, but she didn’t seem to have any glaring issues yet. I’d only lived with her for a month so far, and there hadn’t been any incidents.
She stumbled in at random hours sometimes, but that was about it.
I got the impression that she couldn’t keep herself away from the club scene. Most of her closet seemed to be filled with outrageous dresses and pencil thin heels. But she seemed sweet and she liked to keep the flat neat when she was around, so I didn’t have any real complaints.
I’d been avoiding going out since I’d gotten there, but that night, it seemed like she was not going to take no for an answer for whatever reason.
“Come on, up up up. You need to do something other than going to coffee shops and exploring design stores! Are you going to go the entire year without any meat?”
“I just had bacon this morning?” I was confused.
“Dick, love. I’m talking about dick. We need to get you some.”
Uh, no, we did not.
“It’s fine. I’m not here to find guys, I’m here to explore design aesthetics. Expand my horizons, you know?”
My explanations fell on deaf ears. Kimmy was throwing open my closet doors and rapidly looking through my hangers, making varying sounds of disappointment
I knew what she was seeing.
Jeans. T-shirts. Black jeans. Dressier t-shirts.
Soon she’d start searching through my shoes, and she’d see various running sneakers and Converse. I didn’t plan on doing much else but a lot of research and a lot of traveling and walking. I had a dress or two and a pantsuit in case I needed to step into a more upscale firm and tour, but that was the extent of my social wardrobe.
“This closet is bloody depressing, Thea. Where are the sparkles? The wow factors?”
“Still on the racks in the store where they’re going to stay since I don’t need them,” I smiled, dropping back down to sit on the bed. Whirling around, she narrowed her eyes at me. I guess my expression was a little too excited at the fact that she hadn’t found anything suitable, because she yanked me up and spun me around.
“Hm..mhm..that might work...” She walked around me in a full circle and I stood there with my arms crossed. “I’ve got the perfect thing for you!”
I couldn’t imagine that anything that fit her 5’10” waifish frame would even fit over one of my thighs. Hell, my head.
“Kimmy, I doubt I can wear anything that you can and not look like a prostitute.”
“Don’t worry, my sister left it when she visited and she only wore it once. It’ll be perfect for you. It’s too big for me, but you’ve got more boobs and bum than me so it’ll work.”
“Kimmy…” I sighed. I wanted to stay home and look over some of the new design books I’d picked up about the forecasted trends.
“Do I ask you for anything?” she pouted, cocking one hip and propping a manicured hand atop it. “Just this once, then you never have to go out with me again.”
“If I don’t like what you have, I’m not wearing it,” I relented, turning to the mirror and surveying my hair and bare face. I hadn’t brought much makeup with me.
If I was going out, I didn’t want to look like some thrown away ragamuffin next to Kimmy, who would be completely made up.
My face was clear…I could just throw on some mascara and lip gloss, maybe a little eye liner. Foundation and concealer were out of the question, since she definitely wouldn’t have a shade to match my deeper skin.
I’d just have to work with what I had.
I wasn’t trying to pick up guys, anyway.
The more I blended in, the better.
Kimmy and I had different ideas. She ran into the room and held up the dress triumphantly. I peered at the silky fabric, looking for the rest of it.
Some structure, some coverage, something.
“Absolutely not.” I crossed my arms mutinously.
“Just try it on, I promise it’s not as bad as it looks!”
I narrowed my eyes and shook my head, then took the scrap of a dress from her hands and went to the bathroom.
There was no way this was going to end well.
“Take the coat off, Thea.” Kimmy laughed and I sized her up, knowing I could take her if she tried to remove my jacket herself.
It was the only thing between me and feeling completely naked. How I’d let her talk me into walking outside and getting to Panacea, I didn’t have any idea. I blamed the few shots we’d had before we left the flat. The thought of getting rid of my safety blanket was pushing away any buzz I might’ve had.
“Come on, we’re in a darker area, you can take it off and sit here in the shadows. You don’t have to chat anyone up. Even though you look totally lush…” she persuaded me, and I tried to ignore the fact that the temperature had risen about 30 degrees between outside and getting in. It was getting hot.
I hated sweating unnecessarily.
Dammit!
I shrugged the jacket off slowly and she snatched it immediately, tucking it by her side and clapping excitedly. Why she was so excited for me to be halfway indecent, I had no idea.
“I’m going to get us some drinks. I’m going to make you loosen up tonight if I don’t do a single thing else!” she told me, her choppy British accent reminding me I was in a different country dressed in a way I would never have back home.
“Wait, don’t leave me!” I pleaded, but she’d already bounded up and disappeared into the growing crowd of people.
Jesus, I rubbed my forehead, ducking my head and trying to blend into the booth.
At least the music wasn’t terrible. A DJ remix of Diamonds by Rihanna was playing and I sighed for the fiftieth time that night. Kimmy practically bounced back to the table, ploppin
g down and passing me a bright yellow drink. Hers was a deep pink color. I wasn’t too big on alcohol, so I had no idea what either were just by sight.
“I got you a Caribou Lou, and I got me a Hurricane. I guessed that you’re not a gal for drinks that actually taste like alcohol.”
“What’s in it?” I peered at it, playing with the straw and listening to the ice clink against the class.
“Just drink it, it won’t murder you.” She popped a cherry from her drink into her mouth with a bright red nail, shaking out her curled dark her and looking around the room. It was dim and loud. I started sipping from the drink, surprised at how smooth it tasted.
Before I knew it, it was gone and I…wanted another.
I also felt much less self-conscious and started to look around. At some point, a couple other girls had joined the booth, but I’d pretty much kept quiet after the introductions. They were a full range of gorgeous and put-together. I didn’t feel inferior; I was comfortable with how I looked. From what I gathered, the other girls’ goals for the night seemed to involve catching the eye of any big names that came through the door.
I didn’t recognize any of the people they were talking about. They got another round of drinks and I sipped along, bouncing lightly to the music and getting increasingly intoxicated. Lightweight alert.
So, when they suggested we dance, I abandoned the little bit of my drink that was left and followed them to the dance floor, throwing my hands up and shaking my hips like I’d been born to it.
A little fun wouldn’t hurt, right?
6
Luciano
6 Years Ago
It was my birthday and some of the guys wanted to go to a different club than the ones we usually went to. Didn’t make a difference to me, the same things happened at every one.
Goal diggers.
That’s what we called them. The hordes of women that wanted to be seen on the arm of a footballer. I’d been 16 when I started playing for Manchester, and I didn’t care about much else but the game. I was a young kid trying to prove himself, and I didn’t get as much playing time as I wanted because there were plenty of older, more experienced players on the team. Going out wasn’t my priority, and I hadn’t left my family in Spain to bed-hop.