Here and Now
Copyright © 2019 by Mary A. Wasowski
Cover Design by Francessca’s PR & Design
Editing by Joe Marron
Formatting by JT Formatting
All rights reserved.
Without limiting the rights under copyright reserved above, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form, or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise) without the prior written permission of both the copyright owner and the above publisher of this book.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, brands, media, and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. The author acknowledges the trademarked status and trademark owners of various products, bands, and/or restaurants referenced in this work of fiction, which have been used without permission. The publication/use of these trademarks is not authorized, associated with, or sponsored by the trademark owners.
License Notes
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Table of Contents
Title Page
Part One
Part One – Prologue
Part One – Chapter One
Part One – Chapter Two
Part One – Chapter Three
Part One – Chapter Four
Part One – Chapter Five
Part One – Chapter Six
Part One – Chapter Seven
Part One – Chapter Eight
Part One – Chapter Nine
Part One – Chapter Ten
Part One – Chapter Eleven
Part One – Chapter Twelve
Part One – Chapter Thirteen
Part One – Chapter Fourteen
Part One – Chapter Fifteen
Part One – Chapter Sixteen
Part One – Chapter Seventeen
Part One – Chapter Eighteen
Part One – Chapter Nineteen
Part One – Chapter Twenty
Part One – Chapter Twenty-One
Part One – Chapter Twenty-Two
Part One – Chapter Twenty-Three
Part One – Chapter Twenty-Four
Part One – Chapter Twenty-Five
Part One – Chapter Twenty-Six
Part One – Chapter Twenty-Seven
Part Two
Part Two – Chapter One
Part Two – Chapter Two
Part Two – Chapter Three
Part Two – Chapter Four
Part Two – Chapter Five
Part Two – Chapter Six
Part Two – Chapter Seven
Part Two – Chapter Eight
Part Two – Chapter Nine
Part Two – Chapter Ten
Part Two – Chapter Eleven
Part Two – Chapter Twelve
A Note from the Author
Acknowledgments
Other Books by Mary A. Wasowski
About the Author
PRESENT…
Lawson
Slinking out the door before the alarm went off was not typical for me to do but lately, I haven’t done anything that’s my norm. Maybe I’m in need of a vacation. I guess when you can’t remember the last time you actually took one that’s a sign you need one.
My 50th birthday is fast approaching and all I want to do is forget that I’m actually fifty. My wife and kids want to throw me a huge birthday celebration and although I have been adamant about not wanting one, I don’t think anyone is listening to me. It’s been like this for a long time now especially with the kids now grown and out of our house. My wife completely and perfectly manages us in a rhythm only she can explain how it works. The rest of us just follow and fall in line.
Is it wrong to not want that anymore? I want to just throw responsibility out of the window and just be free for one fucking day with no worries to come home to. My therapist wife would disagree with my plan and list all the reasons why that’s not a good idea. So, I avoid and internalize my feelings while plastering a smile on my face.
When I got to my office it was quiet and I took a moment to myself. I dropped my things on my desk and walked into my en-suite to splash some cold water on my face. Staring back at me was not the same man I used to be. Keyword: used to be. Time has been kind and according to the women in my life, I’m devilishly handsome in a distinguished way. I smile when my daughter reminds me that I should be happy I have a full head of hair and in good physical shape. Rubbing my hands down my face, I didn’t feel any of those things, just the opposite.
“Excuse me Mr. Douglas, are you here?” my assistant called out.
“I’ll be right out, Alison.”
“Of course, sir, your coffee is on your desk.” I deeply sighed and then manned up and began my busy workday, but first, coffee.
“Sir, I’m leaving the office for an appointment. Is there anything you need before I go?”
“Yes, book me on a one-way ticket to paradise.” I wanted to say and be funny since that was the song playing on my way to work this morning. No, instead I kept it simple. “No thank you, Alison, I’m fine.” Instead of working, I closed my eyes and got lost in thought.
PAST…
The late day sun was hanging on with a bit of cool air threatening with rain. I wanted to take the bike out for one last ride before I leave tomorrow but dad encouraged me to take my Jeep. This way I had a roof over my head if the sky opened up and rained down on me.
1983, the best summer of my life, and one spent with the love of my life, Renee Canton. I’ve been lucky enough to be stationed close to where our families still live and can visit my girl when I’m not on shift. It’s not a bad deal and with my girl taking summer classes before she begins college in the fall, she didn’t have a lot of time on her hands to miss me. After today will be a different story.
I leave for my overseas deployment in the morning and wanted today just for us but I got delayed with last minute packing and taking care of some family commitments. I just hope when I’m gone, her father doesn’t give her too much of a hard time. Yeah, he kind of hates my ass with a passion. He has this misconstrued idea in his head that I am just not the right guy for his only daughter.
I can respect and appreciate how much he loves her and wants the very best for her life, but he doesn’t have to worry. My girl knows how much I love her and will take care of her for the rest of our life.
I gathered my keys, wallet, and what I wanted to bring to Renee’s when my father appeared in my doorway.
“You about ready son?”
“Yeah, Dad, I’m about to leave.”
“May I offer you some advice?”
“You’re asking? This is new.”
“Don’t think you’re not too grown up to smack. Listen to me. I’m going to give you the same advice my father gave to me on the day I said goodbye to your mother. He’s a wise man, your grandfather and it helped me a great deal.”
“I’m listening.”
“When you see your girl, just say what you have to say to her and get out of there before she breaks down in front of you. She will try her best not to but times like these wears heavily on the heart. For your own peace of mind, you don’t want that image of Renee looking broken while you’re on the other side of the world. You need to focus on your job and stay alive. You need to
come back home to us, and to your girl in one piece. You understand me?”
“Dad, we’ve been over this. I’m going to be fine. You don’t have to worry about me. Between you and grandpa preparing me for all I need to know, it’s all good.”
“Do not get overconfident there, son, your sergeants will eat you alive if you do.”
“I survived basic and a year in the sun and mud, not to mention all the long hours I worked this farm. This tour? A piece of cake.”
“Okay, I see you don’t need me to tell you anything else. It’s all there in your eyes. Go find your girl. I’m so very proud of you son.”
“Thank you, Dad. I am too.”
As I made my way out, he pulled me in for a strong hug and patted me on my back. He wasn’t always hands-on when it came to affection, but he didn’t have to be, I knew. I parked my Jeep and there she was waiting for me on the porch and looking so beautiful.
“Hey baby, you have something for me.” She blushed slightly and smiled looking down at the ground. I loved when she did this.
“Come here,” I said. I didn’t need to repeat myself as Renee practically leaped off the top step wrapping her arms around my neck and pulling me into a tight hug.
I tapped my lips with my index finger showing her what I wanted. She never disappointed. I could feel her body warming as she fused her mouth with mine and poured all her emotion behind that kiss. A kiss I would feel for days.
“I’m going to miss you so much.”
“You can’t imagine how great that makes me feel knowing that, baby. Please don’t cry, not today. My father warned me to make this visit quick just in case you did cry, but I’m not going anywhere until I know you are okay.”
“I’m trying but this is hard. All the time I’ve had to get ready for this moment and now it’s here and I can’t help but to feel all torn up inside.”
“I know. It’s the same way for me but you are going to be so busy with school and finishing up with your degree, you won’t have time to miss me.”
“That’s not true, I think about you all the time.”
“I’m happy to hear that because you are always on my mind too. I love you so much, but I can’t be worrying about you while I’m away. You need to promise to stay on track with school and get that degree. Once you do, I’ll be home and then we can begin our life together.”
“What if something happens to you? Where will that leave me?”
“I won’t let that happen. I promise you.” I was going to say more but her father interrupted our moment. Renee’s arm tightened around my waist bracing for another confrontation with her father but that didn’t happen, taking us both by surprise.
“Lawson,” he said.
“Sir.”
“Despite our differences, they don’t seem as important as they once did when I have to see the pain in my little girl’s eyes saying goodbye to you. She loves you and I know you love her too. Understand that I want the best for her and no man will ever be perfect in my eyes, but you come pretty close to that and I know you have made her happy. So, I’m no longer going to stand in your way. You take care now.”
With his hand extended, I moved Renee aside and shook her father’s hand for the very first time I truly felt welcomed by him. He said nothing more and gave me time with Renee, but not before my girl hugged her father and thanked him for being nice. He didn’t say anything back, just returned her hug and went back inside. We saw her mom smiling at us from the window and we knew she had something to do with this surprising gesture. He wasn’t a bad man, just wanted the best for his daughter and I intend to do just that and more.
“I have to go but I want to give you something first.”
“No, you’ve given me way too much already. I love my promise ring.”
“Just wait here, it’s something else and not what you’re thinking.”
I opened up the passenger side door and reached for my backpack, inside my bag was what I wanted to give to Renee. “Here, this is for you.” I handed her the items.
“A calendar? Why are you giving me this?” she asked.
I pulled out a red marker from my back pocket and handed it to her. “When do you want to get married?”
“Lawson, it’s impossible to choose right now. We don’t have any way of knowing when you will be home.”
“Not true. My papers are for one year and then it’s my choice where I choose to serve out my remaining contract. Once I return home, I will have less than six months and then I can begin to process out.”
“What if your father makes you change your mind?”
“Not going to happen. Do I have to worry about yours while I’m gone?”
“Nope. He knows I will choose you over him.”
“Good. Now pick a date.”
“I can’t.”
“I can see the doubt in your eyes but baby, you have to trust me, trust us and what we have.”
“I trust you. I just don’t trust the Army.”
“What if I pick a day and month and we miss it because you’re not home yet?”
“Then it’s Vegas baby and we get married by Elvis.” She laughed and made her choice.
“Halloween? You serious?”
“Yup. Just like the conniption fit my father is sure to have when I tell him our plans.”
“Very well. Halloween or Elvis.”
“Deal.” She crushed her mouth to mine and kissed the ever-loving shit out of me. I didn’t want to let her go but I had to leave. I wanted to tell her one more thing before I did. I cradled her face in my hands and whispered these words to her.
“I know your father still has his doubts about me, but his feelings are not going to stop me from loving you. He may be your first love being a daddy’s girl and all that, but I intend to be your last. You’ve marked the calendar in red because I wanted it to be visible for you to see and remember what this means. Look at it every single day so you don’t forget that I am coming home to you. I love you, Renee Canton, and I plan on making you mine forever. You won’t forget, right?”
“Never. I will be counting down the days until you return. I love you, Lawson. You have my heart, body, and soul, always and forever.”
“And you have mine.” I took her hand and kissed the ring I had given her. A declaration of my love for her.
“I have to go. What do you say?” I asked and then kissed her one more time.
“See you soon.” I waved as I drove off promising I would be back no matter what.
PRESENT…
Renee
What a week it has been planning Lawson’s surprise birthday party. He’s turning the big 50, and all our friends and family will be here to celebrate my amazing husband. I always wondered why milestone birthdays are referenced in terms as big, or bite my tongue, over the hill which he is not.
Lawson has managed to stay in shape all these years we’ve been together and what kills me the most is he eats anything he wants and there is not one love handle on his body to be found. In my case, I’ve always been a work in progress when it comes to my battle of the bulge. We don’t use the word hate in our home but I use it quite often when I’m standing in front of a dressing room mirror. Those things are rough on a woman’s self-esteem when she’s trying to find the perfect black dress. Notice I didn’t use the word, little.
My husband always says I am my worst critic when it comes to my body image. I’ve always been a curvy gal but as I get older, I’m left wondering where my curves have gone. I’m currently between a size 14 and 16, more on the 16 these days. Thank you, retail gods, for creating all the secret treasures women wear to hide the lumps and bumps. Again, Lawson would be so angry with me for thinking like this. He loves all parts of me and never has complained about my weight. The running joke is since I am a Psychologist and specialize in family psychology and developmental psychology. So, in other words, I am the last person who should be worried about body image, but when you have a husband who looks like Hugh Jackman, can you really blam
e me?
I decided to finish the last of my dictation while I was at the office so I could leave my work here and concentrate on Lawson. I’ve always been career driven, and now with our kids grown and out of our home, I work more now than ever before. I slowed down when they were little because I wanted to be supermom I guess, but I never had to be because I had Lawson to help me. We shared everything when it came to our son and daughter and I never felt alone like some of my girlfriends did.
Back then it was just me and Lawson against the world, and then we became a family. And now, it’s just us two again. My mind spins when I think of our life together and everything we’ve shared and built hence this is the reason why I want this birthday to be the best he has ever had. Lawson deserves nothing else. Our kids, Rogan and Emily are spending the weekend at the house, another surprise for Lawson.
The kids are very busy with their lives but make every attempt to stay close to us. I have it easy with Emily, I see my daughter every day since she has joined my practice as a wellness life coach, along with her fiancé, Augustus, who prefers Gus. He jokes that his parents loved raising their family in Augusta, GA so much that they had to name their child to something they had a special connection to. I love it, it’s old school and I haven’t met too many men named Augustus. We like unique names in our family.
I can’t wait to see the look on Lawson’s face when Rogan tells him that he has taken and passed his final exam and has earned his master’s degree in Biology. As a child, he loved getting his hands dirty especially when it came to working with his father. Most boys want to grow up to be baseball players or a firefighter, our son wanted to work in the dirt and the water. I smile at that memory because after all his hard work he is now an environmental engineer and he can officially join his father’s team at Douglas ECO Systems.
Yes, this is going to be an amazing night.
“Knock, knock. You asked me to kick you out of here by six, and it is now closing in on seven.” My assistant, Jeanie reminds me from the doorway.
“I know and I’ve been done. I guess I’ve just been sitting here reflecting on the past.”
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